Forgive Me (12 page)

‘So I shouldn’t ask what your
plans for your career are then?’

‘I don’t mind you asking. I have
enrolled on a counselling course for September, here in Cheltenham, and I can fit that
in with work.’

‘I think you’ll make a brilliant
counsellor,’ Eva said. ‘You are so easy to talk to.’

The time flew by: a lovely meal, and yet
another bottle of wine, and then Tod looked around them and saw they were
alone, except for a waitress laying up tables for dinner that
night.

‘Everyone’s gone! I can’t
believe it. I didn’t notice everyone go!’

Eva giggled. ‘Neither did I, but I
think we’ve outstayed our welcome.’

All the way down the road they laughed about
the polite yet all too eager way the waitress had taken Tod’s credit card for the
bill. ‘She couldn’t get us out of the door fast enough,’ Eva said.
‘Poor girl, she should’ve given us a hint earlier if she wanted to close
up.’

‘Anyone would think we hadn’t
got a home to go to,’ Tod said as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her on
the street.

They were both a little drunk, the sun was
warm and they ambled home slowly, stopping to kiss every now and then. There were lots
of people around, families out for a walk, people with dogs, children on bicycles, but
they were so engrossed in one another they barely noticed.

‘I thought this street looked quite
nasty when I first came here,’ Eva said as they reached Crail Road. ‘But
it’s grown on me.’

‘I’m glad about that.’ Tod
stopped walking, turned to face her and took her hands in his. ‘You looked so
forlorn when you first arrived. But today you look happy and pretty.’

‘You’ve done that,’ she
said. ‘Even if it doesn’t work out for us, I’ll keep how you’ve
made me feel today inside me for ever.’

As the words came out of her mouth she was
afraid she’d sounded too intense. But his eyes were shining, and that lovely full
mouth of his was waiting to come down on hers again.

They had barely closed her room door behind
them when they fell on each other. All hesitation was gone, their clothes
came off and they tumbled on to the sofa, not even thinking to pull it
out into a bed.

The touch of his bare chest against her
breasts was so good, she forgot that sunshine was streaming through the window, that
anyone out in the hall might hear them and even that she’d never been entirely
naked with a man in broad daylight before.

It was a roller coaster of sensual delight,
and it was only when Tod gasped that he had to get a condom from his jacket that she was
pulled up enough to remember that no other man she’d ever had sex with before had
worried about contraception.

She didn’t feel cheap this time. His
touch was loving, he was murmuring lovely things to her, wanting to give her pleasure
too. It was that which moved her. With other men she’d always sensed they
didn’t care about her feelings.

It was over too quickly, but she heard him
say her name just as he came, and that was enough for her.

But if the sex had been good, the way he
kissed and cuddled her afterwards was even better. ‘You are so lovely, Eva. I told
you on Friday night that you didn’t know how lovely you are, and I know you
thought it was just the drink talking, but I meant it then and I do now. I didn’t
think I’d ever feel like this about anyone.’

She got up to make tea later, and put on his
shirt; Tod pulled the bed out properly. Nothing had ever felt so good as getting into it
with him beside her, leaning back on his bare chest as they drank the tea, and he talked
about them going to London on the following Friday.

They did it again later, and this time it
was slower, and very loving. She began to cry when he made her come with his tongue.
She’d never had an orgasm before, at least not with a partner.

He asked her why she was crying.

‘Because that’s never happened
before,’ she sobbed. She wished she could explain to him how he had made her feel
special, that all the past hurts and humiliations that men had dumped on her were washed
away now. But some things about her past were best left in the past.

It was only when she got up to take a shower
later that she remembered she’d meant to call Ben and thank him for the present.
It had been a watch with a lovely blue strap.

‘I ought to phone Ben, he’ll be
worried about me,’ she said, wrapping a towel around her. ‘But I’m
afraid Andrew will answer it, and I really don’t want to go out to a phone
box.’

‘Then don’t do it. Ben’s
bound to ring you tomorrow when you’re at work,’ Todd said. ‘He knows
you aren’t friendless now, so it can wait.’

