Heart's Surrender (21 page)

“That many?” Gillian chuckled dryly. “We wives stay at home and take care of the kids; we try to look good if we have to attend an event with our husbands, and we’re supportive of their careers in every way. In return we get nice houses, nice dresses, and nice presents. I sincerely doubt that we get the better part of the deal. There is no space, no encouragement for us to evolve, to grow as people. Being attractive, quiet, and accepting isn’t something I find fulfilling anymore.”

The silence between them hung heavily in the air. Gillian’s heart raced. She didn’t even dare to look at Margret, sure that all she would receive was a sneer. If there was one rule that stood above all in that society she despised so much it was that one never talked openly about the dishonesty and hypocrisy that controlled their lives. Affairs weren’t mentioned. One just ignored them. Gillian ran a finger over the table runner. If she remembered correctly this one had been a present—from Margret. As had been the chairs they were sitting on and some of the furniture in the house. Gillian put her hands in her lap. She would sell everything. Not only the house but the furniture. She would allow the children to take what they want. But the rest—

Margret cleared her throat. “I also met Rachel who told me that you’re about to move into a new house.”

All right. This changing of topics was a bit like driving slalom—one stayed on the same slope but had to be careful not to crash into anything. Time to change the game. No more tiptoeing around. Gillian looked up. “Yes. I actually signed yesterday. We’re going to move in around three months.”

Margret put her hand on her chest, her eyes wide. “So, it wasn’t a bad joke of hers.”

“No. I found a house that matches exactly what we need. I checked the background, I have the finances and the children like it as well.”

“Gillian.” Margret’s voice got louder. “You can’t just pack up and leave. You have to think of the children. This is your home.”

“The children are what I am thinking about. I want them to enjoy life and find their own way. I want them to be happy and responsible. And no, this isn’t my home, our home anymore. And it hasn’t been for a very long time.”

Margret’s face had reddened slightly. “Happy? Why can’t they be happy here?” She got up from her chair and stood, arms akimbo. “They have everything they could wish for. They go to a good school, they have their friends here, they have everything. Well, except their father.”

“Their father.” Gillian’s jaw tightened. She had enough and got up from her chair as well. No way would she be forced to look up at Margret. “Their father was never here for them because he spent every minute of his free time with one of his ‘lady friends’.”

Margret’s nostrils flared while she took a step forward. “There is no need to talk about this unpleasant subject. I would rather talk about what is going on in your life at the moment.”

“Well, what would you like to know?”

“I don’t understand—”

“Mom, Angela says I can’t take my boomerang with me.”

Gillian turned around.

Michael had entered the room, his brightly colored boomerang in his hand.

Angela stomped in behind him. “He’s already taking his stupid remote control truck.”

“The truck is not stupid. You are.” He shot back, taking a step closer to his sister.

“Stop, you two. Now.” Gillian waited until the bickering calmed down. This was her chance to get Margret out of the house. “Each of you can take one thing. You already have lots of books and toys at your grandparents’ house. Now go and get your bags. You’ll be leaving in two minutes.”

“But—”

“No, Michael.” Gillian forced herself to be calm, despite her still churning stomach and Margret’s eagle eyes that drilled holes into her back. “There’s no discussion. Go and get your things. Grandma is ready.”

With slumped shoulders both of her kids left the room. Amazing. It was a shame that this didn’t always work.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Gillian turned around and faced Margret. “What?”

“We were in the middle of a conversation as I recall.”

“Margret, the longer we let the children wait, the more restless they will get. And I’m sure you wouldn’t want to have them run around your house and those antiques of yours like little energizer bunnies.”

“You could join us. We could continue our talk while the children are in bed.”

Over my dead body.
“I’m sorry, but I’m meeting a friend in town.”

“What about breakfast tomorrow morning, then? James could join us.”

Gillian bit down on the bark that was trying to escape her mouth. Sure, Margret and James ganging up on her. That sounded just like the kind of breakfast she would love to join. “I can’t. I’m staying in town overnight.”

“Oh.” For a moment Margret seemed lost for words. “This talk isn’t over.”

“Well, it is for today.” And with that Gillian turned around and left Margret behind in the living room.

CHAPTER 20

Gillian closed her eyes, enjoying
the wonderful pressure of strong fingers on her scalp. Her head was cushioned on a soft lap, she was lying on a comfortable couch, music playing quietly in the background, the taste of the pizza they had enjoyed earlier still lingering on her tongue. She couldn’t possibly be any more comfortable…or content.

