Giving In: The Sandy Cove Series (Book 1) (33 page)

Willow forced me to come just for the weekend. It is Memorial Day. The start of the summer. I’m only staying for the night. That’s all I can handle right now.

Porter kicked Cruz out of his house as soon as we came back that day. Drove down himself, but Cruz was already gone. Odd, but I’m guessing he already knew that Willow would rat him out, and I’m like another cousin to Porter, so he wouldn’t put up with me being hurt. He hasn’t talked to him since. Max told him he’s living in Sandy Cove somewhere, but didn’t say where exactly. Craw is the one I was worried about. He went down to Sandy Cove looking for him. I tried to stop him, but he didn’t find him anyway. He wasn’t even on duty.

So here we are at The Boat Stop. The place that opened last summer. I wanted to come here instead of Jax. I didn’t want to go there. Too many memories. I’d probably take up ten pages in my journal from one night at Jax.

I casually sip on a beer and sit at a table with the girls and Porter.

“Max coming down?” Willow asks.

“He’s around here somewhere, I think. Why do you want to know?”

“No reason.” And she goes back to drinking her beer and avoiding any kind of eye contact with us.

“Son of a bitch. Here comes Chad.” Willow growls and is ready to pounce. I hold her arm down as she attempts to stand up to probably knock him out.

“Wills, it’s ok. We’ve run into each other a few times around home and we have spoken, briefly, but we have.” She gives me an ominous look which I can’t avoid.

“It’s just talking. Believe me, once with him was enough.” I see Chad approach cautiously, and I muster up the confidence to give him a friendly grin.

“Hey, Harlow.”

“Hey, Chad. How are you?”

“Good, good. You look great. Can I… Um… Buy you a drink?”

I raise my almost full beer to him.

“No, I’m good.” He leans in slightly to me, trying not to allow anyone to hear him.

The anyone means Willow.

“Har, do you think we can talk? Please. There’s some stuff I need to say.”

Now do I stay, or do I go? The old me says to go to him, the new me says to stay away, but since we’ve talked back home, I’m not afraid. It’s not like I’m going to fall for his charms again. Be the prey of the hunter. I’m fine on my own. Don’t get me wrong, he is the devil, but maybe he wants to apologize for all he’s done to me. I have learned to be a forgiving person. I can’t forget. What happened with us, it changed my life, but I can forgive.

“Sure.” I tell him.

“Harlow. Are you crazy?” Willow yells above the crowd.

“It’s fine. My God. What do you think is going to happen? He’s not going to kidnap me.” I push back my chair and follow Chad outside to the makeshift beach area off the side of the restaurant part of the place.

We stand here. He’s far from me which is good. So I’ll wait to hear what he has to say.

Cruz~

“She’s in there. I know she is, Cruz. Go in there and get her back.”

Max paces in front of my patrol car in his Chucks, and he’s going to wear them out if he keeps it up.

“I’m not going in there, man. Plus I’m on duty. I can’t do it. She hates my fucking guts.”

Max jumped in front of my patrol car at the station as I was pulling out to go on duty. He told me Porter had called him to tell him that Harlow, Willow and Thea were here and for him to meet them at The Boat Stop. Two reasons why I’m not going in.

Number one, obviously Harlow, and two, Porter. He will kick my ass. He hates me for what I did, and we haven’t spoken since he kicked me out of the house. Just another thing I lost in the process of breaking the girl’s heart. I lost one of my best friends. I tell myself it was all worth it. I know she’s ok. She’s better off without me. Max gets updates from Porter, and Max tells me, not that I want to hear because it kills me. It fucking kills me to even hear the sound of her name. From what I hear, our breakup put her back in therapy a few more days a week, and they were all pretty worried about her once she got back that day after I ended it. I threw up when I heard that. I knew what she went through before and how she wound up in therapy because of Chad. It crushes me to think about how this time I was the cause of her going through another breakdown.

If I thought I turned into a pussy when I was with her, ha, ha, you should see me now. Watching those old black and white movies she loves so much, just so I can feel like I’m still a part of her. She’d turn one on when we were snuggling on the sofa and the look in her eyes when the movies started, damn you’d think they just announced she won the lottery or something. That look in her eyes made me love her even more. Seeing someone you love so much adore something so much makes all the problems you have seem to melt away. Temporarily.

