Harvest of Hearts (24 page)

He did want Shanna for his frau, but that would be up to the Lord. As much as he disliked the possibility, God might have someone else in mind for him.

Ach, Shanna.

As if she could read his thoughts, she met his gaze and winked. Ever so bold. Beside him, Ruth gasped. She’d noticed it, too. And she would probably report it to her grossdaedi, the bishop. He hated the idea of Shanna getting into even more trouble than she would when word of their not-so-private cuddling while fishing and the absence of her head covering made it back to Levi.

What would he have to say about it? Shanna was still in her rumschpringe, so the kapp might not even rank as an important topic. But a public display of affection?

Jah, that would be discussed, with him and Shanna alike.

Ruth had seen it, too, and yet she persisted in making her interest known to him. Maybe their actions hadn’t been as obviously affectionate as he’d thought. Either that, or Ruth was as dull as a fence post.

After another moment of deliberation, Matthew caught Shanna’s attention and winked back. There. The damage was done. Anybody who was watching would know that he cared for Shanna Stoltzfus.

Shanna approached the blanket with a mischievous smile, which faded immediately when a strange musical sound broke the silence. She pulled her cell phone out of her apron pocket. Time seemed to freeze as she glanced at it, then abruptly pivoted and headed in the opposite direction, pressing the phone to her ear.

Memories of the last time Matthew had seen her answer her cell phone surfaced.
Nate.

Ruth touched his hand ever so lightly, but it was enough to draw his attention away from Shanna. She looked up at him, her eyes wide and filled with expectation. Had she said something while he’d been lost in his thoughts?

He furrowed his brow. “Uh, jah?”

He’d meant it as a question. But, judging by the way her plain face brightened, she’d taken it as an answer.

What had he gotten himself into?

***

Shanna trudged up the hill as she listened to Nate ramble on.

“I’m so sorry, Shanna. Really. Let me make it up to you. If you’re free tonight, I could take you to dinner and a movie.”

Translation: Another movie he didn’t want to see by himself was playing. If she agreed to accompany him to a film that would either bore or scare her, she’d be rewarded with dinner, a big bucket of buttery popcorn, and an icy-cold Coke.

“I’ll even let you pick out the movie.”

Wow. She hadn’t expected that. “I have no idea what’s playing, Nate, and tomorrow is a church Sunday.”

He was quiet a moment. “Church Sunday? Well, you can sleep in if you get in too late. Not a big deal, right? You missed church a lot last semester.”

Shanna winced. He was right. She’d have to do better.

Nate cleared his throat. “I have some ideas. The downtown theater has a movie playing I want to see, and it’s only there through tonight. Tomorrow, they have something new starting, and….”

Miss church? While living under her daed’s roof? Ach, he’d have plenty to say about that. And besides, she’d kind of looked forward to walking in with the other maidels and seeing the young men gathered by the doors, watching them.

Matthew would be among them.

Would his eyes be on her?

She shivered with anticipation.

“Shanna? Are you listening, or what? Will you go out with me?”

She should say no. A super-firm, I-mean-it “No” that he wouldn’t dare question. Especially after his shenanigans the other night. Had he actually messed with his car on purpose so it would break down, as Daed had so vehemently insisted he had?

Maybe she shouldn’t take Daed’s word for it. Shouldn’t Nate be allowed to speak for himself? Maybe it had been an accident. Maybe all of it had been. And Matthew had no claim on her. He was free to court whomever he pleased. Even Ruth. She glanced back at them, sitting there on the blanket, talking and looking so cozy. She and Matthew had made no promises to each other.

“
You’re going to marry me.
”

Ach! She had to quit thinking about that. It would drive her insane. Degree or not, she wanted Matthew to whisk her off to the bishop and be published. But that would never happen unless she joined the church.

And that could never happen if she was away at school.

“
It’s all pride.
”

Daed’s statement from the night of their big argument pricked her memory. Maybe it was pride that had kept her going during the first semester of nursing school, as she’d striven to prove she had what it took to be accepted into the LPN program. Failing hadn’t been an option. Maybe it was pride that had driven her during eleven months of nonstop classes and then the requisite on-the-job training. Pride that had earned her a spot in RN school. Now she had only a semester to go to earn her RN designation, followed by a semester of clinicals. She couldn’t quit now.

You’re too proud.
The condemning words whispered into her thoughts again, sounding exactly like Daed.

Shanna dipped her head. As much as she liked Matthew, she had to explore her own options, and let him explore his.

“Shanna?” Nate was beginning to sound impatient. “I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

“Wait—”

But he’d already hung up. She tried calling him back, but she was directed straight to his voice mail. She didn’t leave a message.

It didn’t matter. Shanna straightened her spine. She’d go out with Nate and give him the opportunity to explain what had happened the other night.

If he would be there in an hour, she needed to head back to the house and start getting ready. Maybe Matthew would still be fishing when Nate arrived, so he wouldn’t see her leave with him. He might think she’d been called to come in to work. She could take the car and meet Nate somewhere.

Dishonesty.

