Heart of Light (21 page)

“Do you want to take off? It’s starting to die down. I can handle it with the rest of the girls. It’s only a half-hour until last call anyway.”

Jolene shook her head. “I can stay. I don’t mind.”

“Listen. I’m your friend, but I’m also your boss. I’m ordering you to go home. Get some rest. It looks like you haven’t slept in days. Take the next few days and just brush off whatever the fuck is going on with you lately. I’ll see you for your next shift on Thursday and I don’t want you to step foot in this place before then. Got it?”

“Elsie, I…”

“I mean it. Leave. Now.”

Jolene hung her head in defeat. “Okay. I’ll go.”

“Good. I’ll stop by sometime this week and we can check out the cute surfers from your deck.”

Nodding, she scanned the bar, thankful that David didn’t seem to be paying attention to her. He was too busy hitting on a tall blonde. Jolene said a silent prayer that he would take the girl home and leave her alone for the night. She had a feeling she wouldn’t get her wish.

Leaving the shoreline restaurant, she headed for the sand, deciding to walk home on the beach. She made her way down to the water, the only sound that of the crashing waves and the fading classic rock song playing in the bar.

There was something so calming about the melody of the ocean, the darkness of the water soothing and mysterious at the same time. She didn’t know what possessed her but, before she knew it, she was stripping out of her jeans and work t-shirt, running toward the water and diving in, wearing just her bra and panties.

She shrieked when the cold water hit her legs, but she didn’t care. It felt refreshing. She submerged herself in the ocean, floating on her back as the waves began to wash over her, cleansing her of everything she had endured throughout the past decade. Closing her eyes, she let the water carry her where it wanted as she savored her momentary freedom.

She thought about her mother, the woman who raised her. She thought about how caring and gentle she was. They didn’t have a lot of money, but Jolene never went without. Her mother gave up so much to take care of her. She remembered when her father was actually around, which wasn’t much. But when he wasn’t drunk, he took an interest in her. He showed her how to hold a softball glove. He taught her how to pitch. He took her to baseball games. To this day, every time she smelled peanuts, she thought of him. It was the most non-traditional family she could think of, but it was
her
family.

As waves continued to carry her farther and farther from the shore, she kept thinking about her dad. Where was he now? Did he miss her? Did he know that his alcoholism would ruin her life, too? Did he know that the man he had granted guardianship to was a complete monster? Did he know where she was? Did he even care? Surely he would have come looking for her if he did. So why didn’t he? Why did a complete monster appear on her doorstep instead?

As she began to sink deeper and deeper below the surface, she thought about whether she should fight when she became short of oxygen. Would anyone miss her? No one missed her when she was taken all those years ago. She was certain that no one would miss her now…except for the man with the brilliant silver eyes. A feeling of euphoria washed over her as Cam’s gentle eyes flashed in her memory. She thought about how safe she felt in his presence. How caring he was. How patient he had been. How heated her body became whenever he was near her. How perfect his lips looked every time he almost kissed her.

