Good Greek Girls Don't (22 page)

God help me. Now all the Greeks in Melbourne will know that on Sunday Desi Delagiannis is introducing her boyfriend to the family. My Mum might as well start selling tickets at the door.

Chris is meeting my family today. I can't even begin to think about meeting his family because I seriously believe that I will be in a mental ward somewhere before that happens. Why couldn't Poppy have gone into labour? Why does she have to be so selfish and carry the baby right through to the exact delivery date? She could have done her sisterly duty to me and saved me from today. Is that too much to ask?

‘Ma, it's just lunch here, you're not throwing a name day party for Christ's sake.' I can't believe the amount of food that Mum has prepared. She's got Dad firing up the barbie and has about ten kilos of meat for him to throw on. Then there's potato salad, bean salad, garden salad, pasta salad, spinach pie, cheese pie and cakes for desert. She even made Yiayia make her specialty – the famous walnut cake that Chris loved so much the night we met at Katerina's place. There is enough here to feed a starving country and still have leftovers. Who is going to eat all this food? Does Mum think that Chris is undernourished or something? Or is she fattening him up for the kill? Stupid question, of course she is.

‘This special lunch.'

No it's not; we are not making any grand announcements. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. All this fuss and mayhem. Oh, jeez, if my mum's gone this crazy, I shudder to imagine what Chris's parents are planning. Given that he is the only son, they will have gone totally off tap.

‘Ma, it's not. Please don't fuss over Chris.' As if she'll be able to resist. She'll be fussing over him like a mother hen, like he is the prodigal son returned from exile. And she will be trying to impress him with how domestic I am. As if Chris would buy the image of me being the picture of domestic bliss.

‘And make Effie behave.' Oh, shit, I jinxed myself. Devil woman is here with her brood. Why is she here so early? Why couldn't this lunch have been at a time when she couldn't make it, like when the shop is open and she's stuck there serving fish and chips?

She's doing the rounds of hello's with the kids – it won't be long before she turns her attention to me. I wonder where her dear hubby is. He actually hasn't shown up to Sunday lunch for a few weeks now. He's probably off playing backgammon in some horrible coffee shop with a bunch of other wog men who stepped off the same boat as him.

‘So, Des, when is the flavour of the month showing up?'

And, once again, first blood is drawn by Effie. I am not going to let her mess this up for me. I am not going to let her get to me. This is just a lunch, no matter how hard Effie tries to turn this into a blood bath. God, please bring on Poppy's labour.

‘Around one.' I can't believe she's here already; it's only eleven-thirty. ‘So where's your darling hubby?' Why do I have the feeling that she is going to avoid that question, pretend that she didn't even hear it?

‘Well, he must be something special if you've emerged from your lair so early. Did the bars finally give you a pass out last night so you could get ready for this?'

I am not going to let this upset me. I know she and Mum have been gossiping so I know that she knows I have not done the bar hopping thing for a very long time.

‘No, they closed early in honour of the occasion. Get a grip, Ef.' I hope the sarcasm in my voice isn't lost on her. She's not exactly the brightest person around.

‘Don't know what the big deal is anyway, he'll wise up and be gone soon enough, just like the rest. Don't know how he managed to stick around long enough to make it to the house anyway.'

Where the hell has my mother gone? Why isn't she around to hear what a bitch her so-called perfect daughter is? I have had it with Effie and her bloody attitude. This has to stop and it has to stop now.

‘You can't stand the fact that I'm happy. You can't stand anyone being happy because you are so fucking miserable, so you want to bring everyone down. Your relationship with your husband is so pathetic and miserable that you want to ruin everyone else's chance of happiness, of enjoying their lives. You tried with Poppy and Tas, but it didn't work, so you screwed up the folks' retirement by making them raise your children. And now you think that you're going to screw with me and Chris.'

Given the look on Effie's face, I think she is just a tad surprised at my outburst. She obviously never expected that I'd pull her up on her behaviour. ‘Well, Effie, it's not going to work. Just because you fucked up your life doesn't give you the right to destroy everyone else's.'

