Glimmer (13 page)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Lukas

I'm still half asleep, visions of Lucy and I kissing, while lying across the ledge, entertain me. I roll over to my side, letting my arm drape around a warm … person?

I sit up with a start, rubbing my hands over my face.

Perfection.

No. No. No. No

I look around, and thankfully we're both fully clothed, she's lying under the covers, still sound asleep, a gentle snore rising and falling as she takes each breath. I'm on top of the blankets, but my arm is dangerously close to wrapping around Perfection's waist.

I stand, remembering the details of last night. I'm Bound, Perfection is my mate. I lift my fingers to my lip and remember our kiss, sealing us to one another.

I've made such a mistake.

Looking at her here, in my bed, I know I should have figured out another way to leave the Refuge. Or waited out the two months they wanted me to stay.

I need to get to Refuge Two. Now. I can't wait another day, another hour. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can get to Lucy.

Grabbing some clothing from the closet, I change quickly in the bathroom, trying to be quiet so Perfection stays asleep. I'm not ready to deal with her. Looking in the mirror, there's deep circles under my eyes. It's surprising, considering I should have been well rested after not having to go to the Energy Room. But in truth, the decisions from the past few days weigh heavy on my mind.

Before I slip out of my room, I grab the journal that Integrity left for me.  I slide it into the pocket of my tunic as I go down the hall, anxious to find Conviction.

Tapping the Councilmen's chamber, I wait for someone to open the door for me. Showing courtesy is important, especially when I'm walking on thin ice around here after last night’s fire-spectacle. Thankfully, Conviction is the one to answer the door. I don't want to waste time on pleasantries with the other men.

"Nobleman, I didn't expect to see you out and about so early." Conviction walks behind his large desk and sits, resting his hand on his chin wearily.

"I need to request something of you and I was hoping you'd be accommodating." I take a seat across from him, trying to steady my emotions so my light doesn't bounce from dim to bright, giving away the intense feelings I have toward him.

"What is it? You know, after last night’s demonstration, I should punish you. You realize that, don't you?" Conviction looks as though he hasn't slept well either, his face is sallow and his papery skin looks worn thin.

"You know a punishment to me only hurts you, Conviction. You and your plans.  Besides, don't take it so personal. Maybe I was just hoping to impress the Vessel who was joining me in my bedroom." I suggest falsities, but he doesn't know better and sometimes it's better to lie than say the truth, because the truth will only get me in trouble.

"If that was the case, how did it work out for you, Lukas?" He has that gleam in his eyes again, the same one he had when he looked at Perfection last night at the banquet. Gluttonous with greed.

"Quite well, as you can imagine," I say, steeling myself for the next fabrication I’m about to create. "And while we are on the topic of Perfection, I have a request. She's having a terrible time being away from her Refuge. We hope to leave for Refuge Two today, so the trip back to her Refuge … Refuge Three … can happen sooner. She seems homesick."

"She's only been gone for one day. How homesick could she be?" He shoots his eyebrows up.

"I know, intolerable, isn't it? She is so ... so ... weak."  I turn away, not able to look him in the eye while I lie so blatantly.

"Oh, young Lukas." Conviction's demeanor shifts, as though agreeing with me for putting down my mate. "The thing is, sometimes with fragile Vessels it seems good to ease them in slowly to their lot in life. Wean them, if you will. I suppose I gave Perfection more credit than she deserved, just because she's divine to look at doesn't mean she has more vigor."

"So do you think ... maybe we could leave today? I mean, the last thing I want is my mate to be moody. Not when we've just been
Bound
." I say this as suggestively as I can.

"Of course not, Lukas, and I'm glad you came to me. That's what I asked you to do, and you are. Even if we have, at times, had our differences, I hope now that you're a man, you might see eye to eye with me, more often."

"So ... when....?" I press.

"I suggest you go to your Chambers, maybe finish up some business in there," he stops and winks. "Then I will get a boat rounded up for you."

"Thank you. I will do exactly what you've recommended."

"I will send a helper to gather you in an hour, and I will send someone to her room to pack her things."

"Thank you, Conviction. You've made my life so much easier." I smile, and know my illuminating light matches how I feel inside. Unstoppable.

"Make me proud." Conviction walks me to the door, and after he shuts it behind me, my shoulders relax, giving in to the relief I've found. I had no idea that the way to Conviction's heart was to produce a few sexual innuendos and put down my mate. Not that I would have done it if I didn't absolutely have to, still it was easier than expected.

Walking back to my room, I smile at the Vessels who pass me in the hall with bowed heads of respect. I intentionally bequeath generous light upon them as I walk by; so happy it's as though I'm floating on air. 

Back in the room, Perfection sits in bed, eating breakfast from a tray a helper must have brought in. She licks jam off her finger and smiles generously.

"This food is to die for, Nobleman. It's amazing. Also, isn't this so strange, you and I just sleeping in the same room, like some old mated-couple?" She starts giggling.

That's the Perfection I've always known. She's been so serious and poised the last few days; I don't think I've even heard her laugh. But it also turns my thousand-watt smile down a few hundred notches. I don't want her comparing us to any mated-couple. I need her to know we aren't really even a mated-couple ourselves.

"Perfection. There's been a change of plans. We're leaving this Refuge. Soon. We're going to Refuge Two within the hour."

"What? Why? I thought we were going to a service here at the Haven. And the best seamstresses are here, I wanted them to make me a few new gowns. Mine are all boring, and cut for young Vessels. I need regal ones, fit for a Noblelady. Also, I want to go to the soaking tub here. You told me before it was way better than the one I'm used to."

