Grown-up (13 page)

“Why not?” asked Austin with a waver in his voice.

Ben twisted his arm out of Austin’s grip, took a step away, and straightened his back. “I know what I am. Most days I’m proud of it. I’ve worked damn hard to get here. But it doesn’t matter how many trendy outfits you dress me in or how many hip clubs you take me to. You’ve learned to be an adult, but I’m never going to be one of those hot guys who can dance all night and fuck you in the bathroom, then just move on.”

Austin felt exactly as if he’d been punched in the stomach. “Is that what you think I want?”

“Don’t you?”

“No. That’s not….” It was hard to speak through the thickness in his throat. “That night, I just thought you needed a little fun, that’s all.”

“A little
fun
.” Ben turned away abruptly and began marching back in the direction of Sam’s.

Austin rushed to catch up and blocked his way. “I mean the club. The sex, that wasn’t fun.” When Ben gave him an incredulous look, Austin nearly howled with frustration at his own inability to communicate effectively. Tabby was right, junior high was
way
easier.

“Here’s the thing, Ben. The club was so you could let loose a little. Not because there’s anything wrong with you, and not because I want you to be Pax or Randy. Just so you could…. You’ve carried this heavy burden for years, right? Since you were eight. I wanted to help you put that burden down for one night.”

To his credit, Ben seemed to be truly listening. “I understand,” he said. “But when you slept with me….”

“That was misguided. Um, not because the sex was bad, because it really, really wasn’t. Because I thought I was doing you this big favor, letting you know what a quick little hookup feels like. But by then I wasn’t fooling myself. I knew for me it was….” He stopped to chew his lip.

Man up
, said the nagging voice in his head.

So there, in what was certainly the least romantic spot in the city and possibly the least romantic spot in the entire damn state, Austin offered Ben his heart.

“I knew the truth that night, Benny. I was practically epiphanied into unconsciousness and I
knew
. I love you. Shit. I never believed I’d say that to anyone. I… I hadn’t gotten that far on the list! But it’s true.”

Ben’s lip had gone slightly wobbly again. “For a man in love, you ran away awfully fast the next day.”

“I know. I was protecting… I don’t know who I was protecting. But I figured we’d be friends and I’d be grateful for that because I knew you’d never feel the same way about me.”

“Why did you think that, Ozzy?”

Austin worried he was going to start hyperventilating, and a few guys across the street were staring, but that didn’t matter because Ben had called him Ozzy. Maybe that meant there was hope.

“Because I’m not like you. I’m not strong. Until recently I wasn’t stable. I had a loving family—one that gave me way too much—and still I ended up this loser with shit jobs and a shared apartment. I don’t have substance like you do.”

Ben looked at him for a long time, then swallowed. “Come here, Ozzy.” He held out a hand, and Austin grasped it. Ben’s skin was warm and his grip surprisingly strong. He gave Austin a long, solemn look. “It’s been a long time since somebody loved me.”

“Somebody really, really does.”

And Ben pulled him into a fierce hug.

Austin was vaguely aware that tears were running down his face and that Ben was crying too, and across the street, the guys in coveralls started a round of clapping and cheers. None of that mattered.

“How serious did you want to make this?” Ben asked against his cheek.

“Deadly serious. Starting with moving in and, after a lot of planning, ending with ’til death do you part. That kind of serious.”

“Monogamy? Picket fence? Breakfast in bed on Sundays?”

It was funny, but those things sounded a lot more enticing than the hottest club in town. “Yes,” Austin said. “Joint checking account. Life insurance beneficiary. Sharing each other’s underwear.”

Ben chuckled through his tears. “I
did
kind of like those red briefs.”

Hand in hand, Austin’s heart singing, they walked back toward Sam’s. A realization struck Austin—a minor one this time, but important. “You’ll have family now. A boring brother-in-law in Indiana with his judgmental wife and tantrum-prone toddlers. A flaky mother-in-law who will shock you speechless. And
two
fantastic fathers-in-law, one of whom is kind of dying to be your dad.”

Ben made a happy sound and grinned so widely it must have ached. “And do you know what you get, Austin Phoenix?”

“You?”

“Of course. And a cute little bungalow that needs a kitchen remodel but comes without stoner or bodybuilder roomies. A job you’ll excel at. And me as your boss.”

Maybe growing up wasn’t just a tough battle. Maybe grown-ups had all the fun. Austin fully intended to find out.

He brought Ben’s hand to his mouth so he could kiss his knuckles. “Excellent. ’Cause boss, let me tell you about this idea I have for the grand opening….”

About the Author

K
IM
F
IELDING
is very pleased every time someone calls her eclectic. Her books have won Rainbow Awards and span a variety of genres. She has migrated back and forth across the western two-thirds of the United States and currently lives in California, where she long ago ran out of bookshelf space. She’s a university professor who dreams of being able to travel and write full time. She also dreams of having two perfectly behaved children, a husband who isn’t obsessed with football, and a house that cleans itself. Some dreams are more easily obtained than others.

Blogs: http://kfieldingwrites.com/ and http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4105707.Kim_Fielding/blog

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