Glow (10 page)

32.

Lucy

I take the first tentative step down the ladder. My senses perk up as I make my way below ground. The barren smell of the bunker reaches my nose and it smells like home in all the wrong ways.

A mixture of sterilizing bleach and rust are not the makings of home sweet home, but they are the formative smells of my life.

I draw in a short breath as I look around. My green light gives a beautiful glow to the empty storage shelves and vacant crates. I reach the bottom of the ladder and step off, with Lukas and the rest of the crew right behind me. The bunker fills with people and it’s just like the good old days, when everyone in my family was still alive.

I prepare myself for the jokes out of Colton’s mouth when we reach the Hazmat suits and masks. My level of crazy is going to fly through the roof.

It wasn’t so long ago Charlie mocked my father who stood before him in his ridiculous get-up. Embarrassment shoots through me; Dad and the rest of us only knew fear.

I don’t want to be fearful anymore.

I want to be brave like Mom believed I could be.

“So this bunker was my home … for my first few years at least. Lukas, could you, um….” I point to a silent generator in the corner.  I don’t want to ask anything of him, but I know my light doesn’t ignite things. My light only heals, helps, and I want to see clearly when we get to the weapons room. I need Lukas’s light for this next part.

“Of course, Lucy. Anything for you.” Lukas walks over quickly to the corner. He’s trying to do anything in his power to make me happy right now. I know why. My mind is still in the light-cocoon with him, where we were enveloped only minutes earlier, after I announced the plan Colton and I had concocted.

My mind is still on the promise he made to me.

Lukas uses his hands just like he does in the Energy Room. He puts them firmly against the body of the generator and the machine roars to life.

Basil and Junie exchange a wide-eyed look, shaking their heads. It’s a crazy sight to behold. One person’s body generating power throughout the entire bunker at once. Even more incredible is his ability to power all the Refuges, when they aren’t even connected to one another.

“This way.” I direct the group and we follow closely behind one another, they listen as I point things out. “Every couple had their own room. And then this is the well that also leads up into the house. Here’s the kitchen and the living room.”

Everything looks worn-out, old, and small. I don’t remember it being so small. The sacrifice my parents made for our future seems enormous in comparison.

“So they welded giant shipping crates together, and dug out a bunch of dirt, then dropped this structure into it?” Charlie asks, impressed.

“I guess so. Then they built the house over it,” I explain. I push open a door, leading us into the room with the protective gear. “And this is the….”

“The room where you get your craziness from.” Colton grabs at a mask, putting it over his head. “I am from outer-space, prepare to self-destruct.” He says in what would be considered an alien voice. Whatever that means.

“Stop it, Colton.” Charlie grabs the hat off his friend’s head. My lips form a tight line, remembering how he had no trouble thinking in the same, dismissive way before he met me. Knew me. Kissed me.

“I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry, Lucy,” Colton apologizes.

“No worries.” I shake my shoulder to feign my indifference. “But this is the room I wanted to show you.”

I push the last door open and reveal the only thing this crew really cares about.

“Holy crap, Lucy!” This is some high-end shit!” Duke exclaims, more animated then I’ve ever seen him.

“
Some?
This is an insane amount of artillery.” Charlie looks around, jaw dropped.

The boys don’t exaggerate. There are so many weapons of mass destruction here I could guess every one of the cowboys on the property could wield a gun of their own.

“Do you mind?” Colton asks, stepping forward gingerly to the shelf stacked to the hilts with guns.

“It’s yours for the taking. Anything to ensure we get to the Councilmen.” My face is taut as I brace myself for the next part. The part where we become an army, on a mission.

The guys, and then Junie and Basil, take guns in their hands, and sling them over their shoulders. Colton and Duke begin loading the bags in the room with the stacks of ammunition.

It’s only Lukas, the younger girls, and me, who hold back. I have no intentions of holding a gun. I never have, and don’t have the slightest clue.

“I don’t think I’m the best person suited for this line of defense,” Lukas says, with all the authority of the Nobleman. No one will question him or me. Our friends have held guns, trained to shoot since they could walk on their own. They are prepared.

“No worries, Lukas. Besides, there’s a hundred people on our side, ready to fight. We’ve been waiting for the day to take out the people hoarding supplies and keeping walls high,” Colton assures him.

Lukas nods his head, relieved. And I get it.

“I don’t want people to get hurt,” Timid says, quietly. “We aren’t supposed to harm others. It’s the way of The Light.”

“They hurt girls though, Timid,” Junie says calmly. “Remember how they put you in dark rooms if you made the bed wrong? Or you got to work late? That’s why we’re fighting. So those things will never happen to you again, okay, sweet pea?”

“I’m scared.” The innocence in Timid’s voice causes all of us to stop, set down the weapons, and look at her. My heart could burst right now, out of love, because these friends who have been through so much, are still so tender at their core. They care for Timid like she is their own. They know what it means to protect.

