Hard: A Military Stepbrother Romance (24 page)

Chapter Twenty
Two

Bella

I
finally climbed to my feet after a lovely meal I’d eaten too much of,
stretching and turning for the hall. My father and Cora were still seeing
guests out, but I’d been excused from that duty and I felt more than ready for
bed.

With
the wedding less than a week away now, my father had wanted to have a small
celebration with some of the neighbors first, which Cora had been very
enthusiastic for. In truth, the evening had been pretty nice, but I couldn’t
help the feeling of dread that was starting to come over me with every moment
we moved closer to this wedding.

At
least having Kaylee and her father here had made things easier for me - though
the cheery man was looking a bit more hagged than usual, and didn’t quite have
his usual humor.

I
sighed.

Maybe
it was just me. I probably wasn’t in the best of moods for socializing. I was
feeling a half-panicked sense of urgency - that hadn’t been made any better by
Kaylee’s meaningful glances all evening - and I wasn’t sure what to do. We
needed to talk to my father, and soon.

But
I hadn’t seen Seth for a couple of days now, after a terse message about an
emergency back at base. It brought to life how these things would usually be -
disappearances for months on end without explanations or end dates. But still -
he wouldn’t have been
deployed
without letting me know, would he? The
idea of him leaving for months
now
of all times had me jittery, but I
couldn’t really believe it would be anything like that.

He
loved me. He knew how important this was. He’d be back to tell my father with
me soon.

“Annabelle.”

I
looked up at my father’s voice, not having paid much attention as I’d moved
towards the staircase. He nodded to one of the smaller drawing rooms and I
followed him inside with a frown.

“Yes?”

He
perched on the end of a desk in there and clasped his hands on the end of it as
I stood by one of the warm leather couches.

“Kaylee
mentioned I should ask you about Seth. What did you mean by that?”

Horror
shot through me.

She
didn’t!

She
hadn’t!

Fuck.

Fuck
fuck fuck.

I
leaned back myself now, perching on the arm of the sofa and closing my eyes, as
my father’s expression sharpened.

“Annabelle?”

This
was not how I wanted to do this. I wanted Seth here with me. I wanted to have
an argument, a plan, a structure.

I
sure as hell did not want to have this conversation now. Alone.

Some
friend, bitch. How the fuck could you do this to me?!

The
anger was only a momentary distraction as the dread that had been building at
the thought of the wedding overcame me. I was silent for a long moment,
wondering what the hell to do, and there was some stupid part of me that still
wanted to deny it all - to say I didn’t have a clue what she meant, even if my
expression had given me away. To run away and not have to face this.

But
that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted Seth. And I was damn well going to have
him.

Letting
that thought, and the strength of my desire and love for him, sustain me, I
straightened and looked my father in the eye. He was frowning now.

“Seth
and I. We wanted to tell you earlier, but…well, I guess we didn’t—”

“Tell
me
what
earlier?”

I
cleared my throat. Stupid nerves.

“Seth
and I are seeing each other. We were in school and we are—”

“What?!”

His
face was complete shock, and I braced myself for the lecture, for his
disappointment, dismay, all of it.

“I’m
sorry, dad. I honestly…wouldn’t have chosen this. But, we love—”

“Oh
no! Don’t you dare!”

His
voice was hard and clipped, one hand held up to stop me as he tried to gather
whatever thoughts were circling in his mind. I waited, let him find whatever he
was looking for. It would do no good to rush it all out, even though my heart
was beating with an anxiety I don’t think I’d ever felt.

“You
can’t be serious, Bella. Is this some sort of elaborate prank? Because, I tell
you, it’s not funny—”

“No,
I’m serious dad. Seth and I are together. We love each other. And I really hope
it doesn’t cause too much diffi—”

“Difficulty?!”

His
voice was a roar now, and I stood stunned. I’d rarely heard him raise his voice
- and never like this.

“Cora
and I are getting
married. Next week!
Are you seriously telling me you
want to have a relationship with your
stepbrother?
What kind of
twisted…”

I
winced at the words, at the complete disgust in his expression, but I’d
expected it.

“It’s
not like that. We were together in school too, and then when we saw each other
again—”

“You
knew we were engaged!”

“Yes,
we did. But…we couldn’t…”

It
felt stupid now. We couldn’t help ourselves? We couldn’t resist?

Two
idiotic children with no self-control.

But
it wasn’t like that.

It
wasn’t!

I
wished Seth were here. He could explain it much better than me.

“Well
you will now. It’s less than a week until my wedding and if you have any
respect for me at all, you’ll end these idiotic notions now.”

Fuck.

But
that was enough to have determination shooting through me again. Who cares how
this started - I wasn’t going to end it. Whatever my father thought.

