Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (28 page)

“Yes, that was the week before I opened the inn. You convinced me to come up to your parents’ and have a vacation before I forgot what one was. Boy, were you right!” I roll my eyes and shift a little, unintentionally rubbing against his erection. His breath catches.

“I’m right about most things, baby.” He attacks my lips again. His hips roll skillfully, grinding my effect on him against me. My perfidious hips leap into action to support his efforts.
Hips, stop! Ray, stop! Oh God ... I can’t stop either of them! Oh ... oh, sweet Jesus!
“That’s it, baby. Come on.” His words encourage the rise in me.

“No. No, stop!” Ah-ha! I do still have a voice and a working mouth! I feel the sweet tightening deep within and I’m blanketed with the results of my dilatory refusal. I close my eyes, unable to escape the warmth ... the guilt. Ray kisses away the one lonely tear that braves the journey out of the corner of my eye.

“Think about our first Easter, baby. We fell asleep on the couch together. Remember?” he whispers near my ear. My eyes remain closed as I nod. I can’t look at him yet. I go into the memory instead.

I woke up in the middle of the night. The moon shone brightly through the window. Ray stared at me, his fingers grazing my cheek. I was in his arms on the couch. Everybody was in bed upstairs. There was a blanket covering us.

“My mother must’ve covered us up,” he whispered when I glanced down at it. I looked back up to his beautiful eyes. His thumb traced my bottom lip, and I pursed my lips slightly to kiss it. He leaned forward and pecked my lips as I reached up to touch his cheek. He took in a sharp breath and scanned my face. I tilted my chin upward so he could kiss me again. It started out sweet ... soft ... reluctant.

We were both hesitant. He was probably afraid of rejection. I was scared of everything that had to do with the opposite sex. After a few minutes or so, we threw caution to the wind. He deepened the kiss. I tugged at the hem of his shirt, and he pulled away so I could bring it off over his head. He followed suit with mine, then attacked my lips again with such intensity I remember almost forgetting to exhale. His mouth ran down my neck, and he yanked the cup of my bra off of my right breast to allow his mouth access. I moaned and rubbed up against him as he teased my nipple, sending electric currents down to my groin. I fisted his hair and brought his mouth back to mine. Oh God, I wanted him!

“Becs ... I need you, baby,” he said breathlessly against my mouth as his fingers ran along the band of my PJ bottoms. He hooked them and started to pull the right side down.

“Ray, no. Please stop. Stop, Ray.” I wriggled under him.

“Okay. Okay, Bec, shh ... I’m stopping.” He pulled my PJs back up. I fixed my bra as Ray sat up to grab my shirt. I looked up to find him holding it open so I could put my head through.

“Thanks,” I whispered. God, I felt so silly and stupid. I moved to get up.

“Wait, where are you going?” he whispered, and hooked his arm around my waist.

“I was going to go upstairs to bed.” I bit my lip—as I always do in every situation ever. He thumbed it away.

“Please just stay here with me. I just want to hold you, baby. I’d like to kiss you again, too, if that’s okay. I won’t do anything else. I promise, Becca, please.” He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand.

“What if everybody wakes up before us and sees us?” I couldn’t look at him. I felt so shy.

“Well, we’re dressed, and my mom covered us up instead of waking us. No one will think anything other than what happened ... that we fell asleep watching a movie. Okay, baby?” He gently pushed my hair behind my right ear with his left hand. His fingers slid down, his thumb massaging my earlobe. I closed my eyes, soaking in the calming effect of his touch. “Becca ... baby, I’ll never do anything you don’t want me to do. I promise.” His fingers slowly moved from my ear across my jawline. He grasped my chin between his thumb and forefinger and gently raised my face to his. “Can I kiss you again, baby?”

I looked into his eyes and gave him a slight nod. He cupped my face and caressed my lips with his. He made me feel so delicate, like he might break me if he added too much pressure. I placed my hands on his arms as he slowly guided me onto my back. Once there, he deepened the kiss.

We lay there like that, kissing, for—I don’t know—it had to be an hour or so. The rest of the week we held hands and kissed like any other new couple starting out. It was so exciting, comforting, calming. Right.

“Are you finished with that memory yet, baby?” Ray grabs my chin and shakes my head a little, like I’m saying
no
.

“Yes.” I open my eyes and smile at him.

“That’s how it is when we visit my parents. You’re okay with being my girl there, and anywhere else we go where people don’t know us. I’ve always secretly felt like you are ashamed of me.” He frowns.

“Oh, Ray, no! I could never be ashamed of you! I hate myself for what I’ve put you through.” I start crying again. Ray watches me for a moment, then grabs the tissue box off of the coffee table. I take two and wipe my nose. His blue-gray eyes, ugh ... they’re like a storm. He stares at me intently, and I lick my lips, biting my bottom one.

“Mmm ... there it is.”

There’s something about the way he says it that has me needing my, like, fifth panty change since I’ve been secluded in this room with him. He licks his lips before he captures mine again (not that they are running anywhere).

Donna Summer is softly singing “Toot toot, hey, beep beep” in my head.

“Oh, shut up, Donna!” I snap. Ray chuckles and kisses my tears away. I sigh. “Next memory, please.”

“Hold on a minute! Donna interrupted us. I need a little tit for my tat.” He smirks as he reaches under my shirt and cops a feel.

“Raymond!” I snap, then wince.

“Tsk, tsk, baby.” He says playfully and tweaks my nipple through the cloth of my bra. It ignites the direct line to my motherboard. (
What?
)

“Don’t do that. Next memory, please.” I lean up and kiss him.