"Perfection, that stuff can all wait, we need to do what Conviction wants." I pin my choice on him, too pathetic to explain what's really happening, and why.

"It's not fair!" She crosses her arms, pouting.

I briefly turn to roll my eyes, knowing I've got to keep it together.

"Look, you need to cool it, okay? I'm sorry you're disappointed, I am too. I'll make it up to you, okay?"

She narrows her eyes and purses her lips and then says, "You can make it up to me right now."

"How's that?" My patience is thin.

"Come here and kiss me." She bites her bottom lip, seductively.

"Perfection." I shake my head. "I can't ... I don't...."

"What? What's your problem? Every Vessel I've ever talked with tells me what's supposed to happen on your Binding Night. And you don't even want to kiss me.
Me!"

"It's not you. I swear. You are great. It's...."

"Lucy. Right?"

I don't answer. How can I answer?

"Well, she's not as pretty as me, we both know that. She has horrible red hair, and too green of eyes, and pale skin, and she's mean. She always fought with you.

"I'm none of those things, Nobleman. I am beautiful, obviously, and I am not going to fight with you. I'm devoted to you. And I'm here, she's not. I'm alive and breathing and want you to touch me the way I know you want to!"

She throws up her hands, exasperated. I feel bad for her, I really do. She's done nothing wrong in this situation, but I'm treating her like she isn't good enough.

I've dug myself a grave.

"Perfection, stop. Okay?" I walk over to her, sit down on the bed, take her hands in mine. "Have patience with me. I just need some time before I'm ready to go there with you."

"Promise?" She searches my eyes.

"Promise." I wonder if half-truths are really mostly-lies and where does the edge blur? And if so, where do I begin erasing the line that I drew?

"Okay, Nobleman, I'll have more patience. I told you, I don't want to fight." She smiles so sweetly, believing in me.

I hate that I'm letting her trust in something that isn't real.

There's nothing between us.

"So when do we go?"

"As soon as you're dressed and ready. No need to pack your things, a helper will be sent to do that."

"I shouldn't take them long. I hardly unpacked a thing when I arrived and a Vessel brought me a change of clothes when you were out." She points to a dress hanging behind the door."

"Then I should let you get dressed. The bathroom is right here." I push open the door for here.

"Of course. And, Nobleman." She pauses, then looks at me earnestly. "Thank you for choosing me." She stands, leaning over me with her face glowing in my brightness, and kisses my forehead.

All the ways I'm betraying her and all the ways I'm betraying Lucy hit me like a ton of bricks dropped in a well.

I just hope at the end of all this I can find a way to crawl out of the hole. It grows deeper each time I open my mouth.

Lucy

The morning sunlight streams though the window and Timid stirs in the bed next to me. I can't believe what she has done … come here like this … as a
spy!
She deceived me from the real reason she took my hand in hers as we jumped off the ledge.

After having had a chance to cool down, there are still questions I need her to answer. But looking at her, cozied up in a heavy quilt, resting her body instead of working from dawn till dusk, I'm still relieved she's with me, regardless of the motive. I don't ever want her to set foot on a Refuge again.

"Lucy?" Timid sits up wearing soft red flannel pajamas, her hair long and loose no longer secured in a tight braid. She doesn't look like she is a member of The Light, let alone a
spy
for The Light. She looks like a girl.

"What is it?" I ask, my voice tighter than I want it to be. I don't meet her eyes as I make the bed, folding the sheet over the mattress.

"Are you still mad at me? Please don't be mad at me."

Sighing, I stop and sit down.

"I'm not mad. That isn't it. I'm confused and I don't understand what Integrity wants. Wants with me."

"He wants you to come back."

"That isn't happening, Timid."

"I know you say that, Lucy ... but what if you are wrong? What if The Light is right, if you are a part of the prophecy?"

"I don't think I am. Or that Lukas even is, for that matter."

"I think you're wrong. The Nobleman is the prophet. I think you believe, you are just scared."

I look at this nine-year-old girl, wondering when she grew up. If it was sometime between Integrity forcing her up the ledge to escape with me or if it was while we sat as prisoners in the
Safe House
cell. Or maybe it was far before she ever met me. Maybe she grew up when she started working long days, never having a childhood, groomed to be Bound to a Humbleman.

"Integrity found me in your room when the lights went out. He told me to find you and follow you wherever you needed to go to get help. He knew you were looking for answers, but he believes in you. He believes that deep down, you know the truth and you'll go back. With me."

"That's where you and Integrity both got it wrong, Timid. I don't know anything."

As we walk downstairs for breakfast, my mind churns with conflicting thoughts, thoughts that bring me back to wondering why I had peace at the Haven that I never felt anywhere else. The true, intense feelings produced in that sanctuary were real and I hate that I let the conversation with Timid take me back to the place where my I lost my grip with reality.

I wish I'd had more conversations with Integrity so I could understand why he began to believe. But it’s impossible to have faith when I've been so wronged by them. Still, I can't deny the wholeness I felt when in the presence of light.

"Lucy, you doing okay this morning?" Layla stands in the kitchen, handing me a cup of steaming coffee and a glass of carrot-colored juice to Timid.

"Honestly, I've been better. Can we talk, you and Ernie, Charlie and me? I still have a lot of questions."

"Of course, and I agree, there's lots to discuss. I spoke with Junie and she's coming to get Timid and take her to see the animals."

"Animals?"

"Behind the house there's a barn, where our cows, pigs … all the livestock live."