Gone By (33 page)

“Why the hell you’ve switched off your phone” Isha frowned from the other end.

“Okay...I went short of battery and I couldn’t let you know for that neither I had any access to inform you” I muttered out.

“I was so much worried about you”.

“I’m fine..I have reached safely. I’m good”.

“I want to meet you as soon as possible”.

“Give me a week, I shall catch up to you”.

“Alright I’ll wait for you...do take care” Isha clipped off the line.

To pass the night I had nothing more than writing up my diary. The next morning I had to catch up all of my friends to gather some news about the ongoing college activities. I was seated on my bed with leg stretched and placed on top of one another. The diary placed on my lap. Beside, a pen was laying. My hands were crisscross. Perhaps I was thinking something which I couldn’t remember. I could deal the night only with my hand notes being written on my diary. I swiftly held the pen in my hand. With no more wastage of time I flipped pages of my diary. Opened the empty page. That was the routine of my life for timing. Maybe I was so much engrossed in writing that I really felt like writing the whole night nonstop. Obsessed with my story I couldn’t let myself free for seconds. May be I was so much determined to construct a book of my life. Yes! It was Isha who boosted me to write. And of course it was Anannya the reason to write. I began to contemplate the days. All I had the option was to script it on a page of my diary. I once thought of narrating to one of my closest friend. But, I had never come across any person who could be my dearest friend. My image had always been an introvert but that didn’t make me feel any awkward cause I knew I was different from the rest. Such realization always kept me on and I was wholly into different world unlike the others. When people enjoyed their life partying I always had some better things to do, which was really creative and useful for the well being. Yes, many did used to avoid my nature, but that didn’t concern me at all, cause I would live at my best, just it was their problem not mine. Some even praised me for my every curriculum that I performed. Some just flattered around. I could see the white page before my eyes. All I needed to make a move of my pen. So, I began to write the next verse of my story.

Now the year have passed. All have appeared for their entrance exams and waiting for their results to display. Some would go for counselling, some would stay behind. Such fear was whirling in everybody’s mind until the results were out one day. The year 2009 was seemed to be very lucky year for me. I could make to one of engineering institute after the counselling. But, being so perfect and gainful I wasn’t much happy. I always thought about Anannya. I knew now I would be missing her forever. It has been months now since the time we appeared exam we haven’t seen nor we talked. The time to leave for our allotted institution was approaching. I had no idea where she got admission into. Neither I could get any information about her. I was inert to collect news about her. I lacked the circle of local friends around the town. So finally in the month of September I had to leave for Mumbai. Yes for me it was the first time moving to Mumbai from Tura. I had never been to Maharashtra earlier. But, I had the every keen to know about their culture. So with unfolded words and pressed feelings of depth sorrow and squeezed heart I had to leave out from home. Moreover I started to miss Anannya. I always wanted to know where she was but I couldn’t reach to do that. I felt now I almost lost her whole through my life. The separation began to widen, who knew now when the part of our life would meet again. But, I always kept a hope, yes someday during my vacation I would come to visit her. I felt like I was leaving alone for making up my life. It tended me to know where could she be possibly. Even I
tried hard to know about her boyfriend. I don’t know what had happen to their relationship now. As it was not only for me to get apart but it was meant for
all who were
selected for their particular technical institute. I feared what would happen to Anannya. I knew she will be broken if anything happened to disfigure her relationship with her boyfriend. Even it’s same for her boyfriend, it’s obvious her boyfriend would too leave out from the town for graduating. What if they are not meant to be in the same institution or in the same place. Now, there stood a question about their relationship. Would they be able to sustain their distance relation truly. I feared about that, because I didn’t wanted Anannya to get hurt, no matter whatever the situation would be. If her Boyfriend did really loved her truly, I believed he wouldn’t do such thing that could end up their relationship. No matter what’s the distance would be between them. Such traumatic thought began to hover around my head. But, I shouldn’t be so much bothering about that. As she had her boyfriend, Avick beside her. But, something always led me to think about her which I couldn’t project out to know. I knew I was in love but by now my limited brain should know that she can’t be mine anymore.

I had to tried to forget her, but couldn’t be possible enough to do that. I began to ponder around my head. When the things comes at the stage of parting it’s the hardest thing to do and once it’s done we can keep moving on. But for me it’s unlike the normal life. I couldn’t drive myself to let forget her. All I could do was just have that faith and believe in myself and the almighty. So, with that hope of my life and trust I moved on for Mumbai. There in Mumbai I was called for second counselling. I had to make a choice of my college. Being very much concern about my economic background, I finally chose out a Government institute. So, finally I had to come down to Satara for pursuing Engineering degree. I never knew a single word of Marathi. The only medium I could communicate was Hindi and English. Moreover, the place Satara is completely orthodox with its culture. So, I had no choice of being growing up with those religious orthodox culture. How my life would change here I had no pre thought idea.

