Fulfillment (Book 3 in The Temptation Series) (24 page)

He dropped his
head. “Fuck! I’m sorr—”

I cut him off.
“Don’t.”

Rick got up.
“I’ll let myself out.” He stopped mid-way to the door. “Alexis,
again, I’m sorry for your loss.”

I looked up at
him and nodded. “Can you get the kids to FaceTime me? I really need
to see their faces.”

“Sure, not a
problem,” he replied, then he left.

I started
crying again, then quickly reeled myself in, shuffling up to reach
my crutches. Bryce snatched them away.

“Give them
back,” I hissed.

“No. Where do
you want to go? I’ll take you,” he pleaded.

“No, you
won’t. I just want to be alone.”

“Hunny, I’m
sorry. I just saw you both together hugging, and you were crying,
and I fucking lost it. I thought you were both—”

“I know what
you thought, Bryce. And if you had given me a chance I would’ve
explained.” I tried to push myself up to a standing position, but
he dropped to his knees in front of me and placed his hands on my
hips, holding me down.

He surrendered
and slumped his head onto my lap. “I thought Rick was grieving the
loss of my baby like it was his. He has no right to grieve what I
lost.”

He broke at
that moment and sobbed into my lap.
Lucy said he’d break at some
point, this must be it.

“Oh, Bryce.” I
placed my hands in his hair, and his hands slid to my arse gripping
it tightly and hugging me like he would never let go.

We stayed like
that for minutes. I let him cry and I cried along with him.

***

Bryce and I
once again took long uninterrupted hours to comfort each other. We
promised we would be honest and upfront with one another about what
we were feeling and why we were feeling it. This assurance alone
seemed to help with our grieving and healing process. Although we
did kind of keep our distance from each other for most of the day,
Bryce spending time between his office and the kitchen, while I
read my book in between taking long gazes out across the skyline of
the city of Melbourne.

I decided I
would ring Mum as she had texted me numerous times since heading
back to Shepparton. I knew she was worried about me—she was a mum,
of course she was worried—so I figured I’d better ease her mind
with a phone call.

“Hi, Mum.”

“How are you
coping?” she asked, without delay.

I sipped the
cup of tea Bryce had made me prior to ringing her. “I’m doing okay,
Mum. More so if I don’t think about it. I know that’s not a healthy
approach, but it’s working for me at the moment, so I’m sticking
with it.”

“As long as
you don’t bury what needs repair, Alexis. Life’s problems cannot be
resolved if they are buried. We bury what is finished, obsolete. We
bury what we cannot restore. Grief can be overcome. It can be
addressed and alleviated. Remember that.”

“I’m not
burying anything, Mum. Bryce and I have talked, and I know I have
you, Jen and my friends if I need you. I just don’t right now. I’m
coping; life goes on. What has happened cannot be reversed. Moving
forward is my only option.”

“Okay,
Sweetheart. How is Bryce coping?”

Mum knew when
to let things go.

“Clearly he is
devastated.” I paused for the smallest of seconds. “I have decided
to try again, Mum, but I haven’t told him yet. I’ll tell him when
the time is right.”

“Are you sure,
Alexis?” She sounded neither enthusiastic nor apprehensive.

“I want to
give him a child, Mum. He deserves a child of his own.” I sipped my
tea, which was now lukewarm.

“Answer me
honestly. Are you trying to give Bryce another baby because you
feel guilty and responsible for losing the one you had?”

I replied in a
calm voice. “No, Mum, I am not doing this out of guilt. I’m doing
it because I want to. I want another baby. I want Bryce’s baby.” I
took in a breath and let it out slowly. “Being pregnant again felt
so good, so right. At first I was hesitant about having another
child, but I grew to love the idea. Knowing that I was going to
hold another baby that I created filled me with so much joy and
happiness. I desperately want that back, so I am going to get it
back. Why? Because I can and because I want to.”

I heard her
sigh down the phone, but it wasn’t a bad sigh. I think it was a
content sigh.

“Very well,
Darling. I just want you to be happy.”

“Don’t worry,
Mum. I will be, eventually.”

