Harvest of Hearts (20 page)

Becky stepped forward, but she still clung to Jacob’s hand. “Gut to see you again, Shanna. I heard you were back.”

What else had she heard? Shanna didn’t know what to say or how to react. She’d been in the fancy world long enough that she was tempted to behave with slight arrogance, maybe say, “All gut, I hope.” No Amish girl would be so bold.

Something stayed her. Becky looked kind. Maybe she’d be a friend.

Shanna needed a friend. Especially since she’d gone and ruined her relationship with Matthew.

Somehow she found the strength to move one step closer. “It’s nice to see you again, Becky.” Becky looked happy. Comfortable. In love.

Shanna glanced at Jacob again. Pennsylvania sure grew some good-looking buwe, and bold ones, too, considering how openly he held Becky’s hand. Yet, as shy as Shanna remembered Becky to be, maybe she needed that. Her gaze moved to Matthew. Of course, he was good-looking, too. So cute. Ach, why couldn’t she have met him before her rumschpringe?

Matthew grasped Shanna’s elbow but released her quickly. “We’re just getting here. Are you leaving already?”

Jacob shook his head. “Nein, not leaving. Going for a walk down by the pond.”

“I’m going to join the volleyball game, I think, after I say hi to the birthday girl.” Matthew gestured to the net set up near the barn, where a game was already in session.

Jacob nodded and took a step, then hesitated. “You want to go with us, maybe? You and Shanna?”

Matthew smiled. “Nein, danki.”

Shanna wished he’d said “Jah,” but then, why would he? They weren’t a couple. He needed to find a woman to marry, and hanging out by the pond with Shanna wouldn’t advance that goal.

She was suddenly jealous of this nameless, faceless woman, yet unknown even to Matthew, who might claim his heart.

***

After Jacob and Becky left, Matthew turned to Shanna. “Do you want to go see Miriam? I can get you some cake and something to drink, if you like.”

She tilted her head, studying him. Her eyes still glimmered with unshed tears, but she seemed to be composing herself. He wished she would agree to walk with him so they could sort this out, but she wasn’t inclined to do that.

He didn’t know how a talk would fix things, though. It seemed pretty cut-and-dried. She wasn’t likely to adjust her thinking, and he wouldn’t change his.

If a relationship was to develop between them, it would be up to the Lord.

In the meantime, he intended to be a friend to Shanna. Someone she could grow to care for and maybe love. He wouldn’t press her, and he definitely wouldn’t push her away.

“Jah, we can do that. Wait, do I look okay?”

He let his gaze rove over her face. Devoid of makeup, she was just as lovely as the girl who’d arrived five days ago. Maybe even prettier, since this was natural.

“You’re beautiful.”

“Seriously. Are my eyes red and puffy or anything?”

He studied her again. “Nein. You’re gut.”

She huffed as if she didn’t believe him. He wished that she could see what he saw—gorgeous golden-brown hair that reminded him of autumn leaves, with just a hint of red mixed in. Brilliant green eyes with long, dark lashes. A slender build, but one that still boasted generous curves in all the right places.

“Ach, Shanna. You are beautiful.”
Ich liebe dich.
He swallowed the words. Saying them would only serve to complicate matters more.

“Danki.”

“Bitte. Shall we?” He nodded toward the house. “I’m actually not sure who Miriam Shultz is. I’m new, you know.”

Shanna shrugged. “She’s a few years younger than I am. If Joseph has his way, I’m guessing she’ll eventually be a member of our family.”

Matthew smiled and resisted the urge to run his fingers over the curve of her cheek. “It seems so.” He wanted the same thing for himself, someday.

They walked toward the house. Several people called out a greeting to Matthew, who waved in return. A few said something to Shanna, but to Matthew it seemed that most of them eyed her with distrust, whispering to each other behind their hands. Perhaps they were curious as to why a girl who had jumped the fence would dare to show her face at a frolic.

Shanna grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. “I changed my mind. Let’s take a walk with your friends.”

She must have noticed the looks and whispers, too. Plus, she probably recalled her mamm telling her that she was the latest topic of gossip around here.

Matthew draped his arm over her shoulders, giving her a too-brief hug. “Hold your head up high. Don’t let them know that it bothers you.”

She looked around, then stopped and stepped out of his embrace. “I ran away from home. Did my parents tell you?” she blurted out. “Daed and I had a huge fight, and that nacht, I went to a frolic like this one, only a little wilder. It was in the Lapps’ back field. Some Englisch guys were there, drinking and such. I’d earned my GED and been accepted into college, but I didn’t know how I’d get there without attracting attention. So, I climbed in the backseat of a car. When the driver eventually got in and left, I left with him. I don’t think he ever knew I was there.”

Matthew’s jaw dropped. “Seriously, Shanna?” Did she have any idea how dangerous that stunt had been?

“How else would I have left? Do you think Daed would have called a driver for me? The only way I could get out of here was to stow away.”

“You must have been pretty desperate.” He steered them away from the young people gathered around the barn and a bonfire on the side of the property, then led her out to the fields beyond.

“Jah. Jah, I guess I was.”

“Why, Shanna? Why were you so anxious to leave?” He wanted to argue the benefits of being part of the Amish community, but he didn’t. He probably shouldn’t have bothered asking her why she’d left.

