Giving In: The Sandy Cove Series (Book 1) (20 page)

“Rae, what the hell are you doing here?”

The small, fragile woman, who, in fact, is my crack-head mother turns at the sound of my voice. I haven’t seen her druggie ass in over a year. She’s missing teeth. Her skin is ashen, and she must not weigh more than ninety pounds. Her clothes are ragged and mismatched.

“Now, now Raphael, is that any way to talk to your mother. I’m here to see my first grandchild. I have every right to, tell them Jorge.” She turns to Jorge, and he shakes his head at her.

“Now come on, Rae, don’t make a scene. This is a happy day for all of us. If Antonio and Bella want you to see the baby, they will let you know. Why don’t you go home and we will be in touch.”

He gently takes her arm and steers her in the direction of the elevators. She pulls away swiftly.

“Get the fuck off me, Jorge. These are my boys, not yours, and that new little baby in there is my grandchild as much as it is yours, so let me see him.”

Tony is not as gentle or understanding as Jorge is.

“No way, Rae, maybe if you clean up a little we’ll let you, but until then, stay away from my family and me.”

She stumbles and slurs her words as she tries to talk. “You all thought you could keep it a secret from me. Well, people in the neighborhood talk, so fuck you all for trying to keep me away.”

Her arms flail around and she almost falls, slurring her words. Just the sound of her scratchy, smoked-out voice sends shivers down my spine.

“Fuck you all, every one of you. Mother fuckers. You have no right to keep me from the baby, you bastards. No-good, unworthy bastards. I should have gotten rid of you myself with a wire hanger. Fuck the day you both were ever born.”

Before Tony and I could react, security comes down the hall and seizes her and carries her off in the elevators. The whole time she curses and fights them, struggling in their arms. Before long, the doors close on the scene I prayed would not have taken place here today.

My first thought: thank God Harlow did not see this. She thinks my mother is some saint. Some June Cleaver who dotes on her sons. The perfect wife and mother. I shouldn’t have lied to her, but when it comes to any type of situation with a girl, it’s what I do best. I made Porter and Max swear to secrecy, they can never tell Harlow or the other girls in the house what my mother is really like. The epitome of embarrassment.

Jorge doesn’t look as worried as Tony and I do, and we agree not to tell Marcella or Bella that Rae was here. This is supposed to be a happy time and bringing Rae into the mix will only cause tension and worry.

We go back into Bella’s room. The nurses took the baby down to the nursery to clean him up and do some other shit I’m not sure of. Marcella and Jorge decide to go down to the cafeteria, so I stay with my brother and Bella.

The waiting doesn’t take long. I can see Bella’s smirk as soon as her parents leave the room, and I know without a shadow of a doubt what route the line of questioning is going to go.

She sits up in her bed, sipping on a cup of tea. The news is on the lowest volume possible, Tony texts his friends pictures of Matteo, and I see the passive look on my sister-in-laws face.

“Freaking say what you’re thinking Bella for Christ’s sake.”

She gives me the innocent doe eyes, and I know she’s a crock of shit.

“Moi? Whatever are you talking about brother-in-law?” She winks at Tony as he glances up from his phone.

“You know I can persuade some of those pretty nurses out there to withhold any kind of pain medication from you, so you better watch it.”

Tony laughs and Bella bats her eyelashes in a comical sort of way.

“Is that so? You’re not a stud-muffin everywhere you go, you know.”

But I do know that I am. True statement.

“Whatever. Just give me any of those chicks out there and a supply closet, and I’ll show you a stud-muffin as you like to call it.”

“Oh, yea, well what I call it is bullshit!” Bella gets a bit loud. The woman can have a temper. Tony calls her passionate.

Gross, but whatever.

“Care to explain mother of one?”

She shimmies up a bit in her bed. Tony flies to her side to raise her up, and fluffs her pillows to make her more comfortable.

He kisses the top of her head gently.

“Thank you, my love.” Her throat clears and the look in her eyes means she’s all business now.

Her index finger pointed at me, her foot tapping under the blanket and lips pursed.

“First of all, I talk to you once a week, maybe twice, same with your brother. When you first went to the shore it was all about banging the chicks, partying, who won at beer pong, whatever.” She’s flustered, and I think it’s hysterical.

“But as the weeks went on, every phone call began with something about that girl and ended with something about that girl. You told us so much about her and her life. I feel like when she walked in here today, I’ve known her for a thousand years.”

Now I think she’s stretching the truth a bit.

“And if you think I’m stretching the truth a bit then you’re the damn liar. How would I know she wears black rimmed reading glasses, and that she has freckles only on the bridge of her nose and they flow a bit outwards on her cheeks? Her life goal was to become a teacher? How do I know she’s shy, but when she speaks to you she makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the room?”

I shrug. “Fuck if I know.”

Tony slaps the back of my head.

“Watch your mouth, she’s a mom now, none of that language around her.”

“Raph, I know these things because you told them to me. Maybe you said it without knowing you actually did, but you did. She stood in that doorway before you introduced us and I saw a light in your eyes that I’ve only seen once and I’ve known you since you were five.”

I know the instance she’s talking about.

“When you came back from your last tour and saw us waiting for you when you got off that plane. That same look appeared when that girl was in the closest range to you. Then, by the grace of God, that look stayed with you, now it’s gone because she just left.”

Bella must still be on those pain meds because I’m pretty certain my facial expressions have not changed since I got here.

“You have problems, lady. She’s just a friend. We hated each other at the beginning of the summer, but we’ve developed a friendship and things between us have changed.”

