Give Me a Reason (36 page)

“Who?”

“Me.”

It took all Abby had to keep her grin to a minimum, and
jotting down a note, she said, “You mean you became the person you used to be
before Thornbridge. The one you said was dead.”

“Yeah,” Toni answered, glancing in Abby’s direction. “Is this
the part where you tell me I told you so?”

“No, not my style,” Abby said, her eyes crinkling at the
corners. “Besides, this isn’t about who’s right or who’s wrong. It’s about you
learning how to put the past behind you and move toward the future.”

“Speaking of the future, I told Laura that I’d go with her to
Scotland over Christmas break.”

“And now you’re second-guessing yourself, aren’t you?”

Constantly impressed with the woman’s perceptiveness, Toni
let out a long breath. “Yes, I am. I really want to go, but there’ll be a lot
of people around, and I don’t want to ruin Laura’s holiday by freaking out or
something.”

“You haven’t had a panic attack in weeks, have you?”

“No. I’ve tried to stay focused when I get rattled, like you
told me to, but there’s no guarantee that will work away from here.”

“Away from your comfort zone, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then expand it.”

“Huh?”

“Expand your comfort zone.”

“And how the hell am I supposed to do that? I don’t know her
family. How can I feel comfortable around people I don’t know, or places I’ve
never been?”

“
Make
them familiar. Talk to
Laura and ask her to tell you about her family.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ask her to tell you about who they are. Their names, their
occupations, have her describe the way they look, the way they dress…their
homes, their children. Anything you can think of.”

“And what’s that going to do?”

“It will make them familiar, or at the very least, it will
help calm your nerves. We both know you’re at your worst when you’re around
strangers or places you’ve never been, but in this house and at work, and even
in the cafe where you always have your coffee, you do all right. Correct?”

“Most of the time.”

“Then talk to Laura and have her tell you everything she can
about her family. I’m not saying you’ll be one hundred percent comfortable
around them, but it should take enough of the edge off that you can enjoy your
holiday.”

“You think so?”

“There’s only one way to find out, but with Laura by your
side, what could possibly go wrong?”

***

Hearing the front door open, Toni waited until Laura shouted
her “It’s me” announcement before exiting the kitchen, and as Laura hung up her
winter coat, Toni quietly admired the view. Her first thought was to walk over
and pull Laura into her arms, but an unexplained awkwardness swept over her. So
instead, she just stood in the doorway and waited for Laura to speak.

“Hiya,” Laura said.

“Hi, yourself.”

“Is Abby gone?”

“Yes, she left a while ago.”

Slightly puzzled by Toni’s cool demeanor, Laura asked, “Good
session?”

“Yeah.”

“Something smells good.”

“Casserole...chicken and rice.”

Making no attempt to hide the fact she was leering at Toni’s
body, currently wrapped in tight jeans and an even tighter long-sleeved jersey,
Laura asked, “Do I have time to change?”

“Yes.”

“Toni?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

Toni’s face lit up, and by the time she took three quick
strides to get to Laura, her awkwardness had disappeared. Pulling the
curvaceous woman into her arms, Toni placed a gentle kiss on Laura’s lips.
Within seconds,
gentle
, just like Toni’s
awkwardness…also disappeared.

They hadn’t touched since that morning, and their passion
flamed instantly. Feathery kisses slowly turned into explorations, and as
tongues met, hands found their way under clothing. Several minutes passed as
they stood in the entry, and by the time they finally came up for air, neither
had dinner on their mind.

“How long before dinner is ready?” Laura asked, glancing
toward the kitchen.

With her eyes darkened by lust, Toni grabbed hold of Laura’s
hand and pulled her toward the stairs. “Long enough.”

Chapter Thirty-Four

“Thanks for seeing me.”

“No problem. I always have time for you,” Abby said,
motioning for Laura to sit down. “But aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“I need to talk to you about Toni, so I left early.”

Frowning, Abby sat back down at her desk. “Laura, you know I
can’t talk to you about—”

“No. No, it’s not about your sessions. Toni tells me about
them. It’s...it’s...” Stopping, Laura frowned. “I think I’m doing something
wrong.”

