Hart of the Matter (A Love of the Game Novella) (3 page)

Turning back to Hart, she met his eyes and saw his pain. 

Bailey didn’t give a
fuck
about his pain.

“You sacrificed your little sister’s emotional and physical well-being for the sake of a man who was sticking his dick in anything with a pulse and high all the fucking time.  Over and over, I tried to warn her.  Did you know that?”  Hart shook his head.  “I was hearing too many rumors about the three of you for them not to be true.” 

Bumping the car door closed with her hip, she stared at them. 

“Do you know what she told me?  She said none of you would
ever
do that to her.  That you’d never hurt her in such a way so the people who came to me must be wrong.” 

Stepping closer to Hart, she whispered, “One
word
from you or Dex would have been enough.  You didn’t even have to give details.  We fucking
trusted
you – all of you – and it turns out you’re no different from anybody else with a cock.  Fucking useless.” 

“Bailey, please don’t hate me.”  Hart rubbed his hand over his chest. 

“Harley will bring you back into her life one day, Hart.  You’re her older brother and you’ve always been close.  When that happens, I will do my best to forgive you. 
Today is not that day.
  Until then, Harley gets my loyalty and my love.  Your tears don’t mean shit in comparison to hers.”

Walking past them to the front door, she unlocked it and pushed it open.  Without turning back, she thought about Harley and everything that was going to change for her.  The days ahead that she was going to have to face alone. 

“What did either of us ever do to the three of you that made us so disposable?  How did you turn out so
selfish
?”  Closing her eyes, she added around the lump in her throat she refused to acknowledge, “All we ever did was love you.  What a fucking mistake that turned out to be.”

Closing and locking her door, she stood in the foyer with her back against it.  They murmured together for a few minutes and finally drove away. 

Bailey bit her tongue hard enough to bleed but she didn’t fucking cry.

* * *

Her classes at Stanford started as summer faded.  Bailey was glad to put distance between herself and her greatest weakness.  It was why she chose to attend college in California. 

She talked to Harley every single day.  The miles between them didn’t affect their friendship in the slightest.  There was no way for her friend to hide how frightened and lonely she felt but she filled her days with endless activity to prevent too much time to dwell.

In November, Regina warned Bailey that Hart planned to go with them to visit Harley at Thanksgiving.  There was only so much one could hide from the intelligent matriarch of the Jamison family. 

“Harley is so gentle and she loves him so much.  They’ll be okay if they spend some time together.”

“Will you come with us, Bailey?”

Swallowing hard, she replied, “I can’t, Regina.  I’ll spend winter break with Harley and we’ll get our girl time handled.  Besides, there will probably be a better chance of a peaceful reconciliation without my acidic personality.”

There was a long pause and Bailey’s eyes drifted closed.  “I consider you my daughter.  You know that, don’t you, Bailey?”

“Yes, ma’am, I do.  I think of you as my mother.”

“You are as
important
to this family as my son.  Your thoughts and feelings
matter
to me.  Is there anything I can do, Bailey?”

Blinking rapidly against the tears she refused to let fall, she took a deep breath.  “No, there isn’t anything.  I think time and distance will help.”

“He’s a fool.  I hope he grows up before you find a man worthy of you.” 

Unable to speak, Bailey made a small hum that could have been interpreted in any number of ways. 

“This will be the first Thanksgiving without you since you were a baby.  I’m going to miss you very much, honey.”

“I’ll miss you, too.  I love you.  Hug the daylights out of Harley for me, will you?”

“Of course and we’ll see you in a few weeks at Christmas.”

They hung up and Bailey spent the next several minutes breathing deeply to calm her heart.  Seeing Hart…being close enough to touch him…was still too hard. 

She wasn’t ready.

* * *

Naturally, Harley related every detail of her family’s visit before they were twenty miles away, headed home to Florida.  Bailey had never felt so lonely in her life. 

“You’ll come at Christmas, won’t you, Bailey?”

“I wouldn’t miss spending my few weeks off with you.  Besides, you’re almost to the end of this thing.  I have my outfit all ready to go.”

