Harp's Song (4 page)

“Like right now?”

“Yeah, I need you to come get me right now. Can you do that? Please?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in ten … you ok?”

Sighing I said, “No, but I will be, just come get me, kay?”

When he pulled up, I was already outside with my backpack and cello. I had learned not to leave my cello behind, the last time I had a fight with my mom, I came back to find it lying on the floor of my room with the strings cut. While that wasn’t the most horrible thing she could have done, I didn’t want to chance her doing worse.

Connor hopped out to help me put the cello in the bed of the truck and then turned to me when we got in our seats.

“Hey, you ok?” he asked, concern laced his voice. I couldn’t look at him. Luckily, I had been able to hide the black and blue bump on my head since it was on the right side of my face.

I nodded my head and squeaked out “Go, please.”

We were all the way to Connor’s room before he noticed my head. Once we’d gotten to his house, I threw my door open—before he even had the truck in park—and ran inside. I was already lying in his bed when he came up.

Connor’s parents were still asleep, but they knew Connor and I were best friends and nothing more. Even though I didn’t think they would mind, letting teenagers of the opposite sex lay in each other’s beds had to go against some parental code. But at the moment, I didn’t care.

Connor slid onto the mattress next to me and turned to face my back. Gently pulling on my shoulder he said, “Harp, you know you can tell me anything. I just want to make sure you’re ok. And, to be honest, you’re kinda scaring me.”

I took a deep breath and twisted over to face him. As soon as he saw my face, I witnessed a range of emotions filter through his eyes … shock, then anger, and finally compassion as he moved his eyes from the bump on my head to my eyes.

I started to cry again, even though you’d think I’d have cried it all out already. He pulled me closer to him, rolling on his back, where we stayed for a long time, me crying on his chest, while he held me and rubbed soothing circles up and down my back. He didn’t say anything. He just let me cry it out, and when I was done, we both fell asleep.

We didn’t wake up until his mom came in and shook us both awake. I startled when I realized what it must look like to her, but she just looked at me with sympathetic eyes and told Connor to go downstairs. Even though he tried to stay, he lost that battle with her. I scooted to the edge of the bed where she had sat down, and I let her take a look at my face.

“Harp, honey, are you ok?” Catherine asked. I noticed she was wearing her running clothes and her blonde hair was pulled-up into a ponytail. She must have just gotten back from a run, and had come to check on Connor since he was sleeping so late.

I nodded yes, but didn’t say anything. I was pretty sure my face was stained with tears from the all-night and morning crying sessions.

When I finally looked up, Catherine was staring at me with her kind, emerald eyes. The same color as Connor’s. She reached her hand to my face, cupping my cheek, “You want to tell me what happened?”

I knew she genuinely cared for me and I cared for her too, especially considering she was the closest thing to a real mother figure I’d ever had in my life, but I shook my head no. I was pretty sure she knew what had happened. It wasn’t the first time I’d been in her house with evidence on my arms, from where my mom had grabbed me too tight while she was yelling at me. I usually preferred when she did that, because it was easier to hide it with my clothing.

“Listen, you know you are always welcome here, but I can’t ignore this anymore. I’ve seen enough to know what your mom has done. I shouldn’t have sat back until now, but despite what you’ve dealt with, you’re a good student and I thought disrupting everything in your life would ruin the good things like school and your music … but honey, I can’t ignore it anymore. We need to go to the Police, ok?”

Panic overcame me, and I looked at her while vehemently shaking my head no.

My voice was hoarse, “No, we can’t go to the Police.”

“Harp, you have to go. She’s done this one too many times. And mom’s right, we can’t ignore it anymore.” We both looked over to see Connor standing in the doorway with his arms across his chest.

Feeling betrayed by my best friend I looked him in the eyes and shook my head while repeating, “No—I won’t go.”

Connor started to walk toward me, hands by his side in fists with a steely determination resonating from him. He composed himself and relaxed as he kneeled in front of me, putting his hands on both of my arms.

