Good Greek Girls Don't (20 page)

‘Yeah, well, your screening process has fallen down in the past.' He met Denny didn't he?

‘My screening didn't fail, Des. You chose not to listen to me.'

I chose not to listen to anyone at that point of my life.

‘I told you he wasn't good enough for you.'

It's just that at that time in my life I thought Denny was as good as I deserved.

‘You don't think anyone's good enough for me, Tas.' But this time he might think that Chris is too good for me.

‘That's rich coming from you. You put Poppy through the ringer.' And now he wants payback. ‘Come on, Des. What are you afraid of?'

I have no idea. I've never kept Tas at a distance. It's always been Tas and me against the world.

‘Nothing. I'll hook it up, okay.' I'll get around to it eventually. A part of me just wants to keep Chris all to myself. And another part of me is terrified that if I start introducing Chris to the family, even if it is only Tas, it will create a whole heap of expectations. And I don't know if I can meet those expectations.

‘Saturday night.'

What? That's tomorrow night. These things take time. I would need to check with Chris first. Besides, I've already got my cover story straight so I can stay at Chris's tomorrow night. I am not wasting this golden opportunity on a family meeting.

‘Too soon, kid.'

‘Saturday night or I tell Mum where you're really staying when she thinks you're here or at Ricki's.'

Threats do not work with me. ‘You know, I can still beat the crap out of you.'

‘So where does Mum think you're staying tomorrow night?'

Sneaky little shit. He is fully aware of the fact that I told my mother I would be keeping Poppy company while Tas was at the soccer tomorrow night.

‘Maybe Poppy will need to pop in and see Mum for some pregnancy advice. Or have a craving for food that she will only find in Mum's kitchen.'

I'm going to kill him, plain and simple.

‘You wouldn't dare!'

The grin on his face tells me he would. In a heartbeat and without a second thought. I'm licked. The little turd has won.

Yeah, sure. Poppy and I are in the kitchen making coffee and Chris is hearing more and more stories from my life that I would rather keep hidden. If Tas doesn't knock off the trip down memory lane soon I'm going to pour his coffee down his pants.

Of course, Chris had no objections to meeting my brother and his pregnant wife and had even less objections when Tas suggested dinner at his house. Like Chris said, we had no plans. We were just going to stay in with dinner and a DVD. Actually, I was looking forward to that.

‘Pops, will you just show me how to work this damn espresso machine?' Why can't I make a simple coffee? I've used this machine a million times over. Hell, I have one at home. It's Tas's fault. If he hadn't started telling a million and one tales from the Desi crypt there would be no problem. Oh my God, what the hell are they laughing about now?

‘No way. She didn't?'

‘Oh, yeah, she did. I have photos and everything. Dressed in the traditional Greek outfit. All Desi was supposed to do was walk on stage, recite a poem and walk off stage. Simple, right?'

Of course it was simple. But for Christ's sake, I was fifteen years old and, given that we went to a Greek Orthodox College, a staged tribute to Greek revolutionaries and heroes was in order every year when March 25th came around. I fully appreciate the battles that my ancestors fought to gain their freedom from the Ottoman Empire but at age fifteen, dressing up in traditional gear and appearing in public was the last thing I wanted to do. Eating glass was preferable.

‘Shut up, Tas.' I swear, I will retract all babysitting offers if he continues with this story.

‘Let your brother talk, honey. I like where this is going.'

There will be a very chilly bed at Chris's place tonight if he keeps this up.

‘Yeah, shut up, Des. Your man has a right to know the psycho within.'

Revenge shall be mine. Eventually.

‘Anyway, she's teased her hair up so high that you can't actually see anyone behind her …'

Yeah, yeah. We all know the hole in the ozone layer permanently resided above my bedroom during my formative years. Find me a Greek girl who didn't have a passion for high, boofy hair and a can of hairspray back then.

‘And she's ripping out the poem with such seriousness I thought she was going to start singing the national anthem. And at the end of it she rips open her shirt and shows everyone her “Greeks do it better” T-shirt,'

And again, who didn't have one of those? There were ‘Greeks do it better', ‘Italians do it better', ‘Turks do it better'. Everyone did it better back then.

‘You didn't?' I can see Chris needs some form of explanation as to my behaviour.

‘Well, it was appropriate and symbolic.'

‘Yeah? How babe? This is going to be good.'

