Harp's Song (19 page)

“Just remember, he’s mine. Stay away or else.” She threatens.

I shake my head and laugh while watching her sashay toward her friends. I’ve got all my books switched out and I’m thankful the next two hours are music classes. I skip rehearsal today after school. Instead, I go to the library to get some homework done until my mom can pick me up. After about an hour of studying, I get up to stretch out and decide to find a book to read that is not a textbook.

“You need help finding something?” I hear a familiar voice behind me.

“Nothing you can help me with,” I sneer.

“Aw, come on, don’t be like that.”

I roll my eyes, “What do you want, Vincent?”

He chuckles and moves closer to me so that our feet our touching.

“I want you to go out with me tonight.”

“Not a chance,” I say and turn back around hoping that he’ll leave me alone.

“Fine, have it your way, but from what I hear Connor and Taylor are going out tonight … I just thought you might want to have a little fun too.”

I freeze at that thought. The anger I felt after Taylor’s chat with me today, and the anger from seeing her and Connor together makes my blood boil. My insecurities are like rapid-fire shots to my pride. Screw everyone. I turn around to see him walking away.

“Fine. What time?”

He spins around to look at me, and the shock on his face is quickly replaced by a smug expression.

“I knew you’d come to your senses eventually,” he says confidently. “I’ll pick you up at eight.”

After I give him my address and the new cell phone number from the phone that my mom got me, I go back to my table and throw my head down on my arms.

What the hell have I just agreed to? Seriously Harp?

When I get home I tell my mom I’m going out and she seems so happy, you’d think she just won the lottery. I shower and get ready in my room.

I never gave Emma back her outfit from the last time we went to JJ’s, so I put that on and a pair of black heels that I usually reserve for orchestra concerts. I embellish the makeup techniques Emma’s taught me and the effect is startling. Dark eyeliner is harshly lining my eyes making me look tough and older. I’m ready so I go to the door to watch for Vincent. Something tells me he’s not a come-to-the-door type and I couldn’t be more right when he barely pulls into the driveway before honking his horn.

I reach for the doorknob when I hear my mom, “Isn’t your friend going to come in?”

“No, I’ll be home later.” I reply over my shoulder shutting the door.

I still can’t believe I’m doing this, but then I remind myself that if Connor has moved on, well, I can too.

Vincent doesn’t say much in the car, but once we get to JJ’s, I’m not surprised when he pulls me back to him and turns me around.

“I just want to get something straight before we walk in there,” he says arrogantly. “You are mine … you got that?”

“I’m not anyone’s Vincent.”

“Oh yes you are,” he chuckles while tightening the grip on my arms, “You are mine and you will do what I say in there. Don’t challenge me, understand?”

Only because I want him to release his death grip on my arms do I shake my head in agreement.

“Good,” he says relaxing his hands, “We’re going to play a little pool tonight, and you are going to win me some money. Play your part and everything will be fine.”

“You want me to help you hustle the guys in there?” I squeak out.

“It’s the least you can do after beating me twice, sweetheart. Like I always say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,” he says raising an eyebrow. “You have a problem with that?”

I shake my head no.

“Alright then, let’s do this.” he says pulling me into his side as we walk through the bar to the back room.

I don’t recognize anyone from the last time I was here. I just notice guys eyeing me as we walk toward a pool table in the back. When we get there Vincent sits me on a stool, and gives me strict instructions to start asking if I can play halfway through his game. I don’t know why I don’t text my mom and have her pick me up. And I don’t know why I’m agreeing to this with him, but maybe this is where I belong—at least someone wants me.

Despite being surrounded by people, I feel out of place everywhere—at home, at school. I’ve spent most of my time keeping people at bay, but even then I never felt the overwhelming feelings of despair and loneliness I do now. And I definitely don’t feel like I belong with my mom.

While I appreciate her attempts at redemption, I’m not sold. I just can’t wrap my head around how someone can go from one extreme to the other. And let’s not forget that she made it clear my whole life that I am a worthless burden. If I were stronger, like I used to be, I wouldn’t let it bother me, but now … I don’t know what it will take for me to believe that she loves me. That she wants me.

I’m pulled from my pity party to see Vincent giving me the cue.

Like he asked me to do, I make a big show by walking over to him before asking a series of dumb questions about how to play, where to hit the ball, etc. Between my obnoxious act and the loud smack on my ass from Vincent, we’ve got the attention of quite a few people. Once he’s done with this game, I pick up the pool cue and bend over the table letting him get behind me to show me the correct way to hold it while simulating a stroke.

Just as I hit a ball, a guy walks up to us and challenges us to a game. He says his girlfriend is an average player and is always complaining that she doesn’t get to play other people very often because she’s not as good as most of the people here. Vincent agrees and tells me to play poorly this game and only make one easy ball. I nod in agreement and we play the game. After we lose, Vincent asks them for another game and they place their bets again. I’m under strict orders to miss all but three balls and to make sure they are easy pockets. I do exactly as I’m told.

We win and the guy challenges Vincent to another game. They seem nice and she is an average player but has made some decent shots. My suspicions about him hustling us are validated when she plays an almost perfect game and they beat us even with my better play. Vincent acts put out and he agrees with the other guy to a last round—all-or-nothing with all the bets from tonight.

If we win, Vincent could walk out of here with $200. Again, I do as I’m told and get better but still not up to my ability. The guy and his girlfriend are playing well too but they set Vincent up with a sweet shot on the eight ball and we win. Everyone shakes hands and Vincent throws his arm over my shoulders as we leave.

When we pull into my driveway, he turns his lights off and faces me.

“Good job tonight.”