The anger about the conversation she had earlier with Margret still gnawed at her, but she had promised herself to stay in the moment and to enjoy whatever the evening might bring. With Sam. Tomorrow…well, tomorrow would be here soon enough, and then she could fret again. Tonight, she simply wanted to revel in the unexpected love and happiness she had found. With a moan, Gillian snuggled deeper into Sam.

“Sounds like you’re enjoying yourself.” Sam whispered.

“If you continue like this, I’ll soon be asleep.” She shifted until she was able to look into Sam’s eyes.

“Oh, then I’d better stop.”

“No. Don’t even think about stopping. I would have to hurt you.”

“Are we talking about good hurt or bad hurt?” Sam purred.

Gillian ran her hand along Sam’s leg. “Want to find out?”

“Maybe.” Sam’s fingers wandered lower and began to lightly caress Gillian’s earlobe.

The touch sent shivers down her spine.

“Want to show me?”

Desire mixed with a sense of calm determination washed over Gillian. She scooted up until she faced Sam. The cocky smile she saw made her stomach flutter. “Hey, you. Fancy meeting you here.”

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, haven’t been here for a long time, but I thought that maybe I’d get lucky tonight.”

“What? Did you hope to find a hot date?” The playful banter between them dispersed the few dark clouds that had remained in Gillian’s soul. All complications, problems, and misgivings vanished when she looked into Sam’s eyes. Eyes that were filled with love and understanding—and mischief.

“Yes, I did. And so much more.” She took Gillian’s hands and planted butterfly kisses on each palm. “Here I am with the most beautiful, wonderful, intriguing, and sexy woman I’ve ever met. Lucky, lucky me.” The smile on Sam’s face was making Gillian all tingly inside. “To know that this isn’t one-sided makes me deliriously happy.”

“Oh, Sam.” Something very warm and pleasant spread inside Gillian. She knew that Sam wasn’t a sweet talker which made the words so much more meaningful. Gillian softly brushed her lips over Sam’s before drawing back.

“Mm…that was nice.” Sam licked her lips.

“You liked that?”

“I loved it. And I think I need more of where that came from.”

“Do you now?” Her lips again sought out Sam’s. But this time she didn’t draw away. She deepened the kiss, explored without haste the hot sweetness, encouraged by the sensual moans coming from her lover. Their tongues were stroking, reaching, playing with each other. Skillful fingers found the sensitive skin behind her ears. Liquid heat scorched her from the inside. Breathing heavily, she broke the kiss. “Wow.”

A soft smile played around Sam’s lips. “Wow indeed. Anybody ever told you what a great kisser you are?”

Gillian laughed. “No. Never.” Her mood grew sober. “The things I remember went more along the line of me being a ‘cold fish’.”

Anger blazed in Sam’s eyes. “Who said that?”

“Derrick.” She took a deep breath, not sure how much she should share. “He said that he…well, he said that a blow-up doll had more fire.” Those words had hurt. Deeply. She swallowed hard. “And one of the women I had a one-night stand with before we met said that it was no wonder that she wasn’t able to have an orgasm with someone who was such a bad lover.” Unable to look into Sam’s eyes, Gillian picked at a piece of lint on the couch.

“Stupid assholes. Both of them.” Gentle fingers cupped her jaw and turned her face upwards. “Gillian, I’ve had many lovers. It’s not something I’m proud of. Not anymore. I’m proud that you’re the one loving me. And there is no one that has ever made my blood boil the way you do. I could explode from a simple touch. You’re a fantastic lover.”

Tears sprang into Gillian’s eyes. “Oh God.” She let her head fall against Sam’s shoulder and burrowed into the contact.

Soon a hand traced warm circles on her back. As much as she had enjoyed the sex with Sam right from the start, a part of her had still believed herself to be an inadequate lover. Sam had always been the one to take the initiative, to suggest things, or to inquire about Gillian’s desires. Maybe it was time to let go of another part of her past. Looking up from her safe spot, she asked, “One touch from me and you explode?”

Sam chuckled. “Yes. Sometimes simply watching you walk in front of me makes me itchy as hell. You have a gorgeous ass.”

Gillian felt heat rise on her cheeks. “Show me.”

“What?” Sam looked confused down at her.

“Show me that one touch from me makes you explode.” She rushed the words out so that she couldn’t take them back.

Sam regarded her with a combination of amusement and gentleness. “Does that mean you would like to see my etchings?”

“What?”

“The drawings in my bedroom.” A teasing grin played around Sam’s mouth.

Gillian couldn’t help giggling. “Give me a break. Did that line ever work for you?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. But I like this one even better.” She pressed her hands to her heart. “Baby, your outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.”

