Having His Baby (16 page)

The smile vanished from Jake's face. He spread his big hand out over Louisa's back in a possessive gesture. He'd been fooling himself believing Donna had realized they belonged together for the long haul. Despite everything they shared—including their daughter—she was still damned and determined to end their marriage.

"I'm not going to let you do this," Jake said in a calm, deep voice that concealed the anger raging inside him. "You know as well as I do that we can make a go of this marriage. We've got so much going for us. Why can't you see it?"

"I do see it," she admitted. "But it doesn't matter, I can't."

"Can't stop loving Edward Fields!" What other reason could there be? Jake wondered. It was the only explanation that made any sense.

Donna slipped out of bed, turned her back on Jake and searched in her closet for a lightweight robe.
You have to tell him the truth! He has a right to know the real reason you intend to end this marriage. You can't let him go on torturing himself with the belief that you're still in love with Edward.

She walked out of the closet just as Jake laid Louisa in the middle of the bed. He got up, jerked on his discarded jeans and zipped them, but left the button undone.

When he walked toward her, she held up her hands in a keep-away warning gesture. He stopped dead-still. "I'm willing to give you all the time you need to get over your first husband," Jake said. "Sooner or later, you'll have to let go of him. And when you do, I'll be here waiting for you."

"Oh, Jake." Slumping her shoulders as the weight of the world descended upon her, Donna lowered her head and bit down on her lip to keep herself from crying. "I wish it were that simple."

"But it is that simple. I'm not asking you to love me. Not now. I'm willing to take what you can give me and hope that someday you'll learn to love me." He took a tentative step toward her, but halted when she backed away from him.

That was what she feared the most—falling in love with Jake. She cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the emotional lump restricting her speech. "I'm not still in love with Edward."

"You're not?" Jake's lips formed a fragile smile.

"No, I'm not." Donna's heartbeat pounded in her ears. "Of course, a part of me will always love Edward. He was my first love, my husband, my very life, but I'm not still in love with him. I had to force myself to let go of him several years ago."

"Then what's the problem?" Jake's body leaned toward hers, like a plant seeking nourishment from the sun. "If you don't love him, then don't you think you could learn to love me? I know I'm a little rough around the edges, but you could polish those edges. I'd be putty in your hands."

"Don't do this, Jake. Don't make it any more difficult than it already is. Please, try to understand why I can't stay married to you."

"That's the problem, sugar, I don't understand." His gaze narrowed, focusing directly on her face. "Maybe you'd better explain it to me."

Louisa gurgled and then whimpered. Donna ran to the bed and lifted her child into her arms. "You can see Louisa whenever you want, and spend as much time with her as you'd like. I'll never try to keep her away from you. I promise."

"I appreciate that, but we weren't talking about my rights as Louisa's father. We were discussing our marriage and the reason you're determined to end it."

"I can never love you. Never!"

Jake felt as if he'd been hit in the head with a sledgehammer.

"I see. Well, that's pretty plain. You've made it clear all along that I wasn't good enough for you. Stupid me, I thought you felt differently now."

"It isn't you," she told him. "It's me."

"Right, it's you. You've got a master's degree, a ton of money and a social position you inherited from your parents. A lady like you can't spend her life married to a worthless cowpoke like me. What on earth would your friends think? They'd probably ban you from the country club!"

Jake hurriedly put on his wrinkled shirt, then stuffed his
feet into his socks and pulled on hi boots. He stomped out
of the room, while Donna stood there holding Louisa. The minute she realized he was leaving, she ran after him.

When she reached the head of the staircase, she called to him. "Jake, please, wait!"

He paused in the middle of the staircase, but didn't turn to face her. "Why should I wait?"

"You're wrong about the way I feel," she said. "I know my so-called friends thought I'd married beneath me. But I never felt that way about you. I've discovered what a wonderful man you are. You're intelligent and loyal and loving and—"

Abruptly Jake turned toward her. "What are you trying to tell me?"

