From Winter's Ashes: Girl Next Door Crime Romance Series - Book Two (11 page)

It still irked her not knowing if she’d gotten in on her own academic merit. Her father had long arms of influence, and she wouldn’t put anything past him.

And that made her think of Finn. The easy way he communicated with her father had aroused more suspicions about Finn’s intentions for their “arrangement.” He said early on that he didn’t have to explain himself, but that only stirred up more doubts and insecurities.

Maybe he simply enjoyed toying with her emotions.

Not maybe. Definitely.

Or … maybe her father was paying him.

Her heart contracted at the thought. Not because it was Finn. Not really. But because it made her wonder if she would ever find someone who cared about her? Just her. Not her father’s money, fame, and the power that gave the elite license to dispose of people like empty wrappers from her chocolate stash. Was there anyone without a selfish agenda? And did Finn really care about keeping her safe, or was this simply another power play?

She told herself not to care. His motives were irrelevant. She couldn’t care less about Finn Carson. That was all in the past. She should stitch that into a T-shirt so she wouldn’t forget.

A bit later, after bundling back up to brave the bitterness of a St. Louis winter, she bid Lacy farewell and deposited her fur-lined riding boots on the sidewalk of Downtown Kirkwood. The icy wind bit through the thick wool of her jacket and the flimsy barrier of her leggings.
Brr
. Hiking her purse on her shoulder, she pulled the drape of the hood low over her face and ducked into the bakery a few doors down from where she’d parked—where Sal’s unmarked car reminded her that there was nothing ordinary about her day.

The hot green tea she ordered served dual purposes: soothing her nervous stomach and counteracting winter’s assault on her bare fingers. As she stood in line to pay for her steaming confection her gaze landed on a glamour shot of the Kirkwood firehouse—reminding her that Finn, and the heroic men of the fire department, had saved her life.

“Only the tea, miss?” The cashier, a late sixties woman with a fine dusting of powdered sugar on the rounded center of her smock, smiled, her kind eyes crinkling down to fine slits.

“Hmm. No, I’d also like two dozen of these assorted pastries. Thank you.”

Armed with goodies, Joselyn scurried through the cold to her SUV and drove the half a mile to the fire station to properly thank the firefighters who’d come to her rescue.

Well, some of them.

Chapter 14

Finn Carson

The prism of the late morning sunlight flashed a pattern beneath the slow-moving blades of the ceiling fan. The inanimate thing seemed to somehow badger him for his unproductive morning. Finn groaned in response to the unintentional message playing in tandem with the throbbing fist working his temple from the inside of his head. Sleep deprivation plus migraine equals misery.

But yet again, even with the cleansing wash of daylight and the anguished gray matter between his ears, her dark words rang with resounding clarity in his brain for the millionth time.

Dear Mom,

Something happened. I have no one, I’ve lost everything … and nobody cares. I’m thinking I’d rather be with you.

It had been three days since he’d seen Joselyn.

Three long days reliving those few unguarded moments of fun. Remembering the sweet anticipation of her surrender. Rethinking the ominous admission from her most private thoughts.

Three days of no sleep. Not one wink.

On the bright side, he hadn’t suffered any flashbacks from the Monroe fire, but at this point would consider trading in a few hours of nightmares for any amount of actual sleep. His feet found the floor and slumbered about like a dead man walking. The intercom redirected him from the bathroom down the stairs to the door.

He pressed the button. “Who is it?”

“Carson. It’s Cody. I tried calling, but I guess your phone’s off. Can I come up?”

“Yeah, sure thing, Largeman.” The nickname was Cody’s last name and an homage of sorts to his oversized ego and his family’s grandiose wealth.

Opening the door, Finn’s oldest friend slapped him on the shoulder and strode in like he owned the place. Dressed to the nines in a navy pin-striped suit tailored to his brawny five-foot-nine stature, Cody’s presence and the potent sting of his cologne filled the room to excess.

“So, what’s up? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I know, man. Been super busy helping my dad at the firm.” Cody’s father owned the largest, most prestigious law firm in St. Louis, and while Cody didn’t possess a law degree, his dad made sure he was high on the payroll, doing … Finn didn’t know what Cody’s job entailed actually. But he’d always had that lawyer charm and could sweet talk his way into or out of anything. Came in handy with their childhood shenanigans. There’d been a lot of them.

“What about you?” Cody asked.

“You know, same old. Nothing major.”

Cody smelled his bluff as evidenced by the sardonic grin twisting his mouth. “Anything else you’ve failed to mention?”

Finn exhaled a sigh. “Something specific you wanted to ask me, Large?”

