Goodness and Light (18 page)

Her lip trembled and she battled to hold on to the slim strand of hope the ornament represented.

She wore no other jewelry with her simple black dress and hoped the snowflake would speak—loudly—for her. She hadn’t seen Lucas all week.

I love you
, he’d said.

And instead of responding in kind, what had she done? She’d fled. She’d been a coward.

She left the bathroom, joined her sister in the living room. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Kara looked up from her always-present baby name book. “Oh, Laney. You look amazing.”

Elena’s hand fluttered to the ornament hanging over her heart. “I hope this works, Kara. I don’t know what else to do to get him to talk to me.”

Kara closed her book. “Laney, he’s hurt.” At Elena’s wince, she quickly added, “Don’t give up. He’ll talk to you when he’s ready.”

Elena nodded, managed a tiny smile. “I hope so. I really do. He’s it for me, Kara. I never saw him coming, but he’s the one.” Tears stung her eyes so she carefully rubbed beneath them and moved to grab their coats. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Kara maneuvered herself off the sofa. “Definitely. I haven’t been out of the apartment for anything other than OB appointments in weeks.” She stood in the light of the Christmas tree by the window and Elena could only stare. She wore a simple pair of black pants with a sparkly top in a deep Christmas green but didn’t just glow—she shimmered with the kind of inner light Elena was now convinced only pregnancy could create.

They made their way to the elevator and into a cab, Kara holding Elena’s hand. Elena stared out the window at twinkling lights strung in apartment windows and smiled to herself. Funny how all she could see now was light. The cab slowed as it approached the hotel and three cars ahead, Elena saw Lucas step to the sidewalk. He wore a tux in classic black with a straight tie, something pinned to his lapel—she couldn’t tell what. Her stomach dropped when a woman in a gown stepped out of the cab after him, followed by an older man.

His family, she realized, a wave of relief flooding over her.

Someone stopped to greet him and his teeth flashed for a split second, but even from inside her cab, she could tell the smile never reached his eyes. Not for the first time, her heart clenched at the realization that she was the reason why.

Her own cab pulled to the curb. She got out, turned back to help her sister. When she looked up, Lucas was gone.

“I’m okay, Laney. Go after him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely. Go.”

Elena hurried into the hotel lobby as fast as her strappy heels would allow. The lobby was a sea of people in red, green, silver, gold and an awful lot of black. She wasn’t one for making wishes, but damn it, she wished he’d look her way. Suddenly, the crowd parted and there he was, not ten feet in front of her.

“Lucas!”

He froze.

She held her breath.

He turned.

She smiled.

She poured everything she had—everything she was—into that smile.

She moved. Walked to him, held out her arms.

His jaw tightened and he turned.

She stood, alone, arms spread.

Empty.

The crowd closed in and Elena made her way out of the main path, trying to hold in her tears.

“Elena! Elena!” Kara waved from across the grand entrance. Elena hurried to her side, helped her check their coats and assisted her into the elevator that took them to the ballroom, where a throng of people were looking for their table assignments. She guided Kara into a chair at table four, where an elderly couple beamed at her baby bump and engaged her in conversation.

She sat next to Kara, her eyes scanning the banquet room, transformed to look like a winter wonderland. White lights twinkled from every column and wall in the huge room. From the ceiling, decorations dangled. Snowflakes. She shut her eyes with a wince. People greeted each other with quiet hopes for a healthy new year since
happy
seemed far out of reach. Elena smiled and nodded at the greetings aimed at her, but she wasn’t listening. She was searching for Lucas.

She finally spotted him at the bar and hurried to join him. “Luke.”

He whipped around, his dark eyes snapping with suppressed rage. They glared holes through her for a moment and then narrowed at the ornament suspended around her neck. His jaw tightened when she touched his arm. On his lapel, a picture of a pretty dark-haired woman was pinned.

His mother.

“Please. Just give me a minute.”

He took her elbow, gripped it hard, moved her to the corner of the bar. “I don’t want to hear a word you have to say.”

