Heart's Surrender (9 page)

CHAPTER 11

Gillian got out of the taxi, her gaze firmly fixed on Sam. Gorgeous Sam, dressed in comfortable looking worn jeans, the ever-present Doc Martens, and a black leather jacket, was the epitome of self-confidence and oozing sexiness. This was going to be a long evening of not touching.

Sam stood next to Thomas, the elderly doorman. She was laughing as she ran her hand through her hair, which was a gesture Gillian now recognized as Sam being nervous or embarrassed.

Gillian slightly shook her head. How was it that just after spending some nights with each other she was able to read Sam’s body language? And what a nice body that language belonged to. Gillian snorted softly.
Insatiable
perv.

As if feeling her presence, Sam turned around, a million watt smile spreading over her face.

Something fluttered from Gillian’s chest down to her stomach. “Hi.”

“Hi there.”

Gillian turned to Thomas. “Good evening.”

“Good evening, Mrs. Jennings. How are you doing tonight?”

“Thank you. I’m fine.” She looked up at Sam, unsure for a moment what to say or how to behave with Thomas around. He knew that Sam had been with Gillian that first night but she had no idea if he had any inkling that Sam and she were more than just friends.
Play it cool.
She took a deep breath to settle her nerves. “Shall we?”

Sam nodded. “Yes, it’s time. See you, Thomas.”

He touched his hat with two fingers in a move that reminded Gillian of one of those navy sailors in a fifties movie. “It was nice talking to you, Samantha.” There was laughter in his voice.

Sam winced. “Likewise.” She turned to Gillian. “Come on. I found a parking space just around the corner which was something akin to a miracle.”

Gillian was still wrapping her mind around the fact that Thomas had called Sam “Samantha.” Had that been an educated guess? Or did they know each other? Gillian drummed her fingers on the side of her pants and waited until they were several steps away before she said, “Finding a parking spot here is sheer luck, Samantha.”

“Ugh…don’t please. I hate the name.” Sam wrinkled her nose.

Gillian couldn’t stop herself from asking, “How is it that Thomas knows it?”

Sam ran a hand through her hair again, her body as tense as a coiled spring. “That is a long story.”

Gillian sighed. It was painfully obvious that Sam didn’t want to talk about it. “Maybe another time?”

Relief spread across Sam’s face. “Yes, absolutely.” She stopped in front of a shiny black BMW SUV and took a key out of her pocket.

Openmouthed, Gillian stared from Sam to the car. “This is yours?”

Sam stuffed her hands into the pockets of her blue jeans, a half-smile on her face. “No, actually it’s my sister’s car. Mine isn’t as nice. And I wanted to impress my date, not scare her away.” She winked at Gillian.

“Your date is certainly impressed.” Gillian stared at the beige leather seats then looked up and met Sam’s brown eyes. “But I would drive with you in a garbage truck if it meant spending time with you.”

“Garbage trucks stink.”

Gillian chuckled. “I still would. Because I like the girl who would be the driver.”

A faint blush colored Sam’s cheeks. “Get in or we’ll be late.”

Gillian settled into the seat, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She waited until Sam was settled as well. “This is like sitting on my sofa at home.” She ran her hand over the side of the seat. “The leather is so soft.”

“Yeah, my sister clearly has taste.”

“And obviously money.”

For a short moment Sam’s knuckles stood out white against the black steering wheel. “Seatbelt, please.”

Gillian decided to let go whatever it was that Sam didn’t want to talk about. She put the seatbelt on. “So, where are we going?”

“Oh no.” Sam shook her head. “Not telling. This is a surprise. The only thing I’m going to tell you is that the drive will take about half an hour.”

“Fine. So, a surprise you say?”

“Yes.” Sam started the car.

“And no telling?”

“Nope.” Sam continued to stare straight ahead, focusing on the traffic. A small smile was playing around her lips. “Put some music on if you want to.”

“No, that’s fine. Unless you want to?” Gillian laid her hand on Sam’s thigh, enjoying the feel of the well worn fabric under her hand. The muscles underneath, however, were anything but soft…

Sam shook her head. “I like the quiet. I listened to music the whole day while painting a living room. Music helps keep the rhythm.”

“Blue, right?”

“Blue what?” Sam frowned.

“You painted the living room blue.”

Sam turned her head to Gillian before she focused on the street again. “How do you know?”

Gillian chuckled. “You missed a bit of paint.” She reached out and ran her fingers over a blue spot on Sam’s temple.

