Heart's Surrender (8 page)

CHAPTER 10

Gillian tried to catch her breath and, with a slight shake of her head, get rid of the stars that were dancing before her eyes. Sam’s warm hand was sprawled across her abdomen and her head was buried between Gillian’s legs. Never had Gillian thought that she would be a participant in an orgasm marathon. One thing she knew for sure—there was no way she could go another round.

Gillian looked down at the dark head and nudged it with the fingers of a slightly shaking hand. “Hey, are you still alive down there?”

Sam lifted her head slightly. “Not sure. I think I’m floating. Or dead. Or whatever. But I feel great.”

“Well, the French call an orgasm ‘little death’ for a reason. Though it should be me being a little dead. Not you.”

“Well, I’m certainly sure we did it French just a moment ago.”

Gillian chuckled. “Come up here and kiss me.”

Sam complied and Gillian could taste herself on those lips, that tongue. “I love kissing you.”

“I love tasting you.” Sam’s smile was slow and lazy.

With a quick move and energy she didn’t know she still possessed, Gillian rolled on top of Sam, straddling her hips.

Big brown eyes were looking up at her with a trust that she hadn’t seen there before.

Running her thumb gently over Sam’s lips, Gillian sighed. She would never get tired of this feeling. Her skin on Sam’s warm and sleek body that held steel underneath was heaven. “You. Are. Incorrigible.”

“Yes,” Sam drawled. “And?”

“I love it.”

“Me too.”

“Good.” Gillian captured Sam’s lips in a firm kiss, rubbing her thumb over an already stiffening nipple.

A groan echoed from Sam.

“I want to touch you.” Gillian bent down, licked the nipple, and then blew hot breath over it. “And I want to bring you the same joy you bring me.”

Sam closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Shit.
Afraid that she had crossed a border and walked into dangerous territory Gillian froze.

Sam opened her eyes and met Gillian’s gaze, as if searching for something.

Gillian licked her suddenly dry lips. One thing that was surely written in her eyes was pure lust…and need. But she wanted to bring joy to Sam, not fulfill her own needs. And if Sam didn’t want to take this next step and didn’t want to be touched intimately…Suddenly feeling ill she took her hand away from Sam’s breast and whispered, “Sorry.”

“No.” Sam’s hand gently wrapped around Gillian’s wrist. Her eyes crinkled into a smile. “Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry for wanting me.”

“I constantly want you.” Gillian’s cheeks were suddenly very warm.

“Then show me.” Sam grinned. “Just…don’t torture me too long or I’ll lose my nerves.”

Gillian burst out laughing. Somehow Sam always found the right words to take away her fears. “I’m not going to torture you. Promise.” She turned her wrist and whispered a kiss on Sam’s hand. “I just want to make you feel good.”

“You do, Gillian. You really do.” Sam drew Gillian’s hand closer and reciprocated the kiss she had just received.

For a moment they just stared into each other’s eyes, then Gillian allowed the smile that had blossomed in her heart to break free on her face. “I love how soft your skin is.” She ran her hand down Sam’s ribcage and shivered in response to Sam’s moan.

“You’re…God…”

“No. But sometimes I sure wish I had some of the abilities that come with that particular calling.” Gillian smiled and closed her mouth around an erect nipple, bathing it with slow, languid strokes of her tongue.

Sam’s moan vibrated under Gillian’s body.

Drunk on emotions, Gillian just couldn’t stop touching Sam. Not after being allowed for the first time to touch her as if there were no more barriers between them.

Sam’s calloused hand touched Gillian’s back, sending shivers up her spine. Gillian let the nipple go and looked up, into Sam’s beautiful brown eyes that had somehow turned into something resembling liquid chocolate.
She’s so stunning.
Gillian lowered herself into a kiss.

Without hesitation Sam granted Gillian’s tongue entry.

Gillian’s skin burned with desire. She moved her hand between their bodies, along smooth skin and past damp curls before she slowly dipped into Sam’s wetness, working her fingers in slow, drawn out circles.

