Heart Lies & Alibis (22 page)

I pushed on. I had to at least give him the whole story. If he decided to leave after that, I would know I had done everything I could. "My life in Winchester was more like a "Bad After-school Special" than "Happy Brady Bunch Episode". I was born to a sixteen-year-old unwed high school dropout who did her best but was never cut out to be a mom. She liked to party before I was born and even more so after I came along. She kept a constant string of boyfriends whom we either lived with or were running away from for most of my childhood. I lived in twelve different places by the time I was four." I shook my head as my cynical laugh filled the room.

"Anyway, mom liked her men but she found she liked her meth even more. I was taking care of myself pretty much by the time I turned six. It was okay though. In spite of all the shit she put me through I didn't think things were that bad because when she was sober my mom was great. Being so young, she was a lot of fun to hang out with. She would read me stories before bed and take me to the park and play lots of silly games. But soon the sober days were coming with less frequency and the boyfriends were getting worse."

Declan had lost much of the anger filling his body. His face was filled with sympathy and concern. I needed to maintain a strong resolve to finish this story and I couldn't have him feeling sorry for me. I hated to feel like a victim and had spent my whole life making sure it didn't happen. "Hey, lots of people have a bad draw in life. You included, so don't look at me with the pity and the sadness. I did just fine, obviously. I found I was really good at school so I just poured all I had into that and tried to forget my shitty home life. It helped for a long time. But then I hit my teen years, and I was my mother's daughter after all, so boys starting becoming a whole lot more interesting than books to me. I still excelled at school but at the same time I started to run with a new crowd of friends. They were older, more dangerous and didn't seem to have a problem in the world. I loved the life they offered. I mean, what the hell did I know about the possible consequences of what they were doing? I was still just a dumb kid."

Declan's arms had uncrossed and he started towards me but I held up my hand to stop him. Not yet. I couldn't stop the story yet and if he pulled me into his arms, I wouldn't have the strength to finish.

"One night when I was sixteen I went to this party alone. I had gotten into a huge fight with my mom and decided I was going to get as wasted as possible to get back at her. I doubt she would have even noticed. When I arrived at the house of a friend of a friend, the party was in high gear, filled with beer and pot, and some pretty rough guys. I knew I was in over my head the moment I arrived and had decided to leave when one of the slightly less scary guys approached me. He had black hair, a nice body, and a good voice so it wasn't hard for him to convince me to stay for a bit longer." I smiled for a moment remembering that night. "Yep, I was always a sucker for a bad boy, which unfortunately makes you part of a long history of questionable choices. Of course, I know now there is more to you than that."

Declan smiled but remained silent, thank god, while I continued with the biography of Bobbi Jo Callahan.

"Long story short, that sexy bad boy would change my life. His name was Lincoln Dixon and I talked to him all night. I thought I was in love almost immediately. He was twenty, had lots of tattoos and was generally the biggest bad-ass I had ever met. He was everything I wanted at that point in my life, a giant fuck-you to the world, and I believed I would do anything for him. By this time my mom and I weren't getting along very well at all. After a bad interaction between me and her current bastard boyfriend, you know the one involving a certain missing butterfly knife, she kicked me out, which was just fine by me. I thought I knew everything about the world and could take care of myself. Like I said, I was a dumb kid." I had to smile again, for a very brief moment, while remembering my wild youth. I missed the freedom, the excitement, the belief I had that I was invincible and could survive anything. At forty, I knew what life was really like.

"One night after an exceptionally bad fight with my mom, I grabbed my stuff and I went to stay with Lincoln. It turned out living with Linc was not quite the fairy tale my young heart thought it would be, mostly because Lincoln lived with his older brother Roosevelt." Declan arched an eyebrow in amusement. "Yeah their dad had a weird thing for dead presidents. Anyway, Rose, as most people called him, was a really bad guy who had just gotten out of prison right before I met Lincoln. Now, Linc worshiped him but Rose scared the hell out of me. Most of the time I was able to steer clear of him whenever Linc wasn't around. Life was as bearable as it could be considering everything."

Declan leaned forward from the wall and nodded once. "And that's how you lived? You weren't even out of high school yet, right? What did you do?"

I shrugged, trying to make the situation seem slightly less dreadful than it sounded. "Somehow I graduated, thanks to a few really caring teachers and an awesome guidance counselor, I was still doing really well at school in spite of my living arrangements, which I also somehow was able to keep a secret from everyone so no one knew what was going on. It wasn't like my mom was going to report me to the school as a runaway. She was just happy I wasn't her problem anymore. And most people in town knew my story and just looked the other way as long as I didn't cause too much trouble."

I took a deep breath as more memories flooded through my mind. I had spent so many years pushing my past away, I felt overwhelmed thinking about it now, especially dealing with memories of my mom. She had been such a mess by the time I ran away it was hard to hate her for how she treated me because I knew she was just a victim of her addiction as much as I was. She never meant to hurt me, I knew that deep in my heart, she just couldn't handle the life she had been given.

I met Declan's eyes again and continued with the story. "It was really simple actually. On most days I would stay at school, working on extra projects or just hanging out doing homework, until Linc got off from his job at a local auto shop. He would come by and pick me up and we would go home together. This arrangement made sure I was never alone with Rose. Life went on like this for a few months and then something bad happened one night that changed my life forever." My heart thudded heavy in my chest and for a moment I felt like that sixteen-year-old girl all over again.

I could tell from the way Declan's body tensed and he stepped toward me he thought I had been attacked by Rose, or worse, so I rushed on with the story to ease his fears.

"'The party train was running out of gas' Rose said one day, 'but I know where we can fuel this bitch right back up!' That was the day that started the end of my life as I knew it. Rose and Linc weren't about to get straight jobs, not that they even could with their records and reputations around town, so they needed to get some fast money.

