Friend-Zoned (30 page)

I open the door to Nik’s office and
freeze.
Nik is standing with his zipper undone. Sissy is on her knees
before Nik, wiping at the corners of her mouth trying to fix her
lipstick which is all over Nik’s mouth. When she sees me, she
smirks.
There is a fist wrapped around my heart and it squeezes,
hard.
I fight to keep breathing.
I lock my knees to stop them from shaking. I feel ill.
Dread seeps through my body.
My heart is breaking.
Disgust claws at my eyes and begs for me to look away. And I
do.
Using my hand I shield my view because, let’s face it, I don’t want
to see Sissy smirk over the blowjob she just gave Nik. I croak,
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in.” It comes out thick, my
mouth is suddenly dry.
How pathetic am I?
I walk in to my boyfriend’s office and catch him cheating on me
with a She-Devil and I apologize.
Then I turn my back and walk my shattered heart out.
I hear someone yell out my name but it sounds miles away.
***

How the fuck did this
happen?
I tuck my shirt into my pants
and zip myself up. I look down at Sissy and rage coils tight in my
gut.
The stupid bitch is smirking.
I may have just lost the love of my life and she taunts me. My
blood boils.
Kill
her.
No control.
I put my hand to her throat, lift her up by it and squeeze hard.
She sputters and slaps at my hands.
I ask in a quiet but deadly voice, “Get what you wanted, you sick
twisted cunt?”
Her wide eyes are watering and she gasps for air. Her nails dig in
to my hand.
I don’t care. I’ve lost control, maybe even my mind.
Using the hand at her throat, I walk Sissy backwards into the wall.
Her lips are turning blue and her eyes are drifting closed.
I vaguely hear, “What the fuck?” Then arms are all over me pulling
me away.
Max turns my head to face him. He’s saying something but I can’t
hear him. Ghost, Trick, and Max all have their arms on me, yelling
things at me. I see their mouths moving but there is no
sound.
Sissy slides down the wall clutching her neck and gasping violently
for air.
My eyes drift to the door and I see Mimi, Nat, and Lola staring
wide eyed and open mouthed at Sissy.
I shrug out of the hold the guys have me in and walk over to Nat.
She’s my only hope at this point.
Lifting my hands, I hold her face. She looks worried. I say
confidently, “I swear to you on Tina’s life, nothing
happened.”
I hold her face firm but her eyes drift to Sissy. She looks at
Sissy a long time before she whispers, “I believe you.”
I pull her towards me and kiss her forehead. She moves her hands
over mine which are holding her face. I rest my chin against her
forehead and whisper, “Where is she?”
Nat shrugs against me.
This night can’t get any worse.
***

I stumble onto of the
club.
Luckily, I got my purse before I left. My cell phone blasts Nik’s
ringtone – Beyoncé’s ‘Halo’.
No way am I answering.
B-Rock looks concerned but lets me on my way without stopping
me.
As I cross the street, I listen to Beyoncé sing the first
verse.
Remember those walls I built,
Well, baby, they’re tumbling down,
And they didn’t even put up a fight,
They didn’t even make a sound.
Fuck off, Beyoncé. There’s no such thing as angels. No one wears a
halo. And if they do it’s only to disguise the pointed horns that
sit atop their heads.
I told Nik I didn’t trust my instincts when it came to men and it
looks like I was right on the money.
Women say it all the time. I didn’t even see it coming.
I thought we were happy.
A sob tears out of my throat just as I’m unlocking the door to
Safira.
It starts a torrent of tears. I sob so hard I can’t pull in a full
breath.
It takes me a minute to get in the door. Once I’m in, I lock it
behind me. I turn off the alarm, keep the lights off and stumble.
On my knees in the middle of my store. A store I don’t want to own
anymore if it means I’ll have to see Nik every day. Still sobbing,
my eyes blur and I can’t see but I crawl my way to the general
direction of the store room.
Heartbreak and sorrow swirl through my limp body.
My knees hurt. I wheeze, huff and puff.
Screw you, Panic attack!
I
can’t breathe. I think I’m going to pass out.
And I do.
***

It’s been an hour and I
still can’t find Tina.
I’m sick with worry. We’ve looked
everywhere.
