FullDisclosure (18 page)

“You okay?” asked Sadie.

Jake realized he was standing in front of Evan’s door, staring at it like a moron as his mind wandered. “Yeah. Sure. Sorry. Seeing Michael just got me thinking, is all.”

She nodded knowingly as Jake rang Evan’s doorbell.

Sadie steeled herself. She had Jake’s arm around her waist and a brand new outlook on her relationship with Evan. When Evan opened the door, she was ready.

Or she thought she was.

There was no denying the hit that her tummy took the moment she saw him. How was it that after all these years one man could still have that kind of power over her?

“Hi, Sadie.” Evan’s smile when he looked at her was soft and genuine. “Jake.” When he looked at Jake the smile remained, and yet it changed. It seemed to be touched with something else. Perhaps it was melancholy. Regret? She couldn’t be sure.

All three stood there appraising each other and clearly uncertain what to do or say next. It was their host, Evan, who finally broke the spell. “Oh for God’s sake, come in. I’ve been cooking up a storm. You’re going to let all the good smells escape.”

Smiling, albeit still a bit awkwardly, Sadie followed Jake inside. The condo was much as she remembered it, although perhaps a little less affected. Some of the pretentious artwork had disappeared, having been replaced by wrought iron sconces and gleaming pounded copper plates. There was only one painting, a large Monet print that hung over the stone fireplace, along with the deep tan leather furniture. The effect was one of warmth and comfort. Actually the more she looked around the more she realized just how different it looked—and felt. The aromas that wafted to her nose were also very new and exciting for a man who, if Sadie remembered correctly, had never been allowed to dirty a pan in his former marriage.

“You’ve learned to cook,” she observed with a smile as she slid into one of the high bar stools that overlooked his kitchen island work space. A stone countertop, sparkling with quartz, was littered with small glass bowls, spice jars, garlic peels, wooden spoons and spatulas. A chaos that Sadie found strangely comforting. It was another side of the highly organized, ever-efficient CEO known as Evan Valerian. Perhaps his true side.

Jake slid in next to her.

Evan lifted the lid on a small saucepan and peered inside. She caught a glimpse of vibrant red and a whiff of something pungent and sweet. She almost swooned—again. “Oh, I always knew how to cook. I just…forgot for a while.”

A large stainless steel frying pan lay empty and waiting on one burner. Beside another smaller one lay a bunch of asparagus, trimmed and ready to go. She assumed the rest of the meal was roasting in the oven. That delicious roasted garlic aroma must be coming from somewhere.

“So what’s on the menu?” she asked, her mouth watering. “What have you remembered for us tonight?”

“Yes, Evan,” added Jake. “I’m curious too. What have you remembered?”

Evan stopped, his spoon hovering over the sauce, dripping its glossy goodness from the tip. His gaze met Jake’s—and something passed between them. But then he turned his gaze back to Sadie. “Cinnamon-dusted duck in a raspberry coulis sauce with herb-roasted potatoes and steamed asparagus. The breasts only take a few minutes. They’re waiting in the fridge.”

“Wow,” said Sadie. “You’ve got quite a memory.”

“I suppose—” He was smiling—until he glanced up at Jake. “Not really.” They looked at each other, the moment stretching. “But I am a pretty quick study.”

Apparently the words did not have intended effect, because Jake’s lips didn’t even twitch. In fact he shook his head and slid from his stool. “I can’t do this.”

Alarmed, Sadie slid from her stool as well. “What? What do you mean?”

“You heard me. I can’t stay.” He turned to Evan. “I’m being the big man here and bowing out. You need to figure out what you want, Evan, and who you want in your life. But it’s apparent to me that at this point I am not part of that. I haven’t been a part of your life for a long time now.”

“Jake, I—” said Evan.

“No. I never should have come in the first place. You and Sadie need to figure things out between you. You need to figure out if you have a future, and my presence will just interfere with that.” He turned to Sadie. “I’m sorry, Sadie. I never should have come in the first place.”