“In what way?”

“Sex,” Laura said quietly, staring back at her friend.

Raising her eyebrows, Abby paused and leaned back in her
chair. “Laura, I’m not
that
type of
therapist.”

“I know you aren’t, but you’re my best friend, and I don’t
know who else to talk to about this.”

It only took a moment for the psychologist to disappear and
Abby Parker, the best friend, to take her place. “Aren’t you enjoying it?”

“Yes!” Laura said a little too quickly and a little too loud,
her declaration causing Abby to rock back in her chair. Embarrassed by her own
exuberance, Laura refused to acknowledge the heat now crossing her cheeks. “I’m
enjoying it a lot. I just don’t think Toni is.”

“Why?”

“Because she hasn’t touched me since Monday.”

“What happened Monday?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary. We both went to work, and you
met her for your session. I got home just after you left, and she seemed a bit
distant, but then she relaxed, and we ended up...” Laura stopped, her face
darkening yet another shade. “…we ended up burning dinner.”

Tickled by Laura’s obvious embarrassment, Abby asked, “And
then what?”

“We eventually made it up to my room, but when I woke up in
the middle of the night, she was gone.”

“Gone!”

“No, I mean, she went back to her room to sleep. At first, I
thought she just wasn’t comfortable, new surroundings and all, but I don’t
think that’s it. And since then, she hasn’t even tried to kiss me or hold my
hand or…or anything.”

Mulling over what she had just heard, Abby asked, “You’ve
been lovers since when? Last Saturday?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ve…”

When Abby stopped, Laura looked up, and seeing her friend’s
obvious hesitation, Laura said, “Just ask me what you want. I’m not
embarrassed.”

“No, but I am,” Abby said with a giggle. Pulling herself
together, she said, “Okay, so...how many times have you made love since
Saturday?”

Taking a moment to tally up the times, Laura said, “Seven or
eight, I think.”

“Between Saturday night and Monday?”

“Yeah.”

Fighting to hide her smile, Abby said, “Oh my.”

“Like I said, it’s good between us. Well, at least it is for
me.”

“And you don’t have any...oh, Christ, Laura, this is
definitely not my forte,” Abby said, running her fingers though her hair.
Taking a deep breath, she said, “Okay. I’m just going to ask this and get it
over with. You don’t have any issues with things she may want to do...well, in
the lovemaking department, do you?”

“No, none at all.”

“And you return in kind?”

“Very much so.”

The room grew quiet as Abby became lost in her thoughts.
Allowing her friend to ponder, Laura got up and walked to the window. Staring
down at the busy street, after a few minutes, she returned to her chair,
drumming her fingers on the arm as she waited.

Finally, Abby looked up. “You’re food.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re food.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“She’s rationing you.”

“What?”

“Laura, think about it. She’s doing the same thing with your
relationship that she did with food. She’s preparing herself for when you’re no
longer there.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“She doesn’t know that, or at least she hasn’t come to terms
with the fact that you
will
be there. She’s
afraid that if she loves you too much, wants you too much…
has
you too much, someone will take you away from
her. She doesn’t want to get used to having you for fear of losing you. And I’m
fairly certain that she doesn’t have any idea that she’s even doing it.”

“Why do you say that?”

“When she and I met on Monday, it was obvious she was happy.
She finally admitted that you had become lovers, and I saw absolutely no sliver
of doubt in her eyes, Laura. She loves you. She loves you a lot, so I’m
thinking this is just a habit that’s returned. A sneaky little bastard of a
habit, but one that needs to be dealt with.”

“Well, how am I supposed to do that? Have
Property of Toni Vaughn
tattooed on my bum?”

With a snicker, Abby said, “That
could
work, but I think maybe you should just talk to her. I told you a long time ago
that there is no quick fix for what ails Toni, and unfortunately, this is a
prime example. Where Toni is concerned, I’m afraid you’ll be facing quite a lot
of one step forward, two steps back throughout your life together. However,
knowing your tenacity when it comes to her, somehow I don’t think that’s going
to be a problem.”