Now, that I was completely new into this world unlike where I had been earlier, Tura. I always wished that Anannya be fine with her life. No matter even if she does not appears in my life, cause that’s inner heart that spoke about. I always prayed good for her. That’s the only thing I could do now. Where she must have been no clue. Which part of the country will she be. Now that I could proudly say I will be an Engineer in future. What future holds who knew and I was protruding out with my life in becoming something. I never thought up to now I could make out this far from home to pursue my graduation. But it was not a new thing for me. Since my small age I had been studying in boarding. So adjusting with the environment wouldn’t be so big deal for me. Now, all I had to join the college and get into it. Nothing should evolve in my mind except for my aim in life, that was the concrete advise that gave me from home. How long I would be able to keep that advise alive, I had no plan to live upon it. I didn’t knew what my Dad meant by that but I still remember what he said and I still respect those words he said to me. With all my proceedings and formalities I finally admitted myself into the college. Now that I had to begin myself in attending classes, mingle around new people. In many cases they failed to understand me, even the way I spoke, it went over head. Many began to question about my native place. And for every question I had to make an elaborate explanation to them. Gradually, I could build friends around me. Days passed on, I began to attend lectures. Sitting in an engineering class for the first time in life, that was really exhilarating. I began to enjoy with every minute seconds of each day. I really began to feel proud of myself not because of anything but my dream of becoming an Engineer had come true. And most of all I had an ample interest in gaining technical knowledge since my childhood. Days have turned into months, my life had been going the same with no new dementia. Gradually I could cop up with people surrounding me. One fact I learned while studying Engineering, there were very less innovative and inspiring people around me.

The only thing I could do was to inspire myself. However, at many points I needed counselling, which I had to borrow from many renowned Authors. With the passage of time, there were hardly improvement in my life. I couldn’t bear the tag of being an Engineer, cause it never taught me anything more than exams and get select into any enterprises. That wasn’t my motive to study
Engineering
.
I wanted to do something
creative in my life. Some sort of scientific invention or discovery which could be useful for the people of our world. But for the moment where was I pursuing my graduation had hardly any innovative and research programme. So nothing more I could do than to help myself with the situation. I began to be that sort of person losing my interest in what I wanted to be. As the day passed on, I had become like all the others. Just to study every subject and pass the exam. Not to aim something passionate but to aim at any of business corporation. I don’t know would that bring satisfaction to me, but since it was the condition for me that stretched before my eyes I had to follow silently. Maybe the gain of my technical knowledge would be limited. Indeed, I would rather say the faculty of my branch had hardly any inspiring source. I was like drown into deep ocean, where lectures where taught in vernacular language rather than using the official language English. Every day I sat for lectures I felt like I’m nowhere but in the middle of dry empty desert where all used to nod their heads on the particular topic being taught, whereas me like a fool used to sit in the middle of those nodded crowd. Before I could think about Engineering college I had different perspective about it. But now I could surely say it’s nothing more than like an arts or commerce college. Such was the condition of my life and dream of becoming an excellent Engineer chopped off into pieces. I began to accept what came on my way. Neither could I proceed to change myself in different way. I began to learn and adjust with every situations and trouble that came up in my life. That year went somehow. I could clear the exams and passed out all subjects. So everyone of my friends were happy, completing the first year of engineering. I wasn’t much satisfied. Passing my exams were not my main motive. I began to rethink about my first year, what did I learn. But, as I scrolled back I could possibly see nothing. I have learned only one thing, that was how to pass the exam, but I had nothing creative in my mind from technical background. I began to feel guilty about myself. But that wasn’t my complete fault I consoled myself. I realized what could I need to do to upgrade the realm of my life. For months I studied myself rather than studying any other Authors or any Engineering books. For I believed what lies is within you. Every possibilities lies within you and that’s the answer of your own life. I had to create myself in new dimension that’s what I planned for the rest of my life. I began to work out real for it. To some extent I could pull up myself. Yes of course I couldn’t forget about Anannya. It felt like she was my inside inspiration. And every time I felt low I used to think about her and that boosted me to do something different in life. I even thought someday I would ask her hand to marry me. So, maybe that was the reason I began to work hard for my life. Indeed, I needed to be an eligible for that. No matter where my fate carried I always had her within my heart.

It has been more than ten months now, I had no clue of her where she was. What’s happening in her life. I just let her float in my heart. Thinking someday I would see her once again and surely we shall smile again how we used to do. I resumed back after months of concrete study about myself. Like the same routine of life I began to attend engineering lectures. There was no change within the faculty. But, yes there I could grab some changes within me. Gradually I began to think in different dimension of life. Not only I could erupt the interest of technical knowledge but also I began to like a new hobby as writing stories of my life. That was the best I could possibly do at my leisure time. At the time of loneliness, I used to write about Anannya. That really enthused me up to become a new genre of human being. I couldn’t understand why I began to love her more and more. But all I could do was to suppress my all emotional zest and feelings with heavy heart. Such mystery of love was prevailing in my life. Should it be a secret to my life or shall I die hungry out of it. Months have gone and I could see at myself how hard I was bearing that strong feelings and
the despair residing within me, longing for the love that I always wished. Days began to turn into years. Still no news of her from any side. Neither was I in contact with my old pals. As I never got a friend who would be reliable to trust. I always trusted myself more than anyone else. With the hope to see her one day, I began to live my days. With each day that passed by, she was my main thought that came into my mind every morning. Now that, with lots of endurance and adjustment I had to lead my life ahead. Maybe I needed
her the most at that time of my life, but with that shallow light I had to manage whatever came up before to take every walk of my life. That’s how the first year of my engineering passed. Now, that it was more than fourteen months of my life in an engineering institute. Yet, no clue about her. Believe, faith and trust were the only tools I could live up to. Every night before going to bed she was my last thought and first thought every morning I got up. That has become the vital part which I never missed. Many times I felt, I lost but I couldn’t feel like giving up unless my heart could deny it wrong to me. But, every time it said I was loving her. And I went on to love in her absence too.