Friend-Zoned (33 page)

Two days later…

My mind is only focused on
one thing.
Tina.
Not being able to see for myself that she’s okay is driving me
insane. I’m anxious and moody at everyone who cares about me.
One of the worst things I’ve ever had to do was admit to the girls
what I’d done. To say Nat was angry at me would be an
understatement. She punched me in the nose. And broke it. I took it
without a word because I know I deserved it. So I’m sporting a
couple of black eyes and a busted purple nose.
Who knew Nat had a mean right hook?
As soon as I’d done that I decided I had to tell the guys. There is
something about admitting you’re wrong about something that makes
you feel worthless. Admitting you’re wrong about something
important, even more so.
I called a meeting in the conference room with my newly broken
nose. Once the guys were seated, I explained what had happened. Max
was the first to react. He got up out of his seat and left the
conference room without a word. And it hurt more than any words
could.
Ghost asked what happened to my nose with a twitch of his
lips.
The jerk already
knows.
They have CCTV at Safira. I
responded with, “Your girlfriend should become a boxer.”
Last was Trick. The look on his face was pure disappointment.
Disappointment in me. I didn’t like that. Trick has always been my
buddy, even at the worst of times. This is the first thing that’s
happened that’s ever gotten in the way of our friendship. He
doesn’t have my back here.
No one has my back here. I fucked up. I’m backed up against a wall
with three men and three women threatening to pounce on me at any
second. That’s never a good feeling. What makes it a worse feeling
is when those people are your friends and family.
Which brings us to today.
It’s been two days and not a word of new information from my guy.
He called to say her phone is still off but he’s keeping a constant
eye on it. It doesn’t make me feel any better. With every day Tina
is missing, worry and apprehension tear away at what’s left of
mind.
The days go slowly and the nights aren’t any better. I can’t sleep
not knowing where Tina is sleeping. Nat said she hasn’t been able
to contact her but Tina has sent her a text twice to assure she’s
okay.
I don’t buy it.
If she were okay, she’d have come back by now.
Frustration at my own stupidity is a good way to describe my
feelings right now. This is all my fault.
Just as I’m about to start banging my head on the table, my cell
rings.
I jump and almost drop it. I juggle it for a few seconds before I
put it to my ear and say a little too loudly, “Yes?”
“We got her.” That’s my guy…and he knows where Tina is! I’m giving
this man a bonus. I want to kiss his feet right now. I’m beyond
relieved.
He gives me the details and I chuckle. Of course Tina would stay at
a hotel three minutes from her apartment. I thank him with a
promise of a swift money transfer and we’re done.
I decide to shower and change my clothes before I see her, I need
to shave too.
No, don’t shave! She
likes the scruff.
Yeah, my baby likes
the scruff.
I shouldn’t call her that right now. That’s, of course, if she is
willing to be my baby again. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.
What I did was almost unforgivable.
Why are you still sitting at your
desk?
God, I’m such a schmuk. I wait
for days for this information and now I’m hesitant about using
it.
Nope.
I move before my body tries to resist. I walk past the ‘chill out’
room, down the hall and I hear Max shout out, “Where you
going?”
I yell back to him, “To pick up precious cargo.”
***

It was surprisingly easy
to get a spare key to Tina’s room. And it only cost me a hundred
dollars.
Okay, so I spouted some story about sneaking in to surprise my
girlfriend who thought I was coming the next night. The girl at the
main desk was an obvious romantic and fell for it.
Mental note; never use this
hotel.
The girl at the desk had no
way of knowing I wasn’t dangerous. I could’ve been Omarr, for
Christ sakes.
So, here I stand in front of Tina’s room with my bag full of candy.
I check my watch. It’s 11:49pm. I’m sure she’ll be asleep. Or at
least I hope she will be.
That was my plan. Sneak in when Tina’s asleep; there will be less
of a chance of her punching me in the face when she’s sleepy.
Wait…
Didn’t she go all Bruce Lee on me and put me in a choke hold when
she was sleepy?
Great. Just great. I forgot about that.
I shake my head and slide the key card in. The light turns green
and I gently open the door being careful not to make a sound. I
carefully walk in and see Tina asleep in the bed. She’s sleeping on
her stomach which she never does. She always curls up on her side.
It looks as though she’s naked under the sheet that’s pulled just
above her behind. I step closer and what I see makes me want to
roar and punch something.
Tina’s back and shoulder are purple with bruises.
This is why she’s sleeping on her stomach. She hurts. I hurt her. I
don’t deserve Tina.