“Listen, Timid,” Lukas says, kneeling down. “I’ve lived at the Refuges my entire life, too. I know it’s scary to think about going there now, to fight, but you need to have faith that this is going to be all right. Can you have faith in me, in all your friends?” He places his hands on Timid, sending her calming rays, causing a smile to stretch across her face.

The Nobleman is the person she’s always looked to with reverence. She was trained to think of him as the prophet. Her face changes as she is given his gift of light, her face is soothed, her worry fades.

“Besides,” Hana says. “When all the bad guys are gone, then we can live there, and have good food and warm beds and all our family will be with us.” She smiles at Timid, taking her hand.

The rest of us look at one another, and with the nod of his head, Colton goes back to collecting his weaponry.

“If you guys have got it down here, I’m going to take the girls upstairs and read them a story,” I say, taking the girls’ hands.

We walk into the study and sit on the couch, pulling a blanket over us. The girls nestle around me, cozy and safe. As safe as you can be when your mind is reeling with the realities of what happens next.

The horses are mounted, the fleet gathered and the hunt for the Councilmen’s heads begins. It’s going to be worse before it gets better.

So I take this moment while I can. I read a fairy tale to the girls, who are blessed in ways none of the rest of us are. They still have a childhood left to live.  A childhood that holds the promise of peace and love and light.

I will fight, if not for me, for them.

33.

Lukas

It’s our last night at Lucy’s compound and everyone’s been busy preparing to leave. I suggested using my energy to heat water inside the house, and since the generator is on, that’s working as well. Lucy says her home has never been so alive, so warm, so peaceful.

I’m the last one in line to use the shower; it’s been in full use all evening. Both the one in the basement bunker and the one inside the house. Some of the dirtiest looking cowboys got to go first, and then the members of our group had a chance to wash up properly. The cowboys are going to be amazed with the soaking tubs at the Refuges.

I walk down into the bunker with a change of clothes in my hands. Lucy told everyone to root through the drawers and closets, taking anything they felt would be useful. This offer brightened everyone nearly as much as the artillery did. Junie’s especially thrilled; I overheard her say something about a lifetime of dirty socks. I just hope there’s some soap left. I don’t want to seem vain, but I’d really like to look nice when I see my parents again, after so long.

I still can’t believe Colton and Lucy conspired like they did. But they knew what they were doing; they came up with a plan that would unite us all. I’m grateful for that. Lucy is going to The Light, she’s on my side, and really, that’s all I ever wanted. To be doing this next part with her.

Opening the small bathroom door, a shriek stops me.

“Shut the door!” Lucy shouts.

I thought everyone had already finished with their showers. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were here. I never would have….” I trail off, talking through the door. I know she can hear me, there’s no water running.

“It’s fine, I’ll just be a sec,” she says as the shower starts.

I stand outside the bathroom door, feeling like the idiot I am, picturing Lucy in the shower right now, water falling over her shoulders, through her long hair.

Knock it off. She’s not interested in you, not like that, not now.

But it’s hard to forget our kiss on the ledge, the way it felt to hold her heart. So broken. So fragile. I wanted to protect it always, and I didn’t. I don’t deserve her love anymore.

It seems like only a moment has passed, standing outside the door, but the water turns off, her shower over.

“Lukas, can you come in here?” Her voice is loud, though we are alone down in the bunker.

I slip through the door, and she stands in a blue towel wrapped tight around her chest, hanging to her thighs. Her hair is brushed away from her face, but she still has her all over glow, filling the room with her light. When I enter the space, the room is overwhelmed with our energy and I see her catch her breath, pull in her lip, bite down.

“Lukas, how exactly do you make your Light less bright? I’ve seen you do it.”

“That’s what you wanted me to come in here for?” I ask, disappointed.

“No, actually I wanted you to help me.” She holds out a pair of scissors. “I want it off. Like, all off.” Her eyes are so big with her hair slicked back with the water. Her shoulders bare, leaving her skin illuminated.

“Why?” I ask, regretting the question. She owes me nothing, not even an answer.

“I want to be tough. Tougher. Like Junie. Like Basil.”

“Basil’s hair is long last time I checked. Or was there some hair chopping party I wasn’t invited to?”

“I know her hair is long, but she has piercings, and a look about her. You know what I mean, an edge. Those two are so … so … strong. I want to be like them when we go fight the Councilmen….”

“I like you the way you are.”

“Well, I want to be intimidating. And I want short hair. Help me or don’t. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you.” She huffs, and then turns away.

“Wait up, I’ll help you, Lucy. I’ll do anything you ask. You know that.” I look in her eyes, remembering the promise I made to her in our cocoon of rainbow light in the study.
I promised to do whatever she wanted, if she would promise to come to The Light with me.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Lukas. It’s just hair.” She puts the scissors in my hand, and we drop them to the ground as a charge of electricity shoots though us.

“Just like the glasses,” she says, wistfully.

I smile, remembering the flutes that shattered when they touched the first night we met.

I bend over to pick up the scissors. I have to control my desire to just grab her and hold her next to me, because I see her bare feet and bare legs. I want her to bare her soul.