“Well, at least that verifies my story.” She leaned into the touch. “Tell me what you did today.”

“Gardening.” Gillian let her hand fall down again on Sam’s thigh, simply enjoying the physical connection. “I gathered that we need to pimp our garden a bit if we want to get a good price for the house.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Pimp your garden?”

“Well, those were my son’s words.”

Sam snorted with laughter. “Nice. I don’t think I’ve ever heard ‘pimp’ and ‘garden’ used in the same sentence.”

“Well, I guess they wouldn’t use those words in a garden show on TV.”

Easy laughter filled the car. For the next half hour they swapped stories about whatever had happened in their lives over the past few days. From time to time, Gillian tried to guess where they were going. Sam, however, kept quiet. Gillian still had no idea about their destination. The only thing she knew was that they were travelling through the outskirts of Springfield. She couldn’t remember ever being in that particular area. The houses looked nice and well cared for. A woman was hurrying along the pavement, holding one child on each hand. Next they passed a man standing on a corner, with his cell glued to his ear. Gillian looked at her wrist watch. “So, thirty three minutes are gone and I still have no idea what you’ve planned for tonight.”

“Well, actually, we’ve reached our destination.” Sam set the blinker and slipped into a free space at the parking lot in front of a large building.

Impressive stairs led up to the entrance. Gillian craned her neck and tried to read what was written on the façade. “A planetarium?”

“Yes. I promise you an evening full of stars and unknown worlds.”

“Oh.” Gillian grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed it. “That sounds great but doesn’t it have to be dark outside?”

“No, we’re not using the telescope tonight. We’ll be watching a show. They have a state-of-the-art Zeiss Starmaster projector. It’s mind blowing.”

“I’ve never been to a planetarium.”

Sam stared at Gillian as if she had two heads. “Really? Not even with the children?”

“No. Never.”

“Oh. All right. You’re going to love it.” Sam squinted at her. “You do like pretty stars and the universe, don’t you?”

Gillian bumped Sam’s shoulder. “Who doesn’t?”

“Well, I certainly do. I’m here about twice a month at least. It’s just so relaxing to get a perspective on life. What are my problems compared to the mystery and greatness of the universe?”

Gillian nodded. She could definitely relate to that. “I know what you’re talking about. It’s like looking into the Grand Canyon and realizing how gloriously insignificant our lives are.”

“You really get it.” Delightful wonder was written all over her face.

“How being ‘insignificant’ can be a great thing?”

“Yes. Most people would find it depressing. But I feel like,” Sam shrugged, “I don’t know…free?”

“Yes, it is.” Once again, Gillian placed her hand on Sam’s thigh and began to lightly rub back and forth. “It’s liberating. And I don’t find it depressing at all.”

The smile on Sam’s face couldn’t have been wider. “You’re going to love the show. Come on.”

It didn’t take long for Sam to pay for the tickets as not many people were in line at the counter.
That’s weird for a Friday night.
Gillian found herself checking out the few visitors that were hanging around in front of the huge and truly ugly red doors that she guessed to be the entrance to the viewing area. Checking people out had become an automatic thing for her. Gillian bit down on her bottom lip. She really needed to get over her fear of what would happen if people found out that she was…a lesbian. Gillian grimaced. She hated that word. It came along with the feeling of being pigeonholed and bullied for loving someone. And even worse—what would her being an “out” lesbian do to her children? What if they were bullied for having a mother in a relationship with another woman? Gillian rubbed the bridge of her nose. Society sucked. To cheat on a partner was condoned in her circles—if done discretely. Fiscal fraud was some kind of sport. But loving someone of the same gender wasn’t as hip as some people proclaimed. The fear of being “out” battled against the guilt she felt about hiding and of not feeling comfortable with who she was. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself. Would there ever be a time when she would be confident enough to even hold hands in public? And was hiding fair to a partner?

“Hey, you okay?” Sam’s gentle voice tickled Gillian’s ear.

Gillian forced a smile on her face. This was neither the time nor the place to talk about her insecurities. “Yes. So, is this,” she pointed at the red doors, “where the show is going to happen tonight?”

Sam tilted her head slightly and observed Gillian’s face for a moment before she said, “Yes, and they should open the doors any second now.”

Which they did. The small crowd of people who had been gathered disappeared through the doors.