“Even if that word is love?”

He snorted out a bitter laugh and shot her an icy glare that made her shiver. “I already know you love me, Elena. You run from everybody you love.”

The barb stung. “I know I hurt you, but please listen. You were right—”

He waved his hand, an impatient slash through the air. “You have something that belongs to me.”

“You gave it to me.” Her hand fluttered to the snowflake around her neck, covering it protectively.

“I gave it to a little girl who needed it. The woman in front of me doesn’t, so I want it back.”

She flinched at the pain she heard in his voice and with shaky hands, reached up to unfasten the chain. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, holding it out.

He snatched the snowflake from her hand, his mouth open to deliver one more parting shot when Kara shouted her name. Elena whirled, found Kara standing near their table, clutching her belly. “Kara?”

“Laney! My water. It just broke.”

Panic paralyzed her and she could only stare, mouth gaping, as people closest to them jumped into action. A cell phone was suddenly thrust into Kara’s hand so she could phone her doctor. The venue’s maitr’d organized a cab. Luke held out his hand but Elena couldn’t figure out why.

“Coat check, Elena. Give me the coat check ticket.”

Coats. Yes, they would need their coats. She fumbled with her little black evening bag, managed to find the ticket. Lucas snatched it and strode away. She finally remembered how to move and joined Kara.

“Are you having contractions?”

“Only one so far. We have plenty of time.” But Kara’s eyes were huge with fear.

“Luke’s getting our coats. You’ll be fine, Kara. You’ll both be—Kara? Kara!”

Kara’s face scrunched up and a gasp fell from her lips when the second contraction hit. Lucas jogged over, coats in his arms. “Kara,” he said. “Come on, honey, do the breathing they taught you.”

Right, the breathing! Elena kicked herself. She tugged on her coat, held Kara’s out for her. “Two contractions in five minutes?”

Kara nodded, panting.

“We should probably hurry.” Elena took Kara’s arm, started for the main doors to the banquet room.

“Oh, God.” Kara clutched Elena’s hand.

“I got you.” Lucas scooped Kara up at the knees, strode out of the room, into the elevator. Elena had to hustle to keep up. He strode down the steps and across the main entrance, where a cab was already waiting and tucked Kara carefully into the backseat. Elena climbed in after her and turned to thank Luke, but he firmly shut the door between them, his mouth a tight, bitter line.

As the taxi drove off with Elena’s hand pressed to the glass, Kara whimpered. “I’m so sorry, Laney. I’m so sorry.”

I
n the early hours of Sunday morning, in a labor room at New York Presbyterian Hospital, Elena helped her sister grunt and sweat and push her daughter into this world. Baby Girl Larsen arrived with a full head of dark hair and weighed in at a healthy seven pounds even.

Elena cut the cord and as she looked into her niece’s blue eyes, felt her heart go
splat
for the second time that month. She snapped pictures as a nurse cleaned the baby, fastened hospital ID bands around her tiny ankle and wrist and grinned proudly when she got one of her own. She attached the images to a text message announcing “Milk Dud’s a girl!” to everyone in their circle including Lucas and because she was in a forgiving mood, shot one over to Steve Orland, too.

He might be an ass, but it was Christmas time and the man deserved to know he’d just become a father.

Her dad and brothers replied in seconds, promising they’d book the next flight. Aunt Enza said she’d be there with the gang in tow the minute visiting hours began.

The nurse changed Kara’s bedding and gown and Elena brushed her hair and got her comfortable. After mommy and baby had tried their first nursing session, Kara yawned loudly and handed her baby to Elena. Elena cradled the baby in the crook of her arm. “Look what you made, Kara. Mom would be so freakin’ proud of you.” Elena’s voice cracked.

“Oh, Laney, I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me, too.” Elena smiled. “Me, too,” she said again. “I’m so sorry for everything.” The baby let out a tiny squeak and both sisters gasped in wonder. “She’s absolutely perfect, Kara.”

“Laney, look. The sun’s coming up.”