But I want
her.
I sit on the edge of the bed,
careful not to wake her and lean forward with my elbows on my
knees. I run my hands through my hair.
Maybe Tina’s better off without me.
***

As soon as I smell him, I
wake.
I know it’s Nik and regardless of what happened the other day, I’m
not afraid of him.
Nik didn’t mean for me to trip. And that’s exactly what happened. I
tripped.
I’m still hurting, physically and mentally, though. This is why I
take cowards way out and pretend to sleep. I remind myself to
breathe in and out deeply and to not react at all.
I feel his hand lightly brush my bruised shoulder and I
shiver.
Thanks traitorous
body!
I feel the sheet lift from my
bottom to cover my back and shoulder. I don’t understand it but
even the small amount of pressure from the sheet hurts. I’m careful
not to flinch.
Nik whispers hoarsely, “I’m so sorry, baby.”
I almost forget to breathe. A small part of me is chastising myself
for pretending to sleep but another part so desperately wants to
hear what he says to my supposed sleeping form.
He continues in a whisper, “Never meant to hurt you. Come back to
me, baby. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to
you.”
My heart skips a beat.
Nik wants me back. He must know what really happened.
This is great!
Don’t do it. Don’t
give away your heart again. It hurts too
much.
I do hurt. I don’t know if I
could handle that again. After Jace was hard but after Nik I
actually thought I’d die from heart-break.
I have to think about this.
I feel his breath close to my ear. He kisses the side of my neck so
softly I could’ve imagined it and whispers, “Love you, Tina.”
He shuffles around and makes some strange noises for a few minutes,
the door opens then closes and he’s gone.
I sit up in bed and see something on the desk in the corner that
wasn’t there before. Needing a little light, I switch on the
bedside lamp and move my sore body over to the desk.
What I see makes me smile. The first real smile I’ve had in days.
Nik has obviously spoken to Nat about my candy preferences.
Written in raspberry bullets is ‘I’m sorry’.
Written in green apple jellybeans is ‘I miss you’.
Written in cherry jellybeans is ‘I love you’.
My heart skips a beat at the last line.
Written in gummy bears is ‘Marry me’.
Did Nik just propose using candy?
Why, yes, brain. Yes, he did.

Chapter Twenty-Seven
The father of her
child

A week has passed since
Tina disappeared and I hear nothing from her. I’ve been checking in
with Ghost but he says she hasn’t been at the store. I’d say she’s
probably still too sore.
I still can’t believe I proposed to her using gummy
bears.
You’re such a
dork.
Quiet, brain.
But here’s the kicker; if she wanted to marry me she would’ve
already accepted.
I lean back in my chair, put my feet up on my desk, and use my
forearm to cover my eyes.
I think I’m depressed. I remember feeling similar feelings like
this when my dad died. Nothing makes me happy. Not even Ceecee, who
is very confused with my sudden change in attitude. At least Max is
talking to me again.
“Tina’s back.”
The voice makes me jolt in my chair and I feel it fall further and
further back. Next thing I know I’m on the floor with Ghost leaning
over me chuckling. He says, “Sorry, bro.”
You don’t sound sorry, asshole.
He goes on, “Tina just got in. So I suggest you get your
sorry ass up and get talking to her.” He offers his hand, I take it
and he helps me up.
Then he slaps my shoulder in a brotherly gesture and leaves.
Before I can change my mind, I’m up and out the door.
***

Hiding out in the
storeroom was not what I had planned when I decided today was the
day I came back to work. But here I am; sitting on the floor, my
desk at my back, my head resting back on it, and my hands covering
my eyes.
Too soon.
I hear the door open then close. I murmur, “I shouldn’t have come
today, Nat. I think I’ll try again tomorrow.”
Hands come under my arms and lift me so I’m sitting on the desk. I
open my eyes and see Nik’s beautiful but slightly bruised face. His
nose is crooked, too.
This looks like Nat’s handy work.
My heart squeezes and my eyes mist.
God, I missed him.
His amber eyes search my face. His hand moves to the back of my
neck and squeezes. He sounds pained as he says, “I can’t take this
anymore. It’s been a week, Tina. A long, torturous week. Do
something! Yell at me or hit me, for fuck sake. Just don’t shut me
out, baby. I know I screwed up really fuckin’ bad. Tell me what I
can do to fix this.” He leans his forehead on mine and whispers
hoarsely, “Please, let me fix this.”