***

As was their norm, Friday night dinner for Toni and Laura
consisted of curry take-away, and after finishing off most of what had been
purchased, they sat quietly in the kitchen, sipping their wine and digesting
their dinner.

“Do you consider me tenacious?” Laura asked.

“Is the sky blue?”

Laughing, Laura said, “I went to see Abby today.”

“Oh yeah? Just catching up?”

“No, I went there to talk to her about you.”

“Have I done something wrong?”

Laura’s shoulders sagged. She could hear the worry in Toni’s
voice, and she wanted to cry. Reaching across the table, she took Toni’s hand.
“No, sweetheart, you didn’t do anything wrong, but I was concerned because
you’ve seemed a bit distant, so I wanted to talk to Abby about it.”

“And what did she say?”

“She said I’m food.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s exactly what I said, but then she explained that she
believes you may be rationing your…your affection for me because you’re afraid
that you’re going to wake up and discover this is all a dream.”

“Oh.”

“Is that true? Is that how you feel?”

Without saying a word, Toni pulled out of Laura’s grasp and
walked to the lounge, leaving Laura alone with her thoughts...and her wine.

Laura took a minute to reflect, and then finishing what was
left in her goblet, she calmly refilled Toni’s glass as well as her own.
Carrying both into the lounge, she found Toni sitting in her usual corner of
the sofa staring off into space. Considering her options, Laura placed the wine
on the coffee table, and before Toni could react, she quickly straddled her lap
and smiled at the surprised woman staring back at her. “This is where my
tenacity comes into play.”

As hard as she tried, Toni could simply not get angry, and
slowly, her scowl turned upside down. “You truly are a pain in the arse sometimes.
Have I told you that?”

“Lots of times, but who’s counting?”

Gazing at Laura, Toni sighed. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, sweetheart, and that’s why I went to talk
to Abby.”

“I’m trying not to feel this way, but this is so surreal, you
know? It’s more than I ever thought I’d have after...after Thornbridge, and
it’s so bloody perfect that it scares me. I’m afraid that I’m going to wake up
one day and it’s all going to be gone.
You’re
going to be gone.”

“And what if I am?”

“What?”

“What if tomorrow never comes, Toni? What if tonight is all
we have? What if something happens tomorrow and I’m gone?”

“Don’t say that!”

“Toni, if this is the last night we have together, how would
you want to spend it?”

“Laura, please—”

“Just answer the question.”

Toni didn’t have to think. “I’d want to spend it in your
arms.”

“Then stop wasting time. Stop thinking about tomorrow and
concentrate on today, because if today is all we have, is this really the way
you want to spend it?”

“No,” Toni said quietly, and raising her eyes to meet
Laura’s, she became lost in the pools of green.

After a few moments of Toni staring back at her, Laura
grinned. “This is the part where you’re supposed to kiss me.” Seeing the look
in Toni’s eyes, Laura knew she wouldn’t have to say it again.

With a groan, Toni threaded her fingers through Laura’s hair
and pulled her down. Over and over they kissed, their heads tilting this way
and that as they drank in each other’s flavor. Invading with their tongues,
they each eagerly took all that they could.

Finally, with their faces flushed and their lips swollen,
they came up for air, and when Laura saw the fire in Toni’s eyes, desire seeped
from her core. In a voice filled with want, Laura said, “Take me, Toni. Take me
here. Take me now.”

Toni’s response came in the form of a low, throaty growl.
Quickly unbuttoning Laura’s blouse, she tossed it aside and licked her lips at
the sight of breasts hidden behind shimmering gray spandex. Cupping each in a
hand, she squeezed and Laura squirmed, and then drawing the straps down, Toni
exposed the plump rounds, their tips distended and ready for tasting. Covering
one peak with her mouth while she tweaked the other with her fingers, Toni
feasted on the nipple in all its erect glory. Flicking her tongue over the hard
and beaded center, she pulled it gently between her teeth as she took Laura’s
words to heart. If this was to be their last day, it would be magnificent.

