Heartbeat

Copyright © 2015 Tara Ellis
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination, or are used
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To Lagarius
My very own Heartbeat

How could this beautiful, perfect creation come from me? I kissed my newborn daughter, Destiny, on her forehead and silently thanked God for my little miracle. I couldn’t stop staring at her. Everything about Destiny was perfect in each and every way. Never in my life had I ever thought I could be in love this way, this fast. As soon as the doctor handed her to me, I knew my life would never be the same again.

I also had to thank God for the time alone I was granted to bond with my child. I thought my mother, Pearl, and father, James, would n, I could still see the disappointment behind those tears of joy.

I grew up in a household with devout Pentecostal Christian parents, who were not only strict but ran their house like tyrants. I was taught that sex outside of marriage was a sin. So imagine the scene once I announced to my parents that I was pregnant by my boyfriend, Greg. No, we weren’t married. We weren’t even talking about marriage. We’d been dating on and off for a year and a half. The look of pure, unfiltered disappointment on my mother’s face broke my heart into a million pieces. And my father wouldn’t even look at me. I left their house feeling lower than a basement. Neither one of them spoke to me for two whole months.

I was days away from breaking it off with Greg before I found out I was pregnant, but that all changed once I looked at the positive pregnancy test. It was then and there that I decided to stick our tumultuous relationship through and make it work for our daughter’s sake. Even though I wasn’t in love with Greg anymore, I would never leave him now that Destiny was in our life. I couldn’t do that to my daughter. She deserved two parents in her life and I had to put her needs before my own.

Destiny squirmed in my arms and I couldn’t help but smile at her perfection. I couldn’t tell if she looked like me or Greg just yet but Mama said I had to give her face a little more time to form, whatever that meant.

“Hey there, Mama!” Greg said entering the room and breaking the silence. Greg wasn’t a man that women fawned over. At first I wasn’t even attracted to him. I preferred tall men and wasn’t trying to give him the time of day. But over time, I fell in love with his heart and my love for him was stronger than the lack of physical attraction. He stood about 5’9, stocky build, brown skin tone and long dreadlocked hair that fell to the middle of his back.  

I smiled at him when he walked over to me and kissed me on my forehead. He’d been great during the birth. I’d imagined him passing out, but he showed me a different side of himself. He even cried as he cut the umbilical cord. Maybe having Destiny in our lives would mend our relationship. It was wishful thinking, but I liked the thought.  

“I ran to get something to eat. How are you feeling?” He ran his finger across my face.

“Amazed.”

Greg pulled his phone out and began snapping pictures of Destiny and me.  

“Come on, Greg. Enough pictures!” I put my hand in front of my face to block the pictures. “I look a hot ass mess and you’ve taken more than enough, already.” I’d just spent 10 hours in labor and was in no mood for a photoshoot.

“You look fine, baby. I don’t know why you worried about how you look anyway. My mama wants to see these pictures since she couldn’t be here.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the mention of Greg’s mother. I still hadn’t met the woman and we’d been dating a year and a half! Even after Greg told her I was pregnant, she still hadn’t bothered to try to meet me. I constantly nagged Greg about meeting her, he’d made no attempts at introducing us to one another. After a while, I’d given up completely. So, it wasn’t any surprise that she hadn’t showed up to the hospital to watch the birth of her first grandchild.

“She could have come, you know.” I pouted.

“She wanted to, Lake. But something came up,” Greg said. He avoided my eyes and pretended as if he was overly intrigued with Destiny’s earlobe.

“Whatever,” I whispered to myself. What could have possibly come up that was more important than her granddaughter’s birth?

“Knock, knock!” Charlie, one of my best friends, entered my hospital room.

“Hey, girl.” I was especially happy to see Charlie because she broke a redundant argument that was about to happen. Plus, I couldn’t wait to introduce her to her goddaughter.  

Charlie had been my girl since junior high. I loved her like she was my blood sister although sometimes she reminded me of my own shortcomings in life. We were given the same opportunities, but Charlie made the good choices; while somewhere along the road, I took wrong turns.  

We both wanted to own our own businesses, but Charlie was the one who went to college, got her business degree and actually opened a hair salon. Her salon, Trendsetters, had only been opened for a little over a year, and was already one of the hottest salons in the Dallas area. And I was her employee. It took a long time for me to stop feeling like a subordinate to my best friend.

