Heart of Light (23 page)

Smiling, she turned to face the mirror as she brushed her teeth, her heart skipping a beat when Cam approached. Her jaw dropped when her vision settled on the reflection of his naked chest.

Reaching just past her, mindful not to touch her, he opened a drawer, pulling out an extra toothbrush. “I do have more than one, but I really like the idea of you using mine,” he explained, bringing the brush to his mouth.

“I like this,” she said after she spit out the toothpaste, wiping her mouth clean of the residue.

“What? The toothpaste?” he asked, wiping his mouth, as well.

“No. This,” she explained, gesturing between their two bodies. “This is so normal. We’re just two people, starting their day together. I like this a lot.”

Cam took a step closer. “You know how most people start their day?”

“How?” She swallowed hard, her breathing growing irregular from his proximity.

“They almost kiss.”

Jolene grinned. “I think most people
actually
kiss each other good morning.”

Cam shrugged. “Well, they have no idea what they’re missing out on. I like your almost kisses.”

“I like almost kissing you, too,” she admitted, standing on her toes, her mouth hovering over Cam’s lips. “Mmmm…” she moaned. “Minty fresh. Much better than your stank ass morning breath.”

He laughed. “Was it really that bad?”

“No. I like it. I like you. I like everything about you, including your morning breath. And the way you snore.”

“Was I snoring last night?”

“Maybe a little. But I liked it.” Jolene closed her eyes, keeping her lips near Cam’s. “I never want to fall asleep without you again,” she confessed. “Last night was the best night of my life.”

“Look at me, Jolene,” Cam said lightly. “I want to see your beautiful eyes.”

She opened her eyes, gazing at his gentle face. There was something so soft and boy-like about his features, regardless of the fact that he was on the other side of thirty. “Yes?” she exhaled.

“Say it again.”

Her heart began racing, hating to admit her feelings while staring so intensely into his eyes. He would be able to see the truth behind her words, and she didn’t know if she should be frightened or giddy at the thought.

“Last night was the best night of my life.”

“Mine, too, Jolene.”

She leaned in a little closer, Cam’s breath warm on her lips. She closed her eyes again, letting the moment take her where it wanted her to go. The heat coming off his chest made her body come alive with yearning, electricity coursing through her veins.

“Jolene?”

She looked at him.

“Baby steps, Jolene. Baby steps.”

She nodded, lowering herself back to her heels. “Baby steps, Cam. For the record, I’m really beginning to fucking hate baby steps.”

“You have no idea how much I’m hating baby steps.” He took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. “I’ll let you shower. I need a minute.” He turned around, heading out of the bathroom.

“I hope you can last a little bit longer than a minute.”

Cam’s groans echoed as he walked into the bedroom and down the hallway.

“I’ll be thinking of you when I shower!” Jolene called out.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, baby steps!”