‘You don't know anything, Des. Shut your mouth.'

That's a huge let down. I was expecting something a lot more vicious from Effie. There must be something seriously going on with her. She would normally never make it so easy for me.

‘Don't I, Ef?' I understand more than you give me credit for. You got yourself stuck with a husband that you don't love – that you never loved – but you married him anyway because you were so afraid that you would never find anyone else with all the right credentials, money, house and business. You were so afraid that if you didn't marry old wog man you'd pass your prime as marriage material and be stuck on the shelf forever.'

I don't think I'm being mean here. I'm just being honest.

‘You got what you wanted then couldn't handle it. You popped out all the kiddies so that you could keep everyone else happy and now you figure you did your bit so you have the right to screw everyone else around. You were the good daughter and did all the stuff that was expected of you, but that blew up in your face, so now you think everyone else has to take responsibility for your life.'

Whilst I'm not happy that I had to be so brutal, at least I've said my piece, although I think Effie will now be out for blood – literally – and she is going to try to get her revenge on me through Chris. Lunch isn't going to be a blood bath – it's going to be a massacre. Only the strong will survive, or the cowards that run and hide in a cupboard.

‘You don't know anything, Despina. You know jack shit about what's going on. You think you have all the answers but you know nothing about my life.' There is something wrong here. My sister doesn't cry. My sister doesn't show weakness. What has happened? What has that sleazebag husband of hers done to her? Where is she going? Why is she running up the stairs?

I better fix this otherwise lunch will make Gallipoli look like a picnic on the beach. ‘Effie – wait.' I cannot believe she's making me chase her up stairs. I do not need this sort of exercise so early in the morning. Where the hell is she? In her old bedroom, lying on her old bed crying. I didn't mean for this to happen.

‘What's going on, Ef?' For ages now all I hear from Mum is that I have to leave you alone and that you need her help and all that stuff. What's up, sis?' I'm not heartless. That's my sister lying there crying her heart out. I'd be a monster if I could just walk away from that. ‘Talk to me, Effie.'

‘You have no idea how fucked everything really is do you, Des? You think I want to dump the kids on Mum all the time? You think I want my children loving you more than me, wanting to be with their cool Aunty Desi instead of me?'

Okay, so I'm the cool aunty, the one who buys Nintendos instead of clothes. It's an aunty's prerogative to buy them cool stuff. But this is scaring me. This is not like Effie. She doesn't show weakness; she doesn't show emotion.

‘How did all this happen, Ef? Talk to me, tell me what I can do.' Effie may irritate me but I don't want her to be miserable. Besides, isn't it the sister's code that they spend the first part of their lives irritating the hell out of each other, but backing each other up when they really need it. I think this is the first time that Effie might actually need it.

‘Why? So you can gloat? So you can have a good laugh at how screwed everything is?'

‘Reality check please, Effie. We're sisters. Who would I gloat to anyway?' This is not the sort of stuff you share with anyone. It's sister stuff, not for parents, not for friends, not for boyfriends or lovers. It's sacred. And where the hell is Andreas the Great? Why isn't her husband here with her? I'd make any bet that he is the root of all of Effie's misery.

‘Why do you care anyway?' God, she can hardly breathe from the crying. If she doesn't get it under control soon she's going to hyperventilate. ‘You have the perfect life, always doing what you want. You have your own life. Why do you care about mine?'

Perfect life? Me? I think Effie has me mixed up with someone who is sane and not neurotic.

‘You're right, Effie, I don't care. You can lay here and be miserable for the rest of your life.' God I hope this works. ‘But don't try to bring me down with you. Live in perfect misery with Old Man Andy as far as I care.' Let's see, if I pretend like I'm walking out of the room, she'll stop me. I know Effie so well, she won't be able to resist.

‘Desi …'

‘What's going on, Effie?'

‘You still don't get it, do you? They left you alone.

