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“It was my first time, so what do I know?”

Mark pulled out gently. “Bad answer, Cadence. Makes me feel like it really was terrible.”

“It wasn’t terrible, I swear. I liked at least 25 percent of it.”

Mark burst out laughing. “Giving it to me in math terms, huh? You trying to be cute?”

“A little,” I replied.

“Mind if I get rid of this?” he asked, looking down at the condom still wrapped around his penis.

“Can I look at it first?”

“No.”

“But I wanna see.”

“Cadence, no.”

“But I’ve never seen semen in a condom.”

“You really are a curious little thing. And no.”

“You’re funny,” I observed, watching Mark walk to the bathroom. I liked his ass. I won’t lie.

“How so?” he called. I heard the flush of the toilet.

“I think you want to shield me from certain things,” I said.

He leaned against the doorway considering me.

“You’re right. And what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, I guess.” I rolled over and noticed a blood stain on the sheet. “Oh, shit!”

“What?”

“I bled on your sheet!” I said, tucking my legs underneath me.

“Cadence, it’s okay. No big deal. I knew it would happen. Didn’t you?”

“Yes, but I forgot. We should have put something down.”

“Why?”

“Because bloodstains don’t wash out!”

“Okay.”

“I ruined your sheets!”

“Far from it.”

He walked over to me and sat down. I watched him smooth his hand over the blood stain, slowly and thoughtfully. He moved it back and forth, then traced the outline with his forefinger.

“You didn’t ruin my sheets at all.”

I hung my head, embarrassed. What was he doing? Thinking? Why did he like my blood on his sheets? Is that normal?

“Cadence?”

“Hmm?”

“I have another surprise for your birthday, but you might think it’s cheesy.”

I went warm all over. Another surprise? He already surprised me with a trip to Savannah this summer. I’d never been, and I’d lived in Georgia my entire life. He called it my birthday/graduation/taking-the-next-step trip. I wasn’t sure what he meant by taking the next step, but I guess I’d find out when we got there.

“I won’t think it’s cheesy,” I replied.

“Okay. Well, I thought maybe you’d like to take a bath after we did it. Maybe it would help with soreness or something. I don’t know because I’ve no idea how a woman’s body feels afterwards.”

“I’m a little sore.”

“Okay. So I bought some bubble bath things, and I thought I’d draw you a bath.” Mark blushed. “Don’t worry. I had the girl at Bath and Body Works help me out. She gave me bath salts. What the hell are those? And some other stuff.”

I giggled.

“And I could sit with you, or I can leave you alone if you want alone time. It’s whatever you want.” He paused for a moment. “What do you think? Am I completely cheesy?”

“I think you’re the sweetest boyfriend in the whole world.” I lunged at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him hard. It didn’t occur to me that I was still bleeding. It was smeared on my legs and now on him. “I want you. Again.”

“Oh, Cadence. Maybe we should wait.”

“No.”

“Well, I don’t know if I can . . .” He looked down and realized he could.

He made love to me again, just as gentle yet demanding as before, and then he put me in a bath, poured me wine, and gave me “alone time.” And I counted myself as one of the most fortunate girls in the world, that my first time was so special and sweet and meaningful.

Ours was a dream world for the next four weeks.

Nobody can live in a dream world forever. Reality takes care of that. And I realized I was starting to get sloppy with my deceit. I nearly had a heart attack when I came home late from Mark’s on Friday evening.

“Where were you?” Dad asked.

“What do you mean? I was with Avery.”

“I called.”

I froze. There was a jolt, a squeeze on the heart, and I knew my world had ended.

“I called Avery’s mother. She said you left the event early,” Dad said. “Where were you?”

I had no choice. I had to lie again. A lie on top of a lie. It was becoming increasingly hard to breathe.

“I lied,” I began.

“I know that, Cadence. So now tell me where you were.”

“I went to the mall.”

“The mall?”

“I figured you wouldn’t let me go, so I left early. I just . . . it’s been a long time since I went shopping. I miss it, Dad. I figured you’d say no. I’m sorry.”

I wanted to kill Avery. I had texted her and she responded with a winking emoticon. Fucking Avery. She was the most careful person I know. What the hell happened that she couldn’t remember that I was supposed to be with her?

“Where are your purchases?”

I thought quickly. “I didn’t make any because I didn’t tell you I went. Why would I walk in here with bags of clothes?”

“Why would you lie to me about the mall, Cadence? It’s not even a big deal. You’ve shown you’re trustworthy. I wouldn’t have said no.”

“I’m sorry. I should have just asked. I thought you wouldn’t want me going alone.”

“To the mall? I don’t care if you go to the mall by yourself.”

“Well, I don’t know what I can ask you and what I can’t, Dad. You’ve been really hard on me.” For the first time during this conversation, I told the truth.

“You had to earn it, Cadence. You had to earn the trust. And you did, so don’t start backsliding. Just tell me where you’re going.”

“Yes, sir.” I wanted so much to ask him why he called Avery’s mom, and he seemed to read my thoughts.

