Give Me a Reason (35 page)

“Laura…please, you don’t understand.”

Cupping Toni’s chin in her hand, Laura said softly, “I’m in
love with you, Toni, and I’ve never…I’ve never done this before. I’m not going
to lie and say I’m not a bit nervous, but this is forever for me. What you and
I have tonight…what we do tonight…what we
become
tonight is something I don’t ever want to forget. I don’t want the memory of
our first night together to be filled with shadows and darkness. I want to
remember this until the day I die. Please don’t take that away from me. Please
don’t take that away from
us
.”

Toni lowered her eyes, her body going limp as she let out a
long, audible breath. Laura had never tried to push her too hard. She had never
presumed. She had never lied, and she had never asked too much, and because of
it, Toni knew she couldn’t refuse Laura’s request. Taking a deep breath, Toni
looked up and nodded, and a few seconds later, Laura lifted the white T-shirt
from her body.

In her dreams, Laura had imagined hesitation on her part, an
awkward shyness of the unknown, an almost virginal moment of stumbling, but she
was wrong.
Way
wrong. The sight of Toni’s body
added more fuel to the fire raging between her legs, and almost brazenly, she
ogled the woman’s near-nudity in amazement. Toni’s skin was slightly darker
than her own and her breasts slightly fuller, and although Laura could easily
see a few of the scars, her eyes were drawn to the rose-red centers now rock
hard with desire. Leaning in, Laura kissed Toni lightly on the lips before
traveling down her neck and across her shoulders. Her fingertips danced softly
down long arms and when she reached Toni’s hands, their fingers intertwined.
Lowering her head, she captured a hardened peak between her lips.

“Oh, Christ,” Toni said in a breath. “Oh...dear God.”

Totally aroused, Laura circled the dimpled center with her
tongue before sucking hard against the tip. Again and again, she flicked and
tasted, moving from one breast to the other, anointing each with equal
attention until Toni pushed her to the mattress.

Everything Toni thought she had lost returned in force, and
she wanted to make love to Laura until the dawn. She wanted to savor every inch
and explore every crevice. She wanted it all, and when she saw the look of
sheer want on Laura’s face, Toni knew she would have it.

Forgotten was the fear of awakening the rage she knew lived
deep within her, and mindless of her scars, Toni quickly stood and pushed her
pajama bottoms to the floor. Returning to the bed, she carefully placed her
knee between Laura’s opened thighs, and in an instant...Toni Vaughn became who
she once was.

Arching her back, Toni rubbed her body against Laura’s.
Breast-to-breast and pelvis-to-pelvis, she moved in a calculated slowness, and
with each arch of her spine, she pressed her thigh against Laura’s damp
entrance. The tempo she set caused whimpers of satisfaction to fall from
Laura’s lips, and while Toni’s pace had been one of gentleness, each time her
thigh met Laura’s center, Laura couldn’t help but push harder in return.

Never so slick with want that she could feel it drip down her
legs, Laura’s thighs were coated, and desperate for release, her instincts
turned animal. Opening her eyes, when Toni’s breasts came within reach, Laura
pulled a swollen tip into her mouth and sucked hard against the rigid point.

“Oh, Jesus,” Toni hissed as lust hammered between her legs,
and pulling Laura from her breast, Toni captured her mouth with hungry urgency.

Laura returned in kind, feeding on Toni’s flavor and sucking
against her tongue, with their legs intertwined and bodies becoming one, amidst
breaths and thrums of pleasure, love-filled oaths were whispered.

Finally, the need for oxygen forced them to separate, and on
outstretched arms, Toni gasped for air as she looked down at Laura…and then
their eyes met. Answers were given to questions not needed to be asked, and while
an infinitesimal glimmer of fear still nagged at the base of her brain, Toni
slid her hand between Laura’s legs, and slowly ran her finger through folds
thickened and wet. Never remembering feeling anything so smooth, so soft and so
slick, Toni gently rubbed Laura’s sex, casually drawing her finger over every
crevice, and when she finally entered Laura’s body for the first time…their
moans became one.