I go to the beach sometimes and just dip my toes in the water and imagine how it felt for her to be so scared of it.

When I’m on duty, and I have to drive by a school at dismissal time, I think of her, and I look at my watch, thinking that this is the time she’d be done with her day, saying goodbye to her students. I imagine her with her black rimmed glasses on, her hair frazzled by the end of the day, but once she’s home, her heels come off. The fuzzy slipper socks go on, and a cold beer is on her mind then in her hand. I think about her mostly the nights when I’m not on duty. The nights where I lie awake and wish things were different. Hell, who am I kidding. I think about her every second, of every day.

Her scent is gone from the pillow I stole. It just smells like… Well, nothing now. The strands of her hair have fallen off of it, and I’m left with one picture of us. The one we took in the car, the one she had in her place that was framed. The one she put in a frame for me and gave to me on New Year’s Eve. The others, I burned them on our dock. I mean the dock, and let them fall into the water. I can’t have that much to look at of her. The one picture I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t destroy it, like I destroyed her.

Pictures are just pieces of paper. The memories I have of her, of us, play like a movie in my head. Constantly.

To answer all further questions, I have callouses on my hands. Yes, I said callouses. I haven’t been with anyone that way but my hand since I left her the day after New Year’s. I mean I haven’t completed the job. I can’t do it. I tried… But Morty, well, I guess he’s mad at me. I kissed a few girls, but all I see is her face, smell her scent. The bodies don’t feel the same. The softness of her hair, her skin, her breasts. Her taste, no other could ever compare to her. I am always talking myself out of her memory. I’ve even murmured her name a few times while making out with someone. Got a kick to Morty and a few slaps to the face for those. But I deserve it. A few more months and she’ll be out of my head.

“You’re a dumb mother fucker, you know that? I’ve had to deal with your miserable ass for months now, and you know what conclusion I’ve come to?”

I roll my eyes at him. “What’s that, Max?”

“You’re a fucking pussy bitch. You’re not the tough guy, the man-whore. You’re nothing that you want everyone to think you are. You’re nothing but a selfish, fucking prick.”

Little bastard. Who’s he think he’s talking to?

He steps closer to me, and I give him a warning look.

“You had something you wanted your whole life in your hands, right there.” His hands are cupped out in front of me, palms up.

“Fucking love. You let it go because you think you’re not good enough. Did you ever stop and think that maybe you are and you never even gave Harlow the chance to base her own decision on the facts? You never even gave her a chance to hate you, not that I ever thought she would. I always thought she’d understand about your family and your fucked up life. And fuck what Granny does and says. She may be powerful in Princeton, but who’s to say she has it anywhere else.”

Jesus, what if he’s right.

Oh, God. What the hell have I done?

I get my bearings and start to pace like Max, and he can see the trepidation in my movements. He stops and looks at me.

“You’re going to go get her, aren’t you?”

I take off my cap and pull at my hair.

“She’ll hate me, Max. I fucking destroyed her. I did. What I said to her, I can’t make her see that it was to protect her.”

“Try, Cruz. Just try.”

I spin around ‘cause I hear her name. I hear someone call her fucking name, and I follow the voices that I hear speaking. Max is close behind. I look around the other side of the building.

She’s here. My Turnip is here.

With Knox.

Harlow~

“What was it you wanted to say, Chad? I really don’t have a lot of time.”

Here we stand practically face to face. He looks uncomfortable and edgy.

“I just wanted to say the thing I’ve wanted to say for a long time, and it’s sorry.”

I smirk. “Took you long enough, Chad. It’s all fine though. I’ve learned to forgive you and myself. We just need to move on.” He steps closer to me, and I don’t want him to so I step back.

He calls out my name, “Harlow, please.”

“Turnip.”

I turn around, startled by the name I just heard and from the voice it came from.

He steps towards me, my heart races. My mouth goes dry, and I look at him, and my heart weeps. It weeps and melts because I love him so much still. I know it as soon as I see his beautiful face.