She even heard him at that moment calling her name, the sound muffled from beneath the ocean surface, just as the blackness took over. And for the first time in over a decade, she was no longer afraid.

~~~~~~~~~~

“
J
OLENE
!” C
AM
SCREAMED
UPON
seeing her delicate frame being carried out to sea, the bright moon lighting her against the darkness of the ocean as she continued sinking.

Stripping out of his shirt, he ran into the water, diving beneath the surface and kicking against the waves. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally reached her, praying that she was okay. Not even considering the potential ramifications, he wrapped his arms around her and dragged her to the shore, hoping he wasn’t too late.

Gasping for air, Jolene’s eyes flung open, the sense of someone’s hands on her skin scalding her.

“
Don’t touch me
!” she screeched, fighting against the arms that had her trapped. She began inhaling and exhaling in rapid uneven breaths.

Cam attempted to maintain his hold on her while she squirmed in his grasp. After just a few seconds of intense struggle, she stilled, almost as if she simply gave up. Wanting to get her on solid ground quickly, he rushed to the shallow end of the ocean.

“Please,” she whimpered. “Just make it quick.”

Her quiet plea tore him apart. He released her once he approached the shore.

“Jolene.” His tone was soothing as he stared at the frightened woman in front of him. “It’s me. It’s Cam. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m just trying to help you. The ocean was carrying you out. Something could have happened to you.”

She opened her eyes, looking at Cam’s physique illuminated by the large moon. “How could you?” Fighting back tears that were threatening to fall, her voice was full of hurt and her chin quivered. “Why did you do it? You know…”

“What did you mean when you said to ‘just make it quick’?” he interrupted as they stood in the ocean, the waves splashing up to their knees.

Jolene crossed her arms in front of her stomach, trying to hide her body from him. “It’s none of your business,” she spat out, sloshing out of the water toward the sand.

Cam ran after her. He stopped in front of her in an attempt to prevent her from going any farther. “Come on, Jolene. Don’t lie to me. You can tell me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

She laughed sarcastically at his comment. “This isn’t my first fucking rodeo,
Dr. Cam
,” she said snidely. “That’s what they all say. They all promise that they’ll be gentle, that it won’t hurt.” Her body shook from all the memories. “But the truth is, you all just say that for yourselves, to make
you
feel better about what you’re doing. You may not think that you’ll hurt me, but you will. You’re all the same.”

She stormed past him, wanting to put some distance between herself and the man that could see behind the wall she had built around herself over the past decade.

“Jolene, please.” Cam grabbed the shirt he had tossed to the sand and ran after her as she bolted up the beach wearing just her panties and bra. He made a mental note to stop giving Elsie so much crap for saying that he only went for the troubled girls. She was spot on, and it took him running on the beach past midnight after a girl wearing wet underwear to make him fully realize what she had been saying for years.

“Just let me help you!” he called out, steadily gaining on her. He saw her glance over her shoulder and he slowed down, feeling guilty for causing the look of panic on her face. He knew at that moment that it was now or never. She had to know. “
I already fucking touched you, Jolene
!” he yelled.

She abruptly stopped in the sand, her shoulders heaving. She reeled around, a severe look in her eyes. “What did you just say?” she asked through clenched teeth.

Cam took several deliberate steps toward her, becoming hopeful when she stayed firmly planted in place instead of running away again.

“That night when you and Elsie got drunk and I had to drive you home, you passed out in my car. I tried to wake you, Jolene. I knew you didn’t like being touched. But you just wouldn’t wake up,” he explained, closing the distance between their bodies. “I refused to let you sleep in my car, so I picked you up in my arms. I held your body against mine, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the most amazing fucking thing I’ve ever felt in all my thirty-eight years.” His voice was intense as he told her the secret that he had hesitated sharing with her over the past few weeks.

“You were so adorable as you nuzzled against my chest. I hated what I had to do, but you know what, Jolene?”

She looked up into his eyes, her expression softening.

“I don’t regret it for a second because if that was the only time I’ll ever be able to feel your body against mine, I’ll still die a very happy man.”

He took another step closer, their bodies almost touching. “I held you in my arms and carried you up to your bed, laying you down. And then I sat watching you sleep, making sure that you’d be okay. All night long, I stayed there, saying your name over and over. The way it rolls off my tongue excites me, Jolene. It’s as if I was meant to say your name and only yours for the rest of my life.”

He noticed a small tear fall down her cheek and instinctively raised his hand, wanting to wipe it away.