Looking me in the eyes he said, “Harp, this isn’t the first time she’s said horrible things to you and hit you hard enough to leave a mark, and I don’t think it will be the last. I …” his voice broke, and he looked down before looking back up to me, “I can’t do this anymore. I won’t do it anymore. You don’t deserve this.” He pulled me to him as he stood up and was holding me so tight I couldn’t breathe.

I understood what he was saying, I really did. Last night I cried out all the sadness inside me, but this morning with Connor, I cried for all the fear I felt. Fueled by hatred—and sometimes alcohol—my mom was a loose cannon. Who the hell knew what grand idea she would have, as a means of punishing me for ruining her life. I was so close to freedom. I would be turning eighteen next spring and graduating, and would be able to leave her behind—move away and focus on my music.

I would be able to finally start living my life for me, without the fear, but until then I didn’t want to jeopardize my senior year before it had even started. I needed to keep my grades up and focus on making all-district and all-state orchestras as well as getting high marks in my solo performances.

Going to the Police would mean foster care, and I couldn’t run the risk of another family not being supportive of my music. And really, I couldn’t be separated from Connor. It wasn’t a guarantee that I would be placed in foster care in the same town. I had looked into it once a few years ago—after a particularly bad incident with my mom—that was the first time I’d called Connor for help.

I put my hands on Connor’s chest and looked into his sad eyes before I pushed him away.

“No. This is my life. I’ll be a legal adult soon and then I’ll be gone. I won’t have to deal with her or any of this anymore. But until then, I’m staying where I am. I just can’t risk it right now.” I pleaded with him.

“This is crazy Harp,” Connor yelled at me. I was so taken aback by his emotional outburst that I took a step back. I glanced at Catherine, who looked just as shocked as I did.

“You are not thinking clearly, she does that to you. I know she tells you that you are worthless and makes you feel like you caused all her problems, but Harp, that’s not your fault and you have to do something about it. Stop pretending like she’s not hurting you and let us help you.”

“I appreciate what you are both doing, really I do …”

“Stop it Harp. Stop making excuses for her. She is abusing you emotionally and physically, and it’s not right. Stop making it ok.”

“I am not making it ok!” I yelled, “I know it’s not ok. Do you think I don’t know that it’s messed up every time she tells me I’m a loser and worthless, and then reminds me that I ruined her life? Do you? Because I know it’s not ok. But,” I paused using the back of my hand to wipe away more tears. “I did some research a while ago and there’s no guarantee I can get put in foster care with a family here, and I need to be here to finish school and keep my place in the orchestra. Once I graduate, I’m done. This is my life—my decision. And, honestly,” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. Looking straight into Connor’s pained, deep green eyes, I continued, “you are my best friend. I’m not ready to lose you because of her. I won’t let her have that power over us.”

Even though he didn’t like it, Connor understood what I was telling him. He pulled me to his chest and I started crying. I pulled away from him when I remembered Catherine was still sitting on the bed.

“I’m sorry Cather-“

“Honey, it’s ok, come here,” she said with open arms. I went to her and let her hold me and reassure me the way a mother should. “I understand what you are telling us Harp. I don’t like it, but I understand it.”

“Here’s the deal though, she hurts you again, and I’m speaking with her. And if we have to, we’ll move you in here. In the meantime, we’re going to get you a cell phone today and put you on our plan so you can call any of us anytime if you need anything.”

I nodded and gave her a hug.

“But, the next time this happens, we are not ignoring it. You understand me?”

I agreed thinking that I would do everything in my power to not let it happen again. If that meant I had to lock myself in my room, then that’s what I would do. She gave me another hug and gave Connor a sympathetic smile before she left.

He sat down in her place and pulled me to his side kissing the top of my head. I knew we had both been holding a lot of tension and I sighed into him. We sat like that without talking for a few minutes, and I reveled in the safety I felt being in his arms.

Finally, we pulled apart and his lips pulled into a mischievous grin, “Get your ass ready, we are going to get you a phone. I’ll help you get it set up and show you how to use it. Tonight we’ll watch movies and get a pizza. And you can stay here again, ok.”