Laura was warm and tight, and deliberate in her strokes Toni
relished the feel of every millimeter of Laura’s center. In and out her finger
moved, pushing deep for a long, delirious moment before returning to the tender
flesh soaked with want. Never wavering for a second, she continued to explore
as Laura helplessly writhed under her.

Feeling as if the world were spinning out of control, Laura
could do nothing but gulp for air while Toni took her to ecstasy. Each plunge
seemed a bit quicker, each thrust a bit harder, and when Toni curled her
finger, Laura grabbed fistfuls of sheet, arched her back and held her breath.
It was building inside of her. Like a wave, it was rushing through her body to
her core, and she wanted all of it.

“God, help me,” she said as she pushed hard against Toni’s
hand. “Oh…God…help me.”

An uncontrollable cry of satisfaction escaped as the orgasm
swept over Laura, and trapping Toni’s hand between her thighs, Laura rode every
last wave of rapture with Toni’s finger still inside her body.

***

Although not her intention, after a scrumptious dinner,
several glasses of wine, and a climax that had rocked her senses, sleep took
hold of Laura only seconds after the last wave of rapture ended. She had no
idea how long she slept, but when she awoke, Toni wasn’t in bed. Pushing aside
the quilt, Laura quickly pulled on her pajamas and went in search of the woman
she loved. Walking into the lounge, she was surprised to see a small fire
blazing in the hearth and Toni sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring into
the flames.

“I was wondering where you were,” she said softly as she went
over and knelt by Toni’s side. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” When Toni
didn’t respond, Laura touched her on the arm. “Hey, are you okay?”

Toni turned just enough to acknowledge Laura’s presence, and
seeing the dried track of tears on her face, Laura asked, “What’s this?”

“It’s nothing,” Toni whispered.

Threading her fingers through Toni’s, Laura said, “Talk to
me, sweetheart. Tell me what you’re thinking. Why were you crying?”

“It’s...it’s hard to put into words.”

“Just say what’s on your mind.”

“Love.”

“Love?”

“Yeah...love,” Toni said again, staring into the flames.
“Until tonight, I never understood the enormity of that word. I mean, it’s just
a word, right? A simple word describing how someone feels. People say it every
day. They love their car or their cat, their new haircut or clothes. It’s so
multipurpose and common, isn’t it?”

“I suppose, but there are a lot of levels of love.”

“Then tell me what word I should use to describe how I feel
about you?”

“I know how you feel,” Laura said, giving Toni’s hand a
squeeze.

“No, you don’t, because I’m not just talking about love.”

“No?”

“I’m talking about reasons.”

“What do you mean?”

Taking a breath, Toni let it out slowly. “I was watching you
sleep, and all of a sudden I felt my emotions getting the better of me, so I
figured I’d come out here and get my head together. Let you get some rest. So,
I started a fire, and as I sat here watching it grow, I realized it reminded me
of you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah,” Toni said softly. “At first you were just this
flicker, this unexpected spark in my life, but just like the flames, you grew.
And then I started thinking about all the times you asked me to give you a
reason for something…so I asked myself the same question.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Why do I feel so emotional tonight? Why do I feel like the
world has stopped spinning so that I can finally catch up? Why do I know that
I’d die for you without giving it a second thought?”

“Love?”

“No…hope,” Toni said in a shaky voice. “You’ve given me hope,
Laura. You’ve given me a reason to believe. You’ve given me a reason to want
again, and to
need
again, and to love…for the
first and
last
time in my life.”

Covering her face with her hands, Toni began to cry, but this
time the tears were those of joy, filled with the knowledge that humanity, her
own
humanity still existed. She was capable of love,
but more importantly…she was capable of hope.

A short time later, Laura guided Toni back to the bedroom.
Emotionally exhausted, before Laura had covered her with the quilt, Toni was
asleep and Laura didn’t mind. There would be plenty of time for love and
discovery, but for tonight, Laura was content simply to hold the woman she
loved. Tonight she would set aside her wants, her desires and her dreams, and
take comfort in the love
and
the hope she had
for the woman in her arms.

