Giving In: The Sandy Cove Series (Book 1) (34 page)

The voice comes over the CB again, but I don’t care.

“What if… What if I told you I loved you? That I didn’t mean a word of anything I said to you that day.”

She laughs, an uncontrolled vibrating laugh that goes through me and hurts because I know she doesn’t believe me.

“Oh, please. You’re incapable of it. You don’t know the meaning of it. I told you I loved you and you treated it as though it was just another word in the English language. But it isn’t, at least to me. You didn’t love me, Cruz. I was the game. The game you lost, or won, however you want to look at it. When you love someone you feel it everywhere, you live it, you breathe it. It’s not something to toy with or take advantage of. But to someone like you… You wouldn’t understand that concept or even try to.”

I’m losing her. I can feel it. She steps away with her head held high, looking directly at me. She doesn’t see it. She doesn’t see how much I love her.

“I gave my whole heart to you, you threw it back. What am I supposed to do with that knowledge now?” I reach for her when her words and truth sting me, but she retreats.

“I have to go. Leave me alone.”

She runs away towards the boat where Knox is.

Mother fucker.

I’m not giving up. Not by a long shot. I’m not letting her go without a fight.

CHAPTER 20

I Should Have Given In

Cruz~

We need all available officers in the area to report to The Sandy Cove Marina immediately. We have a hospital case boating accident with multiple injuries, possible fatalities and coast guard rescue is en route. Do you copy?

“Copy.”

Great. My night will be full of activity so I don’t have to sit here and think about how I lost the only thing that matters, or mattered in my life.

Damn it, I should have done so many things differently.

I turn on my sirens and race over to the marina. There’s already a slew of police vehicles and several ambulances. I’m hoping there aren’t any fatalities. Not sure I can handle that tonight. When I step out of the car I can hear screams. As I get closer I can see a girl on the ground rocking back and forth and someone behind her rubbing her shoulders.

Willow!

I run full speed and crash to the ground in front of her. Porter is behind her consoling her.

“Willow? Porter? You guys ok? What the hell happened?”

She’s crying so hard, she can’t speak.

“Thea, sit here with her.” Porter releases Willow’s shoulders and takes my arm to pull me to the side. They all seem to be ok, no injuries, so why’s everyone so fucking upset?

“What the hell is wrong with Willow? She know anyone in that accident?”

He braces my shoulders, crying as he does so.

“Cruz, there’s… Oh, God, there’s been an accident.”

“Yea, I got the call, that’s why I’m here. Why are you all so upset? Is it someone we know?”

“Cruz, look at me. Look. At. Me. It’s Harlow. She was on Chad Knox’s boat, he was driving and they hit another boat. She was knocked unconscious and she was in the water for a long time. She’s wasn’t breathing when they pulled her out.”

“What do you mean she’s not breathing?”

I think what he just said is a dream. I’m so confused. That can’t be the truth. He’s lying. He’s fucking lying. I just saw her… It’s not her.

“She can’t swim.” My voice is small when I say the words, because she can’t, and I’m scared. I tried so many times to teach her, even going as far as getting her those damn swim lessons.

“I know, buddy that’s why…” He stops talking to me and looks over my shoulder.

“There’s Knox.”

I’ll fucking kill that bastard. I run over to him. He’s sitting on a curb wrapped in a blanket. Police surround him, and an EMT is listening to his heart. I rush over to Knox, pushing everyone out of my way. I grab his shirt and tug him upwards. I shake him not bothering to see if he’s hurt. I don’t fucking care.

“What did you do, you fucking prick? What did you do to her? I’ll kill you, Knox. If she doesn’t survive you will wish you were dead. Do you hear me, damn you?”

I can feel hands on me trying to get me to let go of him. I want to hit him so bad. Pulverize him. He just stands there, speechless. The bastard looks fine. Why the hell were they even out on the water anyway? She hates the water, she’s terrified of it. How could she agree to it?

All I hear him say is, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

If I had my way, they would be the last words Chad Knox would ever speak.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the EMTs pull Harlow onto a gurney, and I fly over to where they are. I run through the mass of people surrounding the marina and all I know is I have to get to her. I have to see if she’s ok.

“Harlow, Harlow!” I’m screaming her name, but I don’t hear myself. “Harlow, baby!”