I want to kiss him so badly but restrain myself. Instead I hold his
cheeks with my shaking hands and whisper, “I don’t know if this can
be fixed, Nik. You can’t glue together a broken heart.”
I lean back and watch devastation transform his handsome face. I
touch his scarred eyebrow and continue, “My heart was broken before
I even met you, Nik. This isn’t all about what happened. And no, I
won’t marry you out of some twisted obligation you feel about what
happened.”
He looks as broken as I feel when he tells me, “You’re my forever
girl. If you leave me, you’ll always be the one that got away. I
will never find what I have with you ever again. I love you. Please
tell me you still feel something for me.” He looks in my eyes and
pleads, “Please, baby, please. I’m begging you. Tell me it’s not
over.”
That is the most beautiful and heart-wrenching thing anyone has
ever told me. It’s heart-wrenching because I don’t know if this is
something I can do anymore.
I respond quietly, “You don’t fall out of love with someone in a
day, Nik. Of course I love you. You mean the world to me. But
sometimes love isn’t enough. You’re compromising too much for me.
You want kids and I won’t have them.” I breathe in a shaky breath
and go on. “You have no idea how damaged I am. I’m a lot of work,
Nik. Don’t settle for damaged goods. You deserve the best of
things. And that’s not me. Not even close, honey.” I end on a
whisper and all of a sudden feel like
crying.
God, pull yourself together
woman!
Nik shakes his head and
replies firmly, “That’s not true. You’re worth a hundred of any
woman out there. You would give the shirt off your back to someone
who needed it. I’ve never met a woman as honest and selfless as
you. I don’t care about children anymore, honestly. As long as I
have you, I won’t need a thing.” He holds my face in his hands and
says, “You’re it. The one. The start. The finish.
You
are how my story
ends.”
Swoon. Damn it, Nik, you fight
dirty.
Nik is giving me a toothache.
But I won’t give in.
I respond with a shaky, “I need time.”
He nods and whispers, “Okay, baby.” Then he pulls my face towards
his and kisses me softly.
As soon as his lips touch mine, I sigh. He moves to stand between
my knees and I grip the lapels of his silk shirt. I try to pull him
closer to me, impossibly close.
Right now, it’s just Nik and Tina. No problems. Just love.
I’m so in love with Nik.
He nips my bottom lip and I gasp. His tongue touches mine and I
moan lightly into his mouth.
I’m losing composure. Nik’s kisses are divine.
Suddenly he pulls back and whispers, “I’ll give you time, baby. But
do me a favor, will ya?”
I nod and he says, “Remember how you feel when you kiss me. Because
if it’s even a small piece of what I feel when I kiss you, there is
no question about what you should do.”
He turns his back, walks out of the store room and closes the door
behind him. I touch my fingertips to my still wet lips.
Nik is imprinted on them.
I thought long and hard over the last few days. I tried hard to let
Nik go but it’s proving difficult.
Tragedy has a way of making you appreciate every small happiness
you experience. The happiest I’ve been in the past five years is
with Nik.
I lose myself in thought before I slide off the desk. I want to go
home.
So I pack my things, leave my keys with Nat, and catch a cab back
to the apartment.
***

As soon as I arrive home,
I go back to bed.
Emotions are so exhausting.
When I open my eyes again, it’s dark.
Geez Louise! How long did I sleep?
I look over at the bedside clock and it reads 7:12pm.
Holy moly! I slept for eight hours! That’s just great. Now I won’t
get a wink tonight.
Nat has a date tonight. She hasn’t been on a date in an age and I’m
so happy for her. She’s been too busy making sure I’m okay. It’s
time Nat had something good in her life.
I’m just about to get out of bed and shower when someone starts
banging on the front door like a maniac. I pull the covers up to my
chin and my eyes widen.
What if it’s a robber?
Yes, sweetie.
Because robbers knock before they enter.
I pull back the covers and sneak into the hall. Then I hear
it.
“TIIIINNNNA! Otvoriti vrata! Sada!”
Oh my god!
That heavily
accented voice demanding I open the door is my dad’s! A huge smile
appears on my face, I chuckle while I open the door.
As soon as it opens, my dad yells, “Where is the fuck
bastard?!”
Ah,
okay.
Dad looks a little out of
sorts. His hair is a mess, his eyes are bloodshot and he is
spitting angry.
My brow furrows and answer, “Which fuck bastard, Tata?”
He pushes his way into the apartment and makes a show of looking
around. Lifting sofa cushions, peering down the hall, checking
under the dining table and going so far as to even check if I’m
concealing someone in the kitchen cupboards.