Where could she
be?
Dread fills me.
What if something
happened to her?
Nat told me she wouldn’t answer my calls so I stopped trying. Nat
kept calling her from her phone but not getting an answer. I can
tell by the look on her face that isn’t good.
I kicked Sissy out and told her if she even tried to press charges
against me I’d out her for the coke addict she is. Her daddy would
disown her if it came out. The stupid bitch told me all about
it.
Everyone is crammed into my office and they all look like I’m about
to go postal.
Which I just might if we don’t find Tina soon.
Nat gasps and slaps a hand over her head. She knows
something.
I run to her and take her hands in mine. She whispers,
“Safira.”
My fuckin’
god.
How stupid
am
I?
I don’t wait for anyone. I run out of the club into traffic and
luckily make it to the other side unscathed. I try the door but
it’s locked. I look inside but its pitch black. It doesn’t look
like she’s here.
My cell phone rings and I answer. I hear Ghost say calmly, “She’s
in there man. Collapsed. Get in there.”
I drop my cell phone and use my elbow to try and break the thick
glass of the door.
It doesn’t budge.
I try again and again til my elbow pulses with pain and is raw and
bleeding but it won’t break. I roar in anguish and move to the
display window, I walk back a few steps then run and throw my
shoulder into it.
It breaks.
I’m covered in glass and I feel blood drip into my eye but I don’t
care.
I walk between the mannequins through to the studio. And there she
is.
I rush over to her and lift her limp body.
Out cold.
Blood drips from my forehead and eye onto her cheek.
I open the store, hail a cab, and take her home.
***

My eyes flutter open then
closed.
They’re so heavy I can’t lift my lids.
I try again and after a few attempts I manage to squint a
little.
There is a low light coming from beside me and I try to lift my
loose body into a sitting position. Just as I’m about to give up
and lay back down, arms come under mine and help me.
My head is pounding, it feel as though blood is rushing to my
brain.
I look left and see a concerned Nat sits next to me on the bed. I
look around the room and blanch.
This
is Nik’s room.
What am I doing in
Nik’s room?
“What am I doing here?” I whisper.
Nat puts her arm around me and explains, “I know you’re upset, T.
But it was all a big misunderstanding.”
My eyes widen in disbelief. I groan and put a shaking hand to my
pounding skull.
She goes on quietly, “You didn’t see what we saw, babe. He had
Sissy backed up against a wall and was choking the life out of her.
Does that sound like a man who was happily having an
affair?”
He did
what?!
That does sound unusual.
I remain quiet.
Nat continues, “When you walked in on that scene, and it was a
scene planned by Sissy by the way, Nik was devastated. He thinks
he’s lost you, Tina. He’s a mess.”
I’m at war with myself.
I want to believe it. My heart says
yes
and my head counters with a big
fat
nuh uh
.
Nat squeezes my shoulder and states confidently, “Tina, when he
looked in my eyes and said nothing happened, I believed him. He
loves you. And he doesn’t even like her. I saw the look in his eye,
it was pure and honest.”
And there it is.
Nat would never lie to me. If she believes Nik, she has reason
to.
After a moment of silence I ask quietly, “Can you get Nik for me
please?”
She smiles at me and responds, “Of course, beba.” I smile
softly.
My mom used to call me beba all the time. It means baby in
Croatian.
She exits the room and suddenly I’m nervous and sweating.
What if it Nik doesn’t want me anymore because I believed he’d do
something like that to me?
The door opens, I turn to look and see Nik stand hesitating in the
doorway.
I try so hard to be strong but I crumple. I cover my face with my
hands and burst into heart wrenching, uncontrollable sobs.
I feel the bed depress and in a moment I’m lifted onto Nik’s lap.
He cradles me like a parent would their child.
He coos, “It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re okay now.” And he kisses my
head and rocks me til I calm.
I sob and sputter, “I’m s- s- sorry. Sissy’s a b- b- bitch.” I
finish on a wail.
I feel Nik’s shake with laughter and he agrees, “Yeah, babe. She
is. A big one.”
We stay quiet for a while and hold each other. Nik breaks the
silence.
He whispers, “I would never, ever hurt you like that, Tina. If I
ever thought I was going to cheat on you, I’d break up with you.