‘It symbolised that the Greeks fought the war better and came out victorious. I just expressed it by a means which all ages would understand.' Chris will buy that line as much as my high school principal did. ‘It's just that very few people appreciated the interpretation. Besides, Ricki bet me that I wouldn't have the guts to do it.' And I just couldn't back down from a bet. I had a reputation to uphold.

Chris and Tas are now rolling around the floor laughing and given how close Poppy is to her delivery date she really should control herself, too. I guess it is kind of funny now that I think about it. I can still see the horrified looks on everyone's faces. My mother started looking around for a hole to bury herself in and I think the local priest was wondering if the confessional in our church would start shaking if he took me in to repent for my sin. The school principal was no doubt at that time trying to figure out the most torturous punishment he could get away with without resorting to corporal.

Tas was impressed with Chris. ‘He's a keeper, Des.'

Was that his way of telling me not to screw it up?

‘Yeah, you've found a kindred spirit to hang shit on me with, hey?'

‘It's not that, sis. He makes you smile. Really smile.' He definitely does. ‘He adores you, Des.' More than he adored Danielle?

He wants to meet the rest of my family. Why on earth did he have to go and ruin a perfectly good morning together by suggesting that of all things? He's nuts. Definitely no more sex on the agenda today. He has to be punished for this evil plot he has hatched.

‘You can't be serious, babe? You want to meet the rest of my family?' No way. I can't unleash my clan on poor Chris. It'll send him running and screaming in the opposite direction.

‘Don't you think it's about time? I think your mother is getting eye strain from spying at us through the curtains. And my folks want to meet you, too.'

What? Hang on a second – I'm not ready for that sort of thing. Ask me again in a hundred years. I don't handle parents very well. I can barely handle my own, how am I supposed to handle Chris's? What if they hate me? What if my family loves Chris and his hates me?

‘Why do your folks want to meet me?' What has he told them about me?

‘Des, it's normal, you know, the natural progression of things. Calling you on your mobile every time I pick you up is getting pretty boring now.'

Okay, so he has a point, but so do I. Obviously spending the night with Tas and Poppy has given Chris the false impression that my family is normal. I could always introduce him to my grandmother. She's closer to normal than anyone else in my family. As if he will settle for that. I think it's time to compromise. I'm told it's a good thing in relationships, that it makes them go round.

‘How about I meet your sister and then we think about expanding the circle? Good, no problem, we'll do it that way.' No point in waiting for an answer; of course he will see that this is the most logical way to do things.

‘Uh-uh, darling.' Why is he shaking his head? This is a damn fine compromise.

‘Don't “uh-uh” me when you're throwing my whole life into turmoil, Chris.' Okay, maybe I shouldn't be bouncing up and down on his bed at this point but I have to get my point across. ‘My family is not normal.' I wish he would stop laughing at me.

‘Des, I don't care if your family are all aliens. I love you, but it's about time we eased their curiosity.'

I may as well give up arguing now. This is going to happen. ‘You're not going to change your mind, are you?'

‘Nope. It's time, Des.'

‘I suppose it is.'

‘Then stop pouting, honey. Trust me, it will be painless.' Yeah, as painless as having my wisdom teeth pulled out. I believed the dentist when he told me that and I had a black and blue mouth for a week. There is no way I am falling for that line twice.

‘And when would you like us to make all the grand introductions?' He's probably got the whole thing planned already.

‘Next Sunday. We'll have lunch with your folks and dinner with mine.' Huh? A whole meal with each other's families? Why can't we just do ten minute introductions? How do I prepare my family and force them to behave? What threats can I use that haven't failed in the past when I wanted then to be normal?

‘Do I have a choice in the matter?' Stupid question, of course I don't. ‘Fine. It's your funeral. Stop grinning at me.' I'm going outside for a smoke. This is too much; I need to clear my head.

‘Get back to bed, you.'

No way, mood has been totally killed. ‘Chris, you've got me thinking about your family and mine. What are the chances that you're getting lucky now?'

‘Do you remember what happened when Tas bought Poppy home?' That was a nightmare. Effie spent the whole day trying to scare Poppy off, telling her that Tas was lazy, that Mum had to drag him out of bed every morning so he could make it to work and school on time. Luckily, Effie's meddling didn't deter Poppy – after all, she'd really just described every good little Greek boy before they leave home. But her teasing went beyond the usual sisterly stuff; Effie seemed to want to destroy any chance of happiness that Tas and Poppy had. It was as if she wanted them to suffer, to be miserable. ‘I don't want that to happen to me.'