He moved toward the door but Sadie caught his arm. “What about me? What about your future with me?” She was battling a sudden surge of panic. She loved Evan. Had loved him for years. But the truth was she barely knew him, and needed time for that to happen. Jake on the other hand had been her rock, her savior. It may have been only a few days, but she had come to depend on him.

To care deeply for him.

“You can’t abandon me, Jake. I need you.”

Jake hesitated, her plea obviously unsettling him. And that apparently gave Evan the time he needed to gather his wits together. He rounded the island and placed himself between Jake and the door.

“Don’t go, Jake. We need to talk. You and I need to talk.”

“Well, then do it, Evan. Whatever the fuck you have to say, say it! I’m sick of the evasions and the stalling. Of the half-answered questions and avoidance. Tell me what—”

“I love you.”

That stopped Jake in his tracks. He stared at his lover, eyes unblinking and jaw slack. “Wh-what?”

“You heard me. I love you. I love you, perhaps more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and that scares—has always scared—the crap out of me.”

For as much as those words touched Sadie and she thrilled to the joy that she could see blooming in Jake’s eyes, they also sent a dagger of pain through her heart. But before it lodged too deeply, Evan turned to her. “But the thing is, I love you too, Sadie. I know I don’t really know you right now, and we need time to rediscover each other, but I know I love you. And I want you in my life.”

He took a step backward. “I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past few hours. And I’ve been thinking about things from a brand new perspective. What you said to me, Jake—it hit home. I love my daughter, but if she can’t love me for me, then what’s the point? I’ve spent too much of my life doing the right thing, living my life the way others think I should—and being miserable while I’m doing it. I should live my life to suit
me
. I should have people in my life who love me for who I am—no matter who or what that is. And that I can love for who they are. And that’s you—” He turned to Sadie again. “And you. I’m sorry, Sadie, if this is shocking to you, but Jake and I—”

“I know,” she said softly. “I know, and it’s okay. In fact it’s more than okay. I think it’s amazing that two men I care about are in love with each other.”

He blinked, registering his own shock and relief at this news. “Oh.”

“But what I didn’t know—what’s news to me—is that you have a daughter. That’s wonderful. But…is
that
what’s been screwing with your head?”

He nodded.

“But…why?”

“That, my dear, is a long story, and one best told over dinner. But for the moment—” He grasped Jake’s hand. “Will you stay, Jake? I don’t know for sure how to do this, how to make it work, but I do know that somehow, someway I want to have you in my life. I want to have you
both
. If you’ll have me.”

Jake’s face was a study in raw emotion. “Of course,” he managed to whisper. “Of course I will.”

Evan reached for Sadie’s hand, his gaze a question mark. “Yes,” she breathed. “I’ll have you. How can I turn down someone who makes duck breasts with raspberry sauce?”

The tension broken, they all laughed. “Well, maybe you should reserve judgment on that until after you actually taste it.” He released their hands, but suddenly, apparently on impulse, he cupped the back of Jake’s head and drew him in for a long, sensual kiss.

Sadie watched, wide-eyed and intrigued as the two men shared a very intimate and extraordinary moment. When they finished, Evan turned to her and asked, “So that’s okay with you? Because it really needs to be.”

“Oh yeah,” she breathed. “That’s okay.”

“You’re amazing.” Evan beamed and gave her a peck on the cheek before returning to the kitchen.

Frowning, she watched him go.
So that’s how you think it’s going to be
, she thought. Well, Evan Valerian might just have another surprise or two in store.

She glanced at Jake—and winked.

It had been a long time since Evan’s apartment shimmered with candlelight—and echoed with laughter.

The spicy aromas of cinnamon and roasted meat mingled with the sweet scent of raspberries and merlot wine. The room had taken on a glow—a glow that had less to do with lighting and aromas than with love and acceptance. There was a sense of joy here. A joy that had been lacking in Evan’s life for far too long. As Jake’s silky voice regaled Sadie with yet another story of his misspent youth and troubles with identifying his nebulous sexuality, Evan refilled everyone’s glasses with the last of the wine, settled back in his chair—and savored.