Holding up his hands, Cody feigned innocence. “I might’ve heard something through the grapevine about you and Joselyn Whyte. I know how you feel about the little ice queen and wanted to help put the rumor to rest. Unless …”

He itched to confide in his oldest friend, but Declan Whyte’s latest warning tamed the truth. “You heard right. Joss and I are seeing each other.” He folded his arms over his chest. It wasn’t technically a lie. They were seeing quite a bit of each other—some of which, Finn couldn’t shake from his mind. 

“Wow. I can’t believe it. Needed to hear it firsthand, though.” Rubbing his jaw, Cody snorted out a humorless laugh. “So, scrounging my sloppy seconds, huh? What changed your mind about her?”

Finn’s protective instincts fired, hot and fierce. Sloppy seconds? It’s not like Joselyn had ever been Cody’s girlfriend. And even after their one and only date Cody had done a thorough job of explaining why Joselyn had picked him over Finn. Seeing the petty and overt slander this time around made Finn question the validity of Cody’s confessions all those years ago. He’d never given Finn any reason to doubt him. They were, after all, best friends since kindergarten, but the dark gleam in Cody’s eyes gave him pause.

The accusations undoubtedly blazing from his eyes were unfounded so he bit his tongue and kept his cool. Until …

“Man, you’ve
still
got it bad.” Cody mumbled.

“What’d you say?” Had he heard that right? Clenching his fists, the popping of Finn’s knuckles pierced the heavy silence.

Finn caught the slight pull of a grimace before the aloof mask moved to cover Cody’s slip. “Hmm?”

“Don’t play dumb. It looks tacky with that suit.” All these years he’d made excuses for Cody.
He didn’t know how you felt about her … If you’d told him he wouldn’t have stabbed you in the back.
They all crumbled when the phony look on his face exposed the outright betrayal from his spoiled friend.

Cody’s thick brows pinched, and he managed to look contrite. “I … I was just looking out for you.”

“Got a funny way of showing it.”

“Listen. Okay, so I lied.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “I knew how you felt about her back then. I know you thought you were flying under the radar, but, dude, I know you better than anyone. It was pretty obvious.”

“So you slid the blade in with your eyes wide open. That’s good to know. You, who had girls all over your
radar
when I’d never even asked one out on a date, turned the only one I cared about into a conquest.” It might seem like high-school drama to some, but to Finn, since this was his closest friend for the better part of three decades, it felt like the ultimate betrayal.

“I knew she didn’t like you like that. She made this big deal about dating someone in her
class
. I dunno, man. I guess I figured if I took her out, you’d get over her without getting crushed by that cold heart of hers. At the time I thought I was doing you a favor. Sorry, bro. I really am.”

Finn had known Cody forever, but he could be hard to read. Was that the whole truth or was that the Largeman spin? Large had always done pretty well with the ladies—gross amounts of money and cool cars to his advantage—but in everything else Finn tended to one-up Cody without even trying. Sports and school, and even their other friends seemed to show preferential treatment toward a more easygoing, less competitive Finn. But Cody’s skin seemed so thick; Finn could never tell if something was bothering him.

Had he been jealous and honed in on Finn’s weakness? Desperate for a win? Finn had battled his own insecurities but would never have taken down a friend to come out on top.

Finn’s migraine was now at critical mass and his vision was starting to blur so he let it drop. For now. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Whew.” Cody’s laugh grated. “Never been so grateful for all that faith and forgiveness crap you harp on and on about. Maybe there’s something to it.” He shoved playfully at Finn’s shoulder like they hadn’t just nearly come to blows.

“Yeah, you should try it out sometime.” Finn forced a lightness into his voice he didn’t feel and ushered Cody out. “I’ve got stuff to do. We’ll catch up later.” He slammed the door without waiting for a response.

After tugging on a hoodie and his Carhart coat, he leashed Dodger for a walk. The cold air was bound to temper the steam piping in his hot head. As he walked he prayed, trying to find some peace. Some direction. Feeling continually lost in the maze of his thoughts. When he finally looked up he realized maybe his compass hadn’t been too far off the mark because he’d ended up exactly where he wanted to be.

The firehouse.

He missed it already. Something about the stately two-story brick and stone building was fortifying. It was where he felt grounded even when he was flailing.

The weight lifted off in increments with each step he took through the engine bay toward the office. The slight scuff of Dodger’s nails on the concrete provided the only sound until he reached the main hall and something decidedly feminine infused the air—a sugary aroma and the twinkling sound of laughter. A lot of houses had female firefighters and paramedics, but not theirs. Not presently, anyways.

He heard it again, and the familiarity jacked his pulse up a notch. Oh, he’d know that giggle anywhere. He slinked silently down the hall until the voices were more distinguishable.

“… are so good, Miss Whyte. You didn’t have to, but I’d never turn down any sweetness you have to offer.” Jones called upon his usually disguised southern drawl, laying it on pretty thick to enhance his charm, no doubt.

