Hallie's Destiny (The Donovans of the Delta) (16 page)

“The night wind off the river is chilly this time of year.”

“It’s more than the night wind, Josh. I’m afraid.”

“Hallie . . .” She felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath. “I’ve tried to protect you.”

“You know?” Deep down, she already knew the answer to her question, but she felt compelled to ask it anyhow.

“Yes. Dad told me you and Debbie came by.”

“What else did he tell you?”

“That you’d asked him to become involved in your grandparent program.”

“It’s a wonderful idea!”

“Yes. I agree. It’s a generous, loving idea. It’s typical of you.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

His arms tightened for a moment, then he caught her chin and tenderly turned her face up to his.

“Why, Hallie? After all I’d told you, after the way I’ve tried to keep you from getting involved in the Butlers’ ugly family affairs, why did you do this? And without discussing it with me first.”

“Would you have said ‘yes’?”

“No.”

“That’s what I thought.” A look of purpose came into her face. She knew the time had come for boldness. “Don’t you see? I’m in love with you.” She heard his sharp intake of breath, saw the brief look of joy that flared in his eyes, then the careful mask he dropped over his face. “Oh, Josh . . . I
do
love you. Loving you has reminded me that I want the same thing I grew up with—a large, wonderful family—and I want those things with you!”

“Hallie, don’t.”

“Shhh.” She touched her hands to his lips. “I know you don’t want commitment. I know you’re not the marrying kind. And I’m not going to leave you because of that, believe me. I can be patient.”

“A selfish part of me wants to believe you.” He tangled his hands in her hair, lifted it to his lips, then let it sift slowly through his fingers. He focused his attention on her hair, watching the play of moonlight on the gleaming strands. She loved him. She wanted marriage, children. He’d lost her. He felt as if somebody had taken a hammer to his heart and pounded it to pieces.

“I had to try. In my family we always shared the bad times as well as the good. Love doesn’t run from adversity.” Her eyes were as dark as the storm clouds that suddenly scuttled across the moon. “I probably should have come to you before I went to your father. But, Josh, I truly believed that I might be able to accomplish what your years of patience had not. I used shock therapy. I was rude. Knowing you, I’m sure that you never used that approach with Hiram.”

For the first time since he’d picked her up, he gave a genuine smile.

“He described you as the sassiest young woman he’d ever met.”

“He must have been appalled at my behavior.”

“I don’t think so. But it’s hard to tell with Dad. He’s kept his feelings bottled up for so long. . . .”

“What did he say about the project? Is he coming to the theater?”

“I don’t know, Hallie. He was restless when we talked. He prowled around the room . . . kept picking up the photograph of George and his family. All I can say for sure is that your visit disturbed him.”

“Josh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make more trouble for you.”

Almost unconsciously, Josh caressed her face as he gazed out across the river. “Maybe he needed to be disturbed. Maybe it’s time somebody told him to forget about his own grief and get involved in life again. It would be wonderful if . . .” He paused, imagining his father laughing again, envisioning Hiram bouncing children on his knee. Hallie’s children. Her special children.

A stunning thought took hold.
His
children. His and Hallie’s. Was it possible? Suddenly he remembered George. He’d been on the wagon for the last eight weeks, holed up in his apartment. But who knew when he would go on another binge? An awful scenario intruded on his mind—Hallie, waiting at home, perhaps with a baby, while he visited every bar in town trying to find his brother. He slammed the door shut on his thoughts of marriage.

“It can happen, Josh. I know it. I believe your father is going to become interested in living again. And then we can work with George.”

“No.”

“Love is sharing, and I’m strong.”

“Yes, you’re strong.” He held her at arm’s length and looked into her eyes. “You’re special, and you have the instincts of a guardian angel. I’ve known that all along. I don’t know why your visit to my house surprised me.” He took her hand and squeezed it. He was silent for a long time.

Hallie saw the resolution in his face. No! she wanted to scream.

“I can’t let you sacrifice your happiness for me, Hallie.”

“Don’t say any more,” she whispered.

“I must. You want marriage and a family. Things I can’t give you. Not now. Maybe not ever.”

“If I can’t have it with you, I don’t want it.”