Elena walked the baby over to the window that overlooked the city. A layer of snow covered the rooftops and the first rays of the sun shattered the darkness. “Look, baby. There’s a great big world out there and I know, believe me, I know it can be scary, but all you have to do is look for the light and you’ll be just fine.” Her voice broke but holding that brand new life in her arms, she couldn’t be sad—not all the way.

“Call him. Call Lucas again.”

Elena turned away from the window, but kept her eyes glued to the precious bundle in her arms. “Later. I’ll call him later. And I’ll keep calling him until he talks to me. I’m not giving up, Kara. He said he’s in love with me and he needs to know I’m in love with him, too. He needs to know I’m staying in New York, I’m staying with the SFG and I’m staying with you.”

Kara gasped. “Are you serious?”

“Completely.”

“Lucas changed your mind?”

Elena laughed once and thought about that. Nobody can change a mind that refused to be changed. “No. But he definitely helped.”

“So what did?”

“Your room number.” Elena looked up, found Kara recording her with her cell phone and adjusted the baby so the camera could capture that adorable little face. “When they directed us into this room, I couldn’t believe it. Six eighteen, Kara.”

It took her a second and then Kara gasped. “Mom’s birthday!”

Elena nodded and shrugged as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “It’s a sign, Kara. It’s Mom’s way of saying she was here with you—with us and that she loves us. I never would have connected that—wouldn’t even have noticed that—if I hadn’t met Lucas.” She carefully put the baby into her little plastic bassinet. “Kara, do you think there’s still hope?”

Kara tapped her phone, saved the video, and nodded. “There’s always hope, honey.” She shifted over on her bed. “Come on. Let’s shut our eyes for a while, okay?”

Elena smiled and slid beside her sister just the way they used to when they were little and thunderstorms pounded their house. They slept soundly for several hours until a nurse came in with Kara’s breakfast tray. Elena stretched, smiled, and looked at the baby, snuggled in her tiny bed next to them. She felt... she couldn’t find the words. Content. Light. Maybe even happy.

How was that possible?

Later, when visiting hours began, Cass, Jade, and Bree rushed in with balloons, flowers, presents wrapped in pink and red paper. Their moms, Aunt Vincenza, Aunt Joann, and Aunt Gigi—the women who’d stepped in—stepped up—when Kara and Elena lost their mom, followed behind.

“Awww, she looks like Marie,” Aunt Enza said in a voice thick with tears, as she stared at the baby in Kara’s arms.

“You think?” Kara smiled at her daughter. “I only see Steve.”

“Look at all that hair! That’s totally Marie.” Enza ran her hand over the baby’s head where a tiny pink bow held up a tuft of hair. Elena grinned wide. Mom’s hair had been thick and straight. When Elena was little—well before she’d discovered the joys of the Brazilian Blowout—she’d wished for straight hair that gleamed like her mom’s but she’d been cursed with her father’s wiry mess. It looked like her niece would be spared that nightmare.

“Let me see! All I see is blanket,” Aunt Joann complained. She peeked over Enza’s shoulder and squealed.

“Oh, she’s beautiful!”

“Good job, mama,” Jade added.

“Kara, honey.” Aunt Joann cupped Kara’s cheek. “I am so proud of you and know your mom would be, too.”

Kara’s face wobbled and Aunt Gigi rushed over to fold her up in a hug. “Shh, shh, shh, baby, we’ve got you. You’re not alone. You’re never alone.”

“Oh, Aunt Gigi, it hurts,” Kara whispered. “I hate that my daughter will never know my mom. But I’m so glad, so incredibly glad she’ll have three grandmas.”

While the moms cooed over Mom and Baby, Elena glanced at Cassandra. She stood just a little apart from the group. Elena put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Cass.” But Cass only shook her head.

“Not needed, Laney. Everything’s just the way it’s supposed to be.”

Not everything
, she thought when Cass sent a wistful look toward the baby.

“So what’s her name, Kara?” Bree asked.