“I
can’t, dad - I love him. You mean the world to me, but this started before Cora
and you and we’re not going to end it just because you’re getting married.
We’re in love.”

He
finally let me get a sentence out, but it was only because he was sitting there
with blank disbelief on his face. I hated what I saw there but I met his eyes
and faced it. It sucked - so much - and I didn’t want to make things difficult
for his wedding. But this was my life.

Maybe
Kaylee was a bitch, but she was right about that. It was my life to live - even
if that meant disappointing my father with my choices.

I
was expecting an outburst of some sort, but of course he didn’t do that. He was
still as he looked back at me, pure incomprehension in his expression.

“I
don’t understand what’s happened, Annabelle - you used to be so sensible.”

The
same thing I’d feared for so long - proving to him that all those little signs
that I was irrational, emotional, were true.

It
suddenly seemed laughable. He could think me completely ridiculous all he
liked. I was happy this way.

It
hurt to lose his good opinion, but I’d been trying for so long…and I’d never
really felt like I had it. Surprisingly, that made things easier.

“No,
father, I used to be repressed and unhappy. The things I feel with Seth are
amazing, good things - and damn it, I deserve them. He makes me feel like I can
do anything in the world - and he supports the things
I
want to do. If I
want to study forensics, I can; if I want to—”

“You’re
telling me all this is because I thought throwing your life into a limited
career path was a bad idea?!”

His
incredulity increased, and I ground my teeth at the way he completely missed
the point.

“Of
course it isn’t damn well about that! But I’m tired of living up to expectations
I can never meet. With Seth, I can just be happy.”

“And
what are you going to do when he dies overseas, on some crazy mission that goes
wrong?”

He
snapped out at me, and I stared at him, my heart pounding in my chest from the
strength of my feelings and the tension between us.

“What?!”

“How
can you be so stupid, Annabelle? Even forgetting the shame and scandal you’re
bringing upon Cora and I, since you evidently don’t care what I think - how
could you go and choose a Navy guy?”

His
voice was rising and to my shock, the anger and disbelief radiated off him, his
fists clenching as he glared at me.

“I
thought you respected the—”

“I
do. For their sacrifice - not as a damned partner for my daughter. I lost
everything when your mother died - everything. I wouldn’t wish that fate on
anyone. Instead, you’ve chosen someone who takes pride in inviting it day in
and day out?! Why would you do that to yourself? You don’t have a clue what
you’re doing, girl.”

I
stared at him. I’d
never
seen him like this, and the force of his words
suddenly hit home. The scandal, the outrage, I could deal with that.

But
my mother? The pain and grief that were suddenly overwhelming? I didn’t have
anything to say.

In
truth, his fears were reflected in my heart, but I’d decided it didn’t matter -
I wasn’t going to lose Seth to fear of something that might never happen.

I
was already in too deep to let go, and even if I’d had the choice all over
again, I don’t think I would have changed it. I’m not sure I could have. I’d
been irresistibly pulled to him.

I
loved him.

With
every breath and beat of my heart.

“Dad,
I—”

“Forget
it. You clearly don’t have the ability to think this through.”

His
bitter words cut me, but the injured stance as he walked away hurt more.

The
last thing I’d wanted to do was remind him of that.

The
last thing I’d wanted was any of this.

Except
Seth. I wanted him more than anything I’d ever known.

I
took a deep, shaky breath, trying to bring my raging heart under control and
not burst into tears. I sunk into the deep leather couch and flicked my phone
to life again. Still no messages.

Well,
whatever was going on over there - this had to count as an emergency too,
right?

Fingers
hesitating over the keys as I wondered what I could possibly say to encompass
everything that had just happened. In the end, I went with the simplest answer,
sent the message and curled up in a ball, letting the sobs finally wash over me
and wishing there was someone here to hold me.

Emergency
here too - need to talk to you, urgently.

Chapter Twenty Three

Seth

I
ran a hand over my face, closing my eyes for a moment as weariness and grief
set in again.

The
last few days had been hell.

Complete,
unrelenting hell.

Whenever
I closed my eyes, I saw his strong, certain face - and the anguish Becky didn’t
even try to hide around us. Whenever the kids were around, sure, she acted like
nothing was wrong. They’d probably picked up on something anyway, but at least
there was a chance they wouldn’t have to deal with the continuous worry, the
questions, the unrelenting thoughts.

But
when her parents took them, or one of us carted them off on some new adventure
- then she could act the way she felt. It was a release we all understood the
need for, but it hurt like hell to see. To sit there and be able to do nothing
as she raged against the world, or stared quietly off into her own private
hell.

None
of us knew what had happened - it was classified, and we couldn’t have told her
anything if we’d known. We’d just got the news, which in itself meant it had
been a few weeks at least. And the longer it was…

I
pushed the thought out of my mind, but it was a half-hearted effort.