“You do. Family is important to you. I’ve seen how your eyes sparkle and your face glows when you talk about your family. I won’t deny you that.”

“Please, Josh—for once in your life, don’t be noble.”

He put his hands on her face, tenderly traced its beautiful lines. His fingertips lingered over her lips. When the tip of her tongue came out and wet his fingers, he died a little inside. Never to know the joy of Hallie again was going to be the most painful thing he’d ever endured.

“You tempt me. Lord, how you tempt me.”

His agony was so plainly stamped on his face that Hallie cried for him. Two bright tears wet her eyelashes and splashed down her cheeks. Love was not a plan, she thought. It couldn’t be forced by gentle persuasion or by anything else. Love had to be free.

Instinctively she sensed one move on her part would crumble Josh’s defenses. They would come together like two storm clouds clashing over the river. But to what end? To be lovers, merely lovers. Would she settle for that? Right now, with his touch gentle on her face, she’d say yes. But later? Six months from now? Six years? She didn’t know.

“Don’t say it, Josh,” she whispered. “We’ve never said goodbye. Let’s not say it now.”

“You’ve given me the greatest joy I’ve ever known.”

“As you have for me.”

“I’d give everything I own for things to be different.”

“I know.”

“You’ll always be my obsession.”

“And you’ll always be my love. Remember that, Josh.” Their gazes caught and held. Far below, the river sang its timeless wisdom against the bluffs.

“Hold me,” Hallie whispered.

Josh took her in his arms. With her head pressed over his heart and his head resting on her hair, they sat on Whippoorwill Bluff. Silent and still, they stayed there until dark clouds crossed the moon and the first drops of rain wet the earth.

Holding hands, they walked to Josh’s car, and he drove her home. For the first time since she’d arrived in Florence, he didn’t go inside. As he turned his face away from the little house on Cypress Mill Road, he felt as if he had turned to stone.

 o0o

Hallie didn’t know how she got through the rest of the week. For a while after Josh had left her, she thought tomorrow might never come without him. But each morning she woke up to find that tomorrow had come anyway. She hoped her special children would make her forget. There at the theater she became caught up in the magic.

She’d planned a Grand Opening for the weekend. On Saturday her troupes would take the stage for the first time and play to an audience. Her only regret was that Josh wouldn’t be there to see the small miracle his money had wrought.

 o0o

Josh worked himself to the point of exhaustion. Since the night on Whippoorwill Bluff, he’d spent hours in his office, drowning himself in work, inventing work if he couldn’t find any. Not for one minute did he allow himself to question his decision. He had released Hallie—that was final. Becoming involved with her had been a mistake.

As atonement, he kept The Woman in Red in his office. Seeing it was like hitting an open wound with a baseball bat. Each morning he’d pause inside his door, stare at the poster, then go to his desk, feeling battered and distraught.

By the time Friday came he was functioning as if he were a robot. He did his penance by gazing at the poster, then he walked to his desk and automatically picked up the newspaper.

The front-page headlines shook him to the core. GRAND OPENING OF THEATER FOR SPECIAL CHILDREN. His eyes quickly scanned the article, picking up significant bits and pieces of information. “Hallie Donovan, an extraordinary woman in her own right . . .” He could attest to that. Hallie dangling from the tree limb, a yellow ribbon tangled in her long, dark hair, came to his mind. He shook his head free of the image and read on. “Funded by Josh Butler, President of Silken Moments . . .” He should be there. Instead of sitting behind his desk, he should be helping Hallie with the opening. He quickly scanned the rest of the article. “Saturday night at seven o’clock Miss Donovan’s special troupes will perform onstage for the first time. The performance will be free to the public. No reservations. . .”

Josh closed the paper and reached for the phone. It rang three times, then four. The bitter taste of regret and disappointment rose inside him. He’d started to lower the receiver when he heard Hallie’s voice. She sounded out of breath, but cheerful.

“Hallie, I read about your theater opening in the paper today. It’s been so long since we discussed it, I’d forgotten.” Liar, he said to himself. He’d forgotten because any remembrance of her and her plans brought him pain.