But I don’t want to cheat on you.” He strokes my hair and continues
“You’re my life. Nothing is more important to me than you. But I
was there and I know what you think you saw. And it looked very
bad. I’m sure if I’d walked in on you and another man in the same
position I’d probably kill the guy.”
Oh, thank god!
He
understands!
He wipes under my eyes and I lift my face to look at him. When his
eyes reach mine I gasp.
I shriek, “YOU’RE HURT!”
His already scarred eyebrow is swollen and stitched. He has little
cuts on his forehead and his elbow is bandaged up.
He cringes and says, “Yeah. About that, I called a guy to replace
your store window. I kinda ran through it.”
My belly warms and my heart squeezes.
I whisper, “You ran through a wall of glass to get to me?”
He looks miserable and nods. He whispers back, “I thought you were
hurt, baby. I’d trek through the fires of hell to get to you if I
had to.”
I lean forward, hold his jaw with my fingertips, and kiss his lips
softly.
My lips quiver as I whisper against them, “I love you so much, Nik.
I was so hurt. I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
He pulls me close and kisses me deep. He pulls away and replies, “I
know, baby. I’m so sorry you were hurt. I guess people have it out
for us. But I love you.” He pecks my lips then continues. “The
whole point of love is to trust someone with your heart and pray
they don’t break it. It’s about faith in each other. I gave you my
heart when I told you I loved you which means I’m giving you power
over me.”
I bury my face into his neck and breathe him in.
I never thought of it like that before. I guess I hold the same
amount of power over Nik as he has over me. Love is sacred. A gift
from one person to another. Love binds people together, no matter
how different they might be.
Is it scary?
Hell, yes!
But if we never did the scary things in life we’d lead awfully
boring lives.
Take the
chance.
But I might get
hurt.
Yes, you might. But maybe you
won’t.
Yeah.
Maybe I won’t.

Chapter Twenty-four
The secret life of
Tina

It’s been a little over a
week since Sissy made her play for Nik.
Yesterday was Monday and I felt a little sick. But I dragged my
butt to work as most people do.
I ended up getting through half the day of moping around and
sniffling before Meems and Nat sent me to Nik’s office with a
note.
It honestly felt like I was being sent to the principal’s
office.
When I arrive at Nik’s office I see his face fall with worry at the
state of obvious me. I drag myself over to him and hand him the
note. His eyes narrow but he takes it from me and reads it
silently.
Nik puts the note on the desk and bursts out laughing.
I lean over the desk and read.
I will pay you one hundred dollars
if you keep her for the rest of the day. I love her to death but
she totally sucks when she’s sick. Love Nat
x
Well, I never!
I feign hurt.
But my friend is not wrong. I
do
suck when I’m sick. I become a petulant five year
old.
Nik catches me in a bear hug. He’s so warm. My sniffles are muffled
and I’m sure I’m getting boogers on him. I say in a nasal voice,
“Don’t hug me, babe, you’re going to get sick.”
He rubs my back.
That feels
nice.
He replies, “Don’t worry about
me, sweetheart.” He pulls back and kisses my nose. “I never get
sick.”
This brings us to today.
I’m no longer sick, in fact, I feel great. I guess it was just a
twenty four hour virus. Nik’s warm hugs and the endless tea he
brought me yesterday seem to have worked.
Early this morning I receive a multimedia message. It’s from Max
and the subject says: An eye for an eye.
It’s a photo. Of Nik.
The photo has been taken about an inch from his sleeping face. His
mouth is wide open because there are balled up tissues stuffed up
his nostrils. The ends of the tissues flare out around his mouth.
Beads of sweat roll down his forehead.
Yep.
Mr. I-Never-Get-Sick...got sick.
My body shakes with silent laughter and I save the image to my
Nik’s name on my phone so whenever he calls it’ll come up.
I knock lightly on Nat’s bedroom door and tell her I’ll be looking
after Nik today. She nods and I leave my keys on her bedside table.
Then I call Max and tell him he’s in charge today at The White
Rabbit. He answers with an amused, “Yes ma’am.”
I pack an overnight bag and call a cab.
Time to look after my man.
***

On the way to Nik’s I ask
the cab to stop at multiple places.