She heard a door close loudly and jumped in the shower, the entire time thinking of Cam and baby steps.

~~~~~~~~~~

“C
OME
INSIDE
WITH
ME
?” Jolene asked when Cam pulled into the sandy driveway at the beach house.

He glanced at her face, noticing her agitated demeanor. “Are you sure that there’s nothing going on?”

She looked away, remembering Elsie’s warning that he could tell when someone was lying to him. “Of course. You just have a soothing presence. That’s all.” She opened the car door, heading around to the front of the house, visibly distressed about what scene would greet her when she walked inside.

After unlocking the door, she gently pushed it open. A calm feeling overtook her when she sensed Cam behind her. Scanning the living room, she was relieved when nothing seemed out of place. She turned to him, smiling. “I’ll just grab what I need.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“I’ll be fine. It’ll only take me a minute or two to throw my things in a bag.” She didn’t want Cam in the bedroom that was filled with memories of darkness and shame. He was her light. He didn’t belong there.

“Okay. I’ll be waiting down here for you, baby steps.”

She glimpsed over her shoulder. “Is that what you’re calling me now?”

“It’s better than calling you Tomorrow. You said it yourself. Only your friends call you Tomorrow. I want to be so much more than your friend…baby steps.” He winked, a sparkle in his eyes.

Her heart soared at his sweet words, smiling as she made her way up the stairs to her bedroom. She rummaged through her dresser as quickly as possible, not wanting to darken the light that Cam’s presence had brought out in her since the previous night. Just as she was placing the last shirt in her bag, she noticed an envelope on the center of her bed. She knew all too well who it was from, wondering how he broke in.

Opening it with shaky hands, she had to stifle her cry.

Princess,
 

We had an agreement. I meant what I said. I’ll give you one more chance. Then I’ll follow through on my end of the bargain. I expect to see you Thursday night upon my return from some necessary business up north. No excuses. I’ll be raising the stakes to ensure that you don’t disobey me again.

- Yours

Jolene inhaled deeply, trying to calm her nerves and shake off the letter and the ramifications if she avoided David yet again. She flashed back to her life at the hotel, becoming sick to her stomach at the thought of having to return to that building of torture. She couldn’t go back there.

Shaking her head, she knew she had no choice. At least she was free until Thursday. Grabbing her bag, she made her way downstairs on a mission to enjoy her last four days of freedom.

“Ready?” Cam asked.

She nodded, trying to avoid his eyes, already feeling debased for what would occur later that week.

T
HEY
SAY
THAT
WHEN
you want time to stand still, it rushes forward. And, for Jolene, it was true of that week. She wanted to live in each second as if it was her last because she had no idea what awaited her on Thursday night when she was expected to be at her beach house after her shift. As the week wore on, she grew more anxious, and Cam noticed it.

“You don’t have to go, Jolene. I told you,” he said Wednesday evening when they were lounging on the couch after she had prepared dinner. “I like coming home from work knowing that you’re here, waiting for me.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I like being here, too, but we should spend some time away from each other. Baby steps, remember?” She raised her eyebrows at him.

“I have to spend all day without you,” he explained. “And I hate every second of it. All I want is to fall asleep across the bed from you at night.”

“Cam…” She trailed off, unsure of what she could say in response. She didn’t want to leave the safety of his house, but she had to work on Thursday. And she knew that David would be there, as well. The irony of it all was laughable, knowing that she wouldn’t even be able to look over at Cam when he went to the bar without seeing David’s disgusting eyes slowly planning exactly what he had in mind that night. She shivered at the thought.

“You okay? Want me to turn down the air conditioning?” He glanced at her long legs that a thin pair of pajama shorts kept exposed.

A sly grin crossed Jolene’s face as she sat up, eyeing him. “I know what’ll warm me up.” She crawled across the couch, her gaze trained on his.

“Jolene,” he said quietly, his heart racing. “What are you…?”

“Shhh…” She climbed on top of him, straddling him. “Just let me be in charge. I want to feel you, Cam. I just can’t…”

“I won’t touch you,” he interjected quickly. “I promise. You’re driving.” He placed his hands behind his head and stared with a heady intensity into Jolene’s eyes as she circled her hips around his midsection.

“Jesus,” she moaned out, surprised at the strange sensations coursing through her body. They were fully clothed but she felt like she was ready to fall apart.

“You feel that, Jolene? Do you feel what you do to me, just being near?”

She nodded her head, leaning down, her mouth hovering over his. Her desire to finally kiss him, to feel the affection he had for her, was powerful and fierce. She was no longer scared of him hurting her. He had proven that he would never harm her. She was scared of her reaction, though. She was scared of shutting down and never wanting him to touch her again, and the thought devastated her.

