Graceful Ashes (4 page)

“Do you have any names picked out?”

“Nope. We’re kind of winging it. Waiting to see what we are having and will go from there.”

“How much longer?”

“Hopefully our next appointment, which is next Tuesday.”

“I better be the first call either of you make.” I threatened.

“You know you will be.”

She informed me like I had lost my mind if I thought I wouldn’t be the first phone call.

“I wish I could be there with you two.”

“I do too, Zoey. But you’re making something out of your life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

My smile faded as I thought about how little I was making of my life. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But I won’t be missing the birth if I have
anything
to do with it.”

“That’s between you, Talon, and what classes you have going on.”

“You know once that baby is on the way, my ass will be on my way back to Chicago.”

“Okay, little missy.”

“Go get you something good to eat and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Take care of yourself, Zoey. And do not hesitate to call me if you need to talk.”

“Sure thing.”

“Bye, babe.”

“Talk to you soon.”

I was less stressed after talking to Tegan, but something was still missing. I needed someone to knock some sense into me. Someone to tell me that the decision I had made as a child wasn’t the reason I had lost my parents and my baby brother. But I knew deep down in my gut that I
was
the reason Talon and I had lost them. That the guilt I was feeling over the years was my punishment for not listening to my mother when she had put me to bed. She’d told me to stay in my own room, to not go to Talon’s, but I hadn’t listened. The nightmare I’d had was far too strong for me to endure on my own so I wandered into his room which forced him to take me back to mine where we both fell asleep at. If I’d listened he would’ve been able to get us all out that night, not just me. Every decision in life comes with a consequence, even those you make as a young child. I was beginning to relive my heartache all over again.

Chapter Four

Usually my Friday’s were packed with dance classes, so having a Friday completely clear of classes was a miracle in itself. But another instance of a miracle was having someone call me to go out with them.
That
was new. Clara had texted me off and on since we’d met on Wednesday, only to ask if I wanted to go to a party Friday night. I had never in my life been to a college party. Hell, I hadn’t been to a party without parental supervision, ever. Lame, I know. But when you grow up with your head stuck in dancing and a protective brother who keeps an eye on your every move, you don’t have time or the opportunity for the crazy life most teens get to experience. At least I didn’t.

I’d gone back and forth with the idea of going to the party with Clara. Mainly because the last party I had attended—who was I kidding—that I had walked through to get home, ended with me swallowing down a heaping amount of Mary Jane from one delicious stranger. A delicious stranger I was dying to see again. So I’d agreed to go, hoping that maybe a certain guy by the name of Hendrix would show up at some point during the night.

“Are you sure about this?” I stood before Clara’s floor length mirror mounted on the back of her bathroom door.

“You. Look. Hot!” She enunciated each word.

Probably trying to get it through my thick skull.

Her hand capped my shoulder as she stood beside me. I had allowed her to help me with my wardrobe choice, which I was regretting due to the short black sequin shorts, sheer leggings, and teal scoop neck crop top she had me in. I wasn’t one to flaunt what my momma gave me, as she’d called it. So being overly exposed felt odd, even if I pranced around in leotards all the time during dance class.

“I don’t know…”

Clara rolled her eyes before she disappeared into the closet. “Here.” A shirt flew toward my face. “Take this with you. If you want to change you’ll be able to change your shirt.”

“You act like I have no clothes of my own.” I laughed at her annoyance of me debating on changing.

“Oh, I know you have clothes. But nothing that is party worthy.”

“Hey!” I crossed my arms over my chest and cocked a hip. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with my choice of clothing. I personally like it.”

“To each their own.” One of her eyebrows rose as she took in my appearance once more.

A boisterous laugh erupted from my chest as I looped my arm with hers. “Come on, shit head, before I change my mind.”

“Already calling me names? This will be a beautiful friendship!”

Our laughter filled the hallway as she locked her apartment behind us. I was officially off to attend my first college party.

“Where the hell are we going?” I whispered to Clara who sat beside me in the backseat of a cab I had no idea we would be taking.

“NYU.”

My eyes almost bulged out of my head. “Say what?” The pitch of my voice was a couple octaves higher than usual as I tried to swallow with a dry as hell throat. “I thought you said you knew the person hosting it.”