They let you do whatever you wanted. You wanted to study, you did. You wanted to work, you did. You wanted to go out and party, travel, anything, you did. Well, I didn't get that freedom. They wanted this. The folks made this marriage happen. I didn't want it at all, and now it's too late.'

What the hell is she talking about? My folks tried to stop me every time I left the house. They didn't let me do anything but I just did what I wanted anyway and, after a certain point, they gave up trying to turn me into the perfect daughter. They stopped trying to turn me into Effie.

‘Come off it, Ef.' She's controlled her crying and she hasn't kicked me off the bed since I've sat down on the edge. This is progress. First my mother, then my sister. What is happening to my family? Next thing you know my father will actually give a shit about what's going on in his children's life instead of his vegetable garden. Nah, that'll never happen.

‘You could have said no. Somewhere along the line you had a choice.'

‘Some choice! Our parents made this wedding happen. I thought after Andreas and I gave logies that something would snap inside me, that I would feel a connection with him or something. But I didn't, and by then I couldn't back out.' Why the hell not? God, how many Greeks these days give logies and get engaged and never actually go through with it? Heaps. Our cousin John did the whole logies routine three times before he actually put a ring on someone's finger. Why couldn't Effie tell the folks that she didn't love him?

‘I tried to tell Mum but she said that there was no way that I was going to embarrass them by breaking the engagement, that I was her daughter and that I had given my word. I wasn't going to embarrass her in front of the whole community. So I married him.' This still doesn't explain what's going on now. Why can't Effie raise her own children? Why is her marriage falling apart now? Why all the secrecy between Mum and Effie? Effie obviously got over the fact that the folks forced this marriage because she and Mum have been thick as thieves for ages.

‘Ef, you could have said no but you didn't. You didn't have the guts to stand up to the folks so you took it out on me and Tas. You were miserable so you wanted to make us miserable. That's not fair, Effie. We didn't do anything to you.' This is so weird. Effie and I have never ever talked like this. She's never confided in me before.

‘I just didn't want your happy lives shoved down my throat every time I was around.'

It's still her own life. She should have stood up to the folks. Hell if Mum and Thia Maria had their way, I would have been married off by now and had about a million and one kids to show as well.

‘You and Tas were strong. You could stand up for yourselves and make the folks leave you alone. I didn't have your strength. I still don't.'

‘It wasn't our fault, Effie'.

Her sobbing has subsided to a few sniffles. I think it's time I approached the real issue now. ‘Where's Andreas the Great?' She can't avoid the question now. She has to answer me. I think she's too tired to argue with me now. I think she's so deflated now that she will answer anything.

‘I don't know. Probably with his girlfriend.'

Oh, shit. Suddenly everything is clear. This is the big secret that Effie and Mum have been keeping. This is why Effie needs help. This is why Effie has been getting away with so much lately. Why the hell does my sister put up with this bullshit?

‘How long has this been going on, Ef? How long has that bastard been sleeping around on you?' Why doesn't this surprise me at all? It's probably not the first time he's cheated on her, but I'll bet it's the first time that she's known about it.

‘He's had different women on and off since we got married.' How can she be so casual about the whole thing? This is disgusting. If Chris ever cheated on me, I would chop his balls off and take them to Michael's kebab shop so that we could get creative with them. ‘But I think this one is serious. He's planning on going to Greece with her for a holiday.' I can't believe what I'm hearing. Is she going to just lie back and take this? Is Effie going to drive him to the airport also so he can hop on his Olympic Airline flight with some slut? And then is she going to go back to running the fish and chip shop like nothing has happened? I can't believe that even Effie would be so weak as to put up with this sort of thing.

‘Leave him, Ef. You don't need him in your life.' It's simple, she kicks him out of the house, files for divorce, keeps the house, they sell the shop and split the profits. She might even get more, given that she would have to raise four kids on her own. ‘Effie, with four kids we can take the miserable slimy bastard to the cleaners!' Why is she shaking her head at me? Can't she see that this is the best thing for everyone?