A slightly musty smell invaded Gillian’s nose when she entered the smallish room. Well, smallish compared to the cinemas she had been to with her children. Here, five rows of bright red chairs were arranged in a circle and, all in all, she guessed around a hundred people could be seated. Gillian’s gaze was drawn to a huge round hole in the middle of the room.
What is this?

“Come on. Let’s sit down. It’s going to start any minute now.” Sam sounded as excited as a five year old on Christmas morning.

“I thought it would be more crowded.”

Sam shook her head. “Not on a Friday evening. People go to cinemas on a Friday night or hang out in bars, meet with their friends for dinner. But they hardly ever find their way here.”

After settling down next to each other, Gillian looked up. The ceiling was roundish. She scanned the room. Where was the projector?

Sam leaned slightly over and whispered in her ear, “Is it okay to hold hands in the dark?”

Gillian coughed. “Yes, it is. But only holding hands. No second or third base in here.”

Sam leaned back again. “All right. I can live with that. But all bets are off later in the car.”

“Nope. No way. I’m not turning into a teenage version of myself.”

“Oh…so do tell me what happened in cars during your teenage days.”

Gillian lifted an eyebrow. “That is going to be my secret.”

The light dimmed slowly.

“It’s about to start.” Sam had barely uttered those words when, without further warning, the sound system nearly blew Gillian’s ears away with Richard Strauss’ “Also sprach Zarathustra”. She blinked. This volume could certainly wake the dead.

Something began to move out of the huge gap in the middle of the room but it was too dark to make out more than contours. Gillian leaned forward.

“That is the Zeiss Starmaster projector and the music is from “2001: A Space Odyssey”, the opening of the movie,” Sam whispered.

“Oh.” There was the projector. Amazing.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” a deep male voice said over the loudspeaker system. “Welcome tonight and thank you for joining us on a very special journey. ‘Destination Solar System’ will take us all through the small part of the universe that we believe we know and yet surprises us, again and again, with its beauty and majesty. Fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the ride.”

Minutes into the show, Gillian had nearly forgotten where she was. A gigantic eruption exploded out of the sun. She pressed her back deeper into the seat and grabbed Sam’s hand. “This is like sitting in a starship.”

A deep laugh rumbled out of Sam. “Yeah, it’s pretty cool, right?”

Gillian was lost. Positively, absolutely lost. And she loved every second of it. “It’s unbelievable.” Her breath caught in her throat as Sam’s fingers skimmed the top of Gillian’s thigh. “Stop that. Holding hands is where the line is drawn tonight.”

Sam chuckled. “What a shame.”

Instead of continuing the verbal play, Gillian wrapped her hand around Sam’s arm and squeezed it slightly when they flew through Saturn’s rings. “They are made out of small stones?”

“Well,” Sam whispered, “the official description is ‘small particles’ and they’re mostly made out of ice.”

A comet brushed past them with a loud whoosh.

“Would it burst your bubble if I told you that there are no sounds in space because of the vacuum?”

Gillian turned her head and stared at Sam. “You’re a geek.”

“No, I’m not.”

Gillian smiled and patted Sam’s hand. “Shush now.” She looked up again, just in time to see a blue planet coming closer.
Wow.

Way too soon for Gillian, the male voice once again came over the sound system, “Thank you very much for travelling with us. We hope that you enjoyed the journey and that you will be joining us again in the future.”

Seconds later the light came slowly up again.

Gillian took a deep breath. “That was awesome.”

Sam got up from her chair and offered her hand to Gillian. “So, did you enjoy it?”

Gillian reached out, took the hand, and stood up. “More than that. This was mind blowing and beautiful and amazing and I can’t believe I’ve never been here before.” Her eyes locked onto Sam’s. Those brown, gentle eyes. Breathing was becoming hard—as was forcing her hands to not reach out and touch Sam or not allowing herself to kiss those tempting lips. With all the discipline she could muster, she cleared her throat. “I have to take the children to one of these shows.” She took a step away from Sam.

Sam opened her mouth and closed it again, thrusting her hands into her pockets.

Searching for a neutral thing to say, Gillian finally asked, “Have you seen the show before?”

“Yes. I have. But I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.” Her smile didn’t fully reach her eyes.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, sure.” Sam looked at her watch. “Come on. I’ll take you back to the apartment.”

Gillian’s stomach started to hurt. Where moments ago they had nearly been kissing, now the distance between them was a gaping chasm. And Gillian had a pretty good idea what had happened. “Hey.” She reached out and took hold of Sam’s hand.

Sam looked down at their linked fingers, confusion written all over her face.