She looked at Tod lying there naked on the
bed and saw affection and concern in his eyes, and her heart fluttered.

He was right, she wasn’t friendless,
and this felt like the start of something wonderful.

At last Eva knew what the expression
‘loved up’ meant.

She went off to work on Monday morning in a
delicious bubble of happiness and expectation. It was hard to keep her mind on driving
or what she would be doing at work, because her insides kept doing little flips as she
thought about Tod making love to her. It had been wonderful to be woken early this
morning with him caressing her breasts, sleepy kisses that soon grew into fiery ones as
his fingers slid into her.

An orgasm exploded inside her even before he
entered her; she’d never imagined she could feel such utter rapture or feel so
greedy for more.

But it was his tenderness that made her want
to cry with joy, his sweet smile when she said how wonderful it was, and the way he
folded her in his arms as if he never wanted to let her go. He had made her tea and
toast while she was taking a shower, and then promised he was going to make some dinner
for them that evening.

Nothing could burst the bubble, not even the
first irate customer who rang in that morning, complaining bitterly that she’d
been sent the wrong size dress and so had nothing to wear to an important function at
the weekend. Eva sailed through it, oozing so much charm that the woman ordered a second
dress. By mid-afternoon, when she’d sorted at least a dozen other problems, Olive
buzzed her to come into her office.

‘You seem remarkably happy
today,’ she said with a smile. ‘I suspect a new man!’

Eva’s smile was as wide as a slice of
watermelon. ‘You
suspect right, he lives in the same house as me.
I had the most marvellous birthday weekend.’

‘Then I’m very glad for
you,’ Olive said. ‘You deserve some happiness and I hope it works out for
both of you.’

It was very tempting to tell Olive much more
about Tod – she wanted to shout it to the whole world – but she controlled the urge and
thanked Olive, then went on to tell her she’d have the keys to the studio in
London by the weekend. ‘Everything seems to be coming up roses for me
now.’

Olive looked at Eva’s glowing face and
hadn’t the heart to offer any warnings that she should take this new romance
slowly.

‘Enjoy,’ she said.

That evening Tod made a curry for them, and
later they drove out to the country for a walk until it grew dark, then back home for
more lovemaking.

It was a little disappointing to get a phone
call from Mr Bailey later in the week to say that there had been a slight hold-up and it
would be another week before she got the keys, but Eva was too happy to care about such
incidentals. Tod wanted to be with her every evening, and he had plans for them for the
weekend too.

Ben came round on Tuesday. It was only a
quick visit, and he was driving Flora’s red Polo which he said his father had
given him in a rare moment of generosity.

‘He was only trying to creep around me
because I was angry about the way he was with you. But even the car won’t change
my plans, I’m going to move to Leeds as soon as I’ve sat my A levels. I
can’t stand it at home any longer,’ he said fiercely.

‘Is that wise?’ Eva asked.
‘Don’t do anything rash. You might regret it later.’

‘You don’t know what it’s
like at home,’ he said plaintively. ‘Dad’s definitely got another
woman, he goes out every night. The house is a mess, Rose left a note to say unless we
keep it tidier she’ll have to leave. Sophie is taking full advantage, stopping out
late, and sometimes she doesn’t come home at all.’

Eva could take no pleasure in being proved
right in her belief that everything would fall apart when she left. It made her sad that
Ben was worried. ‘I really don’t think it’s a good idea to go to Leeds
now,’ she said. ‘I know you want to go to the university there. But what if
you don’t get accepted?’

‘There’s no reason why I
shouldn’t if my grades are good enough. And I’ll make sure they are, Eva. I
really want to be there. Besides, I’ve got a couple of mates in Leeds already. I
can get a summer job. Sharing a flat with a bunch of other people has got to be better
than the way it is at home now.’

She agreed with him on that point but said
he must try to leave on good terms with his father. ‘Just because I fell out with
him doesn’t mean you should too. I just hope he pulls himself together enough to
see what Sophie’s getting up to. Does he ever say anything about me?’