Pain knifed her conscience.
Ach, Lord.
She wasn’t worthy to wipe the dust off of the sandals of the Almighty. Not to mention waste His time with her prayers.

“
All our righteousnesses are as filthy rags.
”

Did He hear the prayers of people like her? Ach, but she wished He did. She had so much to repent of.

A kneeling confession…she couldn’t think of that now.

Shanna turned and hurried down the hill to the tree where her kapp hung. She snatched it off the branch. It was dry and stiff. She dangled it in one hand and, with the other, reached to pull the bobby pins from her hair. Too bad she didn’t have time to wash it. A good brushing would have to do. “I have to go,” she said to Matthew. “I got a call….”

She didn’t say who had called, but it didn’t seem to matter. Matthew’s eyes widened as her hair tumbled loosely around her shoulders—after she’d said it was improper for him to see it uncovered! Too bad she’d strayed so far from the church, and for so long, that she’d forgotten. Ruth clasped a hand over her mouth, probably in shock at seeing Shanna release her hair in front of an unmarried man. Two of them, in fact. She felt a pang of regret for making things harder for Matthew. News of her impropriety would surely reach the bishop.

It all would reach him. Everything she’d done today would be brought up and scrutinized. And that would open the door to a discussion about her past. Her disobedience, her every transgression, would be made public. She’d be the subject of local gossip once again, and not just because she’d come home for the summer.

It was a blessing that no one else but Matthew knew about
the kiss
. Ach, she’d be raked over the coals for that.

So bold. So blatant. So…beautiful.

Shanna didn’t glance at the others in their fishing party. She turned and ran up the hill, her steps faltering when Becky called after her, “We’ll be going in to McDonald’s later for koffee. We’ll see you there, ain’t so?”

***

Matthew jumped up and started to follow Shanna, but Jacob’s hand on his arm stayed him. “Let her go. We’ll see her later when we go into town.”

“She must have been called in to work. I hate that they take advantage of her like that. She worked this morning. It isn’t right.”

Ruth drained her soda can. “Let’s get back to fishing so you can have that fish you said you promised the Stoltzfuses for dinner tonight. We have only three so far, ain’t so?”

Jacob shook his head. “Six now, but it’s not enough for three different families. Let’s give it another hour, then I’ll take Bex into town. Matthew, too, and anyone else who wants to go.” His gaze fell on Annie and Ruth.

Matthew didn’t answer. He picked up his pole, memories of Shanna coloring his every movement. He probably shouldn’t have held her like he had. They’d be in trouble, for sure. Not only that, but he doubted he’d ever fish again without remembering the feel of her in his arms.

And they were going into town for coffee? He’d put his foot down and order a plain, simple drink, not one of those fancy ones that Becky liked, full of fake sweetener and topped with whipped cream and elaborate drizzles. Not as the good Lord intended. Maybe if Shanna filled their orders, she would remember his preference.

Still, he hated that she’d left them for work. Couldn’t she have said nein, she had plans? After all, they’d been on a date, of sorts.

Leaving a date to go to work. Who did that?

Should he be concerned about the message that sent him about her priorities?

About an hour later, Matthew delivered the cleaned, filleted fish to Deborah, then went upstairs to shower and change before meeting Jacob and Becky for the ride into town. Annie had said she’d go along, but Ruth needed to check with her grandparents. They’d probably agree, which meant Matthew would be stuck in the narrow backseat with a maidel on either side of him. And neither one the girl of his dreams.

Before leaving the house, he stopped in the kitchen and found Deborah. “I’ll be home after a while, but it might be a little late. Save me some dinner, please.”

“Jah. Where’d Shanna take off to?” She studied him.

Matthew shrugged. “Work. She said she had to go.”

“Work, you say?” Her eyes narrowed. “She went running down the lane in tight blue jeans and a white shirt. Not her work clothes. Someone picked her up out by the mailbox.”

Shanna hadn’t ditched him to work but to go out with another man. Matthew’s heart sank as he mentally went over the list of possibilities. It was a short one. In fact, Matthew was almost certain there was only one name on that list.

An Englischer.

Nate.

He felt as if his heart had cracked right down the middle. He didn’t want to decipher the nonverbal message Shanna had just sent him. It’d be too painful. Even more so than going into town with absolutely no hope that she’d be there.

But it didn’t matter. If she’d had more than a whisper of feelings for him, she would have remained with him at the pond. Apparently, he was no more than a plaything. Someone to amuse her when no one else was around.

He’d hoped for so much more.

Seeing Jacob’s buggy coming around the bend, Matthew forced a smile. No point in letting everyone know about this latest heartbreak. He’d go and have fun with his friends.

He was done being Shanna’s toy. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

Never again.

When the house lights turned on at the end of the movie, Shanna handed the empty popcorn bucket back to Nate and looked around the ancient theater. Not too many people were there; just a handful, really. They’d seen the film Nate had been interested in. She wished she’d insisted on something else. Some of the images…her face heated. She picked up her Coke, stood up, and followed Nate down the row of seats toward the aisle, passing another couple that remained seated, watching the credits. As they made their way up the aisle, he turned to her. “Do you want to stop at Starbucks on the way home?”