Hard: A Military Stepbrother Romance (22 page)

“When’re
you arriving?”

“Umm…half
an hour.”

“Okay,
see you then.”

Seth
squinted at me with a dubious look, and I clicked the phone off without waiting
for Kaylee to say anything else, or we’d get into whatever she wanted to talk
about before she’d even arrived.

“Kaylee’s
invited herself round. Since I’ve been rather…distracted recently, it’s
probably only fair, even if I was looking forward to my morning in bed with
you.”

I
smiled at him, shifting over onto his chest and kissing my way up from his
eagles to his mouth. He held my hips and maneuvered me for a deep kiss before
withdrawing.

“It’s
alright, I’ve got a few things I need to take care of back at base anyway.
Though if you keep that up, I’m not gonna care if she bursts down the door,
baby.”

I
laughed and pushed at him, reaching over for a hair tie as I started thinking
about getting up before she got here. He caught my hand and ran his other
through the thick strands, playing with them as they curled over my breasts. He
pulled me back to nestle against him and looked at me with sudden curiosity.

“Why
do you bother with that? I’m just going to take it down again anyway. I fucking
love your hair like this - wild and free. Suits you.”

The
unexpected words hit me and I hesitated as confused feelings surfaced. I knew
he liked my hair better down, but…

“Just
habit, I guess. I always grew up with it like this.”

He
raised an eyebrow and I sighed, settling back against the pillows.

“You’ll
think me stupid.”

“Well,
now you have to tell me. I’ve been looking for an excuse to think you’re stupid
since I first met you, baby.”

Against
my better judgment, I laughed and shook my head. Then I gave in, and reached
across to the dresser drawer beside my bed, pulling out an old framed
photograph. I brought it over and showed him the slightly taller, older looking
version of myself.

“This
is my mother. Was. She’s only a few years older than me in that photo.”

Something
struck me and I paused.

“God…in
a few years’ time I’ll be older than she ever was. That’s a…really disturbing
thought. I don’t feel old enough to be my mother’s age. I don’t think I ever
realized just how young she was.”

Seth’s
embrace had become gentle, and I leaned into it as he looked at the photo. She
was standing with a huge smile in front of the new home my father had just
bought - bright eyes shining and long red-hair flowing down over her shoulders.

“You
look so similar.”

I
nodded, my smile slightly bittersweet.

“I
know - apart from the height, we could pretty much be the same person. She’s
got slightly finer features, but…yeah. I got her looks, I guess.”

He
stroked my back as he waited for me to continue, but it wasn’t my mother that
was making me pause. I didn’t have any memories of her, after all - didn’t
really feel anything for her except that old longing to have had her.

“So
anyway, my hair. I tended to keep it short or put it back while I was growing
up - easier to keep out of the way. But in high school, I grew it out, fancying
the idea of it. Until my father saw it, the way it fell and curled at the
ends…like my mother. He said it didn’t suit me, and I was devastated in only
the way a teenage girl could be. He’d never really commented on my appearance -
didn’t care about that stuff - so when he said that, I thought it must be
terrible
.
I went running to my grandma - my mother’s Mom - and when she heard what had
happened, she gave me this photo, and told me about them. He’d never talked
about it - answered a few basic questions, but he didn’t like to discuss her.
It was always my grandma that talked to me about her. Thought I should know, I
guess. And when I was little, it helped. Imagining her.”

I
could feel the slight tension in his body, the way he’d tightened up at the
mention of my father. I hesitated to have said something else to make Seth
disapprove, especially as I didn’t blame my father for it. Not really - it had
been a slip of the tongue, and after my grandma had talked to me, I’d
understood.

“He
really loved her, Seth. Like, you know how calm and collected he is these days?
Apparently back then he was wild and passionate - determined to change the
world with her. Losing her broke his heart and I don’t think he’s ever gotten
over it, you know. Even now, with Cora…I think when my mother died he lost a
part of himself. It’s the way I always pictured love to be - they’re silly and
romantic notions, the idea of soul-mates and true love, but I grew up with
everything they had pointing towards it. I believed. But it wasn’t always a
nice belief. Everyone wants to believe in true love, in a force that powerful,
but no one ever thinks about what it would be like if it was real and you lost
it. When you see it like that…it feels just as dangerous as it is magical.”

His
arms were tight around me and I stopped talking, suddenly realizing what I was
saying. My mind flicked back to my conversation with Becky only a few days
before and I shuddered, a ball of unease tightening around my stomach. I shook
my head.

“Anyway,
that’s just me being silly. But my point is, he loved her - and in the end, I
remind him of her. All the time, I think, and I’m not quite sure how he deals
with it. I killed her, and now he has to live with me looking like her, acting
like her…so, the way I figure it, trying not to remind him of those
similarities - it’s no big deal.”

I
was getting choked up, emotional, but then I’d never talked to anyone about
this stuff. It had been a stupid idea to start the conversation.

He
took the photo away from me and pulled me into his arms, taking us back down to
lie on the bed as he kissed me gently, but I could see the shadows in his eyes.

“What
do you mean, you
killed
her?”

This
time a small sob did escape and I shook my head, burying it against his chest.

“She
died in childbirth. Giving birth. To me.”

“Ohh
baby. My baby-Bella. No. You didn’t kill her, my love. That’s…that’s a tragic
accident. It’s not your fault.”

His
voice was rough, and I could hear a mirror to my own sadness in it.