‘He’s too busy with whoever
he’s shagging to think of anyone else,’ Ben said bitterly. ‘When he is
home he’s just irritable with us. On Sunday Sophie put a red top in the washing
machine with all his shirts. They came out pink. He went ape with her, and when I tried
to stick up for her he went to punch me. He keeps banging on about Mum’s will too.
I’ve already told him that if he wants to sell the house Sophie and I will agree
to it. But he can’t sell it even with our agreement. Not until Sophie is
eighteen.’

Eva thought it was so wrong that he was
taking it out on Sophie and Ben. They had enough to contend with at the loss of their
mother. ‘He was used to having all the power
when Mum was
alive,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘Now he’s trying to wield it over you
two.’

‘I think you might be right
there,’ Ben said glumly. ‘He used to have everything his way. He decided
everything – from where we went on holiday, to who got invited round for dinner. I
can’t remember Mum ever going against him. She was always there, gardening,
cooking, making sure everyone had whatever they needed. She didn’t really have a
life of her own, did she?’

‘No, not looking back on it, Ben. She
wasn’t always like that, though. Her old friends I talked to at the funeral said
she was a madcap party person, some of them even hinted at her being selfish too. It had
to have been some kind of mental illness – not bad enough for the funny farm, but enough
to knock her off-centre. Maybe she just found it easier to do what Andrew
said?’

‘He can wear you down,’ Ben
agreed. ‘I find myself doing what he says, just for a quiet life. Mum was
different when he was away on business, wasn’t she? Remember how she put the tent
up in the garden that hot summer of 1986 and we all slept out there?’

Eva laughed, suddenly remembering how much
fun that had been. Flora had put night lights in jam jars all around the garden, filled
up the big paddling pool to pretend it was a lake, and they’d had a moonlight
barbecue, before all snuggling up to one another in the tent for ghost stories.

‘Andrew would’ve gone ape if
he’d known about that,’ she said. ‘She took us all to
Weston-super-Mare too, we went paddling after it was dark. Remember, we all had to hold
hands and jump over the waves? We didn’t get home until about three in the
morning, you and Sophie were spark out in the back of the car.’

‘She made us promise we wouldn’t
tell Dad too,’ Ben said
thoughtfully. ‘I never thought
that was odd, because she said everyone has to have secret good times. Do you think she
had any secret good times without us?’

‘You mean like an affair?’ Eva
asked.

Ben nodded.

‘If she did, I never got even an
inkling of it,’ Eva said. ‘I suppose she could’ve met someone during
the day. Maybe she wanted to be with him, but she knew Andrew would never let her take
us with her?’

‘Do you think that was why she did it?
Love gone wrong and all that?’

He looked so forlorn that Eva put her arms
around him and hugged him tightly. ‘I don’t know, Ben, but I really
don’t think so. But one thing I do know for certain was that she was very proud of
how clever you are, as I am too. Don’t go against her wishes and make the house
over to your dad, whatever he says. Stall him, anything but that. And make sure you get
good grades in your exams, and try to stop Sophie going off the rails.’

He smiled weakly. ‘I’ll do my
best. I am glad you seem happy here. Is Tod your boyfriend?’

‘Yes, he is now, but only just, up
until my birthday he was just a friend.’

Ben beamed then. ‘I’m glad. I
thought you might be cross that I told him about Mum. But he’s a good bloke and I
couldn’t help coming out with it. He’s just what you need.’

Ben was right, Tod was just what she
needed. It was so lovely when she got home from work to have him banging on her door
within five minutes to ask how her day had been, and offering to make her a cup of tea.
She loved sharing a meal with him and planning to go down to the pub later, only to fall
into bed and end up not making it there. All those
miserable, sad
nights back at The Beeches with Andrew being so nasty were all behind her now. It seemed
as if her life was getting better and better.

On Saturday morning they went shopping
together and he insisted on buying a bunch of flowers for her, which choked her up. She
had often looked at couples buying groceries together and felt envious at their
togetherness, and she could hardly believe that at last she knew what it felt like.

‘You’re so easy to
please.’ He laughed. ‘I hope that five or six years down the line you are
still the same.’