First, I stop at the pharmacy and get day and night cold syrup and
aspirin. Next stop is to the supermarket where I get sports drinks
that contain electrolytes, chamomile tea, honey, noodles, and
vegetables. My last stop is to a butcher. I ask him for a chicken
carcass, beef osso bucco, and turkey wings. A weird combination, I
know.
Max told me he’d leave the side gate open for me so when I arrive
to the house I walk straight on through. I dump everything into the
kitchen, take a sports drink and make my way to Nik’s room.
Opening the door slowly, I peek in. He lifts his head and groans,
“You’re the worst girlfriend ever. We aren’t friends
anymore.”
I chuckle and move to sit next to him on the bed. He really does
look ill, the poor dear.
Using my palm to test the temperature of his forehead, I say,
“Sharing is caring, honey.”
He closes his eyes in bliss as my cool palms rest on his cheek and
forehead. He says, “Haha. You’re so funny you’re givin’ me a
stitch. Goofball.”
I thought I was bad when I was sick. Nik is even moodier than me
when he’s sick and that’s pretty darn moody. But he’s adorably
moody.
Poor
baby.
I pull the covers off him and
pull a sheet over him then go back to the kitchen to fetch some
aspirin, cough syrup, and another sports drink then take them back
to my patient.
I make him take the aspirin which he really doesn’t want and lets
me know by sighing long and deep.
Smiling, I wipe his face with an ice cold wash cloth and run my
fingers through his messy hair.
He whispers, “That feels nice, baby.” And then he’s asleep, snores
and all.
Wow. He’s sicker than I was yesterday. But he said he never gets
sick so maybe this is years of sickness being drawn out of
him.
The house needs a little tidying up so I do that then spend the
rest of the morning checking on Nik, making sure he takes aspirin
and cough syrup every three hours and wiping his face and arms down
with cold water.
Early afternoon I get to work on the soup. I luckily find a soup
pot; I’m sure this is Nik’s moms doing because I can’t see Nik or
Max making soup.
I throw the meat and vegetables in, cover it with cold water, and
turn the heat on high. I wait til it boils, then skim the top every
ten minutes. After an hour on a high simmer, it looks the way I
want it to and I switch it off. I strain the soup into another pot,
peel away the fat from the turkey, chop the meat into little pieces
and throw it into the broth. I take two of the boiled carrot and
smoosh them up with a fork and add that, too. I turn the broth on
to boil again. I add water, a little tomato paste, and season to
taste then I break up the noodles and throw them in. That boils
together for ten minutes. And Voila!
A cure for any illness…according to my mama.
Arms close around my waist and I yelp. I feel Nik chuckle into the
side of my neck.
I shriek, “Every. Freakin’. Time!”
The man is as graceful as a panther, even when he’s sick as a
dog!
I’m glad to see he has some of his color back. His forehead feels
cooler, too.
Hooray!
I ask quietly, “Feeling
a little better?”
He nods and looks into the soup pot. He pats his stomach and says,
“That smells good. I’m a little hungry.”
Yay!
His appetite is back, too. It must’ve been a twenty four hour virus
just like mine was.
I tell him to sit on the sofa and I’ll bring him some soup. He sits
and I ladle two bowls of soup.
All this caretaking has made me hungry.
Carefully as I can, I bring both bowls over to him, I sit and we
eat.
Nik’s reaction to my soup is funny. He makes noises when he likes
something he eats. All I hear are groans of approval and
mmmm
. I smirk into my
bowl.
He has no idea how adorable he is.
Suddenly, I straighten.
Tell
him.
Hesitation works its way into
me.
I fight it hard but its winning and just when I think it’s won, I
blurt out, “So…I had a daughter.”
Nik’s body stiffens next to mine.
Avoiding his gaze, I play with my soup and continue quietly saying,
“She—she would’ve been five this year. Her name was Mia. And she
was beautiful, Nik.” My throat thickens with emotion. I whisper,
“So damn beautiful, Nik. You would’ve loved her.” My eyes mist and
my nose tingles. I’m having a tough time controlling my emotions
but I do the best I can.
Why did I
think this was a good idea?