I’d
thought the unrelenting cold, pain and difficulty of the battlefield had been
bad. Now I knew it had nothing on this constant waiting, not knowing, and just
seeing those around you suffer. At least down range, I could do something -
act, fight, survive. Here, all that strength, that skill - all useless.

This
was the first time it was someone I knew. The older guys, it was obvious from
their pained, understanding expressions that they were no stranger to losing
friends and brothers - or the endless torture of waiting to find out what had
happened.

It
had only been a few days, and I wasn’t sure when I’d start feeling like closure
would be better than the hope for his return…but I understood the feeling now,
where I never had before.

Bella’s
messages had come at the worst possible time, her name flashing up as we were
holding vigil with Becky - a heart-rending service to pray for Ryan’s return.

I’d
been confident that the thought of Bella would be something to get me through
the long, hard nights away - a light and hope that would drive me onward,
pushing me to return to the home I’d never thought I’d have.

But
this was something that made me dread the thought of her wild-eyed, fiery
beauty.

I’d
been trying not to see her face in my mind over the last few days - every time
I did, Becky’s pain and grief would overlay it, and I was desperately trying
not to think of her like that. Of what it would be like if it wasn’t Ryan who
was missing in action, and wasn’t Becky waiting at home in forlorn hope. Of how
she would deal with it if…

I
cursed again and forced my attention back to the road. It seemed incredibly
selfish to be thinking that way, but my heart had seized with a numbing anxiety
over the last few days, and I couldn’t kill the feeling.

Her
messages didn’t help - the last thing I needed was another emergency.
Especially when I had a good idea what it was - that wedding was just around
the corner.

But
somehow, her father’s wrath didn’t seem such a big deal anymore. Being her
stepbrother had always been a joke.

This
wasn’t.

Those
problems couldn’t compare to the weight that was now looming over us. Over me.

I
can’t do that to her. I can’t.

I
shut the truck off at a lay-by on the high coastal road, making my way down to
the private beaches on foot as I stared out at the cold, relentless waves
crashing against the shore.

She’d
suggested meeting in that private alcove on the edge of her father’s property,
presumably to avoid seeing him before we’d had a chance to catch up and discuss
what we were going to say. It had been a good idea, but as I made my way over
the soft sand, my steps shifting under me, all I could think about was the day
we’d shared here before.

The
laughter as I’d sprayed her with cream, which melted into soft moans of a need
as desperate as the one pounding in me right now. I saw her form already there
waiting as I approached, arms wrapped around herself despite the pleasant summer
night.

It
seemed an echo of the cold I felt buried deep inside, and I wished the relief
and joy I felt at seeing her wasn’t overshadowed by the darkness of my thoughts
the last few days.

The
moment she saw me her face lit up, and she ran to me almost breathlessly, her
arms wrapping around me as she held on tight.

The
feel of her soft, perfect body in my arms made me groan and I returned the
embrace, burying my head in her hair and inhaling her unique scent. The warmth
of it wrapped around me, almost making things okay again, before the insistent
image of Becky’s grief returned.

She
took a step back, still grinning until she got a good look at me - then it
faltered, and I wished so badly I could summon a smile to make it better again.

“God,
Seth - you look like shit.”

Her
hand cupped my cheek, caressing gently, and I caught it with my own, turning my
face to kiss her palm before pressing it against me again.

“What—”

She
hesitated, and I could read the question in her eyes - but this wasn’t
confidential. I just didn’t want to tell her.

Sighing,
I met her eyes and answered with a murmur.

“Ryan’s
gone MIA.”

I
saw the shock rip through her the same way it had me, and she fell into my
arms, squeezing me tightly.

“Oh,
fuck, I’m sorry.”

We
just held each other for a moment, and I couldn’t say or do anything to break
it. When her head turned up to look at me again, I couldn’t help myself - my
mouth closed over hers. The kiss was soft for all of one moment, and then we
were all over each other, the passion and emotions of the last few days
overtaking us in a tidal wave as we held each other tightly and poured
everything into that one deep contact.

We
were breathing hard by the time we separated, and I never wanted to let her go
again. I wished we could just disappear and forget the rest of the world.

“So…my
dad found out.”

“I
guessed. What happened?”

She
frowned briefly, sighing as she answered.

“Kaylee
told him.”

“She
did
what?!”

That
woke
me out of the daze I’d settled into, fury rolling through me.

“Yeah,
I know - that was my reaction. She told him that he should ask me about you.
But it’s alright, Seth, I’ve thought about it. And while I’m still pissed, we
did
need to tell him. At least this way, everything is finally out in the
open.”

I
wasn’t convinced, but at least Bella seemed alright, and it probably wasn’t the
biggest concern here.

Just
one of the endless problems we had.