Donna took one hesitant step at a time, descending the stairs slowly, until she paused at Jake's side, halfway down. She petted a whimpering Louisa. "I was deeply in love with Edward." She cringed when she noticed the pained look on Jake's face. "When I love, I love completely." She cleared her throat and tried again. "Edward's death nearly destroyed me. I've never known such agony."

"I don't need to hear this!" Jake turned from her and took the steps two at a time.

"Wait, Jake." Donna hurried to the bottom of the stairs. "I had an emotional breakdown about three months after Edward died. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't function well enough to do the most menial tasks. One day, at the college, I collapsed. My uncle Duncan talked me into getting psychiatric help. It took over a year of therapy before I recovered enough to resume my normal life."

Jake stood there, silent and unmoving, his gaze riveted to her tear-glazed eyes.

When he made no comment, she continued. "I made myself a promise once I was well and in control of my life again."

"What sort of promise?" Jake asked.

"I promised myself that I'd never fall in love again." Donna repeatedly stroked Louisa's back. "That I'd never give another man that much control over my life—over my sanity. Don't you see, Jake, I will never allow myself to fall in love with you."

Jake crumbled before her very eyes—the effect of her admission. But by the time she moved toward him, one hand reaching out, he had put himself back together and his expression had turned to stone. He balled his big hands into clenched fists.

"You deserve a woman who can love you with all her heart and soul," Donna said, her voice laced with tears. "I can never be that woman."

He just stared at her, his eyes cold and hard, his expression emotionless. He turned, opened the front door and walked out onto the porch, then slammed the door behind him.

Louisa cried out as if she knew her father was leaving them. Cuddling her daughter close, Donna grasped the doorknob and opened the door just in time to see Jake back his Jeep out of the driveway.

"Jake!" she called. "Don't leave. Please, don't leave this way."

He revved the Jeep's motor, backed out onto the street and sped away from the house. Donna slumped down on the front steps and, cradling Louisa in her arms, wept in a way she hadn't cried since the day Edward died.

Jake recognized Donna's Corvette parked in front of the farmhouse. What the hell was she doing here? He glanced from the car to the porch. There she sat in the swing, Louisa on her lap. His gaze drifted downward to porch floor beside the swing. Two suitcases rested against the wall. A tight knot of apprehension formed in the pit of his stomach. Just what was going on? Why was Donna here and why had she brought suitcases with her?

The minute she saw him, she jumped up from the swing and, with Louisa in her arms, came running toward him. He stopped and waited for her to come to him. She hesitated a couple of feet away from him, then she smiled and Jake's whole body tensed painfully.

"Hello, Jake," she said.

"What are you doing here?" How many times had he dreamed that Donna would come to him, here at the ranch, and bring his daughter to him? How many restless nights had he envisioned her in his house, in his bed, in his arms?

"Louisa misses you terribly," Donna said, her eyes bright with hope as she gazed at Jake. "And I miss you, too. Terribly."

Jake shifted his booted feet, kicking up a small cloud of dust. "So Louisa misses me and you brought her out for a visit?" He glanced down at the suitcases. "You going to leave her with me for a few days?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what are you doing here? And why the suitcases?"

"We … Louisa and I have come to stay," Donna said bravely.

Jake shook his head to dislodge the cobwebs in his brain. He thought Donna had said that she and Louisa had come to stay. "What did you say?"

"Louisa and I are moving out here to live with you on the ranch."

"I'm not amused with your little joke." Jake walked past Donna and stepped up on the porch.

"Wait a minute," she called after him. "This is no joke!" She followed him up onto the porch. "I don't want a divorce. I want us to stay married."

He skewered her with his deadly cold glare. "Is that so? Just what changed your mind? Are you pregnant again?"

"What?" she gasped.