“I do.” Clara smiled widely. “We had a thing about six months back. He’s one of the main guys at a fraternity at NYU.”

“You failed to mention the party wasn’t someone’s from Juilliard,” I huffed.

Her eyes rolled as she shook her head. “Loosen up, Zoey. It doesn’t matter what college the party is at. What matters is that you are about to have the night of your life!” She tossed her hand in the air and tipped her head back.

My lungs expanded to capacity as I inhaled. “Hopefully I don’t regret it.” I mumbled.

Clara’s eyes narrowed as her mouth formed a line. “Don’t be a Debbie Downer, Zoey. It’ll be fun as long as you don’t go in there with the current attitude you’re sporting.”

She was right. I was being a complete and utter asshole about not getting the full info on where the party was at. Was that her fault? Not exactly. I didn’t specifically ask her where we would be going. A prime example of why I never had close friends. I was the awkward chick who didn’t know what to ask about and how to react to certain situations.

My eyes closed as I momentarily shut out the world around me.
Take a deep breath and enjoy tonight. You only live once, Zoey.

“Okay.” I sighed.

“Okay, what?” Clara’s eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s time to have the night of my life.” A smile bigger than Texas spread across my face.

She squealed. “That’s right!”

Twenty minutes later the cab came to a stop. “That’ll be thirty two eighty.” The cabbie turned in his seat to look at the two of us.

Clara handed over a fifty dollar bill and winked. “Keep the change.”

“Have a good night, ladies,” he called out as we slid from the cab and shut the door.

“He was cute!” Clara hugged my arm as I took in the large building before us.

“Yeah, if you like older men.”

“I’m not biased.” Clara fanned her face. “I like
all
men.” She winked at me.

My laugh erupted unexpectedly. “Sweet Lord above…What have I gotten myself into with you.” I shook my head and laughed again as we walked with linked arms toward the building decorated with Greek letters designating the frat’s name.

“I swear I’m not as crazy as you’re thinking I am right now.”

“If you so say…” I joked.

Loud music thumped through the night air as the front door swung open and a tall shortly cropped, dark haired guy stumbled out. “Fuck, Clara. I didn’t know your sexy ass was going to be here.” He wove his way down the concrete steps than hooked an arm around Clara’s shoulders.

She broke into a fit of laughter.

I stood there in silence as I watched the guy swoop a hand under Clara’s extremely short black skirt.

Before he could reach her goods she smacked his hand away, her smile never faltering. “You’re such a horn dog, Thad.”

“Did you just call me a hot dog?” He dropped his forehead to her jaw then ran his nose up her cheek, his mouth going slack in the process. My cheeks heated from at the erotic look on his face. I wasn’t used to seeing such sexual displays.

Thad had a thing for Clara.

“You’re drunk as hell.” She wrapped her arm around his waist and mounted the steps.

I followed them into the house, trying to keep my eyes off of his hand smoothing over her backside.

The music roared as we moved deeper into the building. The place was packed. Everywhere people were intertwined, making out, or drinking like their life depended on it. I couldn’t believe my eyes. My cheeks flamed at the man leaning against the wall with a woman down on her knees before him, her eyes locked on his as she slowly undid his jeans.

“Holy, shit.” The words slipped out, but the music drowned out my remark or at least no one acknowledged my comment if they heard it.

The place looked like they had knocked most of the wall down to create an extra-large living room, which connected to an open kitchen area. In the living room, people danced body to body while in the kitchen, around a couple kegs, a group chanted their choice for the keg stand contest.

“Still back there?” Clara called over her shoulder.

“Yep!” I called back to her.

We stopped a couple feet from the kegs.

“Where the hell you been, Thad?” A tall dark haired guy held the legs of a very familiar looking guy with dreadlocks who chugged beer from a keg stand.

I stared at the guy with dreads, and soon lost track of the conversation between Thad and the dark haired guy until someone nudged me in the shoulder. I startled and turned to the perpetrator and found Clara staring at me with a look of worry in her eyes.

She bent her head close to my ear. “You good?”