I hung up from
Mum after having a quick word to the kids. Apparently Nate had
helped Dad deliver a calf.

Dad was overly
proud.

Nate said he
never wanted to do it again.

And Charlie
cemented the fact that she definitely did not want to be a
veterinarian anymore.

I smiled at
the thought of my kids witnessing and participating in a Blaxlo
farming right-of-passage, then dialled Carls’ number.

“What up,
Duffy?” she answered, with a playful carefree tone.

I dropped my
head. Strangely enough I did not feel sad at her pregnant stab.
This was Carls, after all, and she was renowned for putting her
foot in it.

“Not up the
duff anymore, Hun. I lost the baby,” I said sadly, but not sadly
enough to make her feel bad. I didn’t want to make her feel bad.
Carls was Carls and I loved her just the way she was.

There was
silence on the other end then I swear I heard her sob.

“Carls? You
there?”

“Uh huh,” she
said.

“You alright?”
I asked.

She scoffed
then sniffed her nose. “I just shamefully make a joke about you
being pregnant when you’re no longer pregnant, and you ask me if
I’m alright? What’s fucking wrong with this picture?” She sounded
angry with herself.

“Carls, how
were you to know?”

“It’s doesn’t
matter,” she sulked. “I’m a bitch, a horrible best friend.”

“You are
not...well...you are a bitch, but you are definitely not a horrible
best friend.”

“Yeah,
well...I disagree. So what happened, Lex? Do you want to talk about
it?”

“Sure. There’s
not too much to say really. I fell down the stairs, broke my ankle
and miscarried,” I explained, weakly.

“Geezus, fuck!
When did this happen?”

“Monday, just
past. I was in hospital pretty much all last week.”

“Right. I’m
coming over there.”

“No. I
actually just want to be with Bryce, Carls. But thank you.”

“Oh, poor
Bryce. He was really looking forward to being a dad. How is
he?”

“He’s coping.
Anyway, Hun, as you can imagine, I need to call a few people, and
next on my list is Tash. I will need a moment to prepare myself, so
I better get going.”

Carls laughed,
mildly. “I understand. Okay, if you need me for anything, please
call. I love you, you know.”

“I do know. I
love you too. Bye.”

I hung up and
wiped a tear from my eye. Carly Josephine Henkley never cried.

I realised I
was just a bit too emotional to call Tash after calling Mum and
Carls, so I decided I would ring her later after I had gathered
some semblance of composure.

I propped
myself up on my crutches and hopped back into the kitchen where
Bryce was cooking something that smelled insanely fucking good.
Twitching my nose like a sniffer dog, I sat myself down on the
stool at the bench.

“How did it
go?” he asked while stirring a pot.
Man, he makes cooking look
damn sexy.

“Sorry? Oh,
two down, one to go. I figured I needed to brace myself before
calling Tash. I will do it after dinner.”

“That’s
probably a good idea,” he agreed.

“What are you
cooking?” I extended my upper body so that I could peek into the
pot.

“Well, I know
you like Thai food, so I thought I would try a Massaman Curry with
Coconut Rice.”

“Is this your
way of saying sorry for earlier?” I probed.

“Hunny, my
methods of apology normally involve you moaning. This is an
alternative.”

I sniffed in a
big breath and licked my lips. “Oh, trust me, I’m pretty sure that
will make me moan.”

His eye
twitched and I smiled.

As we sat down
to eat dinner, the buzzer to the door sounded. Bryce got up and
answered it, letting Samantha into the penthouse. She was holding
an enormous bunch of flowers.

“Hi, Alexis.
These came for you just now.”

“Oh.” I
manoeuvred my chair backward, so that they would fit on my lap.

She handed
them over. “I’ll get going, I don’t mean to interrupt. And, Alexis,
I’m very sorry for what happened to you.” She smiled sheepishly and
quickly made her way to the door. Bryce let her out.

By the time he
made his way back, I had found the card:

I’m so sorry,
Lexi.

Am I still a bitch? -
Carls ♥

I smiled,
replaced the card back into the bouquet and sniffed the pink
roses.

“Who are the
flowers from?”

