Heaven in Hedonism (The Sinful Series Book 3) (10 page)

“Let’s do some positive visualization now that you are relaxed,” she said quietly. “Think about what you would like for your relationship in the future. Make it as perfect and idealized as possible.”

If our eyes had been open, I would have stiffened uncomfortably, but it was easier since I knew he couldn’t see. In my mind, I could see us living in a beautiful house. We weren’t working together anymore, which was interesting since we wouldn’t have met if it weren’t for the job. I had my own company and worked from home. He came home in the evening, in time to put our baby to bed. After, we would snuggle companionably on the couch while talking, reading, or watching a movie. And every night, I would sleep restfully in his arms. Whoa. Where did all of that come from? The Jolie in my mind was completely different from the one I knew.

“And gradually open your eyes.”

When I did, I blinked a few times. Mac reached over and took my hand. He was staring at our intertwined fingers while Marni spoke. “Tomorrow morning we’ll meet at nine am for yoga and meditation. Then we’ll have our workshop again in the afternoon. In the meantime, you have homework.”

My hand was squeezed a little tighter. “Everything we are doing now will prepare you for your union on Sunday after the ceremony. We’re building a connection, getting our bodies in shape, our minds focused. Before your bodies become one, this is essential. So, that being said, you are going to use this meditative position and alter it slightly.”

We gazed at each other, and I wondered where this was going. All I knew for sure was that this was building my confidence and comfort. Since this was only Monday, Sunday night was a comfortable distance away.

“Practice several times tonight. Sit facing one another, eyes open, maintaining eye contact and regulate your breathing to match. It’s all about becoming attuned to one another. You must remain connected in breathing for ten minutes in order to successfully complete this exercise. And yes, clothing is optional,” Marni finished with a smile.

Slowly the couples stood and returned their mats to the stack by the door. “So we’re building up for the big union on Sunday night,” Mac commented. “You okay with this?” He looked almost nervous at the prospect of having sex with me.

Shrugging, I responded, “Sure, no big deal.” Yes, I planned to fake it until I made it.

By now we were right outside our room. Mac opened the door and gestured for me to enter. Once I did, he shut the door abruptly behind us. Taking a deep breath, he finally blurted out, “Are you a virgin? Have you ever had sex with a guy?” Then he slumped on the bed.

Wow. He was scared he was going to have to take my virginity. “I’ve been saving myself for the man I love, the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with,” I cooed, as I climbed onto the bed with him. Then once I had positioned myself between his knees I batted my eyelids at him.

He looked like he wanted to run and hide. “Jolie, be serious. I’ve never been with a virgin.” His brow furrowed. A bead of sweat was starting above his lip. I was pretty sure I saw his hand shake slightly when he wiped at it.

Sitting back on my heels, I asked, “So you prefer whores?” Shaking my head, I added, “I’m not a virgin, but I’m no whore either.” Then I stood, unsure of what to make of all this. “I’m gonna pee.”

Normally this would be where I’d go into the bathroom and take a moment, but since the room was essentially a glass cage, he’d know unless I really did go into the toilet. So, I sat on the potty, the one place he couldn’t see. After I peed and wiped, straightened myself and washed my hands, I walked out. He wasn’t even in the room. Walking down the hall between the closet and the bathroom, I stood at the patio door and found him sitting in one of the chairs by the hot tub.

“Whatcha doing?” I asked as soon as I walked out.

“Seemed like you needed a minute.” He frowned. “Okay, I needed a minute too.” Mac clapped his hands together. “Let’s go sit on the bed and complete our homework before dinner. We can go for a walk on the beach and eat wherever you want.” His face had brightened.

“I want to show the buffet who’s boss.” I hugged myself happily. “And because I’m so bossy, that will probably mostly be my eatery of choice.” I hopped over to the door. “Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure we’ll try all of the other places, but I love buffets!”

Walking up behind me, Mac opened the door. “Allow me,” he murmured.

Glancing behind me, I laughed. “Real men open doors?”

“Every time. Now get on the bed.” He tried to look fierce, but I laughed at him.

“So you have a little bit of bossy in you as well? Not sure how that’s going to work,” I joked as I climbed onto the bed.

“I’m not sure how aligning our breathing while we stare into each other’s eyes is going to work,” he admitted. “We may have to try this several times.”

“Oh, please. We can totally knock this out. You just have to be serious and focused. Unless this is more about you wanting to stare deeply into my eyes?” I raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“Let’s see if we can do this in one try then,” he agreed.

Hopping onto the bed with me, we both assumed the position. It was going to be difficult to remain serious. When I looked at him, something changed inside me. Staring into his eyes made me all squirmy inside. I rubbed at my belly.

“Hands palms up on the knees,” he reminded me.

“I
know
,” I whined.

His eyes were so much bluer than I realized, or it might have been the lighting. I wanted to swim in them. They looked like an amazing Caribbean pool. Even more, the longer our eyes honed in on each other’s, I wanted to lean forward to kiss him, to finally taste him, feel his tongue dance with mine. As the day had worn on, a light scruff had appeared. What would it feel like if I ran my hands over it, just the tips of my fingers, until I could trace those sexy lips of his. My heart felt like it was pounding in my chest. It was more than I could take. Had it been ten minutes yet? Had our breathing even matched up? Was Mac suffering like I was? This wasn’t relaxing in the least.