Closing her eyes, she didn’t step back.

“Can I?”

She took a deep breath, realizing that she couldn’t go the rest of her life cowering away from a touch. If she could learn to trust anyone, it was the man standing in front of her. Opening her eyes, she slowly nodded her head, her gaze remaining glued to Cam’s vivid eyes. “Yes.”

He gave her an encouraging smile and delicately swiped at the tear that had fallen down her cheek. “See. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

She nodded her head again, wondering if the shivers running through her were a result of Cam’s subtle touch or the night air chilling her body.

“Baby steps, Jolene.” Cam winked. “Now let’s get you some clothes,” he remarked upon noticing her trembling frame. He gestured to her beach house just a block away from where they stood.

She followed Cam’s gaze and her body began to shake in panic instead of the warmth she felt just seconds before when she saw a dark government car parked on the dirt road.

“I left my clothes on the beach. I need them,” she said gravely and began walking back toward the bar.

Cam noticed the sudden change in her demeanor and took a few long steps to catch up to her. “It’s okay. I’ll grab them on my way back. You shouldn’t have to walk all that way just to get your things. You’re practically home.”

“No!” she insisted, her tone manic. “I need them now!”

Cam shook his head, hoping to avoid pissing her off again. “Okay. Can I at least walk you, though? It’s not safe out here at night. Something could happen to you.”

She laughed under her breath. “No worse than going home,” she mumbled.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.” She brushed him off and walked at a casual pace back toward Slider’s. She knew that the longer it took her to get home, the angrier David would get. Then again, there was part of her that didn’t even care anymore.

“At least put this on,” Cam said, shrugging out of his linen shirt and handing it to her.

Jolene froze in her tracks and gawked at him standing in front of her with no shirt on. She was trying so hard to keep her attraction to Cam under wraps, but how could she fight it when he was just inches away, the heat coming off his naked, well-defined chest sparking a strange desire? Her eyes roamed to his waist and she squinted to get a better look at his abs, noticing a nice little V that disappeared under his shorts.

“See something you like?” he asked.

Jolene brought her eyes back to his and all she could do was nod. After years of never being able to decide who would get her for the night, she finally had a choice. From that moment forward, she knew that every decision would lead to Cam. Everything about him was exactly what she craved and needed. Yes, he was delicious to look at, but it was his compassion and patience that made her want to start to move past her fears. Still, she needed to take her time. She wasn’t ready for anything intimate with him yet, but she finally had something to work toward.

“Jolene?” he said, getting her attention. “Do you?”

“Yup, Cam. Sure fucking do.” She turned and continued walking up the beach, loving the feel of Cam’s enormous shirt on her skin. “I have a new goal in life.”
 

“Oh, really?” he asked, catching up to her. “And what’s that?”

“You,” she said breathlessly, facing him. She grabbed his hands in hers. “You’re my goal. I choose you, Cam.”

A wide smile crossed his face. “Jolene…”

“I just have a lot to work through,” she interrupted. “But I finally want that. I want you so fucking bad that it’s killing me to not jump on you right now.” Her chest began to rise and fall in an uneven pattern. For once, the thought of a man’s body pressed against hers did not make her want to scream and cry. “But I can’t do that,” she continued. “I don’t know how I’ll react, and I don’t want to overreact when you touch me. Not like I just did…” She dropped his hands and looked down.

“Hey,” Cam said tenderly. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. And, for the record, I cannot wait for you to jump on me.” He gave her a mischievous smile. “Come on. Let’s go find your clothes. It’s getting late.”

Jolene walked with him in relative silence the rest of the way up the beach, simply enjoying his company and the warmth of his body just inches from her own.

When they finally reached Slider’s, she grabbed her shirt and jeans, thankful that no one had taken them. She handed Cam his shirt before throwing on her own clothes over her wet underwear.

“Want me to give you a ride?” The atmosphere was charged as they stood under the moonlight.

“That would be nice. Thank you.”

“Car’s this way.” He gestured toward the parking lot of the bar and she followed him to his Lexus, getting into the passenger seat.

He cranked the ignition and pulled out onto the empty streets, heading north.

Nervous anxiety coursed through Jolene’s veins the closer they got to her house.

“Hey, Cam?” she said just as he pulled alongside the sandy road that abutted the beach house.

“What is it?” He glanced across the car at her, wondering why a government car was parked on the street.

Taking a deep breath, she knew the question she was about to ask him went against everything she had learned over the past decade of her life, but the last thing she wanted was to go into her own home where she knew what awaited her.