I gave him a hug, “Thank you. You’ve put up with a lot over the years and I know it’s been hard on you … I’m sorry.”

“Harp, you have nothing to be sorry about. It’s your mom that should be apologizing to you for what she’s put you through. It’s not fair and I don’t like it, but I understand what you said earlier. I’m always here for you.”

“How did you get so wise? You always know exactly what to say and do.” I gave him a small smile.

“Harp, I have no idea what I’m doing half the time, especially with you,” he said looking deeply into my eyes. I could see the depth of emotion shining through them, but what stuck with me were the feelings of pain, confusion, and reverence I saw there. His eyes darted from mine to roam my face and stop at my lips before meeting my eyes again.

“I’m serious, Connor. At school and with other people you are a carefree teenager, but when I need your help, like this morning, you,” I sighed, “I dunno, you just seem more mature.”

We sat there in silence for what felt like a few minutes, but I was sure it was only seconds before he ran his hand through his floppy hair and sighed, “I guess I grew up fast like you.”

“My mom is great and she does everything for us, but with my dad gone so much, I had to help out a lot with the house and my brother. I guess what you’re saying is probably a result of that, you know, not having the privilege of being a kid.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. And trust me, it’s not a bad thing. I love both Connors—the goofy teenage narcissist and the mature guy—thank you for being my best friend, and for being so great. You’re the best … ya know?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I mean have you seen this face?”

I rolled my eyes and left Mr. Conceited to admire himself. I had to wash my face and make myself as presentable as I could.

We did exactly what Connor had planned for us. We came back to his house after getting a new phone, and were in his basement where he spent an hour showing me all the features on my phone. It was a little overwhelming, but he was patient. I loved that I could read books on it whenever I wanted, and access all the music I loved. After we had been sitting there for a while—Connor playing his PlayStation, and me messing around with my phone—he paused the game and looked at me.

“Hey, you want to come to Florida with us next week?”

After what had happened with my mom the night before, leaving her for a few weeks sounded like a dream come true, but I knew there was no way she was going to allow it or that I could afford it. I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know, I would like to, but I don’t think she’ll let me.”

Connor sighed and turned to me, “I know you’ve been avoiding going on vacation with us, but I’d really like you to think about it this time. It would mean a lot to me. And well … um … I don’t want to leave you here. So, just make it easy on yourself and say yes because I’ll figure out a way to get you to go. I won’t leave you here while I’m gone.”

“I know, and thank you for the invitation, but honestly, I can’t afford it. Plus, I need to be able to practice every day, and I’m sure that would get annoying. Not to mention how would we get my cello down there?”

With a mischievous grin, he said, “I’ve got an idea.”

“Oh God, that can’t be good,” I responded and rolled my eyes.

Pretending to be offended, he threw his hand across his chest and sucked in a large breath of air, “I can’t believe you just said that.” Then he left the room with a devious grin.

Connor came back a little bit later with two cans of Coke, giving me one before rejoining me on the couch. Connor’s little brother, Patrick came running downstairs right behind him and they started a new PlayStation game. The normality of the situation was not lost on me, especially considering the last twenty-four hours. I relished it.

“Harp, can you come here for a sec,” Catherine hollered from the kitchen. Connor and Patrick were too engrossed in their game to pay any attention, so I ran up the stairs to see what she wanted.

“Oh good, you’re here,” she said with a smile across her face. She was wearing jeans, flats and a plum button down blouse that accented her green eyes. She and Connor really did look a lot alike. “I just got off the phone with your mom and she agreed to let you come to Florida with us. Isn’t that great news?”

I had to pick my jaw off the floor after processing what she had just told me. “How?” squeaked out.

“Well, I told her that our family babysitter backed out and I was desperate to get someone I could trust to help with Patrick. And that you both would be doing me a huge favor by agreeing to let you come with us,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

Connor! Crap.
I figured it out now—
great idea my ass
—and started to turn back to yell at him, but Catherine stopped me.