"I can't think of any other reason you'd want to stay married to me. After all, you don't love me and never will, so why subject yourself to the torture of being married to me unless—"

"Jake Bishop, I could strangle you! You stupid—" She spluttered, then took a deep breath and stomped her foot. Louisa whimpered. "It's all right, Sugar Baby," Donna said. "Your father is just being a stubborn, pigheaded fool."

"Well, are you or are you not pregnant?" he asked.

"No, I'm not pregnant."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I don't want a divorce. I want us to stay married and give Louisa two loving parents in one home." She glanced around at the peeling paint on the old weathered farmhouse. "This home. After I make this place a home with a little renovation."

She surveyed her husband from the top of his sweat-stained Stetson to the tips of his dirty boots. He was a hot, sweaty, filthy man—her man. And she loved him. Loved his smile. Loved his laugh. Loved his big, hard body. And loved him for being a caring father and a passionate lover.

Rooting at Donna's breast, Louisa cried loudly. "Shh-hh, it's all right. Mama's going to feed you." She looked at Jake. "I'd rather not nurse her out here on the porch, just in case any of the ranch hands happen by."

"Take her inside," Jake said. "While you're nursing her, I'll take care of a few business calls before I take a shower. Then we'll get to the bottom of your little change of heart."

"All right." She smiled triumphantly.

When he opened the door for her, she carried Louisa inside the house and followed Jake through the small, dreary foyer and into the living room. She couldn't stop herself from groaning after her first glimpse. It was obvious the place hadn't been redecorated in a long time, probably not in at least thirty years. And the furniture looked as if it had been purchased in the fifties.

"The whole house looks this bad," Jake said. "Some of the rooms are even worse."

"Paint and wallpaper can do wonders," Donna said. "And the floors need refinishing and—"

"Don't make any plans to start remodeling. You won't be staying long enough to change the sheets on my bed!" He left her alone in the dismal living room.

Her gaze followed his departure, watching him go up the stairs and disappear into one of the many rooms. She took the diaper bag from her shoulder, removed a vinyl pad and a diaper and laid her daughter down on the threadbare sofa.

"Your daddy isn't going to make this easy for me."

Donna quickly changed Louisa's diaper, then glanced around in search of a rocker. There wasn't one, so she sat in the armchair that matched the floral sofa, opened her blouse and bra and put Louisa to her breast. She rocked back and forth and crooned the melody of "You Are My Sunshine" to her child.

"He's not going to send us away," Donna said. "This is home now, Sugar Baby, be it ever so humble. And whether your daddy likes it or not, I'm going to use my own money to remodel this shack and turn it into a livable house. And if his macho pride is offended, then that's just too bad."

Donna continued telling Louisa about her plans while the child nursed and dozed off to sleep. When Louisa released Donna's nipple, she stood and carried Louisa upstairs in search of a bed. She entered the room Jake had gone into and found a bedroom with an old iron bedstead. The sheets were rumpled, but they looked clean. She eased Louisa down in the middle of the bed and rearranged the quilt, spread and pillows to form a cocoon around her sleeping child.

The adjoining bathroom door stood ajar. The sound of running water told Donna that Jake was still in the shower. Acting purely on instinct and a primeval need to recapture and hold her man, Donna undressed, laid her clothes on a rickety wooden chair Jake was using as a nightstand and tiptoed into the bathroom. She could make out Jake's silhouette through the translucent white shower curtain. Her body tightened and released with anticipation. She eased back the curtain and stepped into the old claw-footed tub.

Jake jerked around and glared at her. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Donna slid her arms around his neck and rubbed her breasts against his wet, hairy chest. He sucked in a deep breath.

"I'm going to show my husband how much I love him." Standing on tiptoe, she tried to kiss him.

Jake grabbed her shoulders and shoved her away from him. When she lost her balance, he reached out, grasped her around the waist and damned himself for a fool when his sex sprung to life against her mound.

"Don't do this to me," he told her. "Unless you mean it, don't pretend you love me."

She slipped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. The spray of water spewed out over their naked bodies. "Once you were gone, I realized that despite my best efforts to not fall in love with you, I did. I think I probably fell in love with you that first weekend we spent together in New Mexico."