She’s blue, and there’s a deep laceration to her head.

I hear someone tell me to get back, but I pay no attention.

“That’s my girlfriend, damn it! What happened? Why… why isn’t she breathing?” No one is answering me.

“Harlow, baby, can you hear me? Please wake up, baby, and look at me. I’m here. You’re going to be ok.” I touch her hand, but that’s all they will let me touch before they try and pull me away again.

“Sir, we have to get her to the trauma unit. She was in the water for a while before the coast guard got to her. We need to help her now. Please step aside and let us do our jobs.” I look to the EMT, and if he thinks I’m leaving her side, he’s nuts. Swiping at my face, the tears flow faster than I can wipe them away. I grab her hand again and tell them I’m going with them. I see Porter stand by holding Willow and Thea. I yell out to him that I’m going in the ambulance.

“We’ll be right behind you.” I think I hear him say.

They put Harlow in the back and I follow.

On the drive I hear words that scare me.

Coding.

Unresponsive.

Intubate.

They put some electrical thing on her chest and her body jumps, and I cry harder. I haven’t cried since I was… I can’t even remember. This is the love of my life here, and I’m so afraid of losing her… Again. There’s no color to her face, they stick a tube down her throat, her beautiful hair, now blood-soaked. All I can do is sit here and watch them try to bring her back to life. They stick her with needles, lift the lids of her eyes and shine lights in them. They poke and prod and speak a language I don’t understand. We’re moving so fast it’s like we are in some kind of high powered death trap. Every bump, every pothole we hit on the road, I feel. My body bouncing upwards in my seat. They won’t let me hold her hand. They won’t let me near her. I can’t help her. For once, I can’t help her.

EPILOGUE

Week Four

Cruz~

I have my routine down pat. I sleep in this chair next to her bed. Bella and Tony bring me new clothes every few days. I shower at ten a.m. when the Physical Therapist comes in to do exercises with her. I finish and step outside for a brief few minutes just so I can get fresh air. I don’t stay away too long. What if she wakes up and I’m not there.

At noon, the nurses bring me lunch, but I never eat it. Max and Porter will bring me in a sandwich from my favorite deli when they come to visit. At one, the nurses come in and bathe her. After they are done they leave the hair brushing to me.

That’s my job.

I usually spend upwards to a half hour doing it. It relaxes me. The feeling of her hair in my hands.

I usually doze off from two to two forty-five.

The residents usually come in to assess her, and I wake up and it’s my cue to go into the hall.

Around four, I log on to my online class and do a bit of homework. I lost my job on the force because I refuse to leave here, but it’s ok. I have plenty in savings and they told me I’ll always have a rent-a-cop job here when I’m ready. I gave up my apartment. My stuff is at Bella and Tony’s for now.

The words ‘visiting hours’ don’t exist in my world. This is my home until she goes home.

Harlow’s mom sleeps at the house she and her dad rented in Sandy Cove since the accident. Other than that, she’s here sitting with me beside Harlow from sun up to sun down. Her dad is here almost as much. Craw is here every day. He decided to take a leave of absence from his final semester and temporarily moved down here. He started talking to me again once I told him everything. The information I gave him was after he threw a couple of punches at me, and I let him. I let him curse me out, spew hateful words to me, which I deserved. Her parents never questioned why I did what I did. They understood. They were there once. I’ll tell you one thing though, I’d hate to be Evelyn Hannum because after Joe and Annabeth confronted her about what she did and said to me, she is no longer in their lives. That’s including Greta’s too. Speaking of Greta, she’s almost six months pregnant and isn’t having a great pregnancy, so she and her husband will only take the drive once a week to see her. What’s to see though…

She began breathing on her own after about a week and that awful tube was ejected from her throat. Now there’s a thin, white tube that goes into her nose and down her throat. That gives her the nourishment she needs. All those tubes she was attached to looked like something out of a Sci-Fi movie. You could hardly see her beautiful face. The bandage has come off her head, and the stitches have been removed. The wound is healing nicely, or at least that’s what they tell me. She shows all signs of brain activity, which is miraculous. Her legs… That’s a different story. They were a bit mangled. We won’t know any more until she wakes up, but to their knowledge there is no spinal cord injury.

