Forever (This #5) (4 page)

“Please tell me you have some liquor in there.”

“Ha. I’m more of a wine person.”

“So, no liquor?”

“A little early to be drinking, isn’t it?” There’s nothing sexy about a drunk man. In fact, I won’t have one.

“It’s not for me. It’s for you.”

“Sorry. What?”

He glances over his shoulder. “We’re going to do a shot. You’re so much easier to reason with once you’ve had a little alcohol. At least you were that day at the club.”

The day I found out Bradley had told Gabby about our deadbeat, drunk, abusive father living in Atlanta. Except, he’s apparently only that type of father for us. He’d managed to get his life together for his new family. My car seemed to have driven itself to Joe’s club. He does some private investigator work on the side, and Bradley had hired him to look into Gabe, my father. Gabe owns a coffee shop Gabby had been studying at. Gabby had gone missing when she was told about Gabe being right under her nose all that time, and my head was a clusterfuck. But I was mainly pissed at Gabe for bringing all the drama back into my life. The visit to Joe’s had backfired in my face. My quest for answers had resulted in more questions because it was the first time my body responded to him.

I blamed the growing warmth that coursed through me on the liquor.

His arms flex beneath the cotton of his black T-shirt as he reaches above the fridge to open the cabinet. My neck heats, then my cheeks. My pulse starts to beat in my ears.

Clearly it was not the liquor that day at the bar.

My body leans against the doorway. “Joe, no amount of alcohol is going to change my mind about my decision. It’s moving day. Besides…”

He looks back at me, a smirk on his face. “Besides…?”

“I don’t drink this early in the morning. My father. He was a drunk, which you already know.” His smirk is erased and replaced with a frown. “I’ve never wanted to need alcohol as soon as I wake up.”

He closes the cabinet. “Who said anything about you
needing
it?”

“You know what I mean.”

He nods. “Yeah. I get it. I also get fucked up parental situations.”

We’ve talked about a lot of things, but not a lot about his family other than the dynamic between him and his brother. “Do you?”

He pulls a chair out, turns it around, and straddles it. His arms drape around the back, and he’s panty melting sexy. But this is Joe. He knows he exudes sexiness. He’s used to women falling at his feet. He’s probably doing this on purpose. This is his version of Operation Change Sam’s Mind. Right down to arriving early so he’d have alone time with me. I would smile, but even if it’s some covert mission of his, I like that he’s about to open up to me in a way he’s never done before.

“Yeah. Ryan’s always been the prodigal son. He had the best grades, the most clubs. You know in the yearbook your senior year how they list all your accomplishments beside your senior picture?”

I nod. Mine was one of the longest entries.

“Well, they had to cut stuff back on his because there was so much. Mine had nothing but sports stuff.” He shrugs. “Which I couldn’t have cared two fucks about. Ryan went to undergrad, then to med school. I got decent enough grades to get into Clemson. That’s where I met Bradley, you know.”

“Right.”

“But anyway, even though I was the best athlete and a decent student, it was never good enough for my father, and my mother never did anything to stick up for me. Ryan and I would fight, and they’d always side with him. Eventually, I quit caring what they thought.” He looks down at the ground. “I was determined to embarrass them as much as possible. It’s like being myself was never enough for them.”

My heart feels like it’s salt water taffy being stretched and pulled in different directions by hooks. “Joe…”

“I decided to live my life for me and no one else. And doing that, I found happiness and true friends because I was true to myself.”

“Right.”

His hand strokes the scruff on his jaw. “I bought everything I could buy. Nice cars, fancy houses, boats, ya know.”

“Uh huh.”

“But the one thing I want, that I don’t already have, I can’t buy. Damn if I’m not back in high school feeling all inferior again. To him.”

And the taffy just broke.

“Sam. When I told you I let you see what I want you to see, it was true. And I’m showing you a side of me no one else gets to see. He’s not good enough for you. But if I’m honest, neither am I.”

The doorbell rings. We both freeze, our eyes locked. He pushes the chair out from under him and in two long strides he’s in front of me with his arms boxing me into the wall. “The difference between us is he feels entitled to you. Everything comes easy to him. Everyone’s always bowed at his fucking feet.” His forehead rests on mine, and he closes his eyes as the doorbell rings again. “I’ll never feel like I deserve you, and I’ll work my ass off every day to make sure I keep you because you’re rare, Sam. And you should be treated like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. You’re not even supposed to exist you’re so damn good.”

He drops his arms. “You should probably get that before Bradley kicks the door down.”