Rose started rambling on about how he knew a guy who told him all about a local gun collector that lived just outside of town. I could see the look in Linc's eyes, the dream of a big, easy score that would keep them partying for a long time. Hell, I'll bet he was already thinking about how cool the story would sound after it was all over. I had heard them talk like this before when they started getting low on money and I had almost completely tuned them out while waiting for them to run out of steam about this dumbass plan. But it wasn't slowing down at all this time. Rose was marching all over the room while he was whipping Linc up, telling him how much money they were going to get, how easy it would be for them, and then he stopped and turned to point at me. 'And all we need from you, sunshine, is for you to be our driver!' I glanced at him before returning my attention to the magazine I was reading dismissing him without much thought."

I took another pause in the story. The flood of memories was overwhelming and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to forget all of it but I owed Declan the full story so I pushed on with a deep sigh.

"Like I said, I'd been through this before so I didn't even look up when I told Rose to go to hell with his stupid idea before he got himself or Linc shot. I've always wished I had looked up from that magazine in time to see Rose step toward me and swing. He hit me twice in the face and would have kept going if his boot hadn't gotten caught in a blanket. I jumped up, blood streaming all down my face and shirt, and ran for the bathroom with Rose screaming after me."

Declan's face flamed with anger again.

"Linc stopped him from really hurting me that day, but he still supported Rose's plan. He tried to convince me that the plan would not only help Rose but it would also help us. He talked about getting our own place, maybe even getting married one day. He worked hard to convince me to go along with the plan but I continued to refuse. I thought I would just leave Linc, go back home maybe, but Rose had other plans. He told me a few days later, if I didn't help them, or if I got the bright idea to tell anyone about their plan he would hurt my mom and then he would hurt me. He had been in jail for assault so his threat was believable. I also still had a black eye and split lip to reinforce for me he meant what he said. My mom was a junkie and a terrible mother but she was the only mom I had so I knew I would do whatever I could to protect her. Eventually I agreed to their plan."

I paced some more, the images of that night still etched in my mind like they had happened just yesterday. My heart pounded harder and my mind flashed back to that moment. Declan was watching me closely and with such concern, I almost stopped with the story but I wanted him to know what had led me to leave my old life and become someone new.

"We drove to the guy's house on a Friday night, around 2am. I parked on a dirt road out back and waited while the brothers went inside. They wore ski masks and carried some 12-gauge shotguns. I waited in the car and I was more terrified than ever. The rebellious teen girl in me had fled and all I wanted was to make it through this thing and then get the hell away from the Dixon brothers forever. So, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, but was really maybe ten minutes, I heard a shot. I almost sped out of there but I was too terrified to move."

I paused for a moment in my relentless pacing. I could still smell that warm night air and feel the fear as if I was right there again. My breathing was ragged and my heart thundered in my chest. I felt Declan watching me again. I looked at him for a moment, offering a weak smile before pushing on.

"The brothers came running out moments later and jumped in the car. I could see Rose had blood on his shirt and Linc looked pale and shaky. For a moment I just stared at them. I was so freaked out I didn't make a move to drive away. Finally, Rose screamed at me to go and I reacted without thinking. I wanted away from that house almost as much as I wanted away from the Dixon brothers."

I let the story tumble out in rushed abandon. It was like I was in the car again. I had known fear in my life before that night on more occasions than I wanted to remember but nothing had prepared me for what I was feeling when I realized what they must have done. I wanted to stop remembering but there was more Declan needed to know. I had to keep going with the story so I took a deep breath and pushed on.

"I sped off the dirt road, fishtailing onto the highway and heading into the night. I didn't even have my license yet but Linc had taught me to drive a few months before so I didn't crash right away. Eventually, I got the car under control but I was too afraid to ask the brothers what had happened. I knew it was bad. And I knew I was in more trouble than I could have ever imagined." I paused again. How could I have been so stupid?

"We had only driven about two miles from the house when I saw the flashing red and blue lights in my mirror as a cruiser bore down on us at high speeds. Linc and Rose saw them too. Rose started screaming at me to go faster while Linc looked ready to throw up. I clutched the steering wheel and did the best I could to keep the car on the road. We found out later, the cops were just down the road when the 911 call came in reporting the shot. Apparently one of the neighbors had let their dog outside and heard the gun. The police were en route to the house when they saw me fly onto the highway and gave chase. They were almost at our bumper and I had no idea what I was going to do. Rose screamed at me to speed up just as a deer darted across the road in front of the car and I swerved to miss her. The car spun out of my control, crashing into the ditch before coming to a rattling stop. The cops were on us in seconds, bailing out of their squad car with their guns drawn before we could react. Luckily we only had minor bumps and bruises from the crash so they forced us out of the car and to the ground. When they slapped the cuffs on my wrists I knew my life as I knew it was over but I was also relieved to have it all end. I had no idea my nightmare was just beginning."

I leaned against the wall and placed my hands on my knees. I had never spoken of that time in my life once I left Kentucky and doing it now was so hard, the emotions crashing through my body in unrelenting waves and the memories flooding every space of my mind. I was about to finish telling Declan the rest of the story when the doorbell rang and with a start I realized it was my lawyer arriving for our noon meeting.

I turned towards Declan, my eyes wide in panic. "Oh shit. That's Jackson. He can't see you here Declan. Please. He said we couldn't be seen together. Oh my god."

"Reagan, calm down. I know. I remember what Jackson said. Look, I will stay out of sight and be waiting right here for you when you finish. Everything will be okay, really. Go." He smiled and I knew he was right. I was just so freaked out right now, nothing made sense.