“You do the same to me, Cam. You should feel how wet I am right now,” she said, grinding against his erection. Tremors coursed through her body. She was on fire, her passion for him making her feel for the first time in her life.

“This is one hell of a baby step,” he remarked as she thrust against him with more vigor, her body throbbing. The electricity flowed from her stomach to the tips of her toes. She knew that she was close to unraveling.

“Touch me, Jolene. I know you want to.”

“Fuck…” she exhaled, running her fingers through his hair.

Cam kept his hands locked in place, summoning all of his willpower to not reach out and caress her perfect skin. Every second, it was becoming more and more challenging.

“Come on, baby. Let go,” he whispered against her mouth.

Jolene grabbed the back of his head, her eyes growing wide as her orgasm took hold. The sensation of complete and utter bliss was all-consuming as she shook on top of Cam’s body, her breathing labored. Lost in her moment of rapture, she pressed her lips to his, her tongue invading his mouth.

Cam had no idea what to do. Jolene’s soft lips felt unimaginably perfect against his own, as if their mouths were two interlocking pieces of a puzzle. He stilled momentarily, worried how she would react if he kissed her back. As she continued her exploration of his mouth, he couldn’t hold back any longer.

Groaning, he massaged her tongue with his, trying to be as gentle as possible, considering his aroused state. He wanted to show her how much he cared for her. He had dreamt about Jolene’s lips on his and now that he was experiencing it, it was better than he could have imagined. Her soft lips caressing and moving on top of his made him burn for her.

He closed his eyes, never wanting the kiss to end. All too soon, he felt Jolene shoot off him.

“
Stop it
!” she shrieked.

His eyes flung open, staring wide-eyed at her as she huddled on the floor in the corner, wrapping her arms across her stomach, rocking back and forth.

“No kissing. That’s the rule.” Her entire body shook as she attempted to warm herself.

Cam swallowed hard, unsure how to react to the quivering woman in his presence. “Jolene.” His voice was calm and soothing, knowing that she had returned to the dark place she went to when she shut down. “I’m sorry…”

“You can’t kiss. You can do whatever else you want, but no kissing. Or he’ll get mad,” she sobbed. “No kissing. If he finds out…”

“What happens if he finds out?”

“Bad things,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Horrible things.” She trembled from the memory of what she had endured and witnessed too many times to count if
he
thought that her lips had touched another man’s, even if they hadn’t. “Please. No more kissing.”

“Who would he do bad things to, Jolene?” he asked, not wanting to hear the answer. “To me?”

“No. To me,” she cried out. “He would only do bad things to me. Horrible things. So no kissing… No kissing…”

As Jolene simply repeated it over and over again, Cam sat in shock, wanting to put a bullet in the head of the monster that did this to her. He normally had an answer for everything, but the scared and traumatized girl rocking in the corner of his living room was too much for him.

He was able to distance himself from his patients, but Jolene was different. She wasn’t a patient. She was someone he wanted to have a future with, and seeing how broken she truly was tore him apart.

After several long moments, she finally stopped rocking, collapsing on the floor, exhausted from life.

“Cam…” she said softly.

“Yes?” he quivered.

“I can’t…”

“I’m sorry, Jolene. I never should have…”

“But I’m glad you did.”

A tear fell down his face. “Are you going to be okay?”

“No. I’m not. Just promise you won’t give up on me, no matter what. That way, I’ll be almost okay.” She closed her eyes and heard a quiet sob echo in the room.
 

At that moment, Cam realized that, for all the small baby steps forward they had taken over the past week, she just took one giant leap back.

G
REG
MADE
THE
DRIVE
from the precinct to a downtown Chicago apartment building, hoping to finally get his old partner’s take on the new developments. He had been back in town for almost two weeks and still couldn’t get the image of Holly’s body out of his mind, apprehensive that the next phone call would require him to identify Jolene’s body in the exact same condition.

“Hey, Mark,” he said after letting himself into the luxurious apartment that he didn’t think anyone could afford on a cop’s salary.

“You know, one of these times you barge in, I could have a girl bouncing on top of me and then you’d really be embarrassed,” his former partner joked, rushing to meet him in the hallway.

“I’ll be a happy man if that happens,” Greg said, shaking his friend’s hand and making his way into the kitchen. “You could use a woman in your life, you know that, right?”

“Speaking of which, are you ever going to put a ring on Laney’s finger?”

Greg sighed, uneasy about what marrying another woman would mean. He opened the bags of Chinese take-out he brought with him, and grabbed a few plates out of the cabinets.