He
was right, of course. I knew that. I always had, and my grandma had told me
again and again after I’d found out.

But
somehow, I’d never quite been able to forgive myself for it. If it wasn’t for
me, my mother would be alive. My father would be happy.

That
feeling had only grown since my grandma had passed away a few years ago, and
until now I hadn’t realized just how much difference it made to be able to talk
about it.

To
have someone there to make it all better.

He
held me like that for a few minutes, and I was shocked how good it felt to say
these things and be comforted, to have his arms around me and the safety and
protection of his touch. His voice. His uncompromising care and affection. His
love.

When
I started to pull away to get up, he let me go, but his eyes followed me.

“And
I don’t think you’re stupid for that, Bella. I think you’re wonderful.”

I
laughed at him, but stopped when I met his eyes, and saw how serious he was,
letting the way he felt about me wrap around me like a warm blanket.

*  *  *

“So
what was so urgent, Kay?”

We
were sat by the pool again, but with the early morning sun and slightly
different tone, had forgone swimwear, content with t-shirts and shorts. Kaylee
was sat up on her deckchair, feet swung to the side of it as she looked at me,
elbows on her knees. True to her word, her expression was serious.

“Tell
me what’s going on, Bella.”

That
unease started in my gut again, but I ignored it.

“With
what?”

“Seth.”

Her
eyes caught mine and my heart jumped into my throat. It was too much to hope
that my observant best friend hadn’t picked up on it last night, but still…

“What
about Seth?”

Those
deep blue eyes flashed and she reached over to poke me.

“C’mon
Bella - I saw you last night, when you were practically burning the house down
together. Not to mention that night at sea, and every little vibe I’ve picked
up on since. You haven’t seen me
all summer.
I can understand why you’d
want to keep this under wraps - but it’s me. Kaylee. I thought we told each
other everything, and here I am having to pry this out of you bit by bit!”

She
was getting worked up - her little tirades always ended in a passionate
exclamation. A loud passionate exclamation. I glanced around hurriedly, but
there was no one nearby. I wasn’t even sure there was anyone in the house, for
that matter.

Thank
god.

“Okay,
okay, I’m sorry.”

“Are
you going to tell me all, or am I going to have to drag it out of you, babe?”

I
laughed and shook my head at her.

“There’s
not much to tell. Yes, we’re kind of…seeing each other—”

“Not
much to tell! For fuck’s sake, Bella - you’re sleeping with your stepbrother.
You. The girl who never stepped out of line in her life. Sure, he’s one of the
hottest things I’ve seen cross my path, but you! You can’t just shrug and say
‘yeah,
so that happened’
.”

I
laughed and sighed almost simultaneously, shaking my head.

“Fine,
but shut the hell up about it, would you?”

I
started describing everything that had happened between us - starting with that
time back in school - and hadn’t realized how good it would be to get it all
off my chest. Especially since Kaylee had always been an appreciative audience
- knowing when to
ooh
and
aah
and also when to shut up and
listen. When I was finally done, she was grinning, and I felt relieved in a way
I hadn’t since this whole thing started. Trust Kaylee not to judge me for any
of it.

“I’m
so fucking pleased for you, Bella. Really. And sorry about all the times I said
I wanted to bone him. Unless it convinced you to - in which case, I figure you
can thank me.”

I
laughed and shook my head, reaching for the peach juice we’d carried out here.

“No
worries, Kay - I fully understand the sentiment.”

“Seriously.
About time you got something you wanted. You are serious about him, right?”

I
bit my lip, flushing a little, but the nod was easy - I couldn’t deny what had
been growing between us the last week. Hell, the last couple of months. And I
didn’t want to.

She
was quiet for a long moment, just looking out at the sea, and her usually
cheery face had taken on such a serious tone that I almost asked what was wrong
before she turned back to me. She pulled the deck chairs closer and leaned
forward to touch my leg, looking at me intently.

“You
need to tell your father, Bella.”

My
gaze snapped up to her and I frowned. This wasn’t the conversation I wanted to
have.

“That’s
nothing to do with you, Kay. We’ll…work it out.”

The
idea of my father knowing still sent terror running through me, even now that I
was pretty sure which side of that argument I’d come down on. Maybe especially
because of that.

“No
- listen to me. The wedding’s in a week and a half. There’s no more time to
work it out. You have to tell him.”

The
urgency in her voice was bothering me, scratching at the same awareness inside
me that had been there all along.

“Leave
it to us, Kay. We know we need to—”

“Babe,
you don’t understand. You have to tell him before the wedding. This way, it’s a
bit of a mess, and sure he’ll be mad, but at least it’s something that happened
before you were ever related. You weren’t sleeping with your brother. If you
wait, it will be all scandal—”

“It
will anyway, Kay. Seriously—”

“Fuck
it, Bella. This is important - there’s a big fucking difference between
screwing him now and when he’s your stepbrother!”

“
Will
you shut up?!”

I
looked around, angry now, and afraid that she was going to make the whole point
moot anyway.

“Not
until you listen, babe. If you don’t tell him, someone needs to. Or you don’t
have a chance.”

“What
the hell? Just what are you saying?!”

“I
care about you babe. I want you to have this - it’s crazy how happy you look
together, the way you moved together last night...the stuff of fairy tales,
right?”

Kaylee
had always been unashamedly sentimental, but the idea that someone else saw the
same things I felt had my heart skipping a beat.

“And
you need to tell your father. Before the wedding. Don’t let that sour it.”