I gulp, then let the giggles bellow out of me. “He would so do that, wouldn’t he?”

Joe smirks, and I’m so relieved that after all the things he’s just said to me, he flipped a switch and we can be silly. “Yeah. He would.”

I’d been hanging out studying at Ryan’s apartment when he got called in to the hospital. Rather than packing and leaving, I decided to stay until my shift started. Sometimes I wonder why I bothered to get my own place when I moved here. It seems like I barely even go there. Mom made Gabby promise to not have sex until she got married. I’d already done the deed, so that promise wasn’t applicable to me. But I figured the next best thing would be keeping my own place until marriage. That way if something ever happened between me and Ryan, it’d be less messy. Nothing complicates a relationship more than comingling assets and finances. The house phone rings, and I usually don’t answer, but this time is different. My lips curve in a smile as the caller ID flashes a familiar name. “Hello.”

“Hey, Sam,” Joe says. “Ryan around?”

“Nope. He got called in.”

“Oh.” There’s a moment of silence, and I find myself pacing back and forth in the same spot. “What are you up to?”

“Just studying. What are you up to?” Really, Sam?

“So…are you living with my brother now?”

The conversation we had on the phone after the wedding creeps in my mind. “No.” I shake my head as if he can see me. “I still have my place. I was here when Ryan got called in. Instead of going home, I just told him I’d lock up before I leave for the hospital.”

“So do you two actually get to see each other much?” His voice is deep and low.

“Eh. I guess as much as it’s to be expected at this stage in our lives.”

I hear him rustle around. He kinda groans, and something deep within me shifts. My pulse quickens. “What are you doing?”

“I’m at the lake house. I decided to come out here and watch the sunset.”

“So why were you groaning?”

He chuckles. “I didn’t know I did. I guess it was from me fixing the lounge chair out here on the deck.”

“Hmm. Whatever.”

“Did you like it?”

“Sorry. What?”

“Did you like my groaning?”

Heat consumes me. “Um.” I can’t admit that now that I think about it, I did. And what does that mean? What does that say about me? Ever since the wedding, I’ve been hyper aware of everything Joe does and the response it gives me. So far, nothing has left me unfazed.

“You did.” His voice is smooth, seductive. “Admit it.”

“I was just curious what you were doing.” I make my way to the couch, tucking my leg under me, and will myself to stop fidgeting. “I bet the sunset is beautiful this time of year.”

“The only thing that’d make it more beautiful is if I were watching you watch the sun go down.”

“Joe…”

“Sorry. It’s true, though.”

We’re dancing a very dangerous tango, but apparently we don’t know any other dance. “I gotta go.”

“No, you don’t.” He breathes into the phone. “You’re just running away from whatever this is.”

I wrap my arms around my waist. “I have to study. Then I have to go do my shift.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye, Joe.”

I hang up, but I already miss his voice. I miss the way it makes my lips curve into a smile. I miss whatever it is he does that makes me get that rush of adrenaline surging through my veins. Even if it’s danger. Even if it’s forbidden because I’m dating his brother. Even if it’s wrong. I’ll never act on it, and eventually, he’ll move on. This has to be a case of Joe wanting what he can’t have, but what his brother has. Like they’re five and I’m the toy they’re fighting over. I’d be lying to say it doesn’t feel good to be fought over.

Grabbing one of my books, I bury myself back in my work. There’s barely enough time for one guy in my life, let alone two. I glance at the clock. There’s one hour left until I need to get ready.

Nissen Fundoplication
, I write on the front of the white index card, then flip it over and write the number one.

On a second card, I write,
surgical procedure sometimes referred to as a wrap because the top of the stomach is wrapped around the bottom of the esophagus in cases where the lower esophageal sphincter is not working properly. This procedure is done in severe cases of reflux where symptoms are found to be life-threatening. Complications can include dumping syndrome, swelling at the wrap site, and damage to the Vagus nerve.
Then, I flip it over to the back and write the number one again. So many people do front and back flash cards, but this works better for me. I grab another card and proceed to write another term and definition. Fifteen cards later, my cell rings. My eyes wander to the clock. Ten minutes left until I need to get ready. The ringing volume increases, so I drop my pen and notecards and pick it up. Joe’s handsome smirk flashes before my screen. Why’s he calling back?

I tap the green button to answer. “I’m beginning to think you’re like a needy teenage boy.”

“Ouch.”

“Seriously. You’re breaking your records for most phone calls in a day.”

“Two phone calls makes me needy and breaks my record?”