Good Greek Girls Don't (21 page)

‘So you know what to expect and won't let it happen.' If only it was that easy. ‘And then you'll go play nice with your new in-laws.' Oh, she's so funny. Ricki forgets what she was like when she met Ari's parents. She went into a complete panic over that fact that she didn't live at home. She was convinced his parents would think she was a tart because she had broken the mould of the good Greek child leaving home married or dead. I distinctly remember having to remind her to breathe.

‘What if they hate me, Rick? What if they don't think I'm good enough for him?' Truth be told, it's not meeting my parents that is the biggest worry. It's meeting Chris's. I have never done the whole ‘meeting of the parents' thing and there is a good reason for that.

‘Des, you are so lucky that I'm an hour away cause right now I want to slap you silly.' Thank God for minor miracles. ‘You need to stop this self-doubt. You need to realise that Chris loves you and that is all that matters.' It sounds so simple when she says it like that. But those voices in my head keep telling me otherwise. ‘One of these days I will be close enough to kick you up the butt when you start this shit.' What's that supposed to mean? Is she coming home?

‘Are you coming back to Melbourne?' This is amazing! ‘When?'

‘Well, it's on the cards. My boss reckons I have another six months or so out here and then I'll be based in Melbourne again. I'll travel here and there but I'll be living back home.' This is fantastic! This is what Ricki has wanted all along. Although having her close enough to kick my butt on a regular basis is a concern. But I can live with that.

‘How did this all happen?'

‘I threatened to quit.' Wow. I knew Ricki was looking at other positions and companies that would see her moving back home, but I didn't think she would risk it all by quitting. Quitting doesn't pay the mortgage or keep us in the lifestyle we aim to get accustomed to.

‘That was a hell of a risk, Rick'. What if they called you on your bluff?'

‘I knew they wouldn't, Des. Every time in the past that I've let them know I wasn't happy, they've given me a pay rise.' Jeez, wish I could pull that one on my boss. ‘So I knew they wouldn't. I want to come home, Des. I want to be there to laugh in your face when you freak out. I want to be there when my family needs me. I want to be able to see my boyfriend without having to turn it into a tactical manoeuvre.'

I guess I'm lucky. I can see Chris whenever I want, without advance notice. I know that he is right around the corner whenever I need him. And, call me selfish, but I miss having my best friend nearby.

‘I am so happy for you, Rick.'

‘And I'm happy for you, Des, too. Everything is starting to come together for both of us. You are the only one who can ruin this for you, so don't do it.'

‘You're making a big deal out of nothing, Des.'

I give up arguing with him. First he drops his family gathering bombshell on me and now he does this? Who is this man standing in front of me? Who is this stranger who professes to love me?

‘You know what, it's a big fucking deal. First you decide that we have to do the whole happy family introduction thing and then you bite my head off for putting a CD back in the wrong place. You're the one making a big deal out of nothing.' I do not want to  spend the morning arguing with my boyfriend. He should understand that I am seriously highly strung at the moment and know not to push me too far.

‘All I said was the Remo disc belongs on the blue rack for Greek CD's with the R's, not with A's.'

Huh? Does it really matter where I put the damn disc? At this moment in time I know where I would like to put it: right up his anal retentive arse.

‘Sorry. Next time I'll remember – filed by genre, then year, then alphabetical.' Chris would die if he ever saw my filing. If I can't see it, it's filed. ‘Are they colour coordinated, as well?'

‘Look, Des, I like things to be in order, to be in their place.' No shit. Looking around here, there is not a single thing out of place. His movies are kept in order of genre, release date and alphabetical order of title. I can't tell if they are also filed by actor's names. And it's not just the movies and music. It's everything. I mean, I knew a long time ago that Chris liked things to be neat and tidy, but this is something else. I've seen his wardrobe and he puts me to shame but this is ridiculous.

‘You're just trying to pick a fight to get out of next week.' Shut up, Chris.

‘You started it.' Even I have to admit that sounds juvenile. But why can't Chris be a little bit fazed by all this like I am? ‘Who gives a rat's arse where the CD goes back or what order I load the dishwasher or the fact that my clothes end up all over your floor at the end of the night.' Why did I never question how my clothes always magically ended up folded neatly on the recliner in his bedroom before now? How long have I been looking at this relationship through rose coloured glasses?

‘Well, I'm sorry that I don't like to live in chaos like you do. Most people don't, you know, Des.'

That's it, I'm going home. Besides, it's Sunday lunch and then I have cakes to make with my grandmother. Not that Chris will be getting a goody bag this week.

‘Where are you going, Des?' I think the fact that I am gathering my stuff is a pretty clear indication that I am going home. Der.

‘It's Sunday. You know my grandmother has me booked in for Sundays for the rest of my life.'

‘You're just going because you backed yourself into an argument that you can't win and you're trying to avoid it now.' Shut up. He does not always have to be right.

‘What are you and your Yiayia making today?'