“Uh, thanks I guess …”

He laughs and takes out the wad of cash from the game tonight. He takes a $50 bill, and whispers in my ear, “Here’s a little somethin’ for you.”

He folds the bill in half and holds it in front of my face. When I reach for the money, he pulls it back smirking at me. I reach for it again and take it. Luckily, when I get out of the car he doesn’t stop me and is pulling out of my driveway before I’ve opened my front door.

“Hey, how was your night?” my mom asks making me jump.

“Jeez, mom, you scared me half to death,” I say exasperated.

“Sorry, I was just watching a movie when you came in and I thought I’d see how your night was. Who was that boy that picked you up and brought you home?”

“That was Vincent.”

“Ok, well, the Johnson’s called and said you were supposed to babysit for them tonight. Why didn’t you call and let them know you weren’t going to be there?”

“I guess I forgot.”

“Well, I covered for you so they could still go out. Don’t blow them off again.” She says sternly. “Were you guys on a date tonight?”

“No. I’m going to bed.”

“Good night,” she calls after me.

It’s Friday night and I am at JJ’s with Vincent getting ready to hustle another guy.

When I showed up for school on Monday, Vincent was waiting for me at my locker. As soon as Connor got to his locker, Vincent pulled me into his side and gave him a mischievous grin. Shutting my locker, I glanced at Connor and saw disgust and anger dripping from him. What right did he have to be angry? He was with Taylor … doing Lord knows what with her. Besides, being with Vincent makes me feel numb and right now, that’s exactly what I need until I can sort through all the shit flying around in my head.

I found Vincent lurking around my classes and locker all week. I continually turned down his relentless offers to go out again on Friday night. But between the images of Connor and Taylor together seared in my brain, and feeling like I was a visitor in my own life, Vincent’s persistence finally wore me down again.

So here I am at JJ’s sucking down my second shot, hoping the alcohol will do its job and make me feel numb.

We are in our second game of pool having lost the first, but winning this one. A raucous crowd comes in and interrupts my set up. I look up to see some guys from the baseball team and I hold my breath hoping Connor isn’t with them, but today is not my day. Connor and Ethan come in with a few other guys.
Crap
. Neither one of them see me, so maybe I can get away with not seeing them here in the back.

I go to the table, making my shots and we win the second game easily. I celebrate by downing another fruity shot. When it’s empty, I turn it over and add it to the other two empty shot glasses. I like the loose feeling the alcohol is giving me. It makes me care less about all the bullshit in my life and it keeps me from thinking rationally.

Deep in the recesses of my brain, I know what I’m doing is stupid and I know I’m better, stronger than all this. But I just can’t seem to pull myself out of this hole I’ve dug. This, of course just makes me angrier, so I reach for another drink to dim my emotions.

I’m watching Connor from my hiding spot when I hear Vincent and another guy yelling at each other. The guy pushes Vincent telling him he wants his money back because he got hustled. Vincent is standing his ground. The guy takes a swing at Vincent and suddenly a group of guys are surrounding them watching the fight. I walk over to see what’s going on and finally see guys I don’t recognize pulling them apart from each other. Once Vincent and the other guy have been restrained, I can see that both of them are bleeding and sweating.

“You punk,” the guy we were playing says. “You played me with that bitch.”

“Not my problem old man,” Vincent sneers at him, “A bet is a bet.”

The guy lunges for Vincent again but he’s pulled back and restrained.

“Fine, but now that I know the deal, I want a rematch,” the guy spits at Vincent. “Double or nothing … my best guy against you and her.” he says nodding toward me

“Deal,” Vincent agrees. “We’ll be here.”

I shouldn’t be surprised that he agrees to the match but for some reason I am taken a little off guard. Once the guys have hashed out the details of our rematch and are released, Vincent and I retreat to our tables where he cleans up his face. When we turn around there’s a very angry Connor and Ethan standing in front of us. Vincent pulls me into him.

“What are you doing here Harp?” Connor asks sharply.

“She’s with me man, back off.” Vincent spits at Connor while pulling me even closer to him.

Connor looks between the two of us, clearly disgusted.

“Harp, you’re better than this,” Connor says, “Let me take you home.”

I look between Connor and Vincent. I don’t know if it’s the liquor or the fact that when I look at Connor all I feel is the hurt bubbling through my veins, but I shake my head no.

Vincent hollers in joy at my response and hands me the last shot glass, “Come on sweetheart, let’s celebrate … bottom’s up.” He says clinking our glasses together.

I stand there for a second staring into the most beautiful green eyes, and feel nothing but sadness and pain. I don’t want to feel that way anymore, so I take another shot and slam it on the table. When I turn around, Connor’s hands are clenched in tight fists.

“Harp, what the hell are you doing? How many of those have you had?” He spits out at me, eyeing the collection of empty shot glasses on our table.

“None of your business,” I say curtly.

I see him flinch, “He doesn’t care about you and once he gets what he wants he’s going to move on.”

“Hey man, that’s enough, you can’t talk to my girl like that.” Vincent says stepping away from me toward Connor.

Connor takes a step toward him, “Your girl? Your girl? Really Vinny? If she really were your girl, you would actually care about her. But instead, you’re just using her. You and I both, know that.”

“Hey, you had your chance Ken doll, but you screwed it up. Your loss is my gain.” He says smirking, and to add salt to the wounds he puts his hands up toward his chest mimicking my chest.

I can see Connor’s patience is wearing thin as he clearly understands what Vincent is implying. Before it gets out of hand, I walk up to them and stand between them.

“Alright boys, let’s cool down and back off,” I say with a slight slur of my speech, putting one hand on each of their chests.

Both guys look at me and take a step apart.