From The Ashes (The Knights of Mayhem Book 3) (13 page)

The door opening and closing has me cleaning like a mad woman.

“Hollis?”  But a female voice from downstairs has me freezing in fear.  “Hollis?”  The voice calls to me again and it’s familiar.  “I’m just here to talk, I promise.”  Emily Harris is downstairs and I’m here alone.  “I’ve been talking to Roman and felt like I needed to come here and get your side of what happened.  Please come talk to me?”  I swallow hard and stand, knotting Roman’s robe around my waist and close my eyes, trying to get my panicked breathing under control. 

Leaving the solace of his bathroom, I descend the stairs to find her standing in the middle of the foyer.  “Hi.” 

She has a warm smile, which is something I thought I would never see directed at me.  “Hi.”  She looks around,  “Can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure.”  I look down at his robe.  “Can I get some clothes on?”

“Sure. Would it be okay if I start some coffee?”  She gestures her hand in the direction of the kitchen.

“Oh yeah, make yourself at home.” I hold my hands out to either side, showing off the hunter green bathrobe I’m wearing.  “I did.”

“Okay. I’ll wait for you in the kitchen.”  She heads off in the direction of the back of the house and I turn to scurry back up the steps to Roman’s room.  I rummage through his drawers, trying to find a t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts.  Finding the items, I pull them on, sans underwear, seeing as how I don’t have any and rush back downstairs, not wanting to keep her waiting.

I step around the door frame to see Emily moving around the kitchen with familiarity as she makes coffee.  “Hi, Emily.” 

“Hey. I just finished so it should be done in a few.”  She pulls out a chair.  “Can you sit and talk with me please?”  Her face is stoic and not giving anything she’s thinking or feeling away.

“Sure.”  I move to pull out the chair opposite from her and ease down into it, never taking my weary eyes off of her.  Emily was the last person I expected to show up on Roman’s doorstep, wanting to “talk” to me.

She takes a deep breath and laces her fingers together in front of her.  “Hollis, I don’t think I’ll ever understand why things happen the way they do, but I think they happen for a reason.”  She looks up at me, not with the malice she did the last time I saw her, but with a calm understanding.  “I would like to hear it in your words.”

“My words?”  I ask, not sure what words she wants from me.

“Explain it to me, why you would help such a vile man.”  She’s finding it hard to look me in the eyes and I don’t blame her.  I’m surprised she’s keeping herself so composed around me. 

“Because he threatened Roman and the others.”

“Is that it, just because he threatened them?  Make me understand your frame of mind and reasoning as to why you thought it would help them and not Markus.”  She’s pleading with me and it’s breaking my heart that I let such a person get hurt.

“I loved him … Roman, and I wanted to be included.  I never thought, nor did Markus ever mention he was using it to stalk you.  You have to believe me. I thought if it got out that Roman had told me their cover, he and the rest would get in trouble.”

“Did it ever occur to you to just tell Roman what Markus was having you do?”  Her kind eyes search my face for a tale, a sign that I’m lying.  She can look all she wants, she won’t find one.

“It did.”  I stop, not wanting to admit the elementary reason I hadn’t.

“So why didn’t you tell him?”

“I was ashamed. I was sleeping with Markus for drugs.  By telling Roman what I was doing, it would make me have to face what I was, what I am.”

She tilts her head to the side.  “And what is that?”

“A junkie whore, just like Piper always said.”  She winces at the use of the name.

“From what I remember, Roman never saw you that way.”

“But he would have if I had told him.”  I clear my throat.  “I know I should’ve told, then maybe you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

Emily falls silent, making me nervous. I’ve said something to upset her.  Not sure if I should speak, I sit back, waiting for her to fill the air. 

She stands, taking down two coffee cups.  “How do you take yours?”  Her voice is sweet and soft, almost soothing.

I jump to my feet, reaching for the fridge.  “Sugar and milk.”