“What…scrubs?  You plan to
help
or something?”

“Um, no.  Yuck on the baby birthing, sweetie and scrubs make my ass look three feet wide.”  She grinned.  “I need to look cute in case there’s a fine ass single doctor in the house.”

They laughed for a long time and she exhaled in relief.  Bailey was glad Harley had her brother back in her life.  It was important that she had as much support as possible with everything she was dealing with. 

It was time to put Hart – and what he meant to her – in a little box, seal the lid, and drop it in the nearest river. 

He was never going to see her in the same way.  Holding out hope was desperate and pathetic. 

I’ll be damned if I go out like that. 

Chapter Five

Bailey traveled to North Carolina for winter break, giddy with happiness that she and Harley had almost six weeks together before she had to return to school. 

The baby was due at the end of December and if the size of her friend’s belly was any indication, it was going to be a thirty-pounder. 

They’d tried to figure out the sex during two ultrasounds but the little thing kept its legs closed demurely so there was no way to tell.  Everyone else bet on it being a boy but Bailey knew God was going to give her the gift of a little girl to spoil rotten.

Dragging Harley out of the house was a Herculean task but Bailey
always
got her way. 

“I’m huge.  I can’t even see my feet.  Do we have to go to the mall?” Harley whined.

“If I listen to you, we’ll be curled up in front of the television watching the
Bourne Trilogy
again, dressed in sweats, and stuffing our faces with takeout.”  Pausing, because that sounded really damn good, Bailey shook her head.  “Though Matt Damon’s fine ass is tempting, I have to shop for you and the baby, damn it.”

“You’re still mad about the baby shower, huh?”

“Fucking furious, bitch!”

“Who in the hell would we have invited, Bailey?  It’s embarrassing enough to be eighteen, pregnant, with baby daddy drama.  I don’t want to have balloons and streamers to draw more attention.  I already feel like Maury is going to pop out in front of me half the time.”

Sighing, Bailey nodded.  “Fine.  I still need to buy shit.  Now, go pull on those panties that can be used as boat sails in an emergency and get your ass out here.”

“You are so fucking mean.”

“It’s all part of my charm, sister-friend.  You have three minutes.  I’ll help you with your shoes.”

“Like, no kidding, you’ll have to.  The only ones I can manage myself are those ugly boots I just step into for the winter.”

Bailey gave a dramatic shiver.  “Let’s not speak of it.  Those boots give me hives.”

An hour later, after two more bathroom breaks for Harley and a quick yogurt snack, they were finally pulling into the mall. 

Where Bailey promptly lost her fucking mind buying gifts for her best friend and future niece.

Raised middle-class, Bailey and Harley had never talked about money.  Everyone in their families had always worked hard, paid bills, and took a nice vacation once or twice a year. 

What no one realized was that Bailey had been making money online for years.  She started her first website at fifteen – offering fashion and makeup tips for other girls her age – and by the time she entered college, there were four additional sites. 

Her degree was another layer of legitimacy but she didn’t really need it. 

There was no one on earth she loved spending money on as much as Harley because she was the easiest person to please.  Having an adorably pregnant woman follow her around stores was a unique experience.

However, there came a point that if one more middle-aged lady put her hand on Harley’s stomach, Bailey was going to make sure she pulled back a nub. 

Personal bubble, damn.

She made multiple trips to the car so they didn’t have to carry the haul and she of the swollen ankles would wait patiently on a padded bench. 

The time out of the house was so good for Harley.  She was smiling and laughing like her old self when they decided it was time to feed her.

“Another waddle to the bathroom,” she announced as they left the last store.

Bailey rolled her eyes.  “Stop saying you waddle.  You carry that baby so pretty, girl.  I’d look like a bass drum.” 

“You’re going to be
adorable
pregnant.”

Bailey snorted.  “I seriously doubt that.  I don’t know that I’m a mom type anyway.  I’m definitely an aunt type…look at this teeny tiny outfit! 
Oh my god!
”

Did they have to put the cutest fucking things in every window?