Damn, Charlie’s life was perfect. She’d even married her college sweetheart, Rick. Not only was he a wonderful man that treated her like a queen, he was also one of the top oncologist in the nation. How much more perfect could this bitch’s life get? I knew it was self-destructive to compare our lives, but sometimes I couldn’t help but envy the life she had.

“Is this her? Awww, she so pretty!” Charlie cooed as she hovered over Destin. “Let me wash my hands so I can hold her.”  

I watched Charlie as she walked in the bathroom inside of my small maternity suite, her expensive heels clicked against the tile floor like they wanted everyone in the hospital to know they cost more than my car note and rent combined.

Charlie was a threat to any woman’s self-esteem so imagine hanging out with her 24/7. She was around 5’5, had dark, flawless skin that I went to the dermatologist three times a month to achieve. And a body that made men break their necks to peep, even when they were with their women.

“I’m bout to go get a soda from the vending machine. Ya’ll want one?” Greg asked.

“No,” Charlie said as she reached for Destiny. She hardly acknowledged Greg. It was common knowledge that she didn’t like him and she didn’t ever try to hide it when she was around him.

“I’m fine, baby,” I said.

After Greg left the room, Charlie asked, “So, did any of his family show up?”

“Not one, girl. He gon’ say his mama wanted to make it but something came up!”

“What’s more important than your grandbaby’s birth? You’re first grandbaby at that!” Charlie rocked Destiny back and forth slowly while looking at me like I was crazy.

A part of me was too ashamed to reply. I didn’t even know how to reply. I never once pretended that Greg and I had the perfect relationship but I also didn’t want our imperfections to be broadcasted, so I changed the subject. “It doesn’t matter. Destiny is gonna get enough love from her other grandparents to last a lifetime.”

Charlie raised her eyebrow. “Are your parents over the whole pre-marital thing?”

I shrugged and said, “I’m sure they still feel some type of way about it, but I could tell they were in love with Destiny as soon as they laid eyes on her.”

Charlie smiled and handed Destiny back to me. “Has Kesha been by yet?”

I shook my head. Kesha was my other best friend. She was Charlie’s undergrad college roommate and when Charlie introduced us, we instantly clicked.  I had to admit I was shocked that Kesha hadn’t made it to the hospital yet, but I figured it had something to do with her man, Darnel. “No, she hasn’t yet. I should call her,” I said.

The nurse came into the room to take Destiny back to the nursery and I begrudgingly let her go.

After the nurse left, Charlie said, “So how does it feel to be a mother? You looked like you didn’t even want to let her go with the nurse.”

“Charlie, I love her so much, already. I never thought I’d ever love someone this much.”

Charlie smiled and brushed my hair out of my face with her hand. “I can’t wait until I can experience it for myself.”

Charlie and Rick had been trying to have children for the last six months. It was about time, they’d been together damn near ten years. They’d just got married two years ago but everybody thought Charlie would have been had kids by now.

“You’ll get pregnant, Charlie. Just stop stressing about it and do what it takes to get pregnant with that fine ass husband of yours,” I said.  

Charlie smiled and checked her watch. “I gotta go girl, do you need anything?”

I shook my head.

“What’s taking Greg so long to get a damn Coke?” Charlie stood and ran her hands down her bright red peplum dress that hugged her perfectly-sickening body.  

It’d been awhile since Greg left and I was going to give him a piece of my mind when he returned for embarrassing me like this. “Girl, he probably got lost looking for the soda machine.” I knew it sounded stupid but I hoped it helped me save face.

Charlie laughed and hugged me goodbye. “Kiss my goddaughter again for me. I’ll be back tomorrow, mama.”

I flipped the TV on once Charlie left. I went through two full episodes of Law and Order before Greg returned. I didn’t even bother to question him on his whereabouts because I knew whatever response he gave me would be a black-ass lie. I rolled over in my hospital bed with my back facing Greg so he wouldn’t see my tears of anger. This was just the first day of Destiny’s life. I didn’t know how I would last eighteen years of this.  