“Me too.”  She takes the offered gallon of milk and reaches in the cabinet over the coffee maker for the sugar bowl.  She turns to me and catches the look on my face.  “I clean his house for him.  Do you think he could make it look like this on his own?  You remember his room at the clubhouse, don’t you?”  The question isn’t asked in malice, but in jest. I remember Roman telling me about her cleaning his house, when he told his girlfriend that I worked for her, but I don’t tell her that.

“That I do.” A small laugh escapes me.  “It was unreal sometimes until I would clean it for him.”

“I remember that.”  She hands me my cup and I take my seat.  She lowers herself back into hers too.  “I want to sincerely thank you for taking such good care of Caden when she was with you.  She’s talked about you non-stop since she’s been home.  I don’t think I can hear the things that went on while she was gone right now.  The memories through the eyes of a child, I’m sure, are much better than yours.”  She brings her cup up to her lips, blowing across the top to cool before she takes a sip. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but Roman told us the story of your mother.”

I feel my breath catch in my throat.  “He swore he would never tell.”  I feel a slight flush of anger at the admission.

“Oh honey, he shared it at the right time.  When he told us what you three have been carrying around all these years, it made you look different in all our eyes.”  I see her lower lip quiver and the wetness glassing over her eyes.  “I no longer hold you at fault for what happened to me. I know now. I’ve heard from you and seen your face as you told me. You were just doing what you thought you should to keep Roman and the others safe.  But I hope you see now how secrets can hurt when the circumstances can be prevented with just a few words to the right person.”  I shove my cup to my mouth, gulping down the scolding liquid, hoping it burns out my vocal cords. “So go up and get dressed in some warm clothes and you can ride back to the clubhouse with me.”

I look down, ashamed again.  “I’m not sure what to say to what you’ve just given me.”

“And what have I given to you, other than acknowledging the truth?”

“Absolution.”  And now it’s my turn to cry.  “I’ve searched for years for a way to make it up to you, and fate brought me Caden. I could never understand the pain you’ve been through by just knowing me, Emily, but I hope now I bring joy to those around me instead of the pain of the past.”  I lose it, breaking down into a sobbing mess.  All the years of being hated are gone with a few simple words from the one person in the world I wanted them from.  She stands, coming around to me and holding out her arms.  I accept what’s being offered, the comfort I have so desperately craved.  She wraps her arms around me, holding me tight and letting me cry on her shoulder.

She tilts me back.  “All better now?”  I snort and sniff, nodding my head.  “Now go up and get dressed, I’m starving. Cal is barbequing ribs.”  She smiles at me and my heart clinches at the forgiveness in this woman.  I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to her, even if she doesn’t want me to.

I clear my throat.  “I don’t have any clothes.  I was supposed to shop online this afternoon, but read a book in the tub instead.” 

She rubs her hands up and down my arms.  “Don’t worry. I’m sure we can find you a few things at my house on the way.”  She turns to switch off the coffee maker and heads for the foyer.  She opens the hall closet, taking a sweatshirt from a hanger.  “Here ya go, put that on and …” She ducks back in, dragging out a pair of pink running shoes,  “and these, so your feet don’t get cold.” 

I eye them hesitantly. Now’s not the time to get a twinge of jealousy.  “Oh, don’t worry, sweetheart. They’re Pipers.”