I’m not a praying man. I’ve never had a lot to pray for in my life, but with Harlow, praying and hoping is all I have.

At six, I try to eat a little something, but again, I never do. Food is the last thing on my mind. My stomach is in a constant state of churning. My mind, it’s in a constant state of denial.

Denial that this has all happened. Sometimes when I fall asleep in the chair next to her bed, I dream about her laughing, dancing, being carefree. In my dreams, her strawberry-colored hair twirls around her as she spins at the water’s edge. She calls my name and holds out her hand for me to join her. She wraps her arms around my neck and whispers to me how happy she is and how her love for me has changed her, how my love for her has changed her.

Then I’m awakened to the nightmare.

At night before her mom, her dad and Craw leave, her mom always gently kisses my head and tells me she knows she’s in good hands if I’m here. That brings no comfort to me even though I know she means well. I let her go that night. This is all because of me. She’s lying here because I didn’t give in. I didn’t give in to the love even though I felt it within my soul. With every nerve, every ounce of blood pumping through my veins, with my whole heart, I loved her… I love her. I was just too damn afraid to admit it to her.

I squeeze her hand, I gently stroke her fingers. They’re still cold, bruised and a yellowish color has developed on the surface from the I.V.’s going in and out of her. Her skin so very delicate, like her. I just want her to wake up and look at me. I want her to smile at me with those freckles reaching across her face when she does so. I know the nurses tell me to talk to her, that she can hear me, but it just doesn’t seem possible. When I sleep and dream I’m in another world. Maybe that’s what it’s like for Harlow.

I swallow hard, lean my head on her hand that’s resting on her bed, and I speak. Feeling out of sorts when I do, but I do.

“Turnip, remember when you tried to explain to me what love is like, what being loved is like? I get it now.” I smile as a single tear rolls down my face.

“Love is the only thing I think you can’t fake, no matter what. It’s when you look into the eyes of the person meant for you, and you can see into their soul. I’m pretty sure you can’t lie when you truly look into the depths of them. There’s a resemblance there, a home, somewhere you can put your trust into, someone you can tell your deepest, darkest fears to, and no matter their opinion of them, it really has no bearing. They will be beside you. They will watch you succeed, and they will watch you fail, but the love is so strong, they will see past it. See past all the bad and take the good… A good hard look at the good.”

I just want her to give me a sign she hears me, that she understands what I’m trying to say.

I love her.

I love her.

I love her.

She didn’t believe me though. Not that I gave her any reasons to believe me.

Oh, God, why does this have to hurt so damn bad? I’ve never been one to feel anything, but she made me feel, and I’m not scared of feeling anymore. I’m not afraid to love for fear of not having it in return because she loved me, and I believed it because I felt it.

I raise my head off of her bed and realization steps in. Just when I thought I had all the answers and I questioned myself over and over again, now I know.

Love is real. Harlow’s love is real.

I take her hand and bring it to my face, stroking it along my rough skin, her softness against it. I feel her, kissing each finger, each knuckle, as my salty tears coat her hand.

I stand up and lay in the bed next to her. It’s against all the rules, but rules don’t apply to me. I don’t move her body, but somehow my large frame fits beside her without disruption. I stroke her hair, and lean into her ear and whisper, “Loving someone is when you make the other person a better one. You did that, my Turnip. You made me a man. You changed me from that silly person who thought he was a man. I’m whole when I’m with you, I’m better Har, I’m better. Please believe me, hear me… Just hear me. Listen to my words. Oh, God, Turnip, I hope you can hear me.” I can’t help but to cry. I think there’s about twenty four years of pent up tears. I’m so afraid every day that once I start, I won’t be able to stop.

My tears dampen her hair as I nuzzle my face in it, and I need her to know everything. So I whisper in her ear.

“Turnip, I’m not leaving you. I’m not going anywhere until you open your eyes and I see their color. I want to see the blue that sparkles when you smile at me. I will never leave you again. You’re mine, Harlow Hannum, you are mine and when you wake up I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I do love you. We are meant to be and I’ll give you the world if I have it to give. I need you to believe me, trust in my love, it’s all I have. Your love is all I have. Wake up, baby, so we can start our life together, so I can explain to you why I did what I did.” I wipe my face with the back of my hand.