Sadie’s laughter tinkled like the finest crystal, and sent tiny shivers of excitement coursing through him. As did the way her eyes glittered when she looked at his lover. Jake was his lover. He loved Jake. Evan’s heart knew it—had always known it—but his mind was still having a little trouble wrapping itself around it.

“So you thoroughly disappointed your parents then,” said Sadie, grinning.

“Oh yes,” agreed Jake. “In every way possible. Abandoning the family business, ditching college, dumping the high school sweetheart…” He shrugged. “All of that was bad enough. Getting caught in bed with my college rugby coach was just more than they could take. I had to move to the other side of the country just to save my father the risk of yet another heart attack.”

Evan leaned forward. “They blamed
you
for his heart condition?”

“No. Not openly, at least.” He leaned back, considering his wine intently. “I think what they blamed me for was not being clones of them. Not being what they raised me to be.
Expected
me to be.”

Evan sighed, took a sip of his own wine. “Expectations. They’re a curse.” His thoughts returned to Rachel, and the tale of woe he had just related to Sadie. It was Rachel’s expectations of him that he was fighting. If there was anything worse than a child disappointing a parent, it was for a parent to disappoint a child. But he would do it. He had to.

Sadie’s whisper caught his attention. “And yet we can’t live without them.”

He turned to her, curious.

“Well, when you love someone and they love you, there are certain expectations that go along with that. Good expectations.”

“Such as?”

She replied, “Such as being there for each other. Such as keeping promises and doing what you say you’re going to do.”

Jake piped up, “Such as expecting that the other person will love and accept you for who you are. No matter what.”

“I suppose,” conceded Evan. “As expectations go, those are pretty decent ones. Necessary ones. It’s the unreasonable expectations, the ones that people develop out of selfishness or intolerance or closed-mindedness that cause the problems.”

He looked up to find Sadie staring at him. Something in her gaze was particularly piercing, even accusatory. “Yes. Exactly.”

“What? What are you implying?”

Very slowly, Sadie got up and rounded the table. Before he knew what was happening, she had swung her leg over the chair to straddle his lap, facing him. Her face was inches from his, her breasts brushed his chest. Her perfume filled his nostrils and the knowledge that her bare thighs beneath the light cotton skirt were separated from his by only the thin layer of denim he wore had his cock at red alert.

But despite his arousal and longing to pursue it, his thoughts were drawn to Jake. He glanced at his lover, but before he was able to meet Jake’s gaze, Sadie had cupped his chin and drawn his face back to hers. “See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

Even as Evan heard a soft sigh from Jake’s general direction, his attention was snapped back to Sadie as she slowly—very slowly—unbuttoned the second and then the third button at the neck of his shirt. “You’re making an assumption, Evan Valerian.”

“I am?”

“Yes. A closed-minded, old fashioned, right-wing conservative-type assumption.” Her hand slipped inside his shirt and he could barely breathe. “You’re making the assumption that you have to choose between me and Jake. That if you have him, you can’t have me. And vice versa.”

“I…but…I didn’t think—” It was at that moment that he felt Jake’s large, strong hands settle on his shoulders.

“No. You didn’t. You didn’t even allow yourself to consider the possibility, did you?”

Sadie leaned in, her breath caressing his lips as she spoke. “The possibility that you could have us both. And that we might want the same thing as you.” Her kiss was sweeter than the raspberry sauce that had graced his tongue just a few minutes ago. His initial reaction was to bracket his hands around her rib cage, draw her in tight and make love to her mouth, devouring her like the starving man he was.

But even as his hands encircled her dainty waist and his arms ached to hold her tighter, he resisted. Instead of drawing her closer, he very gently pushed her away, her mouth separating from his reluctantly—like the agonizing movement of a child pulling off a bandage too slowly.