“I can’t…”

“This is going to be a rather quick little death. Promise.” Holding herself up with one arm, Gillian initiated another kiss while continuing the caress over and around Sam’s clit. Within seconds Gillian’s fingers were soaked with her lover’s essence. “You’re so wet.” With a swift move she entered Sam. Deep. Keeping up steady movements. In and out, ignoring the throb that hummed between her own thighs.

“You’re torturing me,” Sam’s voice was raspy.

“No.” Gillian curled her fingers and thrust deeply, keeping up her rhythm. “Trust me. I won’t.”

Sam’s breathing was speeding along with Gillian’s thrusts. Head thrown back, with closed eyes, she looked almost ethereal in her beauty. “Come for me.”

A languid moan filled the room, seconds before Sam’s walls contracted hard around Gillian’s fingers.

“You’re so beautiful.” Gillian couldn’t and didn’t want to stop the words that filled her mind.

Sam threw her arm across her eyes. “Done. No more. Finished.”

With a laugh Gillian rolled beside Sam. “I believe we both are.”

The demand for a nap tugged on Sam.
Damn. What a night.
She was exhausted, a bit sore and felt like a champ. Who would have thought that Gillian had her number down like that?

A warm hand settled on Sam’s arm. “Something was different tonight.” Gillian’s voice was soft and hesitant.

Sam turned her head. “What do you mean?”

“You…I…”

“Hey, just tell me. What’s wrong?”

“You never allowed me to touch you like that before.”

Sam swallowed. “I need some time before I trust another person, before I can let go.”

Gillian’s eyes widened slightly. “You trust me?”

“Yes, just did. And yes, I do.”

Gillian chewed on her lower lip. “When did you know that you were a lesbian?”

That sure as hell was a change of topic. “Fifteen. I was fifteen.”

“Wow. How did your family take it?”

Sam stiffened. She wasn’t ready to tell Gillian the whole sordid story. Not tonight.
Keep it simple and matter of fact.
“I left home pretty early. I was nearly seventeen.”

Gillian’s brow furrowed but she kept silent.

“It was hard for a few years. But still better than staying at home. My father wanted to send me to one of those camps where they cure you of your homosexuality…or so they say.”

“Shit.”

Sam couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Yeah, shit. That about covers it.”

“How did you survive? So young and on your own?”

For a moment Sam struggled with the memories of a pain that had been her constant companion back then. She shrugged. “With luck. I had a few hairy experiences and I slept more nights hidden in alleys and on park benches than a teenager should. Hell, than any person ever should. That’s for sure. But I made it. And I believe that running away and struggling for a few years was still the better option compared to being forced into a camp where they teach you to hate what you are, who you are. Who I am.” Emotion scratched in her throat. It was time to change the subject. “So, what about you? Do you have a sordid tale to tell?” Sam held her breath. This was a make or break moment. Would Gillian reveal something about her life? Or would she continue to hide?

The sheet over Gillian’s breast was moving with every breath she took.

Sam cleared her throat. “You don’t have to—“

“My husband died a while ago.” Gillian’s voice was sharp as a knife. “He owned the apartment but he wasn’t so much using it for sleeping after a long workday as for his long line of affairs. Men and women.”

That’s where the aftershave in the bath had come from. Sam’s heart clenched.
Married to a guy. Who had affairs? Bastard.
Sam shifted closer and tangled her fingers with Gillian’s, giving them a short squeeze.

Gillian’s voice sounded muffled when she continued, “I didn’t know…we were married for a very long time. But,” she took a deep breath, “we hadn’t had sex for some time. Ever since I realized that not only did I not love him but that I was also attracted to women. I couldn’t bear his touch. Not anymore. But I wanted to save our marriage or the beautiful picture of a marriage we had been able to paint for others. The kids. I didn’t want them to…” her voice trailed off. “I was stupid. And then he died and I found out about his countless affairs. More like a harem. And it had been going on for years and years. It made me sick. But somehow…I’m guilty as well. I should have left him.” A fire was burning in Gillian’s eyes. “Damn it! We had two children together and my husband slept with everything that had a pulse. When I learned about it, I just wanted to take revenge. I’ve known that I’m attracted to women for several years. Though I’d never acted on it. But after I found out about Derrick I…I kind of let loose.”