The soup
bowl clinks when he puts it down on the table. He places my soup on
the table before he scoops me up and cradles me.
His lips against my forehead, he asks quietly, “What happened to
Mia, baby?”
Taking a second to control the anguish that settles in my solar
plexus, I clear my throat and respond, “Mom took her out for a
morning walk. They did that every day. Mom had Mia in her stroller
and was crossing at a crosswalk when a car careened into them.”
Memories of the horrific event flash through me. Tears fill my eyes
and I whisper hoarsely ,“Mom must’ve seen it coming at the last
second because she threw her body in front of the stroller. But it
didn’t make a difference because the kid who crashed into them was
in shock and didn’t brake right away. They were dragged some while.
He was texting and driving. Wasn’t even watching the road, Nik.”
The sobs that threaten break free and I croak, “Even though Mom got
hit first, she lived for three days before she gave up her fight.
My baby died at the scene. Turns out she was also born with
hemophilia. She got that from me. And she bled out. In her fucking
stroller, Nik. My baby went out for her morning walk and died. The
only thing that keeps me from going insane is knowing my mom is
somewhere in the clouds playing peek-a-boo with Mia. The stroller
was lodged under his front bumper. I had to have a closed casket
for her.” My tortured memories break through. I rock myself and
rasp, “The right side of her pretty face was gone, Nik. Her casket
was pink and so tiny. No one should have to make caskets that tiny.
Jace didn’t even show up for her funeral.”
I spent months having nightmares about Mia’s last moments. What was
she thinking? Did she understand what was happening? How long did
she experience horrifying pain before she died?
Anxiety held me immobile at times. Then came the panic attacks.
There was a short time when I thought I’d have to be
institutionalized to control my grief.
Every night for months I would go to sleep and wake hearing Mia’s
cries. Desperation would leave me clawing at my ears and pulling
out chunks of my hair, begging and pleading for them to stop. It
was all in my head but it felt so real. Nothing would drown them
out.
He asks, “Jace was Mia’s daddy?”
I nod. I breathe deeply and reply shakily, “Yeah, Jace was Mia’s
daddy. I was young when we met in college. We were together for two
perfect years. He was my first and I thought we’d get married
someday. I saw him as perfect for me. We goofed around, enjoyed
each other’s company and supported each other. When I found out I
was pregnant and told Jace, he told me he needed time to think
about it. He asked for some space. That should’ve been my first
clue. So, I gave him three days. When I went to his apartment…it
was gutted.” Nik’s body tenses hard but I continue, “Not a picture
left on the wall. This was someone who told me daily he loved me.
And I believed him. I called his mother trying to find him. She
didn’t know where he was. Jace’s parents saw Mia a few times a year
and loved her so much. Jace lost contact with his family but I
still involved them in Mia’s life. They were at every Christmas and
birthday. Jace was just…gone.”
Nik remains silent. I’m worried this is too much for him. But if
we’re seriously involved I don’t want any secrets between us.
It was time.
Nik finally says, “This is why you don’t want any more children.”
This is a statement.
Nodding, I whisper, “I can’t go through that, Nik. Never again. My
heart broke in a way that the pieces just won’t fit back together.”
I’m desperate for him to understand.
Nik kisses my forehead and says quietly, “I’m so sorry, baby. No
one should ever have to experience what you did. Not only losing
your baby, but your mom, too. That—I can’t—I can’t even begin to
imagine what you were going through, sweetheart.”
The heaviness that has been resting on me has been replaced with a
lighter swirling of emotions.
Relief. Fear. Love.
I don’t want to be pitied. Pity from Nik would tear me up.
Lifting my eyes to his, I plead, “Don’t pity me.”
Nik shakes his head slowly and replies, “I don’t pity you, baby.
But, fuck me, I feel so much sadness for you right now. And love.
And admiration.” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and
goes on, “I don’t know how you got through it all. But I respect
you so damn much right now. The kid thing makes sense to me, too. I
don’t know how I would’ve coped if we’d lost Ceecee after her
accident. I’m so sorry you lost your little girl, baby. I love you,
Tina.”
His kiss fills me with hope. This is so much more than I thought I
needed. I didn’t even realize it.
I love Nik so much.
A small, damaged part of my heart fixes itself.
***