Chapter Thirty-Three

Her eyes opened, and staring into the darkness, she listened
to the sound of steady breathing. Inhaling, she smiled at the fragrance of her
lover’s cologne, and then stealthily slid out from under the sheets. Creeping
from the room, she padded up the stairs.

Laura had spent the night spooned against Toni, holding her
tight and relishing the feel of feminine curves hidden beneath cotton and
flannel. More than once she had been jarred from her sleep by dreams filled
with erotic images, and although tempted to awaken Toni with soft caresses,
Laura had simply snuggled closer and waited until sleep came again.

Stripping out of her pajamas, Laura took a quick shower, and
wrapped in a towel, she headed back into her bedroom to get dressed. Opening
the wardrobe, she was reaching for something to wear when she stopped and
muttered, “What the hell am I doing?” Letting the towel drop to the floor, a
minute later Laura left the room wearing nothing but a robe...and a smile.

Tiptoeing into Toni’s bedroom, Laura was surprised to find
the bed empty, and just as she began to turn toward the bathroom door, it
opened and light filled the bedroom.

Still dressed in her pajamas and white T-shirt, Toni padded
out, and seeing Laura standing before her dressed in a very short green silk
robe, her jaw hit the floor.

Amused by Toni’s expression, Laura quickly looked down and
then looked back up. “What?”

“I woke up alone, and I thought...I thought it was a dream,”
Toni said, scratching her head.

“It wasn’t a dream, sweetheart,” Laura said as she walked
over and pulled Toni’s face to hers. “And here’s the proof.”

Fueled by a night filled with sensual dreams, the kiss was
passionate and hungry, and as Laura wrapped her arms around Toni and pulled her
close, their lips parted and tongues touched. Breathing turned ragged as hands
began to fondle, but when Laura felt Toni loosen the tie of her robe, she
pulled away. “And what do you think you’re doing?” she asked as she moved backward
toward the bed.

“Come here and I’ll show you,” Toni said, taking a step in
Laura’s direction.

“I have a better idea.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“How about you come here, and
I’ll
show you.”

A jolt of desire shot through Toni’s body and for a moment
she couldn’t move...but only for a moment. Wetting her lips, she slowly walked
over, and stopping in front of Laura, she croaked, “Here I am.”

Laura slipped her fingers through Toni’s and led her to the
bed, and within seconds, she stripped the clothes from Toni and pushed her to
the sheets. Gazing into eyes darkened with passion, Laura opened her robe and
revealed herself, and the room was filled with the sound of Toni’s gasp as
Laura straddled her hips.

“I want you,” Laura whispered as her lips moved close to Toni’s,
and as their breath mingled, their lips touched. For only a second, the kiss
was light and then the passion which had begun the night before returned in
force. Mouths opened and kisses grew deep as the sensual gluttony of lovers
blossomed once again.

Minutes passed by until, hungry for more than just kisses,
Laura sat back on Toni’s thighs and looked at the woman beneath her. The green
in her eyes morphed into the darkest of emeralds as she drank in the sight of
Toni’s breasts heaving below her, and with no hesitation, Laura cupped them in
her hands. They were so full and supple, and Laura’s mouth watered at the feel.
Her eyes found Toni’s as she tweaked, groped and squeezed, and urged on by the
sound of Toni’s breathing as it grew quick and shallow, Laura massaged until
the tips of Toni’s nipples had become rock-hard points.

Unlike the night before when Laura had ignored the flaws left
by belts, in the faint orange-red hues of early morning sun, she allowed
herself to look…and to touch. Lightly, she traced a thick scar under one breast
with her finger, and leaning down she ran her tongue over the welt. Another,
thin and faint, was tasted with tenderness, and then she slowly bestowed
butterfly kisses over Toni’s shoulders, arms and chest before continuing her
journey downward. Hearing Toni’s breath catch in her throat, Laura secretly
smiled.

Laura had awoken with a need to love. To give and to feel, to
explore and to taste, and fueled by the sounds of Toni’s sighs and her own
desire building within her, Laura wanted to take the woman she loved to
ecstasy. Things primitive meshed with things new and nerves disappeared as she
moved lower, for the smell of Toni’s desire was sweet, and the need to taste
had become overpowering.