Gillian took Sam’s hands, unable to resist the urge to touch them, and rubbed her thumbs up and down calluses that were proof of her profession. “Ugh, that is so bad.”

“No, it’s true.” Sam kissed her nose before she slightly brushed their lips together. “And I really, really want to make love to and with you tonight. I need you, Gillian. All of you. Your heart, your mind, and your body.”

A shiver of excitement spread through Gillian’s body like a fire-breather’s plume of flame. She lifted her head until she found Sam’s lips. This time her kiss was far from gentle and soon repaid in kind. Delicious heat bloomed between her legs. Maybe being daring wasn’t a bad thing.

Sam broke the kiss. “Come.” She held her hand out. “The etchings are in my bedroom. And I’m too old to have sex on the sofa. Not good for my back.”

Gillian’s mouth curved into a smile. Willingly she took the offered hand and followed.

When they entered the bedroom, her gaze wandered to the framed poster of Georgia O’Keeffe’s
White Rose with Larkspur.
Not too long ago she had thought the poster unfitting for someone like Sam—someone so tough, so butch. Now she knew that the fragile and delicate flower simply mirrored a part of her lover’s personality that was rarely shown to anyone.
But I’m allowed to see it.
And that made her proud and humble at the same time. “Some years ago I saw the original in Boston.” Gillian pointed at the poster. “I think I stood in front of the painting for nearly half an hour and marveled at Georgia O’Keeffe’s ability to capture the essence of the rose. She was a marvelous artist.”

Sam nodded. “I had no idea who the artist was when I bought the poster, but the vibrant colors got to me. It’s a beautiful thing. I like looking at it when I lie in bed. It touches something inside me.” She brought her hands to Gillian’s hips and drew her nearer. A smile spread over her face; her eyes were filled with a tender glow. “As do you, Gillian.”

Sam covered her mouth with her own.

Gillian wrapped her arms around Sam and was soon lost in the feel of soft lips. An enthusiastic whimper escaped when her bottom lip was nipped. Parting her lips, she allowed Sam’s tongue inside. Blood pulsed in her ears, her excitement surging with every stroke of their tongues. She didn’t think she’d ever get enough of kissing Sam. This was what she wanted, whom she needed.

Gillian’s body began to thrum like a high-tension wire when Sam cupped her breasts and began to softly knead them, sending a light, hot shock through her body. “Don’t…don’t stop.”

“Never.”

Gillian’s hand wandered to the inside of Sam’s thigh and slowly higher to the crotch of the jeans. She began to massage the soft flesh under the stiff fabric, producing irresistible sounds from Sam. Sounds that affirmed the earlier spoken words about the power Gillian held over Sam.

An idea formed in her head. Deciding to go with a spontaneous impulse for once in her life, she broke the kiss and took a step away from Sam.

“What…everything okay?”

Gillian’s chest quivered when she took a breath. She could do it, could take the initiative. “I’ll never forget the first time I saw you in that club,” she said, “all tough-looking and so very, very sexy.” She slowly opened her dress, slid out of it, and let the garment fall to the floor.

Sam’s eyes widened. Her breathing hitched.

Knowing full well how much watching her strip turned Sam on, she couldn’t hide a smile. “I also remember you telling me to take my bra off.” She undid her bra and let it drop next to her dress.

Sam’s hungry gaze fixed on her breasts.

Gillian’s nipples hardened. Intoxicated by Sam’s response, she felt herself getting wetter.

“And my panties.” She added her underwear to the pile on the floor and brushed her fingers over her belly, enjoying the little jolts that the touch created. “Then you asked me how I wanted to come.” Gillian chuckled. “No one had ever asked me that before. I was so perplexed and had no idea what to say.” She brought her hands to her breasts and, with slow movements, pinched her own nipples. Heat built all over her skin, inside her. Her voice sounded rough to her own ears. “Tonight I know what I want.” And it was true. She did.

“Then tell me.” Sam licked her lips.

She stepped closer and opened the two top buttons of Sam’s shirt with trembling fingers. She planted a gentle kiss on the soft flesh in front of her before she looked up into chocolate brown eyes. “I want you to tell me what you want, what you like. You always put my needs first. Tonight I want you to tell me what you want.”

Sam stiffened.

Gillian’s stomach tightened to a knot. Had she overstepped? She opened her mouth to take her words back.

But Sam beat her to it. “I…” She cleared her throat. “Wow, this is a first.” A warm hand cupped Gillian’s cheek. “No one ever asked me that before.”