“Josh . . .” There was a slight hesitation after she said his name. What was she thinking? he wondered. Was she missing him as much as he was missing her? “I would have called you, but I thought you’d probably be busy with other things.”

Did that mean she didn’t want him there? Who could blame her? With an effort, he put personal considerations aside.

“I wouldn’t miss it. You’ve worked very hard on this project. I want to see you take your first bow.”

“The bows will be for my special children.”

“I’ve put together a small reception for you and the children.” That wasn’t the truth, either, but he’d have it put together within the hour. If he’d told her he was
planning to
, she’d surely have said no. “At the country club. After your program,” he added.

“You shouldn’t have. I don’t expect personal involvement from you. Especially now.”

Especially now
. The words brought back the goodbye scene on Whippoorwill Bluff all too vividly. He shut his eyes briefly. When he opened them, he made his voice crisp and authoritative.

“We said from the beginning that this theater project would be a business arrangement. Consider the reception strictly a business function.”

CHAPTER TEN

There was nothing businesslike about the way Josh felt when he entered the theater Saturday night. He’d come early, telling himself his intention was to get a good seat. But the minute he’d entered the doors of Jubilee, he knew what his real intentions were. He wanted to see Hallie.

Acknowledging friends with brief smiles and nods, he hurried backstage. Hallie was there, her back to him, bent over one of her special children. She was wearing red, a strapless dress that billowed around her like a flaming sunset cloud.

“Hallie.”

She turned at the sound of her name. Her face never lost its glow. He wanted to bellow his outrage at the Fates because he knew the glow wasn’t for him.

She hurried forward and caught his hand. Then, as if she’d thought better, she let it drop.

“I’m glad you’re here, Josh.”

“Are you?”

“Yes. For the sake of the children. I want them to know who is responsible for this project.”

“I want no credit.”

For a moment, the imp in her smiled out at him. Then it was gone. “We don’t always get what we want.”

“No.” What he wanted was to take her in his arms and hold her so close, he could feel her heart beating against his. What he wanted was for the rest of the world to disappear so that he and Hallie could live forever in their Never Never Land of love and laughter and passion.

Caught up in the nearness of her, he stood backstage, gazing with naked longing into her eyes. The fragrance of honeysuckle drifted around them. He knew it came from her hair. Passion slashed through him.

He had to turn away. Common sense demanded it.

“Good luck, Hallie.”

“Thank you.”

He found a seat on the left side of the theater, near the front. Leaning back, he watched with satisfaction as the chattering crowd filled the theater. He could feel the excitement in the air.

Suddenly the lights dimmed and there was a hush. The velvet curtain slowly opened, and Hallie stood center stage. Surrounded by spotlights, she looked like every man’s vision of perfection dramatically brought to life. It was going to be a long night. Josh could tell. He figured if he got through the night without ravishing her, he deserved a medal of some sort.

Hallie announced that her troupe would present a musical revue. She introduced the accompanist for the evening, Kevin Mullins, a seventeen-year-old student of hers who was an incredibly talented pianist. Hallie once had told him that God sometimes compensated his special children by giving them an extraordinary gift of music. Kevin proved the truth of her statement. There wasn’t a single sheet of music on the piano, for all the sounds were in his head. Under his talented hands, the piano legs fairly danced.

Josh was soon lost in the magic Hallie had once told him she’d resurrect. Her younger students, some of them on crutches and in wheelchairs, did the Munchkin song from
The Wizard of Oz
. Their rendition was mostly off-key, but their enthusiasm made up for lack of talent.

As they sang, the sense of nostalgia was so strong in him that Josh could smell the bluebonnets, could feel Hallie’s hand on his bare chest, could hear her saying that any man who knew
The Wizard of Oz
had a heart.

Suddenly, thunderous applause broke out around him, and he knew the song was over. Hallie came onstage again to help her children take their first bow.

Josh led the standing ovation. Hallie glanced his way, and across the footlights their gazes caught and held. He loved her. The sudden revelation roared through his mind. He was in love with Hallie, had been in love with her for a long, long time, probably since the day in the meadow. He’d called it obsession and a summer affair and every other thing he could think of. He’d named it everything except the real thing. He loved Hallie Donovan.