Already grasping the sheets in anticipation, when Toni felt
Laura’s hands on her thighs, she filled her lungs with air and opened her legs.

For a moment, Laura gazed at what lay before her. Glistening
in the shadows of the room, passion-soaked folds beckoned her, and breathing
deep the fragrance of Toni’s desire, Laura tasted her lover for the very first
time.

“Oh…sweet…Jesus,” Toni cried out as her body arched off the
bed. “Oh, my God.”

Toni’s flavor was dizzying. An enticing nectar of salty and
sweet, Laura couldn’t help but taste again and again, and placing her hand on
Toni’s belly to still her movement…Laura did just that. Drawing her tongue
through the furrows, she lapped at the ambrosia that flowed from Toni’s core.
Drunk on the delicacy of the woman’s flavor, Laura became bold, and spreading
Toni’s lower lips, she touched her entrance with her tongue.

“Oh...Christ. Laura...I’m...I’m...I need you. I need you
now,” Toni begged as her inner walls began to tremble. “Oh, please...oh, please
now!”

Smiling at what she created, Laura wasted no time as she
pushed a finger deep inside, but then suddenly she froze. She was inside the
woman she loved, feeling for the first time Toni’s slick, heated center and it
took her breath away. For a few seconds, Laura relished the moment...and then
she began to stroke.

Toni moved against Laura’s finger with an urgency that even a
novice could understand, and as she continued to plunder Toni with quick, even
thrusts, Laura leaned down and flicked her tongue across Toni’s aroused clit.
In an instant, Toni’s moans turned guttural and untamed, and as her bucks grew
frantic, Laura sat back, and burying her finger again and again into Toni, she
watched in amazement as she brought her to orgasm.

Laura felt every contraction as Toni was claimed by her
climax, and as Toni rocked and groaned, Laura stared in awe. It was a pure and
wondrous thing to watch another experience the sweetness of release, and
squeezing her own legs together to squelch her need, Laura stayed still until
Toni’s movements quieted.

After Toni’s breathing had slowed and her legs relaxed, Laura
removed her hand and crept back up the bed. Unsure of how to ask or what to do,
she lay there quietly until Toni opened her eyes.

When Toni saw the look on Laura’s face, she slid her way down
Laura’s body and took her to orgasm...with her tongue.

***

The morning came and went with neither feeling the need to
venture farther than the kitchen or the loo. Awakening each other’s passion
with a look or a touch, they snuggled, and they loved…and then they loved
again, until, in a room filled with the brightness of afternoon, they fell
asleep. A few hours later, Laura woke up to find Toni propped up on her elbow,
staring back at her.

“Hiya,” Laura said sleepily.

“Hi, yourself.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost three.”

“You okay?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you’re staring at me.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Depends on why you’re staring,” Laura said through a grin.

Toni brushed a strand of hair from Laura’s forehead. “You’re
amazing.”

“So are you,” Laura said, her cheeks darkening slightly as
she remembered the exquisite things Toni could do with just her tongue.

For a moment, they simply smiled at each other, each studying
the other’s features as if to memorize, but when Laura noticed a small scar on
Toni’s shoulder, she said quietly, “Turn over.”

Taken aback, Toni cocked her head to the side. “Why?”

Laura’s smile wavered just a bit, and then reaching over, she
gently ran the tip of her finger over the scar. “I want to see the others.”

Toni stared blankly back at Laura, unable to speak. She knew
Laura had already seen some of the marks, but they were only halftones of the
whole. Her back was the canvas. A masterpiece of horrors and pain, it displayed
her agony in wide, deep brushstrokes of disfigured skin and corded flesh. Toni’s
heart began to race, but then she remembered the evening when she had ripped
the T-shirt from her body. “You’ve already seen them,” she said quietly. “That
night in the lounge.”

“I didn’t look.”

“Why not?”

“I didn’t have a reason to.”

“You do now?”

“Yes,” Laura said in a breath, gazing into Toni’s eyes. “Most
definitely.”