‘
Kourambiedes
.' Sugar-coated almond shortbread. Yummy. Chris loves them and he won't be getting any.

‘You bringing some over or shall I come pick them up later?'

‘I'll bring you some later and drop icing sugar all over the carpet.'

‘Despina, you love him?' What a stupid question.

‘Yes, Yiayia. I love him so much that I can hardly remember what my life was like before I met him. That's why I don't want Effie anywhere near this.' I know that Yiayia understands. Effie ruins everything that is good. She wants everyone to be as miserable as she is with that moron Andreas.

‘You love him like that, and he love you, then
agapi
mou
, no one can wreck, you silly. No matter what anybody say.' My Yiayia is the best. Even in broken English she can still get her point across. I am not going to let Effie ruin this for me. I will think of a way to silence her, even if it includes a muzzle.

The only other problem is my mother. She's going to go so overboard with everything, as if we are making some grand announcement. Why can't we Greeks be more like the Aussies? Hell, they go out with someone, they pick their date up from the door, make small talk with the parents that does not include a timeline for a marriage proposal or analysis of which vegetable is in season in the garden, hang out at the house and no one starts planning a wedding, no one starts buying bonbonniere, no one starts anything. God, the Greeks sure as hell need to take some lessons. I'm sure that my mother has already been down to Sydney Road to pick the fabric for her mother-of-the-bride dress, and it won't be long before she forces my father to go buy a new suit. In less than a week, my life is going to change forever.

‘Now, you sift icing sugar on
kourambiedes
. You take some to Christo after.'

Two days to go. Two days till doomsday. Two days till Chris comes for lunch and I go to dinner. Oh well, at least I will only have to deal with my mother's insanity about lunch for another two days. But then it will be her insanity about when we are going to get married and have babies. I can't win. I may as well stop fighting.

‘Ma, please don't go nuts on Sunday.' She has been asking me what Chris's favourite foods are; what he likes to drink; if he's allergic to anything. It's like it's the second coming or something. I knew this would happen. Mum is going to go totally overboard in preparation for the man she believes will be her son-in-law. In a way, I can understand where Mum is coming from, she just desperately wants to see me settled down, but she can't understand how much pressure she is putting on me. I know that for now Chris isn't going anywhere and I sure as hell don't plan on going anywhere, but how am I supposed to know what is going to happen in the future? I don't plan things, yet I think my mother is planning my wedding now. Wouldn't it at least be better to wait until I'm engaged before ordering the bonbonniere? That is what a normal person would do. But no, not a Greek mother. ‘It's just lunch, okay, so Chris can stop calling my mobile whenever he picks me up.'

‘Okay, okay. But, Desi
mou
, you serious with this boy?'

How do I answer Mum without having her running off to check the church's calendar for availability?

‘He is good boy? Not like that other one Denny?'

Looks like honesty is my only option here. I can't bring myself to give Mum a watered down description of my feelings for Chris. ‘Mum, I love him. So, yeah, it's pretty serious.'

Well, that's done it. Now that she knows it's serious, the engagement invitations are practically written and in the mail. I don't think that she will ever understand that Chris and I are just happy moving along at our own pace. Why should we go ruin a good thing by trying to plan a Greek wedding, with all the families and everything like that?

‘He love you, too?' This is so weird, my mother and I having a deep and meaningful. What is wrong with this picture? Although it kind of feels nice – we haven't ended up in an argument yet, so this is progress. Has love made me mellow? Has love made me lose my edge? I'll test it next time I see Effie.

‘He says he does, Ma. I believe him.' I'd believe Chris if he told me the sky was red and all the oceans were empty. ‘He makes me happy. He drives me nuts sometimes but it's a good nuts, you know?' My mother probably thinks I'm nuts.

‘I know, I know what that like. Is special feeling.' Okay, where is the video camera hidden? Someone is obviously setting me up and going to send this to
Australia's Funniest Home Videos
or something like that.

‘I see how you different now. From first time you go out with Chris, you different. You better.' Why is everyone telling me that I have changed since I met Chris? I'm the same person. I haven't changed. I'm still the same smart arse, sarcastic, queen of revenge, aren't I? Maybe people are just seeing me differently while I am part of a couple. But then again, people never told me that I had changed when I was going out with Denny. This conversation is scaring me. I think it's time to change the topic. Let's get to my mother's plans for Sunday lunch.

‘So, Ma, promise me you won't go nuts, hey? It's Chris, not the archbishop coming to bless us all and deliver us from evil.' I really shouldn't get sarcastic with Mum about the church. It's the one thing that is bound to set her off and get us into an all out brawl.

‘Relax. Is lunch. We have barbecue.' Simple as that, off she goes to answer the phone. Oh, no, she's talking to Thia Maria. ‘Yes, Maria
mou
… Yes Desi and Chris serious … He come for lunch Sunday … No, no, he very good boy … no drinks, no drugs, good job, has house … Is good to my Despina.'