He stands in the kitchen and turns to me, he responds,
“
THE
fuck
bastard. He no here?”
The fuck bastard. That could only be…
I answer softly, “Jace isn’t here, Ta. I haven’t seen him in years.
Before Mia was born.”
Dads eyes flash and he tells me, “He call. He call me looking for
you. He ask where you live, Valentina. I no tell him but he try
find you.”
What? No
way.
I shake my head and say, “Tata,
you must’ve been mistaken. He’s not here so…”
I haven’t even notice I’ve left the door open til I hear,
“Everything okay, babe?”
I spin and see Nik standing there staring holes into my father’s
head. He has a pizza box in his hands and is dressed in sweats and
a t-shirt.
Le sigh.
He looks amazing.
I spin back to my back and see Dad staring holes right back into
Nik. The funny thing is that Nik is acting protective of me. Okay,
so my father has his hands on his hips while wearing a scowl but if
my father were a dog he would be a Chihuahua. All bark and no
bite.
I ask Nik quietly, “What are you doing here?”
Nik continues to glare at my dad and answers, “Nat thought you
might need some company tonight with her being out so she asked me
to come.”
That little sneak!
Dad loosens up at this. He storms over to Nik, holds out his hand
and says, “Nat tell you to take care my Tina? Natalia is like my
own child. If she like you, I like you.”
I roll my eyes and introduce them, “Nik. Dad. Dad. Nik.”
Dad shakes Nik’s hand and replies, “You have longer name?”
Nik nods and replies, “Nikolai Leokov.”
Dad smiles and says, “Ahh, Ruski!” Then he looks at me and says,
“Nije hrvatskom, ali on je okay.” Then he leans forward as if Nik
isn’t there and whispers loudly, “But Ruski are communists,
Tina.”
Oh my God,
Dad!
I did not miss my father
embarrassing me at all. Luckily, I hear Nik chuckle and he asks me,
“Is there a problem? You looked anxious when I got here.”
But it’s my dad that answers a heavily accented, “Big problem,
Niki. So big problem. The man try see Tina, she no want to see him.
He call me today.”
Nik brow furrows as he asks, “Which man?”
Oh, crap!
I start, “Tata,
nemoj!”
But it’s too late, dad blurts out, “The fuck bastard, Jess!” Dad
can’t say Jace properly.
Nik turns to me, his eye twitches and he repeats, “Jace? As
in,
that
Jace?”
Oh,
Shit!
I don’t normally swear but this
is an Oh, Shit moment! Nik looks about ready to kill someone,
namely Jace, and dad seems to like this because he’s smiling like a
loon.
I’m just about to answer when someone walks into the doorframe and
I freeze.
Jace Weathers looks into the open apartment and freezes, too.
I choke out, “Jace, what are you doing here?” Nik steps forward to
stand next to me.
Jace looks from Nik to me to Dad and greets, “Hi. It’s been a long
time, Tina.”
You don’t
say?!
Jace still looks good, a little
more mature looking but still tall and handsome. He looks at dad
and says in greeting, “Marko.” Then he looks at Nik and says, “I’m
Jace.” He holds out his hand for Nik to shake.
Oh, no. I don’t want Nik to get arrested for assault so I quickly
take Nik’s hand and squeeze it.
Nik utters, “I know who you are. I just don’t know who you
think
you are to come
here today.”
I jump back in fright when Jace is pushed in the back. He flies
forward into the apartment and there stands a fuming Nat behind him
yelling, “GET OUT YOU FUCKER, YOU AREN’T WELCOME HERE!”
Nat stalks in followed by Mimi, Lola, Trick, Ghost, and Max.
I ask a shrill, “What is everyone doing here?!”
Nat looks at me and says, “Your dad called me. I left dinner and
called for backup.”
Dad storms over to Nat, kisses her cheek and puts an arm around her
shoulder. Dad loves Nat. Always has. They have the similar abrupt
personality and bond over it.
My face falls and I ask, “You left your date for me? Honey, you
shouldn’t have done that.”
She smiles and pats my hand, “Don’t worry, I’ll reschedule.”
Jace stands, straightening his jacket. He looks at Nik and says
loudly, “I’m the father of Tina’s child. That’s who I
know
I am.”
A long silence follows.
Nat is the first to react. She steps forward and whispers, “You
dare call yourself that?”