“I only called Mrs. Thatcher because Avery wasn’t answering and neither were you. I was going to see what you wanted for dinner.”

My heart melted. Just a little. Dad didn’t usually do nice things like that, and it made me feel extra awful for lying to him.

“Mexican,” I said, and grinned.

Dad smirked. “Well, I guess I can make two stops.”

Who was this man? He should have yelled at me and grounded me for lying.

I practically raced up the stairs and locked myself in my room after Dad left to pick up dinner. I called Avery immediately.

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck, Avery?!” I screamed into the phone.

“What the
fuck
?” she said, confused.

“You can’t remember that I’m at Mark’s?! You can’t think to lie for me. You’re supposed to be fucking good at it!”

“I had no choice, Cadence. Mom showed up unannounced. She knew you weren’t here. I told her you’d gone home early because you weren’t feeling well. I didn’t know your dad would call her. When the hell did your dad start calling my mom?”

“He called because I wasn’t answering,” I snapped.

“And whose fault is that?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck
you
, you little bitch. Start answering your fucking phone when people call you!”

“I was in the middle of fucking my boyfriend!”

“Then maybe you should stop fucking around so much and be mindful of your dad so you don’t fuck up our arrangement!”

“Yeah? Well maybe I just needed to get fucked, okay?! I didn’t know that fucking my boyfriend might fuck me over!”

“Fuck!” Avery screamed.

“Ouch.”

“Cadence, what did you tell your dad?”

I huffed. “I lied about going to the mall.”

“The
mall
? Oh, that’s real good. Good job, Cadence. That’s a really good story. Going to the fucking mall. Wow.”

“He believed me!”

“Uh huh.”

“He did,” I insisted. “I told him I didn’t want to tell him because I figured he’d say no, and I missed going and shopping.”

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I sat silent.

“Well?”

I said nothing.

“Cadence?”

Nothing.

Avery sighed. “Cay-Cay?”

“You’re being really mean.”

“I’m sorry. I am. Look, it’s not a dumb story. If your dad believed it, then I’m sure it’s fine. I just freaked out for a second.”

“Okay.”

“I’m sorry about what happened. I had no idea my mom would show up.”

“I’m sorry for not answering my phone.”

“Did you see my millions of texts? I snuck them in when Mom wasn’t watching me.”

“No. I didn’t even look. I just called you as soon as I could,” I said.

“Well, give yourself an hour to go through them all,” Avery said.

“I’m sorry, Avery.”

“Okay. Enough with the apologizing. We both screwed up. Let’s just be better, okay? We’re getting a little sloppy. Gotta tighten this shit up, all right?”

“All right.”

We said our goodbyes, and I stayed in my room until Dad came home with dinner. Avery was right: we had some tightening up to do. I just had no idea that my life was moving in the opposite direction of caution. I had no idea how sloppy I was about to get.

***

I glimpsed Ms. Gibbons sitting on Mr. Connelly’s desk, her legs dangling over the front of his side drawers. Who the hell did this bitch think she was sitting in such an intimate position with my boyfriend? The jealousy was instantaneous, and I burst through the door.

“Excuse me?” Ms. Gibbons said, looking at me with annoyance painted all over her face.

“I need to ask Mr. Connelly something,” I replied.

“Well, if you hadn’t noticed, we’re in a meeting,” Ms. Gibbons said. “What you should have done was knock. So go back outside, close the door, and knock politely.”

I’m not a violent person. Ever. But it took all of my willpower to keep from pouncing on her, grabbing her stupid ponytail, and dragging her to the floor where I’d kick the shit out of her.

“Did you hear what I said?” Ms. Gibbons asked.

“It’s all right, Sarah,” Mr. Connelly said. “I don’t mind. Cadence, what did you need?”

What
did
I need? I didn’t think that far ahead. All I knew was that some bitch was trying to move in on my man, and I needed to burst through the door. It didn’t occur to me to have a reason why.

I stood with my mouth hanging open, unable to think of a reply.

Ms. Gibbons rolled her eyes and turned back to Mr. Connelly.

“Anyway, it’s just gonna be a small get-together. A few of the math teachers. You should come,” she said, and placed her hand on his forearm.

He cleared his throat. “I’ll think about it.”

“Please do,” Ms. Gibbons replied. Her eyes lingered on his for a few seconds before she hopped off the desk. She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

I stared at Mr. Connelly.

“What, Cadence?” he asked.

“What party?”

“I’ve no idea. Some party Sarah’s throwing.”

“Are you going?”

“Probably not,” he replied.

“Do you like her?”

Mr. Connelly looked at me flatly. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Well, you seemed to like her ass,” I said.

“Huh?”

“I watched you look at her ass when she walked out of here.”

Jealousy. Such an unattractive quality. I was bleeding it, and I knew I looked ugly.

“Cadence, I wasn’t looking at her ass.”

I couldn’t let it go. I knew I should, but I couldn’t.

“I saw her hovering all over you in the cafeteria yesterday,” I said. “Why were you eating with her?”

“Because I’m a teacher and she’s a teacher,” he said.