I walked out of Lake’s hospital room shaking my head. Her no good man was probably at another woman’s house! It was written all over Lake’s face. She knew it didn’t take that damn long to get a Coke! Especially since I’d barely made it to the corner of the maternity ward after leaving her room, and I’d passed three vending machines. I couldn’t say I felt bad for my girl. She could have dismissed him a long time ago. Lord knew he wasn’t any good. But I knew once Lake found out she was pregnant, she wasn’t ever going to leave that man.

Lake’s parents were super religious and damn near disowned her once they found out she was having the baby before she had the marriage. Lake lived to please her parents, although most of her decisions did the opposite of that. Hence, ever getting involved with Greg in the first place.  

She’d been with him for almost two years, and still hadn’t met his mom, she hadn’t even had a phone conversation with the woman! In fact, she’d never met anyone from Greg’s family. Sometimes, I couldn’t believe how stupid my friend had become after she fell for Greg. She was allowing him to get away with things even though red flashing lights were going off everywhere.  

I hit the unlock button on my car keypad to unlock my pearl white Porsche Panamera. I’d promised my husband, Rick, that I’d meet him at our favorite restaurant and I was already running behind. He had some important news he had to share and I’d been trying to figure out what it could be, all day.  

As soon as I reached my car, loud voices on the left of me caught my attention. I ducked as soon as I saw Greg and a short, plump, girl, standing next to a green PT Cruiser. From the looks on their faces and how loud they were speaking it was clear that they were arguing.

I was straining to hear what they were saying, but I couldn’t make out a word. The girl looked as if she were about to burst into tears at any second. Her arms were flailing and Greg looked like he was trying to comfort her.

I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone. I zoomed in on them and took a picture. The girl could have been a relative, Lake couldn’t have said if she were or not. Something just told me to snap the picture anyway, just in case something wasn’t on the up and up. And knowing, Greg it wasn’t.

After I’d snapped the photo with my phone, I got inside my car and drove off. I couldn’t worry about Lake; I had to get to the restaurant so I jumped on the gas and made it there in less than fifteen minutes.  

I checked my reflection in my rearview mirror, applied a fresh coat of Nars cinnamon plum lipstick on my lips and rushed inside.  

“Seating for one?” The hostess asked as soon as I made it inside.  

“No, my husband should be waiting on me. Tall, dark, bald, and fine as hell,” I said with a wink.

The hostess laughed and said, “Oh, follow me. He’s seated here.”

I followed the hostess and couldn’t help but grin when my eyes connected with Rick’s. Even though we’d been together since I was nineteen, every time I saw him, my heart still fluttered. Rick was 6’1, had a bald head, and kept a clean shaven face. He’d gained at least forty pounds since I met him and the extra weight had settled on his abdomen. The stress of his occupation was written in the fine lines that made their home in the corners of his eyes. None of that really mattered because I was still as much in love with him as I’d been when he first made me his girl.

We’d only been married two years, but we’d dated since I was nineteen. The moment I saw him on the University of Texas campus, I knew I would love him forever. It didn’t matter that I was so young, fresh outta’ high school, naïve, and Rick was a college senior headed to med school in the fall; as soon as I saw him, I knew he would be the one. Rick wasn’t what you’d call a perfect man. He was a very handsome man, full of ambition, and women were on him like flies on shit. He’d had his fair share of them and broke my heart several times. But he’d grown up a lot since college and now here we were. We were somewhat of a power couple, with me owning one of the most successful full service beauty salons in the Dallas area and Rick being one of the top oncologists in the nation.

“Hey, babe.” I bent to kiss him on the lips before I sat across from him. “Sorry, I lost track of time at the hospital.”

“How’s Lake doing?” He asked. He dipped a piece of bread in olive oil and popped it in his mouth.

“She’s fine. And our goddaughter, Destiny, is so freakin’ gorgeous, baby.”  My voice cracked a little, although I was trying to act like everything was ok. It was taking everything inside of me not to break down and cry.

I hadn’t told anyone, but I’d suffered a miscarriage three weeks ago. I’d never known heartbreak like that before in my life. Rich and I had been trying so hard and so long to get pregnant. And when we finally did, we were ecstatic. But I knew enough about the risks than to tell anyone I was pregnant until fourteen weeks had passed. Three weeks ago, was my fourteenth week and I’d lost our baby. It devastated me, but it devastated Rick even more.