Toni wished it was dusk. Glimpses obscured by the shadows of
evening would be easier, but the room was bright and there were no shadows in
which to hide. Holding her breath, Toni rolled to her stomach and revealed her
burden of truth.

Laura raised herself to her knees, her eyes filling with
tears at the sight of the slashes. Some were thin and some were not, and some
were faint while others were raised and brutal. There was no rhyme…there was no
reason. They ran from side to side and from shoulder to hip. Several had
cross-hatches, signs of sutures used to close gashes too deep and as Laura’s
tears fell to the sheets, she reached out and traced her fingers along a group
of three that appeared almost identical. Running from Toni’s right shoulder to
her left hip, they were spaced apart like lines on a road. The outer two scars
were thin and faded, but the center one was anything but. For a moment Laura
assumed they had been made at different times, but then she saw another group a
few inches long on Toni’s left shoulder blade with the same pattern, and then
another even shorter in length high on Toni’s hip.

“It was the worst beating I ever got,” Toni said in a ragged
breath, feeling Laura’s fingers on the scars. “It put me in the infirmary for
over two weeks. He used a belt, but…but the buckle…he had done something to the
buckle.”

Tears flowed freely as Laura thought about the atrocities
inflicted on the woman she loved. Violence wasn’t in her nature, but in Laura’s
heart, anger raged. An outrage, a disgust, a contempt for those so cowardly and
so, so cruel, and for a moment, for a sliver of time that came and went in the
beat of her heart, Laura understood why those battered sometimes…
sometimes
took the lives of those who brought about
their pain.

Leaning forward, Laura began kissing each and every scar, and
as she wept and kissed, sobbed and caressed, Toni lay beneath her, her own
cries quieted by a pillow.

***

“What’s going on?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Are you high?”

Wide-eyed, Toni stared back at Abby. “Excuse me?”

“I asked if you were high.”

“I don’t do drugs. Remember?”

Leaning back into the sofa, Abby looked at the coffee and
biscuits set out on the coffee table. “Then explain all of this.”

Toni hadn’t meant to be so transparent, and now she was
worried. She had spent the weekend within a hairsbreadth of Laura, but not once
had they discussed Toni’s sessions with Abby. It was one thing to divulge her
truths, but Toni wasn’t sure she had the right to divulge Laura’s as well.

Thinking quickly, Toni attempted to hide her good spirits
behind an exaggerated scowl. “You know, I really don’t get you. A few weeks
ago, you were on my tits about not having any coffee or snacks, and now that I
do, you’re accusing me of taking drugs. There’s simply no pleasing you, is
there?”

“Nice try, Miss Vaughn, but I can see through your
diversionary tactics, and they aren’t going to work. You’ve been practically
dancing around this house since I got here, and in all our sessions, I’ve never
seen you smiling like you are right now. Now come on, out with it.”

“Can’t I just be in a good mood? I mean, don’t I have the
right to be happy, too?”

“Of course you do, and it does my heart good to see you like
this, but as your doctor, I need to know what brought about this change.”

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

Amused, Abby shook her head. “Not on your life.”

With a huff, Toni leaned back into the cushions and scratched
her head, somehow hoping that the delay in answering would convince Abby to
change the subject. Unfortunately, when she glanced at Abby and saw the
psychologist still smiling in her direction, Toni gave in. “I slept with
Laura.”

Carefully, Abby processed the information. As Laura’s friend,
she couldn’t be more thrilled to hear the news that the woman’s relationship
with Toni had moved to the next level, but as Toni’s doctor, and knowing all
the issues the woman had with physical contact and rage, she was more than a bit
concerned. Gathering her thoughts, she took a sip of coffee and picked up her
pen. “Should I assume by your mood that…that
things
went well?”

Blushing, Toni’s smile slowly made an appearance. “Yeah…yeah,
they did.”

“What about your fear of becoming enraged when you’re
touched? Did that happen?”

“No, not really.”

“Not really?”

“Well, I mean, I was scared at first, or maybe nervous is a
better word, but then things started to change.”

“Things?”

“It was...it was like Thornbridge never happened. One minute,
all I could think about were my fears, and the next…it was like I became
someone else.”