“Ugh!” He groans. “Okay. Big memories or little memories?”

“Well, what do you mean by ‘little memories’?” I ask as I pull his hand away from my chest. He runs it down my side and under my bum.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight, Becca.” He furrows his brow at me.

“Hmm, yeah. I went down two sizes, but I’ve recently gained five pounds back.” I half frown.

“Due to the hostage situation?” He raises a brow.

“Probably, and I’m not a hostage!” I smack his arm.

“You are choosing to be a prisoner. I wish you would just see it.” He sighs.

“I am not!” I snap.

“Yes, you are!”

“I don’t have a choice!” That did not come out as brilliantly as I hoped it would.

“Which is it, baby?”

“Ugh, Ray! I need the protection!” I yell.

“From who? From what? George is dead! He can’t hurt you anymore, except in your mind, and you seem to finally be moving on from that!” I can almost feel his frustration escalating.

“He had a partner!” I say impulsively.

“Who?”

“We don’t know yet.” I lower my voice, trying to calm down.

“Probably the same person who set me up to think you were in trouble.” He touches my face. “God, if anything ever happened to you, baby ... ” He kisses me.

“I believe
you
happened to me, McNeil. Please answer my earlier question about little memories.”

He takes in a deep breath. “Well, things like day trips, outings around town, classes we took together, movies.”

I think for a moment.

“I’m pretty sure I remember everything about those times. I remember holding hands and you kissing my hair. And the big dude farting in yoga class.” We both start to laugh.

“That was terrible.” Ray shakes his head.

“Is there anything specific about those times that I’m not remembering?” I turn my head to him.

“No ... just that, as usual, everything was fine until we ran into somebody we knew. Then my hand would get dropped and it was over for the rest of the day. There was no bringing you back.” His nostrils flare.
God, I was awful
.

“Ray, why did you put up with that for so long?” I touch his face.

“I was really patient in the beginning. I knew George had done terrible things to you. I knew you weren’t playing games—you were just really scared. I tried not to take it personally. I looked at the upside.” He gives my hip a squeeze. “I was the only one you gave your extra time to, whether on the phone or in person. I fell in love with you so fast, Becca. I never met a woman I could be completely myself around. Not only did you put up with me, but you were just like me. Since the first day I met you, I knew in my heart of hearts that you were
the
one—the person who was meant to be my forever. I’ve never experienced this type of clarity in my life. Not with Liz, not with anyone ... just you. Always you. When you’re ‘on’—you know, being my girl—I get an overwhelming glimpse of what it would be like to have you completely, without the shit in your head haunting you. Oh, baby, it’s so worth fighting for.” He rests his forehead against mine. I gasp my sob back. Ray has never fallen short on saying the most wonderful things to me. “Shh, shh , baby ... next memory?”

I nod and kiss him quickly.

“It was September, and the girls had just started the first grade. We went to my cousin Bethany’s wedding,”

“I remember that, Ray.”

“Really? You remember
everything
?” He again raises an eyebrow and bites his lip.

“Well, I remember we went. We had a good time. Danced a lot ... drank a lot.” I frown and shrug my shoulder as if to say
that’s it, no big deal
.

“That’s all you remember?” he asks. I nod. “
Faaaaack.
” He slaps his head. I inch out from underneath him. “Where are you going?”

“Just getting on my side.” I turn. He echoes my movement so we’re facing each other.

“Here.” He puts a long red throw pillow under our heads.

“Thanks. So, what am I not remembering about this wedding?” I smile.

“Close your eyes, baby ... this is a doozy! When you start to remember, squeeze my hand and I will shut up so you can work through it.”

“Okay. Go ahead.” I close my eyes.

“I’m going to need to do a panty check after this one, baby.”

I sense his smile.

“Um, Ray, I probably should’ve changed my panties like five times by now.” I open my eyes to find his stormy ones staring at me. I feel his fingers tug at the button of my jeans. He unzips them. “Don’t, Ray.” I put my hand on top of his. A slow smirk comes across his lips.

“Close your eyes.” He moves his hand up to my hip. I comply. “I came to you a few days before the wedding to ask for a favor. My parents already considered you my girlfriend, and I knew that was how they would introduce you. I didn’t want to tell them not to for various reasons. First being that my mother would’ve hounded you and you would’ve flipped. Second being that my family was already starting to think I was gay.” He pauses when I squeeze his hand. “Wow, already?”

“I think so.” I furrow my brow, deep in thought.

“Okay. Well, real quick—thirdly, you
were
my girlfriend ... to me. Now, go ahead. I’m just going to watch you and think about your wet panties.”

I slap him.

“Shut up!” I laugh. He leans forward and kisses me again. “Ray, please, let me think.” I pull away.

“Okay,” he says. I feel his breath on my forehead. I close my eyes and think back—falling into the memory.

I was restocking the shelves in the store. Dinner was in the oven. It was Wednesday, and I expected Ray to walk through the door at any minute. I kept Annie with me on Wednesdays after Daisy Scouts, and we’d all have dinner together when Ray came home ... well, to the inn.

“Hey, baby, still at it?”

Hearing his voice, I turned.

“Just finishing.” I smiled and grabbed the plastic wrapping off the floor, then I threw it in the garbage can behind the counter. He was leaning up against the counter on the customer side, and I stepped around to join him. He was in dark blue jeans and a lavender dress shirt. His wavy locks were almost at the length I find delicious. “Hey, you look beat.” I went on my toes to kiss his cheek, but got the corner of his mouth as he turned his head toward me. He grabbed my hips.