However, he dismantled me and I struggle with it every day, no matter how busy I keep myself. So now I’m stuck. Do I run to him and tell him I still love him, or do I turn the other way and not look back?

Be the bigger person here, Harlow.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I heard you were going to be here tonight and I need to talk to you.” His eyes so sad as he says it. I’m not falling for anything, no matter how my heart feels.

I turn back in the direction of Chad.

“I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”

Chad grabs my hand. “Come on, Har. Let’s go talk some more. I’m not finished saying what I have to say and I need you to listen to me, please.” He tugs me, and I step into pace with him.

“Daddy’s boat is here. We can talk privately there.” We go towards the dock where the boat is.

“Harlow, wait. I have some things to say too. Just don’t go with him.” His voice pleads with me. “Please, just stop, stop and listen to me.”

Cruz~

She stops, but doesn’t turn around. Her head is bent down, then I see her slowly raise it.

“Harlow!” I demand.

She turns sharply in my direction.

“What? What do you want, Cruz? What could you possibly want with me? Can’t go back and change stuff, remember? One pussy is not good enough for you. Your words, not mine.”

“No, you don’t understand…”

She stops me from speaking.

“No, you don’t understand. You told me I’m too messed up in here.” She points to her head, and I feel sick.

“You told me I was a convenience. Like a friend with benefits. Well, I’m no one’s second choice. I won’t be, not ever again. I told you that the day you wrecked me. I was your experiment, wasn’t I? Your test of the sloppy seconds endurance. Well, you succeeded in your quest for the truth.”

Asshole Knox grabs her hand again.

“Come on, baby, we need to talk.”

I step closer to him.

“Fuck you, asshole. I need to talk to her.”

He smirks at me and laughs.

“You had your chance with her before you screwed it all up. Don’t think I don’t know what happened. Princeton’s not such a big town.”

I charge at him with all the adrenaline I have in my body. Knox lunges for me as well, but Harlow steps between us and Max holds my arms back.

“Both of you, stop it now. Chad, go to the boat, I’ll be there in a minute. I need to deal with this.”

Harlow puts up her hand and points to the boat.

“Go!” He doesn’t move. Harlow squeezes her eyes shut tightly and yells, “I said now, Chad!” He walks away backwards, not looking away from my eyes.

He yells to me, “We’re not done here, Officer. She knows what she wants, and that’s not you.”

“Fuck you,” I yell back to him.

I try and move a little closer to her, but she takes a step back when I do.

That’s fine. I’ll tell her all the things I have to say to her from a short distance.

“Harlow… Turnip.”

She looks away from me. “Don’t call me that.”

“Harlow, it was a mistake. I made a mistake and I need to tell you everything. I need to tell you all of it. Beginning to end. Will you listen?”

She shakes her head from side to side, folding her arms across her chest. I’m so afraid she’s going to say no.

“Want to know what your only mistake was? Better yet what mine was? Looking at you from across the bar that night we first met. Just the little eye contact we shared was the first in a long line of mistakes I’ve made along the way with you. So when you say it was a mistake, yea, Cruz it was. From that first night till now. All of it was a mistake.”

I grab her arm, gently as she begins to walk away. She whips her body around, her hair spinning like a windmill, and I look at it knowing how much I’ve missed touching the silky strands, and all I want to do at this moment is wrap my hands up in it, but I can’t. I need to slow this, slow myself. I’m in love with her, and I have to tell her… Now.

A voice comes over my radio that’s attached to my shoulder.

“Officer Cruz. We have a domestic disturbance at 321 Anchor Lane, and we need back up, do you read me?”

Fuck!

I hold up my finger to her.

“Officer Cruz here. I’ll be there.”

I have to leave. I don’t want to walk away. I’m afraid if I do, she’ll go to Chad. He’s put her under some trance. He’ll tell her all kinds of bullshit and my chance will be gone, but I have to.

“I have to go, but please, I really need to talk to you. Meet me later around midnight. Please, Harlow?”

Her eyes are so distant, but with mine, I plead to her. I need her to listen to me and understand why I did what I did.

“I… I can’t, Cruz. It’s taken me four months to forget what you said to me, and no matter what you say now, it doesn’t change the fact that you said them. You can say sorry all you want, it doesn’t change things.”