“I wanted to be a nurse,” she stated.

Her voice was firm. Unapologetic. Slightly defensive.

Matthew nodded. “You’ve said that. But why is being a nurse so important to you?” Again, he was tempted to state his case for remaining Amish, but he kept quiet.

“Ach, it’s a long story. The short version is that my cousin Rachel was pregnant, and she started having problems. Mamm sent me over to be their maud because the doctor had put Rachel on bed rest. And, well, I probably shouldn’t say any more because it’d be inappropriate, but Rachel started having more problems, and they say I saved her life and the boppli’s, too. I didn’t know what I was doing; I just got lucky. The bishop said I had a gift. I wondered what kind of gift I could have if I actually had some training. Daed told me I didn’t need it. He told me that it wasn’t luck but God who had saved Rachel and the boppli, and that my desire for schooling stemmed from pride.” Shanna shook her head. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“The bishop said you had a gift….” Matthew studied her profile. “What do you think he was referring to?” He had his suspicions but wondered if she had reached the same conclusion.

Shanna shrugged. “Medicine?”

“Maybe midwifery?” Matthew suggested.

“Ach, that is so funny. I got my training in obstetrics.”

Matthew stopped walking. She moved a step or two beyond him, then turned back. “Was ist letz?”

“Shanna, think about it.” He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently pulling her toward him. She didn’t resist. He thought she would have stepped into his arms, if he’d let her. “What do nurses trained in obstetrics do?”

“Assist with labor and delivery.”

He raised his hand to cup her cheek. “And what do Amish women do best?”

She laughed. “Have boppli?” Then her smile faded. “What are you saying?”

“Kum home, Shanna. Kum home and be a midwife. The only midwife in this entire district is an Englisch woman who lives over an hour away. It would be such a blessing to all the families to have a local Amish midwife, ain’t so?”

Her brow furrowed. “Ach.”

He waited a beat. Two. Three. She didn’t say anything else. That was it? Just “Ach”?

He’d hoped for a more enthusiastic response. Maybe a promise to think about coming home to work as a midwife. A promise to at least consider marrying him someday.

Though that probably would be a bit premature.

He dropped his hands to his sides and stepped back.

He’d dangled the bait. Whether she decided to nibble would be anybody’s guess.

Could she return home as a midwife? Did she even want to? The implications of Matthew’s suggestion swirled in her mind like a dust storm.
A midwife.
This needed serious thought.

Shanna turned away from Matthew and strode several yards away across the uneven ground of the field, careful to avoid the fledgling plants growing out of the furrowed earth. If the bishop sanctioned it and the community accepted her, she certainly could come back to be a midwife. At this moment, the thought seemed highly desirable. To be a part of the people. Welcomed. To marry and raise a family and still have the education she’d sacrificed everything for.

Marriage to Matthew might be in the mix, although he’d never actually proposed. Any mention of the possibility had been more in the form of a decree: “
You’re going to marry me.
” “
You’re going to return to the Amish.
” Did he think he was a prophet? Perhaps it was selfish, but she wanted a proposal. Maybe not one like her friend had, with dinner and opera tickets and a carriage ride, but a nice, romantic…something…that she could think back on and catch a thrill over when her marriage settled into the humdrum of normal, everyday life after the honeymoon period ended.

But joining the church would mean returning to so many things that she couldn’t wait to be permanently free from. What if she didn’t want to return?

Living in the same area as Daed…could she handle that?

Although the Daed she’d lived with for the past week seemed to have softened up some. He had said a couple of nice things about her. He’d allowed her to stay—for the summer. She hadn’t really expected that. And he hadn’t complained about the kittens she’d brought home.

But he’d called her a stray.

And they continued to get on each other’s last nerve.

She and Daed would never get along. Not even with Matthew trying to push them together. Just like he was trying to rearrange the rest of her life. Maybe she’d like to make a few plans for herself instead of falling into his neatly organized blueprint.

“Shanna?” Matthew’s whisper broke into her thoughts. “What are you thinking?” His voice held an ache, a hurt, but she didn’t know why and didn’t want to pursue it. At least, not right now. Maybe later. But it didn’t excuse him for trying to take over her life.

“How dare you?” She spun around to face him. He still stood right where she’d left him, pain etching his face. The distance that separated them seemed a tangible thing. “This is my life. Mine. And if I’d wanted to be here, I never would have run away. You have nein right to tell me to kum home.”

An expression crossed his face, but it was gone before she could identify what emotion it revealed. A muscle bunched in his neck, and he frowned. “You’re right,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nein right!”

“Nein, I don’t. It won’t happen again.” Distaste flickered in his eyes, the only indication that he regretted the words, even as he spoke them. Or was it that he found her distasteful?

Why had he acquiesced so quickly? Just as he’d done when she’d ended their relationship. It didn’t seem right. But she didn’t want to pursue that, either.

“You bet it won’t. Just go, Matthew. Leave me alone.”

He stood there another minute. Silent. Then, he sighed. “I want to be your friend, Shanna.”

“Then, don’t interfere in my life.”

His frown deepened, and he nodded. “I suppose I need to say something to the birthday girl. Are you coming?”