I nodded.

“Who’s your friend, Clara?” the dark haired guy giving Thad shit asked.

“I’m Zoey.” I gave him a small wave.

The guy with the dreadlocks came up for air; he was tapping out on the keg stand race.  The dark haired guy lowered his legs to the floor, clasped him on the shoulder then walked toward me.

“Nice to meet you, Zoey. I’m Eli.”

He held out a red plastic cup of what I assumed to be beer. I faced a turning point. Did I take the first step toward having the night of my life, or did I wimp out and remain the sheltered and serious Zoey Fisher?
You’ve gotta let go of being so shy, pretty girl
.
The world is yours to conquer.
Hendrix’s words from that day on the train popped into my head.
He’s right.

I took the cup and smiled widely. “Nice to meet you, Eli.” I bit my bottom lip.

His gaze dropped to my mouth.

With a deep breath, I took my first drink of alcohol ever. It was ice cold, but bitter and I forced myself to swallow, hoping I wasn’t making a disgusted face. I didn’t want to be the outcast anymore. I wanted to be with the “in” crowd.

As the night progressed, Eli made sure that my cup of bitter beer was full, and I made sure I always drank it down. Stupid move on part, but creating a newer version of me wasn’t going to be easy, right?

“I love this song! Dance with me!” I jumped up from the couch where I had been tucked into Eli’s side.

Eli chuckled as he watched me shimmy to the beat of the song blaring through the room. Any care I had was thrown out the window as I moved effortlessly to the music pumping through my veins. I tossed my hands up into the air and danced my way to the throngs of people bouncing around to the music.

Eli’s strong hands gripped my hips from behind.

My body heated from his contact, but not in the good way.

His hot breath blew across the exposed skin on the back of my neck, as he splayed his fingers across my bare stomach.

My internal alarm sounded, and the intensity of my heart slamming against my chest told me a panic attack was about to rear its ugly head. I tried to escape his grasp only to be yanked against his chest. I gasped, but no one was paying attention, and Clara was nowhere in sight.

Eli’s lips pressed against the skin behind my ear and he whispered, “Let me take you upstairs.”

His words promised all kinds of things that I knew I didn’t want, at least not with him.

I whipped my head from side to side as I struggled to escape his strong arms. “Let go of me!” I growled through clenched teeth. His hold loosened a tad and I turned in his arms.

A smirk played on his lips as he as laughed. “What’s wrong, Zoey?” One of his eyebrows rose.

“Please let me go,” I whimpered.

He pressed his lips against my temple as he gripped my bare midriff.

“Sounds like the girl wants you to let her go, buddy.”

I froze as that voice registered in my alcohol-fogged brain.

“Mind your own business,” Eli spat back.

“Zoey, is it my business?” Hendrix asked.

“Yes.” My voice trembled as the word passed my lips.

Hendrix’s eyes were hard as his gaze moved from me back to Eli.

Once Eli dropped his hands from my waist, I quickly stepped back. The sensation, that hits you in the back of your throat before you vomit, thickened. Before I made a complete fool of myself, I turned and took off. Weaving through the crowd, I saw door that looked like it would lead outside.

“Excuse me!” I called out through my hands clamped over my mouth. I busted through the door onto a back patio area enclosed with a privacy fence.

Please don’t puke…Please don’t puke…

I willed myself to breath slowly as I bent over, my hands gripping my knees. What seemed like an eternity passed before my breathing returned to normal. The beginnings of a headache thumped in the back of my skull. The coolness of the night air felt good against my heated body, but I’d get sick if I stayed out in it very long. Especially with my lack of clothing thanks to my missing friend, Clara.

My first college party had turned into a hellacious nightmare instead of the night of my life. The first guy to give me attention ended up being one that didn’t take the word no for an answer, and my newly found friend had vanished into thin air, leaving me to the wolves. And where the hell did Hendrix come from? He’s like a ninja that appears out of nowhere and disappears just as quickly. Thankfully, I’d downloaded a cab hailing app the first year I’d been at Julliard and in spite of my alcohol fog I remembered the address to my own apartment. I just needed to get myself together enough to walk back through the building without vomiting in the process.