“Really?”

Sam nodded. “Really.”

Gillian gathered her courage. “Why wouldn’t…?”

Sam frowned. “Most people have a certain image about butch women and how to act around them.”

“Oh.” Gillian frowned. “But I really want to know. Please tell me.”

Hesitantly Sam bent her head and whispered into Gillian’s ear. “Actually, there is something I have wanted to do since the first time we met.”

Gillian’s knees nearly buckled when Sam began to tease her earlobe with her tongue.

Strong hands held her. The teasing stopped. “I would love to be inside you…as close to you as possible. So, if you’d really like to know what I want...” She hesitated for a moment, and then dropped her voice even more. “I’d like to use a toy, a dildo. I want to be inside of you, want to look into your eyes. I love seeing you when you come…but it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Surprised by the insecurity in those last words, Gillian didn’t need to think twice. “I’d like to try it.” Truth was that she had thought about the possibilities of toys before. And the idea of Sam with a dildo…Gillian’s stomach dropped. She’d love to try it.

“Yes?”

The insecurity Gillian saw in Sam’s eyes tugged at her heart. She nodded. “Yes. I love making love with you. And this…well, it sounds like it could be fun.”

“It can be. Absolutely. Wow.” Sam didn’t waste any time and stripped out of her shirt. She was naked underneath, without a bra.

Gillian drank in the sight of the broad shoulders, the strong arms, and the proud breasts. A tribal tattoo covered most of Sam’s right upper arm. The need to touch the tattoo, to feel those pert breasts burned inside her, but she forced herself to stay still.

With lightning speed Sam stripped out of her jeans and out of her panties. She stood looking like a proud warrior of olden times.

Unable to hold back any longer, Gillian reached out and covered Sam’s breasts. Hot, soft flesh filled her hands. “I love your breasts.”

Sam sucked in a breath when Gillian began to trace circles around the tips of her lover’s breasts. Seeing how the buds tightened under her fingers, how affected Sam was by her touch…this was heaven and it filled her with fire.

“Oh, Gillian.” Sam’s face was flushed, eyes half-closed. Unable to be still for long, one of her hands began to play through soft curls before tickling a sensitive spot beside Gillian’s clit.

Gillian gasped.

“Lie down, honey.”

Fighting against the dizziness that cursed through her Gillian made it to the bed and lay down on the duvet. The cloth underneath was rough on her sensitive skin.

Sam walked to a small wooden trunk that stood half-hidden beside the wardrobe and opened the lid. She took a harness, a bottle of lube, and a light blue dildo out of the trunk and put them on the nightstand, before turning to Gillian. A soft smile played around Sam’s lips. “You take my breath away. You know that, right?” Her gaze intensified when she crawled onto the bed with slow, graceful movements. “Hi there.” She bent down and planted a kiss on Gillian’s knee.

Goosebumps spread out all over Gillian’s body. Her breathing hitched when a lick on the inside of the knee followed the kiss.

Soon Sam was caressing her way up Gillian’s body again, not stopping too long at any point but kissing and licking every available inch of skin.

Gillian was about to explode. Never before had she felt so loved, so lusted after. A moan that soon turned into a growl escaped.

Chuckling, Sam settled between Gillian thighs, supporting herself on her elbows. A beaming smile spread over her face. “You’re adorable.” A kiss on Gillian’s nose followed. “I’m so thankful to have you in my life.” A slow, soft kiss on her lips followed that statement.

Gillian needed this. Needed Sam. She swallowed against the knot in her throat. “I love you.” Her hand trembled when she reached out to caress Sam’s cheek. The skin under her fingers was smooth and warm. She gently guided Sam’s face closer. “Totally.”

The kiss that followed was welcoming and hot. The body above hers trembled mirroring her own overflowing emotions.

Soon Gillian’s whole body burned from soft touches and hot kisses. Full, naked breasts pressed against hers. Running her hands over Sam’s back, the muscles flexed and twitched beneath her fingers. She loved the taste of earth and salt that was so typical of Sam. Soft flesh over muscles, hard as iron.

Hungry for Sam, for everything she had to offer, Gillian couldn’t get enough of touching her. But soon, too soon, Sam dropped feather light kisses down Gillian’s breasts, her belly, her hips, the top of her thighs. Then fingers dipped into her wetness, swirling around her folds, the nub of her clitoris.

Gillian moaned, raising her hips to enhance the contact, but the fingers drew away.

“You’re so wet. For me?” She asked.

“Only for you,” Gillian replied, her mouth almost too dry for speech.