“You’re darn tootin’ things have changed. That girl who just walked out of here changed you!”

I get up from my chair, scratch the stubble on my face and look out the window at the dreariness that is down below. I have been the same damn way for the past twenty four years and I’m not about to change. This is who I am. I’m someone who doesn’t allow people to change me. The only person who has ever changed me was my mother, and I think I’ve come to accept the fact that it was a good change. It made me strong, built my defenses up. It made me less weak, and gave me the mindset that I’m the only person I can count on. Well, that’s a lie. I’ll always have Tony and Bella, and now I have Matteo.

“I’m going to go grab a coffee. Anyone want one?”

Antonio looks at me confused.

“Since when do you drink coffee?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you that part, did he?” Bella chimes in.

She crosses her arms over her lap and gives Tony her ‘I know something you don’t know’ look.

Frustrating woman.

“Well, he drinks coffee with Harlow every morning on the dock of the house they are renting. It’s just them, and they talk about all sorts of things, like she’s rich, he’s not, but she doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know about Rae and where he lives. He told her he’s from Cherry Hill.”

“What the fuck, Raphael? Why are you lying to her? Your life; our lives are what they are. If she’s your friend and you care about her then why lie?”

I really don’t want to have to explain to him why I lie. It should be clear as day from the scene that just took place in that waiting room. Why would I tell a girl who was raised by two loving parents, in a big house, with a top notch education and a big bank account that my mother is a crack-head? She whored her body out for drugs and my brother and I had to fend for ourselves for most of our lives. She’d probably turn and run and never speak to me again.

And that would kill me.

“You know what, you two, I’m going to the cafeteria and this conversation is over. Harlow is a friend. I don’t do the girlfriend thing.” I motion to them both. “And I certainly don’t do what you two are doing. I don’t want it.”

With that I walk out of the room.

I went into the Marines to escape the life I had, which wasn’t one. I know what it’s like to starve, to be cold, to not have running water ‘cause my mother didn’t pay the bills. I know what it’s like to wear shoes two sizes too small because there’s no money to buy new ones and socks that were somehow chewed up by mice in the middle of the night. I know what it’s like to be alone.

And I’ve learned to live with it. Harlow never had to deal with any of that. Just because her parents made her get a job and pay for some things on her own, doesn’t mean she would have any clue as to what my life was like. She’s so out of my league. It’s almost comical. She’s a pain in my ass with her big brain and her over-judging everything I do or say, down to the girls I bring home and fuck. Yes, I kissed her, which is still plaguing my mind as to why. Maybe it was because it was all those emotions that were built up over the day. I haven’t slept. We came right here from my twelve hour shift because I was worried about Bella. Holding my nephew in my arms… And then Rae showing up was the cherry on top of the mother fucking sundae.

I’m so tired.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and startles me awake. I must have dozed off in Bella’s room after I came back with my coffee. I look at my phone and it’s a text from Harlow. The roller coaster in my belly suddenly rears its ugly head, and here I am fumbling to press the message button as quickly as these large fingers of mine can.

hey dickcop, lol, home safe. hows the little man?

if you are referring to my penis, I think you have the wrong man

Haha. very funny. how is everyone?

fine. you ready for tomorrow?

as ready as ill ever be

good. my bus is @ 8 so i’ll be home in the early afternoon

ok. be safe.

good luck tomorrow. i know they are going to love you

lets hope. xx

“See what I mean Tony, look at his face. Since when does he get a look on his face like that from a text. It was her wasn’t it?”

Oh, my God! Damn, this woman can see through me like a pair of titties on a wet t-shirt.

“Bella, what do you want me to tell you?”

“I want you to admit that you feel more than friendship for her.”

Tucking my phone back into my shorts, I cross my arms in front of me. “You want me to admit that I’m feeling something other than friendship for her?”

She nods and I really struggle with what I feel. I struggle with what happened between us outside the hospital and about the feeling it left me with. This can’t be happening to me. It can’t be real. What I think I feel can’t be. I don’t feel this shit.

“Fine, Bella. Maybe I do, but I’m confused and I’m trying to figure it out. All I know is I feel different when she’s here, and I’m feeling different when she’s not here. I can’t explain it, but I don’t know how to remedy it either.”

There. I was honest. I’m confused as to the way I feel. I know when I’m with her I feel something that I can’t recognize, and I know when she’s not with me… I want her to be.

“Don’t even dare say I told you so. It’s not a big deal. Nothing’s going to happen anyway. She’s way out of my league. She’s not even on the same farm team as me.”

I’m fucking McDonald’s and she’s Beef Wellington. Yea, I felt something when I kissed her. I didn’t know what I felt before I did that, but now I do. With my head running in a hundred different directions, is it that I just can’t see what is in front of me. Eight and a half weeks’ worth of getting to know her. Realizing she’s not the stuck up bitch I thought her to be. The spoiled, little, rich girl with the silver spoon in her mouth. The girl who always has the answers. But the truth is, most of the time she does.

She’s my therapy.

I’m pacing around this room, pulling at my hair, my hands shaking from nerves and Bella and Tony must think I’m having some kind of post-traumatic episode or something. I think Bella knows better. I see the way they look at each other as I wander around, not being able to sit still. I look at Bella, who knows me all too well. I’m like a piece of glass she can look through. A kaleidoscope of emotions, and she sees every one of them, like Harlow does.

“Raph, sometimes what’s right in front of us isn’t as clear as we hope it could be. Our minds are asleep, and then we wake up, and the possibility of what the reality is, stares us in the face. It’s scary, but the truth is, once it hits, we have to confront it head on and accept the reality.”