Graceful Ashes (18 page)

Once our tears were dried, Clara pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward the restaurant just as my phone buzzed to life. “We’re on our way,” I informed Talon as soon as I answered.

“I wanted to make sure everything was okay. Couldn’t see you all behind us.”

“We got a little caught up in chit chatting.”

“Of course you did.” He laughed. “We’ll save you seats.”

“Good, we’ll be there soon.”

“Drive safe.”

“We will.” I sat my phone in one of the cup holders.

“I wish I had an older brother that loved me as much as Talon does you.”

“He’s a blessing and a curse at the same time.” I laughed.

“I could see that. He’s awfully protective of you.”

I watched the buildings pass as the rain began to fall. “Because I was the only one he could save during the house fire.”

“You never told me that before…”

Clara’s voice was small.

I didn’t reply.

Clara fell silent, and I was thankful that she knew I didn’t want to talk about the heavy topics of life. I leaned over and turned up the radio in time to catch my newest favorite song, Jenny, by the band Nothing More. With my eyes closed and the song as the only sounds in the car I listened to the lyrics and applied them to my life and how I hoped Hendrix had turned his around.

Chapter Eighteen

The tapping of my dance shoe against the hardwood floor echoed through the empty room. Everyone from our production had gone home for the night; leaving me to my thoughts as I ran through some of the choreography I felt could be stronger on my part.

My foot was no longer bothering me, but I stretched it anyway before and after the round of moves. As I sat on the floor my mind went directly to Hendrix and the information Clara had given me last week. But when those thoughts hit me, I tried my best not to let them hang around long; reliving the heartache wasn’t something I wanted to do.

I laid flat on my back and took in the coolness of the floor against my heated body. My eyes instinctively closed and for once I cleared my mind so the silence could seep in. Moments of pure calmness were hard to come by, but I was finally experiencing the first one in almost four years. The last being before I left Chicago for Juilliard.

“I wasn’t expecting to find you still here, let alone asleep on the floor.”

Although Rick spoke quietly, he startled me. I kept my eyes closed. “I’m not sleeping.”

Rick chuckled. “Could’ve fooled me.”

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. “I
did
fool you.” A smile played on my lips.

“That is true.” A wide grin spread across his face. “Care for some company?”

I pushed up, resting my weight on my palms. “Sure, why not.” I shrugged and Rick took a seat beside me, his shoulder barely touching mine.

His leg moved closer and I noticed he wasn’t wearing his usual suit but a pair of dark grey jogging pants and a fitted white tank top. His bare arms caught my attention as my eyes rolled up his body. The defined muscles that flexed as he rested back on his palms weren’t what I expected, but neither were the muscular pecs that filled his tank top out.

“Eyes up here.”

Rick’s joke pulled laughter from deep within my lungs. I hadn’t expected him to pop off something so witty, let alone notice that I was ogling him. My cheeks heated as embarrassment washed over me. I, Zoey Fisher, had so bluntly checked out the man who hired me that he noticed.

“I’m not used to seeing you in anything other than a suit. It threw me off.” I dropped my eyes to his splayed fingers, which almost touched mine.

“I went for a run after rehearsals.”

“It’s cold outside!”

“A run on the treadmill, Zoey.” He chuckled.

“Oh.” I fell into my own light laughter.

A few moments of silence hung between us after our laughter faded away. I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t push us over the professional line, and my heart was fluttering like a mad butterfly from Rick’s close proximity. My eyes closed as I tried to slow my heartbeats and regain composure of my feelings when his pinky wrapped around mine and my eyes flung open.

“What are you thinking about?”

Rick’s deep voice sent chills across my flesh.

His eyes focus on my collarbone and drug up the column of my neck, followed by my face, until his chocolate brown eyes connected with mine.

“Life.” I whispered.

“What about it?”

“It’s difficult and confusing.”

“All the good things of life don’t come easy.”

I knew all too well what Rick was saying, but he had no clue what I meant by those four words. My silence must’ve been an indicator that I wasn’t as young and naïve as most girls my age might’ve been because his hand smoothed over the top of mine and his fingers curled into my palm as he gently squeezed.

“What’s bothering you, Zoey?”

“The past,” I admitted far too easily.

Rick leaned closer.

“What are we doing?” I asked.

“Trying our best to not make things complicated.” Rick hooked a strand of hair behind my ear.

“It doesn’t seem that way.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

He stood, leaving me sitting on the floor. “I like you, Zoey, that’s obvious I’m sure. But I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or make it seem like you have to reciprocate my feelings.”

“I’m not uncomfortable, just uncertain,” I quickly countered.

He extended his hand. “Do you mind me asking what you’re uncertain about?”

I took his hand and my heart rate accelerated as I wondered whether I should lay it all on the line for him.

“You can tell me anything. I wouldn’t think less of you if it wasn’t good.”

He’d read my mind. I took that as a sign. I breathed in a deep breath and slowly let it out. Diving into my backstory wasn’t going to be easy, even if it was necessary.

“A year and a half after I moved to Juilliard I met a guy. I’d never cared much about dating because I’d always had dance, but there was something different about Hendrix.” I paused as I smiled from recalling our first encounter. “From the first moment I knew he could be the person to turn my safe little world upside down, and he did just that.”

As I told Rick about Hendrix I realized just how hung up on him I sounded. It’d been over two years since our last encounter but yet when I thought or spoke of him I still got the same damn butterflies in my gut. This time they were paired with an ache around my heart. Would what I was revealing to Rick run him off, or pull him in closer? I was a damaged girl whose heart was stuck on her first love. Did he really want that? Did
I
really want him to want me? I honestly didn’t know…

“You don’t have to stop.”