Tremors racked Jake's body. He clasped her face in his hands and forced her to look at him. "I probably fell in love with you then, too, sugar, but I didn't realize that I loved you until the night you came after me at the Pale Rider."

"Can you ever forgive me for—"

He silenced her with a kiss—a kiss that told her he had missed her as much as she had missed him. They devoured each other like hungry animals, wild with their need.

"I don't have any condoms," he said, his voice a ragged whisper.

"It's all right." She licked his neck. "I don't mind if I get pregnant again. I want us to have more children."

"Ah, sugar!"

He lifted her up and braced her against the wall, then drove into her, sending his shaft deep into her hot, wet depths. She clung to him as he maneuvered her hips in a rhythmic beat that quickly brought them both to earth-shattering climaxes. While tingling ashes from the sensual fire they'd created spread a sated warmth through their bodies, Jake withdrew and lowered her to her feet. They bathed each other with slow, tender strokes that soon returned them to heated passion. Jake helped her out of the tub, then briskly dried her with a large towel.

When he picked her up and headed out the door, she said, "Sugar Baby's asleep in your bed."

With Donna in his arms, he turned back into the bathroom, then rested her hips on the sink and brought her legs up and around his waist. She leaned her head back against the mirror over the sink and clasped Jake tightly, urging him to action.

An hour later Jake sat at the scuffed kitchen table, mumbling gibberish to Louisa, while Donna scrambled eggs and prepared buttered toast for their supper.

"I want you to fix this place up," Jake said. "Do anything you want to do. Tear out walls, bring in a contractor. Whatever it takes for you to be happy here."

Donna spooned the eggs onto two plates that already held the toast, picked up the plates and placed them on the table. Coming up behind Jake, she leaned over, curled her arms around him and hugged him fiercely.

"I'm already happy here," she said. "I'm happy because Louisa and I are with you. It doesn't matter where we are as long as we're together."

Jake pulled her around and down onto his lap. "Did I tell you how much I love you, Mrs. Bishop?"

"You told me and showed me." She kissed him on both cheeks. "Jake, I know you can't afford to renovate this place right now, and although I would be glad to use my own money, if it would bother you, then I can wait to fix up this place. I don't need a fine house or beautiful furniture. All I need—all I'll ever need is you!"

Jake kissed her, then said, "There's something I need to tell you about the state of my finances."

"It's all right. Really it is. I know you don't have any money and that you had to borrow from Caleb to buy this ranch and—"

He shook her gently to gain her attention and silence her. "I didn't borrow a dime from Caleb or anybody else to buy this place. I paid cash for this ranch. I own it free and clear."

"But I don't understand, how could you—"

"I'm not penniless," he said. "At last count, my financial advisor estimated my net worth at somewhere in the neighborhood of seven million dollars. Do you think that'll be enough to renovate this old house?"

Donna stared at him, her mouth agape. "Seven million dollars?"

"Yeah, give or take a few thousand."

"I don't have nearly that much money."

"You don't?" Jake teased.

"I have about a half a million in assets, but—" She swatted his shoulders and chest. "Jake Bishop, you let me think you didn't have a dime to your name. How could you—"

"I never told you that I was broke, you just assumed that I was."

"What were you doing working as a ranch hand out in New Mexico, if you were a millionaire?" she asked.

"I was learning the quarter horse business before I came back to Tennessee and bought my own ranch."

Suddenly Donna burst into laughter. She snuggled up against Jake and said, "You do realize that you're probably richer than any of my snooty friends, don't you?"

"So, what would you like for me to do, buy the country club and toss them out on their ears?" Jake slid his hand inside her robe and fondled her breast.

"We aren't going to have time to bother with that bunch." Donna eased her hand down inside his robe and spread her hands possessively across his chest. "We're going to be too busy on our ranch. Making love and making babies."

"Ah, sugar, I like the way you plan on keeping me busy."