I grumble as I slip them on, not sure that’s any better than them being one of Roman’s fuck buddies but I accept them and follow her out to her SUV.  “It’s got seat warmers.  I hate for my ass to be cold.”  She snickers as she gets in the driver’s side.  We’re on our way back to a place full of people I thought I would never see or hear from again.  God, give me strength.

~~~~~~

After a quick stop at the Harris home, I’m dressed in some of the newest clothes I’ve worn in a long time.  “Thank you for these. I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem. I needed to clean it out anyway.  The girls and I will take you on a proper shopping tomorrow.  Oh wait, Piper has school, so next weekend.”  She looks over at me and smiles. Seeing the apprehension on my face, she pats my leg.  “I have a few things to apologize for too.”

Shaking my head furiously at her, I argue,  “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, Hollis I do. I was nasty to you in high school and the years after.  I let the stigma of how everyone else felt influence me instead of taking the time to get to know you and decide for myself.”

“That’s all right. You wouldn’t have liked me anyway. I know I didn’t, so I saved you a whole lot of energy.”  We fall silent and I watch the afternoon begin to slip towards the horizon.  “So, you have a cleaning business?”

“Yes.”  She looks over at me and gives me a nervous smile.  “I couldn’t leave the house for a week after Caden went missing.”  She clears her throat and I stay silent, letting her work through her reemerging emotions.  “I was bad and needed out of the house.  Calvin convinced me to go see a doctor and she helped a lot, giving me meds and counseling.  Soon after, Roman offered for me to clean his house, and then I got a few regulars and a couple of businesses.  I stay busy.”

I lick my parched lips.  “Not sure what to say to you now, but that’s good you’re doing well now.”  I’m a bit envious of her freedom and ability to earn her own money.

“There’s nothing for you to say, Hollis. It wasn’t you who took Caden.”  She cuts her eyes over at me.  “So, what are you doing job wise?”

“Living off Roman right now,”  I sigh.

“Good, you can come to work with me in the morning.  I’ve been thinking about hiring.  Lord knows Avery can’t do it.  She can’t see her feet, much less bend over.”

“Really?  Me?”

“Yes. I’ll pick you up at eight, after I drop Caden at school.”  This woman is beyond amazing.  We end up chatting the rest of the way to the clubhouse.  I’m fine until I see it come into view as we top the hill.  “Don’t worry, Hollis. I told you it’s all good now.  They’re waiting for us.”

I follow Emily through the door to the low sounds of blues music and light talking.  It’s not at all how I remember a Sunday night around here years ago.  Emily immediately leaves me and goes to Cowboy, leaving me to stand awkwardly just inside the door, surveying the atmosphere. 

Piper is the first to spot me and I feel my body tense under her gaze.  Dalton gives her a slight push in my direction, mouthing words I don’t hear.  She releases herself from him, heading my way.

“Hollis.”

“Piper.”  Our exchange has garnered the attention of everyone in the room. 

She puts her hands on her hips.  “You may have everyone else fooled—”

“Piper.”  Dalton takes her by the arm to spin her around but she shakes his hand loose before he can.

“No, Dalton, she needs to hear this,”  she bites out.  “They may all look past this smoke you’re blowing up their asses, but it isn’t working on me.  I still think you’re the sniveling, conniving bitch you were then.  I don’t believe for one minute you’re all good and righteous now.”  She looks around at all the eyes in the room.  “I have my orders to like you, but I just can’t. They may have swept it all under the rug and that’s something else I can’t do, so steer clear of me, Keaton, if you know what’s fucking good for you, bitch.  And if you so much as hurt my brother, I will kill you.”  She turns on her heels and heads to the kitchen, letting the door slam after her.

I clear my throat, hoping the embarrassment I’m feeling isn’t showing on my face, but I know better than that. I can feel the heat on my cheeks. 

I look around, shoving my hands down into my pockets.  “It’s okay, honestly. I expected worse from her.”  I sniff, fighting back the tears.  “And I know it’s going to take more than a week and being told to like me for this to settle.  I’m not going to beg forgiveness and I’m not going to give you all excuses.”  Everyone stays silent and there are more than enough uncomfortable stares.  “I know what I did is inexcusable, but hopefully I can make up for it in some way.”

Avery smiles and makes her way over to me, then places her hand on the small of my back.  “It will all work itself out in the wash, Hollis, and Piper will eventually come around.  She’s just a little put out at the moment. You know how she is.”  Her caring nature almost makes the dam burst but I hold it at bay.  “So, can we eat now? I’m starving.”

“Woman, you’re always hungry.”  Leo jabs at her shoulder.  They both try to lighten the mood that has sunk down on all of us.

“Shut up. I’m feeding two here, ya know.”  She sits down at the table that’s been set up in the middle of the room.

“Aunt Hollis!”  Caden comes running to me with her arms stretched out.  I gather her up in mine, holding her as close as I can.

“Hey, Boo.”  I hold her close.  When she begins to wiggle, I let her down as she runs around all the occupants of the clubhouse before stopping at Avery to rub her belly and smile up at her aunt.