Fury (New Adult Romance) - #1.5 Fierce Series (8 page)

I tell myself I don’t, but I know I’m lying. I just don’t want to
need anyone. Nobody will understand anyway.

Not this.

“Don’t come closer,” I say. My voice is breaking as much as I am.

“Wait here,” she says, and she shuffles past me into her room. I
look up, trying to peer inside. I can’t see what she’s doing, and I’m not sure
I should even stay here. I’m afraid waiting will only make it worse.

Surprisingly, she comes back with a bottle of water. She opens the
cap and holds it up. “Here, drink some.”

All I do is stare at her.

Water? She brings me water? Now?

I’ve been crying, acting like an ass, and she comes back to give me
water?

She sucks on her lip while I gaze at her, wondering what the hell
this is all supposed to mean. It looks so goddamn innocent and strangely
attractive at the same time. But I feel guilty for thinking about things like
that right now. Shit. I should be dealing with this on my own. Instead I’m
leaning toward a girl I don’t even know. Maybe it’s just the pain speaking, but
I feel like I want to hug her tight. I barely know her, and yet I feel she is
the only thing that’s keeping me standing right now.

“You look like you could use some help,” she says hesitantly.

I don’t understand this girl at all. I’ve been treating her like
shit, and still she cares enough to want to help me.

However, her offering me help frightens me. Not because it’s her,
but because I apparently look so awful that I seem in need of help. It’s only a
confirmation of looking like shit, and I don’t want anyone to know that I
really feel that way. I can’t risk having anyone care about me. Not now. Not
knowing that I’m about to join a gang.

I don’t want to put her in the middle of this too.

I turn around and walk toward her, trying to look as menacing as
possible. My burden is weighing down upon me, every step I take feeling
heavier. I don’t want to scare her, but I want her to know that she should be
wary of me. That she shouldn’t even want to get close to me. I don’t want her
to get involved, and I can’t use the distraction. It’s the best thing for us
both.

The only problem is, I’m just telling myself that.

In reality, I want nothing more than closeness. But what I want
isn’t always the right thing.

I place both my hands on the wall beside her, trapping her between
me and the wall. She can’t go anywhere without me getting ahold of her. The
thought alone is exciting.

My blood is pumping to my cock. If this was any other day, and any
other girl, I’d grab her and put my hands all over that tiny body of hers,
kissing my way to her soft spots. I bet she has plenty of unexplored, luscious
skin. I’d love to put my lips on her.

Mindless sex wouldn’t be something I’d refuse right now. I could use
the momentary escape from reality with all that’s been happening.

But I don’t want that with her. She’s too innocent, too sweet. Too
reluctant. Not like the girls I usually go for. Not the type that would give me
a fun night without wanting more. Although I do love the fight.

Strangely, I don’t even want all of that from her. What I want right
now is to hold her tight, to bury my head in her pine-scented neck and drift
away into a long, endless sleep.

I lower my head, peering into her vivid blue eyes, which are full of
anxiety. Her whole body is shivering, and her quivering lip makes me want to
press my lips against hers.

I’ve never hungered this much for a trembling girl. What’s wrong
with me?

I shouldn’t even be thinking about this right now. I should be
scaring her away so she won’t even want to talk to me. I don’t want her to be
in danger. Or anyone, for that matter.

“I don’t need anyone,” I snarl.

It hurts me so much to say that, but I have no choice. Weakness
isn’t something I can afford when I have to join a drug-dealing gang.

But her smell, God … it’s so good, it hypnotizes me. Before I know
it, my head is already drifting closer to her. I’m drawn to her, and I have no
idea why. I have to put a stop to this now before it gets out of hand.

I take a huge breath and step back. I look down at the floor,
wondering why she hasn’t run away from me yet. She’s just standing there, holding
up her bottle like she won’t leave until I take it.

Oh, Leafy. Why do you keep persisting? Just give in to your fear, it
would be easier for the both of us.

Damn it, when I think about it, my throat does feel dry. What’s the
worst it could do? Cool my aching throat?

I reach for the bottle. When our fingers briefly touch, electric
shocks course through my body, setting my nerves on fire. It takes one touch
for me to feel her softness, her tenderness. I’m feeling more and more lost in
her eyes, her sweetness, her helpfulness.

But what am I thinking? I don’t deserve any of it.

I take a few sips, and the water feels nice, settling the pain in my
chest. I don’t even care if half of it is running down my chin. I gulp it down as
if it’s the only thing that will save me.

When I’m done, I give her back the bottle, my stare probably
unsettling her a little. She seems frightened. I don’t want her to feel that
way about me, but at the same time I do. So fucking confusing.

“Thanks,” I say, the turmoil in my mind reverberating in my voice.

“No problem,” she says, swallowing away her nerves as she puts the
cap back onto the bottle.

Now that she’s done what she had in mind, she’ll probably head for
her room. I wonder what she’ll think of me. I know she saw me crying.

Will she tell anyone? I can’t have that. Rumors about me being a
weak son of a bitch won’t help my reputation. Especially not when I want to
infiltrate Alpha Psi.

“Please don’t tell anyone you saw me,” I say, avoiding her eyes.
It’s difficult for me to ask such a thing.

“Good night,” I say when she doesn’t respond, and I open my door.

“Sure … good night,” she says, and she turns around.

Her familiar shuffling makes my heart speed up. It reminds me of the
fact that I’ll be alone once she’s gone back into her room. That I’ll have to
spend the night alone. And as I walk into my room, I realize I won’t be able to
sleep tonight. Not after today. Not after her.