“A small token of my appreciation.”

Her sweetness? He leaned closer. What in the heck had she given him?

“So, you got plans for tonight?”

“All right Jones. Leave the nice lady alone. Besides, don’t you have a girlfriend?”

Great
. Bronson was an even bigger flirt than Jones.

“I, however, am currently single.”

A smooch sound found Finn’s ears, and he knew Bronson had laid one of his cheesy hand kisses on her smooth skin. There were some hushed words and another lyrical giggle. Squeezing his eyes shut, he stood out of sight, tormented by his interpretation of what he couldn’t see.

“What’d I miss? Ooo, treats.” Wally’s snorting and gulping announced he was consuming something with savage intensity. “Oh. Oops. Hi, Miss Whyte.” The muffled words escaped from a food-laden mouth. “Thanks for the pastries.”

Finn fought back another cringe. Did they all have to make such fools of themselves?

“Wally, close your mouth. This here is a lady. A gorgeous one at that. But I bet you get that all the time.”

He could picture the beefed-up Bronson pawing all over her. One by one the guys took turns buttering her up with praise. Joselyn rewarded them with modest deflection and timid giggles. It sounded like they were all vying for her attention like a bunch of half-starved dogs.

Speaking of dogs.

He looked down in time to see the looped end of Dodger’s leash disappear around the corner. Seconds later Joselyn’s silky voice greeted his pup. Busted. He’d planned on sneaking back out unseen after making sure Joselyn escaped his crew unharassed. Ship. Sailed.

Shrugging his shoulders and craning his neck, he slipped into character and made tracks toward his crew.
Here goes nothing
. “There’s my girl.”

Joselyn’s eyes widened at the announcement.

Crossing the last few paces, Finn surprised himself when he tucked his arm around the slim curve of her waist and deposited a brief kiss on the satiny plane of her cheek before he nuzzled her ear. The heated scent right there slammed into him like a two-by-four between the eyes.
Danger. Danger!
He looked away before reading her expression, not sure he wanted to know and honestly a bit too dizzy to process it. At least he was until he met three other dumbfounded stares. “What’s up, fellas?” It was then he realized he’d joined ranks of the hounds when he’d so brazenly marked his territory.

“Wait. You two are together?” This from a tanned and blond—both fake—Bronson, more often referred to as “Bravo” for his fixation with his own reflection and his likeness to the egotistical cartoon character Johnny Bravo.

Finn had already showed his hand, now he had to ride it out. Turning adoring eyes on Joselyn, he gave her waist a squeeze and she melded against his side. “You didn’t tell them, babe?”

Her nervous giggle emerged in a stutter. “Guess I hadn’t gotten there yet.”

“Oh! Ha! Good one, Iron Man. Almost had me going there.”

“Not joking, Jones.” Finn relished in his cocky grin.
Read ’em and weep, boys.

“But you don’t date. I mean … you have dates, attractive ones, but—”

Finn held up his hand. “Don’t help me, Jones.”

“Sorry.”

“When did this happen?” Bronson crossed his arms, flexing his muscles.

Finn had endured Declan’s interrogation for an hour the other night. It was Joselyn’s turn to be in the hot seat. He gave her the slightest pinch, and she startled. “Oh. Uh … Well, Finn and I have known each other for a long time, and, uh, after he rescued me he
begged
me to go out with him. Poor guy’s had it bad for years. It was getting a little path—”

“She simply couldn’t resist me any longer.” Finn slid his hand down to her backside and gave it a little warning tap.

Keeping remarkably still, she reached discretely to his misbehaving hand, twisted his wrist, and bit her fingernails into his skin.

“Man! Why couldn’t it have been me? Finn wasn’t even supposed to be in there—after the trauma of the Monroe fire. Next time, I get to defy orders and save the girl, okay guys?” Wally’s face shone with eagerness and innocence.

Finn stopped breathing. Joselyn released her punishing grip. The languishing silence spoke volumes about Finn’s supposed secret. He drew in a brittle breath, hoping his words didn’t sound as fragile as his emotions. “Well, guys, it was good catching up. See you after next week.” He bent down and snagged the end of Dodger’s leash, trying to breathe through the panic until the cold winter air hit his face.

They all knew about his PTSD? Had Ryker told them about the nightmares?

A cold sweat skated down his spine. He’d mounted extreme pressure on himself to keep it together in front of the guys. Didn’t need everyone second-guessing him, treating him like some incompetent sad sack. If Wally knew, everyone knew. And now, due to Wally’s verbal diarrhea, so did Joselyn.

Finn fled the building without looking back. Dodger trotted along, ignorant of Finn’s escalating anxiety. Handling this on his own was one thing. Being scrutinized as some sort of weak, helpless loser was an option he would not accept. But what was he supposed to do now?