I tried to read Rick’s expression but he was nonchalant. Lake having her child and naming us the Godparents had to make him feel some kind of way. But in true Rick fashion, he hid his emotions well.

The waitress stopped by our table to take my drink order. After she left, Rick effortlessly changed the subject, “I like your hair like that.”

If my complexion were any lighter, I was sure my cheeks would have been bright red. Reactively, I touched my hair. I traded in my long weave for an inverted ombre bob. Even though I’d been wearing my hair like this for three days now, it felt great for Rick to say something about it. “Thanks, baby.”

He reached out and touched my cheek. “Keep it like that.”

I nodded, knowing my hair would look like this for at least another month now. “So, how was work?”

Rick sighed and frown lines appeared on his forehead. He loved his job, he loved coming home telling me about his latest patient and how they’d beaten cancer against all odds. He was on a mission to cure every single person who walked into the Cancer Institute of North Texas. Unfortunately, there were the times that one of his patients didn’t make it and he’d be down about it for weeks. Rick worked his butt off to be where he was and he was the youngest oncologist at his hospital. I could usually tell when something didn’t go his way at work. Lately work had him coming home more and more stressed than usual. I assumed work on top of the pressure of trying to conceive was becoming too much for Rick. He shrugged and said, “Work is work, ya’ know.”

The waitress returned to take our orders then later returned with our entrees. At the end of our meal, Rick gave me the look that usually meant he had something up his sleeve.

“What’s that look about?” I asked. I sipped my sweet wine and stared in the dark brown eyes of my beautiful husband.

“Well, Charlie, I know you been kinda’ down lately because...” He allowed his eyes and voice to trail off. “Well, I know this could never make up for it, but hopefully it’ll make you feel somewhat better.” Rick reached inside his blazer and pulled out a black velvet box.

My heart skipped a beat because I hadn’t expected a gift. My eyes lit up as he slid the box across the table to me.

Rick winked his eye at me “It’s about time we upgrade that ring, don’t cha think?”

I snatched the box off the table and flipped it open. I’d been wearing the same engagement ring since Rick proposed and we were both broke college students. I hadn’t even thought about upgrading it. As soon as I’d opened the box, tears formed in my eyes.  

Recently, I’d gone to a jewelry store with one of my hairstylists. She was looking to buy her man a watch and I was just window shopping. I’d fallen in love with a Ritani three carat flawless diamond ring. I’d even taken a picture of it with my phone and attempted to send it to Kesha, but accidently sent it to Rick. He’d responded, “You trying to tell me something?”

I thought he’d forgotten all about the ring, but here it was looking back at me. “Aww baby! Why did you do this?”

“To see that smile on your face that you got right now,” Rick said.

I reached over the table and kissed him softly. What did I do to deserve this man? “Thank you, baby. I really love it.” I looked down at my ring finger. The ring was flawless. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’d ever seen.  

“I have a medical convention I have to attend next weekend,” Rick blurted out.

I frowned and quickly ran my schedule through my head. I had the next two weekends filled with clients at the salon. Most of my clients had booked weeks in advance and I couldn’t just cancel on them like that. I had the hottest salon in Dallas for a reason and my professionalism meant everything to me. “Baby, I don’t think I can make it on such a short notice.”

He shook his head, “I understand.”

He looked disappointed and that made me feel bad, especially when he’d just given me such an amazing gift. I really wished I could have moved some things around in my schedule but I knew that I couldn’t. Usually, when Rick had a medical convention to attend, he’d tell me months in advance. He should have known I wouldn’t be able to just up and leave my salon like that.  

He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of mine. He gave it a light squeeze, then reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out his cell phone. I don’t know if it was an email or a text message but he read it quickly, then he put his cell phone back in his blazer pocket.

The waitress returned with our check. I looked at my ring and smiled. I couldn’t wait to show my girls this thing!  

“You ready?” Rick stood and grabbed my hand and helped me stand up from the booth. When our eyes connected, he gave me that winning smile that stole my heart so many years ago. I felt blessed to call Rick my husband. We walked out of the restaurant hand in hand feeling like college sweethearts again.