Chapter
7

Difficult Decisions

As expected, I didn’t close my eyes at all last night. My mind was
playing tricks on me, showing me a future where my brother gets hurt. In my
nightmares he’s doomed to spend the rest of his life in prison, either that or
he’s killed. Either way, I wouldn’t be getting him back.

And then there were the times I partially drifted away into vague
dreams about a girl with frizzy brown hair and an adorable smile, one that
could make me forget everything.

I don’t want to dream about her.

I don’t want to forget anything.

I need to remember.

But at the same time I long to have someone close. My brother was
the only one I had. Now I have no one. So I cling to the only one I connect
with.

Leafy.

I spend the morning memorizing important things in my life, writing
them down as I go. Every step I need to take in order to save my brother. I
don’t need to write down anything about Leafy; she’s stuck in my mind like a
song repeated on the radio for the millionth time.

My notebook will be with me wherever I go from now on. There’s one
note I stick to the front, making me remember that I have to open it every hour
of the day, to remind myself of my task.

When Jaret finally awakes, I tell him the news. I didn’t want to
wake him from his sleep last night, but the moment I say it he tells me he
already knew. The gang told him.

“I’m sorry about your brother, man,” he says, but he’s said this
five times now.

“Thanks, but that won’t make my brother come back. I want to join
the gang,” I say.

“What? Are you crazy?”

“I need to get my brother out.”

“There must be another way.”

“There isn’t. I already told you about the deal I made with the cop.
I have to join the gang. Period.”

“But they’re after your brother! Fuck, man, you could be in danger
too.”

“Well, we can tell them I’m there because I want to make up for him
being gone. We’ll tell them I’ll be better than he could ever be. Make them
think I don’t care about my brother.”

“And you think they’ll fall for that?”

“They have to. I will join them, no matter what.”

Jaret sighs and rubs his neck. “Dammit, Hunter. I promised your brother
I’d keep you out of this at all costs.”

“Screw that. He’s in jail. Anything goes. From now on, I’m going to
spend every waking minute figuring out what I can do to get to the top so I can
find out who the leader is.”

“Are you sure? There’s no going back on this. Once you’re in, you’re
in for life.”

“I know,” I say, speaking the words loud and clear so he knows I’m
serious.

“They could kill you.”

“I can fight.”

He sighs again. “Fine. I don’t think I can stop you either way.”

“Nope.”

“I’ll help you as long as you promise to listen to me.”

“Fine,” I snap.

“I’ll get a distributor to take you in, but it’s going to be hard
and painful. You should know.”

“You’re talking about the arena, right?”

Jaret swallows. “Yeah … I’m surprised your brother told you about
that. It’s fucking crazy.”

“I can handle crazy. Make the appointment. I’ll be there.”

“All right, all right,” he says, holding up his hands in defeat.

We settle on meeting after class and leave the dorm after agreeing.

When I finally find my way into class, it’s already started without
me. The teacher scolds me for being late. I don’t care about listening to him.
I’m already walking up the steps, avoiding everyone’s eyes because I know mine
are still red from yesterday. The moment I spot Leafy, I sit down right next to
her.

Somehow I feel like I can trust her. I hope she won’t ask me too
many questions about yesterday, or today for that matter. Plus, I should really
start focusing on my homework. She’s a nerd, so maybe I can help myself with
her work instead.

I know it’s wrong, but I don’t care. I need to succeed. This is the
only way.

But damn, I’m really tired. I yawn loudly before leaning on the
table and dropping my head between my arms. I feel so drowsy, I can’t even hear
the teacher anymore. All I hear is muffled noises that interrupt my attempt at
sleeping. It doesn’t matter, though. I’m already way into dreamland. Although
I’m vaguely aware of the snores my nose and mouth are producing, I don’t give a
rat’s ass.

Something pokes me in the side. Annoyed, I groan. Damn, why can’t I
just rest my head for a moment?

“Wake up.”

It’s Leafy. She’s whispering sweet words into my ears, and somehow
those two words get translated into ‘fuck me.’ Now my mind is really playing
tricks on me.

Air rushes through my mouth as I gulp in a breath. My head shoots up
from the table, and the first thing I see is her surprised face. She’s right in
front of me, frozen, her lips parted in a way that makes me want to kiss her.
She’s so fucking close I could. Holy shit.

She presses her lips together. Did she hear me think out loud or
something?

I smirk. I wish she had. I’d love to see the look on her face when
she realizes I want to kiss her. It’s probably not something she’d expect of
me.

Then again, I’m not sure what to expect of me either. Normally I’d
already have fucked her senseless, knowing what I do to girls. She’s not one of
those girls, though. This is different. Something I’m not familiar with.

She’s staring at me, and I can’t help but tease her a little because
she looks so bewildered.

“Well, hello there,” I say, grinning.

“I … uh …” she stammers.

She shoots back to her regular place, her fingers twitching. She’s
breathing rapidly and her eyes are skidding from left to right. It’s hard not
to laugh a little. It’s cute that she’s so nervous around me. I like it.

“You what?” I say, taking my time to gauge her reaction.

“You were sleeping in class. I was waking you up,” she mumbles,
avoiding eye contact.

Does she think I mind?

Her senses must be on full alert right now, seeing as she’s tensed
up. It’s probably because of me. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable around
me, though, so I settle for a dumb joke.

“Nah! I wasn’t sleeping,” I say, yawning.

An adorable laugh comes out of her mouth, and it’s putting me on
edge. I’m finding her more and more attractive with each passing second.