“Carls,” I
replied while reaching into my pocket for my phone. I pulled it out
and typed her one word in response:

No - Lexi ♥

After dinner,
I called Tash. She had been angry, sad, quiet, shocked, sad again,
and eventually numb. I’d run through all those emotions again with
her, feeling her deep sincerity at my loss. We cried together, and
she insisted on coming to see me. But again, like I had with Carls,
I informed Tash that I just wanted time with Bryce. She reluctantly
respected my decision, but made me promise that when I was ready
for visitors to let her know.

I promised her
I would.

After hanging
up from Tash I sat on my own in silence, allowing my mind to filter
in and out of my current environment, therefore granting more
memories of my fall to present themselves for deliberation. I
couldn’t erase the visions, and as a result I couldn’t shake the
feeling of something sinister being involved in the whole
ordeal.

At first, I
thought it was my mind’s natural defence mechanism kicking in,
reassuring me once again that I was not to blame and instead
something or someone else was. But the more vivid the feelings and
senses became, the more I felt they were not a result of my guilty
conscience. Instead they were more the result of a physical
warning—an alarm even.

I couldn’t
fathom what they really meant, so I just pushed them back into my
mind.

***

The following
day Bryce and I went for a walk together through the shopping
precinct. I really liked the idea of getting out of the apartment,
but I could not walk far. My skinny, muscleless arms were not fond
of supporting crutches.

I persevered
though, and enjoyed my new surroundings.

“Do you feel
proud when you walk through this complex?” I asked, personally
impressed with his accomplishments.

He looked down
at me. “Yeah, of course I do. Look at the place. It’s fucking
awesome.”

I laughed at
him and looked around once again. “Yeah, it kind of is.”

During the
scan of my surroundings, I noticed a shop attendant in Prada
quickly look away, pretending she was not just caught staring at
me.
Um, hello, you were as obvious as dog’s balls. Own
it.

I ignored her,
but it bothered me.

We kept
walking—or in my case, hobbled—and I soon became more aware of
people watching us. I hated it.

My hands had
become sweaty, and I started to feel a little clammy.

“Alexis,
what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m
just hot. Are you hot?” I removed the light scarf I had around my
neck, but it didn’t help.

“No, Hunny,”
he replied, concerned. “Let’s go to the lobby and take a seat.”

We made our
way to the City Towers front office and Bryce made me take a seat
next to the water feature that sat in the middle of the extravagant
lobby. I took deep breaths but felt a sudden surge of helplessness
course through me.

“I think
you’re having a panic attack. Just breathe.” He began rubbing my
back and I noticed him motion Charlie over.

“Yes, Sir?” he
asked, as he awaited Bryce’s instruction while looking at me
concerned.

“Can you
please get Alexis a glass of water?”

“Of course.”
Charlie hurried off.

Almost
instantly, Abigail was crouched down at my side, Samantha standing
beside her and Chelsea next to Bryce.

“What’s wrong,
Dear?” Abigail asked.

I couldn’t
answer her. I tried, but my mouth wouldn’t open. I honestly felt
that everyone was staring at me, secretly thinking that my losing
the baby was a result of Karma, and they thought I deserved it. It
filled me with such dread that I started to feel light headed then,
all of a sudden, there was black—nothing.

***

We I came to,
I was laying on the sofa in our apartment. Bryce, Abigail and
Janette were all standing in the lounge room not too far from
me.

I opened my
eyes. “What happened?” I murmured, confused.

Bryce came
over and sat on the seat next to me, gently moving the hair out of
my eyes. “You had a panic attack. Your blood pressure dropped and
you fainted.”

I tried to sit
up.

Janette moved
closer. “Stay there, with your feet up. At least until your blood
pressure returns to normal, it is still a little low. I will take
it again shortly.”

I closed my
eyes again, briefly remembering what happened downstairs. “Everyone
was staring at me, I didn’t like it.”

Bryce dragged
his knuckle along my jaw and my eyes re-opened. “No, Hunny, they
weren’t.” He smiled at me. “Then again, you are incredibly
beautiful, so you could be right.”

I returned the
smile, but only with a minor one. “I thought they were all judging
me,” I explained.

“Why would
anyone judge you?” Abigail asked.