Bella
was holding her own though, and I wondered whether maybe her father had taken
it better than we were expecting. Cupping her cheek, I kissed her gently again,
unable to resist for long.

“You
seem alright, baby - did the discussion with your father go okay?”

She
gave a bitter laugh, pushing against me to look up into my eyes, the pain there
making my heart clench as she shook her head.

“No.
It didn’t. I’m not sure he’ll ever respect me again, Seth.”

She
leaned her head against my chest as she spoke, but although her voice was
tinged with regret and sadness, there was a quiet resolution there I hadn’t
expected.

“It
was fucking terrible. The scandal, the shame…we’d expected that. But throwing
my mother back in my face…god, Seth. I didn’t know how to handle it. Doesn’t
matter though - just showed me how damn much I want you. How important this is.
I told him that too, babe. How much I love you and how fucking sick I am of
trying to live up to expectations I can never meet.”

I
held her like that as the words came in spurts, jumping around so I only
partially followed what happened. It didn’t matter as she cried softly and I
kissed and murmured gently.

Fuck
her father.

It
wasn’t the first time I’d thought it, but every time he hurt her like this, it
just sent my blood boiling hotter and harder. How he could be so uncaring about
it…

At
least she wasn’t defending him anymore. Part of me was so fucking proud she’d
finally stood up to him - that it was for me was enough to have my heart ready
to burst.

“H-he
thinks I’m…stupid, idiotic…that we’re…twisted. B-but we’re not. What we have is
good and right and I fucking love how I feel now. Like I can do anything. I-I
wanted his approval so badly, Seth. I did. And I really hope…with you…we can
make him understand. But if not - then I don’t care. I’m not going to let his
judgment define my life, or make my decisions for me. I want you. I’m going to
have you.”

Her
eyes were bright with tears, and that ferocity that had wrapped its way around
my heart from the start. I didn’t think I could ever love her more than I did
at that moment, scared and sure and happy and sad. Hurt, but stronger for it.
Whatever I thought of the man, I hated that I’d come between her father and her
- but I’d never seen her so beautiful.

“I
love you, my Belle. And you’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever known.”

She
did dissolve into tears then, collapsing against me as we kissed and touched
and reassured ourselves of the other’s very existence.

When
I’d kissed the last of them away, I steeled myself, determined to help her fix
what our relationship may have destroyed with her father.

“We’ll
sort it, baby. I promise. We’ll talk to him again - together.”

She
nodded and I felt the ghost of a smile against my chest. Taking a deep breath,
I steeled myself.

“So,
can you tell me what he said? I mean, I get the outrage and scandal thing. But
what did it have to do with your mother?”

She
tensed in my arms, but nodded.

“It
was…I-I’ve
never
seen him like that, Seth. The scandal was one thing,
but…he hated that…y-you were in the Navy. A SEAL. Said I was a fool for
inviting the kind of pain that ruined his life, when my mother died. Most of
all, he was…hurt…emotional and scared and hurt. I’ve b-barely ever even seen
him angry before, Seth. It scared me. But…we talked about that stuff, and it’s
okay. We’ll do it together. Work it out.”

She
looked up at me with a hopeful smile, but I’d barely heard the last part of
what she said, her father’s words freezing me in place.

Everything
washed over me at once.

Ryan.
Becky. Bella.

Even
god-damned Terence and that worn picture of a girl oh-so-similar to my
baby-Bella.

I
stepped back a couple of paces in the sand as it all became too much.

I
wanted so badly to believe that was all that was needed - that with her in my
arms, nothing could ever touch us.

But
even Bella’s bravery didn’t drive away the sight of Becky’s face whenever I
closed my eyes.

Becky
was one of the bravest people I’d ever known…and she’d been shattered at Ryan’s
disappearance.

The
panic rose in me again.

I
didn’t want to do that to her. Force that upon her.

Fuck.

“Seth?”

Bella’s
expression had turned confused, uncertain as she reached out to me, but I
couldn’t give her the reassurance she needed.

How
could I tell her we’d work it out if, one day, someone could turn up on her
doorstep and say…

How
could I promise her everything would be okay?

It
wouldn’t.

Not
if that happened to me.

And
there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.

She
didn’t deserve that. Not my Bella. My Belle.

Living
with that…it was too much to ask of anyone.

I’d
been right the first time.

And
fuck me for having been so fucking naive. Now…

“What
is it?”

I
opened the eyes clenched shut with effort, running a hand across my head as I
hoped my expression wasn’t as grim as I felt. I was pretty sure it was worse.

“Bella…”

Her
eyes flashed with concern as I tried to find the words.

“Look,
maybe your father has a point—”

“What?!”

Her
immediate, disbelieving response made it obvious she’d anticipated what I was
going to say.

“I
can’t promise you it will be okay, Bella. We can’t just
work out
something like that. Even together. There’s no fixing…”