Laura was lost. She was being totally consumed by the woman
at her breast, and between her legs an ache was growing at breakneck speed.
Threading her fingers through Toni’s hair, Laura held her in place as the woman
sucked hard against her nipple, and when Toni began to pinch the other tip,
torturing it with attention, Laura quickly found herself out of control.

Ravenous for the woman, Toni’s hands found the waistband of
Laura’s trousers, and before she could ask, Laura raised herself to her knees
to give Toni full access. Within seconds, the button was opened and the zip
pulled down, and with Laura still on her knees, Toni pushed her hand inside.

“Oh…yes,” Laura breathed as Toni cupped her sex. “Oh,
Toni...yes.”

Through the silk of Laura’s knickers, Toni could feel the
slick, wet heat of her lover, and cupping her hard, she smiled as Laura moaned
above her. Again and again, she pressed and rubbed, never once venturing under
the soaked fabric as Laura wriggled above her. With her breasts well within
reach, Toni continued to suckle against one dark center while she relentlessly
tortured Laura’s center with divine friction until Laura could take no more.

“Please, Toni. Oh, God...I need you. Please...please...”

In an instant, Toni rolled Laura to the couch. Yanking down
her trousers, Toni pushed aside the fabric of Laura’s knickers and quickly
pushed two fingers inside her lover’s deliciously moist center.

Crying out in pleasure, Laura grabbed hold of the sofa
cushions. Lifting and lowering her hips, she moved in unison with Toni's
strokes, her needs turning wild as Toni drove into her again and again. Fingers
were buried to the hilt, and each time Laura pushed hard to take them even
deeper until finally she squeezed her legs around Toni’s hand as spasms of
pleasure erupted from within.

Toni gasped for air as she watched Laura shudder beneath her,
and when she finally stilled, Toni slowly removed her fingers and climbed off
the sofa.

Opening her eyes, Laura watched as Toni stripped in front of
her, dropping each garment to the floor and exposing her body to the light of
the room. Slack-jawed, Laura took in the view, and when Toni came within reach,
Laura sat up and brazenly grabbed her arse to pull her closer.

Pressing her face into Toni’s belly, she covered it with
kisses as she kneaded Toni’s firm bottom, and smelling the aroma of want, Laura
burrowed through short dark curls and flicked her tongue across Toni’s swollen
petals.

“Oh, Christ,” Toni breathed. “Oh, Laura. Oh...sweet Laura…”

Lustfully, Laura lapped against the tender flesh. She tasted
and teased with lascivious abandon, but when Toni tugged at her hair, Laura sat
back and looked up into the eyes of the woman she loved. The message they were
sending was clear...foreplay was over.

With the taste of Toni swirling in her mouth, Laura knew what
she wanted to do. A week before, Toni had taken her to climax with only her
mouth, and remembering the feeling...remembering the absolute euphoria of that
moment, Laura slowly lay back across the sofa and beckoned Toni with a curled
finger.

In an instant, Toni knew Laura’s intention. “Are you sure?”
she said in a raspy voice.

Drinking in the sight of the nude woman standing before her,
Laura licked her lips. “Oh, yeah.”

Toni’s jaw dropped open as she fought for more oxygen, and
slowly straddling Laura’s shoulders, she waited. Seconds later, her body arched
as Laura covered her sex with her mouth.

Just as Toni had done to her, Laura probed with her tongue,
gently pushing here and there before drawing it down one side and up the other.
With Toni slowly gyrating above her, Laura uncovered what she sought and
flicked her tongue over Toni’s swollen clit.

The only sounds Toni could manage were unintelligible murmurs
and gasps as Laura devoured her. Doing her best to take Toni over the edge with
only her tongue, Laura was close to getting her wish. Between nuzzles, licks,
and sucks against the engorged sex of her partner, Laura was pushing Toni to
the point of no return, and frantically, Toni began to move against Laura’s
mouth. Each time Toni rocked, Laura teased with her tongue, flicking it here
and there with abandon, and as the rhythm increased, she could feel her own
center begin to tremble again.