She stands facing a small mirror above a sink. It’s a very small bathroom and we fill it. My elbows are in the way and my back is up against the door. “So you just want me to start?” I ask, hesitating as I hold a long piece of her chestnut hair in my hand.

“Just do it. My mom told me I should be brave, so I’m doing that. Right now. Cut.”

I press the scissors against a long lock of hair and a snip slices through the room.

“Oh my God! You really cut it?” Her eyes are wide in the mirror. She isn’t happy.

“You told me to!” I say, holding up the chopped hair. It is a clump about a foot long and a few inches wide. I don’t particularly know what I’m doing.

“No. Oh gosh. This was a mistake. Put the scissors down. I don’t want to be brave like this.” She’s moaning now, leaning against the sink, staring at herself. This bathroom is too small for wailing.

“Lucy, you can’t just leave it like this. It’s, like a gaping hole in the middle of your back.” I laugh, not at her, but at her indecisiveness.

“Fine. Just … just make it even. But what was I thinking? I’ve always had long hair. I’ve always, always had it this way. It was like the one constant thing in my life. And now….”

“Shh … stop talking,” I say, putting my hands against her head. The movement sends a cascade of light around the room, but also helps focuses Lucy on herself in the mirror. “Now, I’ll tell you how I dim my light if you still want me to.” I try to cut the hair on her back with precision, not wanting to make it any shorter than I have to. It was so long to begin with, and now it’s to her chin. This is my first time cutting hair, and my nerves are getting the best of me. This is Lucy, after all. “If I want to do something with my light, I try to focus on making my energy smaller. I breathe in deeply, and try to gain ahold of the light around me. Like, I draw it back into myself.” I show her by example. “See, draw it in. You try.”

Lucy focuses on herself in the mirror, sucking in her cheeks as she draws in the breath, copying me as I stand behind her in the mirror. Her face is fierce with the blunt cut. She looks older, tough, just like she wanted. My head is perfectly above hers in the mirror, and the close quarters cause me to draw up against her.

I feel her breath shift as she inhales deeply. Her chest fills with her healing light, as mine fills with my divine light. The room grows dim, and duskier, as we draw in more of our energy. More of our light.

The room now holds a faint, weak glow, but I can feel the energy pulsing around us. We fill this small space with so much life force. Lucy stands in front of me, her hands gripping the edge of the sink as she locks her eyes on mine.

And mine on her.

Always on her.

I want to whisper her name out loud, because she’s the only thing I can think of, but I don’t. I’m scared if I speak it will break the moment that covers us. The moment of stillness that holds us in.

It holds me back.

“Lukas,” she whispers. “Did you finish cutting my hair?” Her voice is so small, octaves grazing the air.

“Yes,” I say quietly, scared I’ll break the spell. Reaching in front of her, I set the scissors on the counter. They clink as metal meets tile.

She reaches for my hand and I want her to grab a hold of it. A hold of me. And never let go.

She pulls my hand to her heart. “Do you feel that?” she asks, tears falling down her cheek, down to my hand. Her heart.

“I feel it.” I feel her beating heart and I feel her waves of grief, falling from her eyes. I feel her, all of her. “Lucy, you don’t need to change for anyone.”

“I do. I have to make sure I’m strong enough for our destiny, for you.”

I pull her around, towards me, not for a moment letting go of her hand. Standing against one another in the pale light of the bathroom, my breathing heavy and so is hers and I want her closer still. I pull her other hand in mine, pressing it against my own beating heart. The heart also filled with sorrow and loss and fear.

“You aren’t alone in it. In any of it. Be brave so others can be brave.”

“We can be brave together?” she asks as though it’s a question, when it isn’t. It is the truth.

“Always.”

I bring my hands to her face and cup her tear-stained cheeks in my hands. And I kiss her.

I kiss her knowing it might make the generator short circuit. Knowing it might make dinner harder to prepare. Knowing the groans that will follow.

Knowing there is no other choice.

Lucy kisses me back.

I push my hands through her wet hair and she pulls my body against hers and I don’t want her to stop. Not now. Not ever. I want to stay in this kaleidoscope forever. The bathroom bursts with arches of color, filling the room just like our light fills us.

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I know.” She holds me tight, as if for dear life. I want to know everything that runs through her mind, but for now this is enough.

For now this is everything.

Lucy lets go, pulling away. The colorful light around us evaporates and her breathing returns to normal. I know mine doesn’t. My body’s on fire, in the best way possible. The roar of the generator is gone, and I am sure the power stopped until I can restart it.

“Your body didn’t go into shock this time, or the last. Do you think when we put out the power at the Refuge…?” Lucy’s words trail off.

“Maybe the first time we kissed the power went out because it was destiny, so you could leave,” I say, believing my words.

“Or, it’s all just a fluke.” She puts her hand on the doorknob, twisting it open.

And then she is gone.

I exhale, loudly before stepping into the shower, turning the water on, sure that I’m the only one who needed to take a cold one all day.