Sam shivered. She pushed herself up on her elbows and frowned. “You took revenge by sleeping with a woman after his death?”

“Women…with other women. It’s complicated and it sure sounds stupid saying it out loud like that.” Gillian grimaced.

Sam was speechless. She had sensed there was a story behind Gillian’s behavior, but this sounded absolutely absurd. “And did it work? I mean, did it make you feel better?”

“No…I mean, at first, yes,” Gillian brushed her hand over the blanket. “Like I said…I knew for a long time that I was attracted to women but then…no. I felt like an asshole or an idiot. I made sure that the others always knew that all I wanted was sex. I didn’t lead them on.” A crease appeared on Gillian’s forehead. “But having sex with women didn’t help me feel better. Not at all.”

“I don’t know what to say, Gillian,” Sam replied at last.

Gillian’s head came up, her gaze searching Sam’s. “It was an asshole reaction from me. I know that now.” She glanced down at the bed sheet, her fingers playing around the edge of the blanket that was draped over her body. “But it’s different with you. It was from the first night on. The first time you touched me. With you…it’s not only the best sex I ever had in my whole life—” She paused, and went on after a moment, “There’s more between us. And I would like to know what this ‘more’ is.”

Gillian’s words hit Sam’s heart like a sledgehammer. Should she admit her own insecure feelings, or just get up and leave now while escape was still possible? This thing between them could break Sam. She knew that.

“Please, Sam, I…I’d like to spend more time with you, get to know you a bit. You are…you touched something inside of me,” Gillian said. She softly brushed her lips over Sam’s as if trying to reaffirm a connection that Sam couldn’t deny. “I have no idea where to go from here. I have two children, a broken life, and an unknown future. And to be absolutely honest…I don’t know what to make of ‘us’. If there is an ‘us’.”

Sam chuckled. Whom did she want to fool? As much as Gillian had the potential to destroy her—Sam realized as well that this between them could be something very good. Something special. “Yeah. That pretty much sums up my own life. Well, except that I don’t have children. And I’m not rich.”

“Being rich is not all that much fun.”

Sam had to agree. Even though she still struggled in life, it was nothing compared to how she had struggled before she had left home. But that was a story she would tell Gillian another day. Swallowing around a sudden lump in her throat Sam asked, “So, where do we go from here?”

“Well,” Gillian moistened her lips with her tongue, “I would like to meet again.”

“Meet as in ‘meet’ or as in…”

“Both. Talk, have sex. Eat. Date. Have fun.”

“Sounds good to me.” Sam bit her lower lip. An idea popped into her head. “Are you free on Friday? For around three hours?”

“Only three hours?”

“Yes. We’ll meet at seven and I’ll have you home at ten. What do you say?”

“I was supposed to choose the next date.”

Sam sat up in bed and hugged her knees against her chest, arms circled around them. “You can choose the next two dates.”

A genuine smile lit up Gillian’s face. “All right. Are we having dinner again?”

Sam shook her head. “No, better eat something before we meet. So, where do you want me to pick you up?”

“Oh.” Gillian bit her lip. “I…I don’t know if that is such a good idea.”

Irritation prickled at the back of Sam’s neck. “I’m not going to kiss you senseless in front of your house.”

“I know. It’s just that the neighbors are really nosy and I’d rather come out on my terms and not on theirs.”

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them.

Sam swallowed around the lump in her throat. That wasn’t how she wanted this night to end. She needed to be patient with Gillian as much as she needed Gillian to be patient with her. With a smile Sam reached out and trailed her hand along Gillian’s cheek. “All right. Why don’t we meet here?”

“That would be great. I’m sorry. I just—“

“I can be patient. Honestly.”

Gillian’s lips curved into a tiny smile. “I’ll need your patience.”

Sam captured Gillian’s lips in a firm kiss. “You have it. I promise.”