Rick broke through my thoughts.

“Are you sure you really want to hear this?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” he replied softly.

I walked a couple feet away from where I’d been standing with Rick and turned my back to him. My emotions were all over the place, and I knew deep down that it wasn’t right to spill my guts to him regarding my past, a past that wasn’t anyone’s but mine and Hendrix’s. Once my mind was made up I took a steady breath and turned to face him once more. “As much as I would love to try to give us a shot, I don’t think it’s appropriate, Rick. You’re my boss for one. And for two, I’m just not ready to find love again.” The last part was like a knife slowly peeling away my skin.

I’d found love once. Yes, it might’ve been tainted and dirty, but it was love. The kind of love that I’d never known until Hendrix; and a love that I was so hung up on it clouded any other kind of love around me. 

As silence hung in the air my eyes welled with tears. The overflow of emotions was from a bundle of things. Rick was off limits since he was my boss—even though I didn’t know where my heart sat when it came to him. Hendrix’s memory was creating havoc in my mind and heart, while I was yet again hundreds of miles away from the comfort of my family. Don’t get me wrong, I had happiness mixed in with it all too, but the heartache was far stronger than the happiness at the moment.

“I understand.”

Rick’s voice startled me. I turned to face him then dropped my gaze when our eyes connected. “The last thing I want to do is make things awkward between us. I’m beyond grateful for the opportunity you have given me with this position on Broadway, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.”

The sound of Rick’s shoes grew louder. His hand cupped my chin and lifted my face so our gazes met again. “Nothing would make things awkward between us, Zoey. You earned your spot here on Broadway. It’s as simple as that. I understand where you’re coming from when you say you don’t want to jeopardize that, and I don’t want you to feel like trying something with me would do that. How about we let things play out how they are meant to? Does that sound good for you?” A crooked grin tipped up the corners of his lips.

I nodded. “That sounds perfect.”

His arms wrapped around my waist as mine wrapped around his neck.

“I’m sorry if I pressured you in any way,” Rick said against my hair.

“There’s no need to apologize. We’re both struggling with the same emotions, just in different ways is all.”

Rick held me at arm’s length. “I don’t know everything you’ve dealt with, Zoey, but I’m glad you’ve become the person you are.” He placed a hand over my heart just before I stepped out of his grasp.

“I’m assuming that’s a compliment,” I dropped my gaze.

“One hundred and ten percent so.”

I laughed.

“How about we go get a cup of coffee?” Rick titled his head in the direction of the exit. “I know a nice little place a couple blocks from here with big comfy couches and low music.”

“That sounds exactly like what I need right now.” I smiled happily.

We collected our things and shut the studio down before heading to the coffee shop he’d suggested. My night hadn’t been what I assumed it would be, but I wasn’t disappointed by that. Because my nights consisted mostly of watching sappy ass movies or drinking far too many glasses of wine before passing out on the couch during some horrible reality TV show, coffee with Rick didn’t sound bad at all.

The little coffee shop lived up to Rick’s bragging. Not only did I gulp down a large cup while we were there, but I snagged one to take home too. I kicked my door shut then maneuvered into my apartment. I’d left bright and early expecting to return earlier than I had so the entire place was pitch black.

I personally have never been a fan of the dark; probably because I found myself thrown into nightmares of the fire when I slept in pitch-blackness, but also because the complete absence of light downright frightened me. Call me a baby or a chicken, I honestly didn’t care, but if I had to sleep sober in a completely dark room…it wasn’t happening.

My hand slapped against the wall looking for the light switch that one would think I could pinpoint pretty easily given how long I’d been living in the apartment, but apparently that wasn’t the case. Once my fingers slipped over the little lever, I flipped it up and nothing. Absolutely nothing happened. No light, no sound, nothing.

“Oh hell no,” I growled as I flipped the switch repeatedly. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” I set my things on the end table that I knew was next to me.

Finally I turned on the flashlight on my phone. That’s when I realized not a single thing was on in my apartment. The little red light on the floor heater in the far left corner of the room was nonexistent. The same with the glow of the plug-in nightlight in the hallway. I rubbed a hand up and down my face. The last thing I wanted to do was come home from a long ass day to an apartment with no electricity.

I swiped my finger across Clara’s face to dial her number.

“Hey there skank tank!”

Her bubbly tone made me giggle. “Hello to you too, ass hat.”

“Don’t sound so blue.”

“You’d be blue too if you were dealing with no electricity.” I huffed.

“You’re shitting me?”

“That’s exactly what I said when the light didn’t turn on when I walked in the door.”

Clara sucked air into her mouth making a hissing sound. “That blows.”

“Hell yes it does.”

“Want to crash at my place?”

“No, I was just seeing if you had electricity and all that jazz.”

“You’re more than welcome to come over. As long as you grab some takeout and a kick ass bottle of wine on the way.”

“I’m not feeling takeout and wine tonight. Hopefully my electricity comes back on soon.”

“Yeah, at least it isn’t a state wide black out or anything.”

“Lucky you,” I teased.

“Yeah, lucky me…but shitty you,” she countered.

“You’re always so nice.” I laughed.

“Bite me.”

“This escalated quickly.”

“Always does.”

“That’s for sure.”

“Well, if you get tired of sitting in the dark and silence, you have my address.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“The door’s open any time.” She paused. “Unless you want to bring some dude over to screw so he doesn’t know where you live, then the door is closed. You have your own place for those shenanigans.”

“You would go there.” I laughed.