Rage fills me. I look at Jace and ask slowly, “Do you even know
when Mia’s birthday was?” Jace looks down at his shoes. I continue
quietly, “Or the first word she ever said?” The rage builds and I
yell at him, “When did she cut her first tooth, Jace?” I close my
eyes and breathe deep before saying calmly and quietly, “All you
were was a sperm donor. Mia didn’t have a father.”
I burst into tears and croak, “I needed you so badly when she died.
My dad had a breakdown mourning my mom. When he needed me the most
I couldn’t be there for him because I was organizing Mia’s funeral
as well as my mom’s. And you didn’t even come to her funeral.” I
nod my head and state, “Twenty five fucking messages, Jace. That’s
how many I left. If it weren’t for Dad and Nat, I don’t know where
I’d be. But I’m good now. No thanks to you.”
Max looks disgusted as he asks, “You didn’t go to your own
daughter’s funeral? What kind of man are you?”
Ghost looks livid, he steps forward and spits, “You need to leave
right fuckin’ now.”
Trick growls, “You forget you ever knew Tina.”
I’m suddenly surrounded by warmth and the love of my friends. And
it’s nice.
Nik doesn’t say anything for a while then, “Money.”
Jace avoids my gaze when Nik states, “He needs money, Tina. That’s
why he’s here.”
My mouth drops open. I don’t believe it. But Jace doesn’t deny
it.
Nik gets right up in Jace’s face and says with frightening calm, “I
swear to God, you ever come near her again and I will gut you and
use your intestines to decorate my Christmas tree. You’re nothing
to Tina. Just somebody she used to know.”
Lola hold Trick’s hand and boasts, “Tina has something good here.
She doesn’t even think about you anymore.”
Mimi steps forward and states, “If I were you I’d get going. These
guys are former gang members. I wouldn’t push ‘em.”
Jace’s eyes widen and his face pales. My dad actually smiles
harder.
Jace clears this throat and tells me, “You look good.” Then he
turns on his heel and leaves.
Pandemonium breaks out with everyone talking at once. I’m getting
questions from all sides and anxiety fills me.
I step back and shout, “Can everyone shut the fuck up?”
My dad gasps and says, “Valentina, you no be rude you friends like
that!”
I nod my head in agreement and try again, “Can everyone
please
shut the fuck
up?” My dad nods his head in a
that’s
better
motion. I continue, “I know you
must all have questions but I’m in no mood to answer them. So
please excuse yourselves because all I want to do right now is go
to bed.”
I kiss my father’s cheek and ask, “You need a place to stay or are
you heading home?”
He utters, “I go home. Look.” He points to my friends and whispers,
“You no need me.”
I take dad’s hand, squeeze it, and I tell him, “I’ll always need
you, Ta. Always.”
Then I head down the hall to my room, leaving everyone
behind.
I lay on my bed ten minutes before my room bursts open. Nat, Meems,
and Lola bring in the pizza that Nik brought and sit on my
bed.
Mimi says, “The guys left but you must be out of your mind if you
think we’re leaving, doll.”
Nat asks, “Is tonight a ‘Night at the Roxbury’ kind of night? Or
more of an ‘Uncle Buck’ kind of night?”
Lola replies, “I thought it was more of a ‘That Thing You Do’ kind
of…”
I cut her off with, “You’re all wrong. It’s a ‘Zoolander’ kind of
night.”
They all laugh and clap. I sit up on the bed and bow my head
regally. I’m glad they didn’t leave.
We spend the night eating pizza and watching ‘Zoolander’, quoting
the movie and laughing our heads off.
Friendships like these are hard to come by. I believe if you can
count your true friends on your one hand you’re blessed. I’d rather
have three true friends than three hundred acquaintances.
Mimi and Lola leave after the movie. I’m back in bed and think
about tonight. I was so worried about seeing Jace but now all I can
think is
Jace who
?
Just as I’m falling asleep, my phone buzzes on the bedside cabinet.
I read the text and chuckle.
Nik: Would rather be in your bed tonight but don’t want another
freaky sleepover with Nat.
Me: Haha… I’m glad you were here tonight.
Nik: Me too, baby. I would tell you I love you but I’m trying to
give you time…
Me: I love you, Nik. Goodnight.
Nik: Love you more, Tina. Sweet dreams.
I smile and put my phone back on the side cabinet.
No denying it. I love Nik.
Seeing Jace tonight brought back the same old memories yet somehow
they felt different. There isn’t as much pain associated with them
anymore. Just a mild sting.
You’re
healing.
The likelihood of a person
finding true love is few and far between.
Who am I to deny it when I find it?
Tomorrow is a new day.
***