Finally, they enjoyed a long lunch and she sent Harley to shower and slip on comfortable clothes when they got back to the apartment.  Bailey happily brought everything in from the car. 

The day before the Jamisons were due to arrive, the two of them grocery shopped and spent the day cooking like old times. 

Clearing her throat over a sheet of cookies, she asked, “How are you doing…really, Harley?”

“A little scared.  Part of me wants to call him and I know that’s a horrible idea.  I’m too emotional right now to make rational decisions.”

“You don’t have to decide anything now.  How much or how little information do you want me to give you?”  There was no need to clarify to whom her friend was referring. 

“None.  Not yet.”  Harley tried to smile and shrugged when it was a complete failure.  “I loved him…
them
…for so long.  I guess it will take time for that to wear off.  I keep hoping.”

“I understand that well.” 

Lost in thought, neither said anything for a long time. 

Finally, Bailey shook her head.  “Enough of that bullshit.  Let’s put some music on and stop moping.  It’s unattractive and we are two of the hottest bitches I know.”

As usual, just being around Harley lifted her out of her funk.  She was glad to see she had the same effect on her best friend. 

They ate raw dough, danced – er, bobbled – to music, and sang their hearts out to their favorite songs using wooden spoons. 

No matter how many years passed, Harley would always be home to her.

* * *

As the Jamisons entered the two-bedroom apartment, Regina and Peter took turns hugging them tight.  It had been almost four months since she’d visited with them, though they spoke often on the phone. 

Then Hart was standing in front of her – as tall and good looking as he had always been – and she did everything she could to school her features into calm. 

“Hart, Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Bailey.”  His eyes flicked down her body and up again.  “You look beautiful.”

Unable to reply, she nodded and headed into the kitchen to prepare a tray of snacks.  They deserved their time as a family to be drama-free and Bailey had no intention of supplying the drama. 

Hearing someone enter the kitchen behind her, she said quietly, “Harley, spend time with your family.  I’ve got this.”

“Bailey.” 

She turned suddenly and burned her hand on a glass dish she’d just removed from the oven and set on top of the stove. 

“Shit!”  Flipping the faucet handle up, she stuck her hand under the cool water. 

Hart came to stand beside her.  “You always get hurt around me, Bailey.”

“Nah.  I’m just a klutz.  Did you need something?”  There was no way she was looking at him.  “There are drinks in the fridge.  Snacks are on the counter.  Help yourself.”

“Forgive me, Bailey.”

“Okay, I forgive you.  Go on out and spend time with Harley.  She’s a little melancholy.”

“Look at me.”  She shook her head slowly.  “Please look at me, Bailey.” 

Her eyes closed to prepare herself for the effect he had on her.  With a small inhale, she turned her face up to stare into his.  “Hart, I forgive you.  Please don’t say anything else.”

“You don’t know what I’m going to say.”

Her smile was sad.  “I imagine it’s going to be something along the lines of what a
nice girl
I am.  How much you
care
about me and how
important
I am to your family.  You’ll also be sure to mention that you don’t want to do anything to screw that up.”  His eyes went wide.

Shutting off the water, she dried her hands and grabbed her purse off the counter.  “Trust me, you don’t have to bother.  I forgot ice.  I’ll be back in a bit.”

Walking through the living room, she gave a small wave and managed to say, “Ice.” 

Then she was downstairs, in her car, driving to the grocery store, and parking in a spot far from the entrance.  For almost an hour, she sat there, less than a mile from the only man she wanted, and cried for the foolish heart in her chest that simply would not let him
go
.

Chapter Six

With commitment, constant activity, and her pretend cheerful persona role-playing internally that this was the Christmas she spent with the Jamisons when she was ten, Bailey got through the days. 

She avoided being alone with Hart in any way.  Even when he attempted to talk to her privately. 

They unwrapped gifts, ate too much, laughed together, and watched
It’s a Wonderful Life
on the couch in Harley’s living room.