Suddenly, I realized Mac was leaning toward me. I met him halfway, my lips slightly parted, my hand poised to connect. He angled his face, tilted it to connect with my lips. When they finally touched, I could have sworn I saw an explosion in his eyes. They lit up, like a flame burned behind the iris. Catching the back of his neck, I laced my fingers in his hair. My lips tingled and sure enough, his tongue darted out to meet mine. The dance was brief, fast paced more like a Rhumba than a Waltz. He pulled back slightly and repositioned until just our foreheads were touching.

“Time,” he murmured. “We did it.”

Leaning back, I gasped and touched my lips. Time. We had made it the full ten minutes.

“Aren’t you pleased?” he asked, confused. “First try.”

First try? First intensely serious kiss. Only all he could think about was completing the homework. What a douche. Slipping off the bed, I stood and said brightly, “Good. Let’s eat.”

Dinner was just a meal. We gorged ourselves at the buffet. In fact, I ate so much that I introduced Mac to my food baby. “This is Hidalgo,” I told him as I rubbed my tummy.

“Wanna walk it off?” he asked me calmly. “If not, I’d be thrilled with simply relaxing in the hot tub and going to bed early. We have yoga at nine in the morning.”

“Clearly you are a planner,” I commented. “I can work with that.”

So we went back to the room and stripped down before climbing into the hot tub. It was a beautiful night. I was sure someone more romantic than me would have gone on about the starry sky and the sliver of a moon. Instead, I was more interested in the relaxation factor. Tonight I’d be sharing a bed with a man for the first time ever. Some women dreamed about this, I was sure. I just wanted to survive it without humiliating myself. Apparently the plane was good practice. Somehow I just knew that if I could survive this first night, the rest would be gravy, the week would fly by, and the second week when we could relax and do our own thing would be the one we would savor.

“Climbing in with me?” he asked when he noticed me lingering around the edge of the Jacuzzi.

“Yeah, in a minute. I don’t want to cramp.” It was my best effort at deflecting.

“Huh,” he said slyly. “Well, the way you walk around naked, we know you aren’t shy. Must be you are afraid of being alone with me because I’m so hot. I get that a lot.”

Rolling my eyes, I walked over and slipped into the tub. The water was absolutely divine. “Heaven,” I mumbled.

“Hey, that’s my new nickname for you,” he reminded me. “It just…fits.”

Suddenly, I sat up and said, “I’m going to go do a shot, you know, take the edge off.”

“Wait,” he urged with a hand on my shoulder. “What is it?” He studied me for a moment and finally asked, “Are you afraid of sharing a bed with me?”

At last someone had addressed the pink elephant on the patio. My chest was heaving despite my best efforts to remain calm. “Yes.” My voice was barely a whisper. Shame had me looking at my lap.

Without saying another word, Mac stepped out of the tub and walked to where I sat. Scooping me up out of the tub, he carried me through the door into the room. The air conditioning made my skin burst out in goose bumps. Instantly, I was shivering almost uncontrollably, partially from the sudden temperature change, but mostly from fear. Holding me close with one hand, he drew back the bedspread before laying me in the bed.

Without saying a word, he turned off all the lights except the mood lighting. The mirror amplified the effect and dressed the room in soft relaxing colors. Then he returned to the bed and climbed in on his side.

“The best way to overcome a fear is to face it.” He reminded me. “Once you see how natural this feels and how harmless I am, you’ll wonder why you haven’t been sharing a bed with me since we started working together.” His smile was almost as reassuring as his words.

Then, before I could protest or agree, he hauled me into his arms and pressed my face against his chest. I looked up at him in wonder. “No sex,” he commented, “but I can’t imagine there would be a problem with this.” Then he leaned slightly to give me a peck on the forehead. “Now close your eyes and go to sleep.”

Part of me felt like a reprimanded child, but the rest of me was reveling in the warmth his body provided. Soon I had stopped shivering, my teeth were no longer chattering and I could feel myself beginning to drift. If his presence helped me to sleep two nights in a row, I might start thinking that I should be sharing a bed with him every night. “Night,” I mumbled just before I fell asleep.

The morning came soon enough. Again, I was shocked to see sunlight. Even more, I was beyond pleased to feel so rested. I swear, I was ready to conquer the world. This man was incredible.

“Whatcha thinking?” he asked when he realized I was sitting up awake and no longer wrapped in his arms.

“Two nights in a row you’ve helped me to sleep. I need to study this further. I’m not sure if it’s you or if I just need to share my bed with someone. Maybe I should study that over the rest of the week,” I considered as I tapped my chin.

“Let me save you the trouble,” he murmured as he sat up and kissed the back of my bare shoulder. “It’s me. I told you last night that we should have been sharing a bed all along. There will be no testing, no trying, no discovering, no other men or women for you.” With that proclamation, he kissed my cheek and threw back the covers before heading to the bathroom.

Smiling, I touched my cheek. We’d have to see how night three went.

Hours later, we had eaten breakfast, completed our yoga class, enjoyed lunch, and headed to our next tantric sex class. In addition to the mat, this afternoon we were each given a big gift basket of products.

“These are yours,” Marni announced. “Over the remainder of the week, you will be trying them out, learning the art of touch, and preparing your chakras. After the ceremony on Sunday, you will have the most amazing sexual experience of your lives.”

Mac and I exchanged looks. Honestly, one way or another it was going to be amazing. This was my chance to wipe away the past.

“So let’s explore the gift baskets,” she suggested. Opening up a sample one on the table, she pulled out each item and discussed it. There was a feather, a vibrator, a blindfold, some massage oil, a set of sex dice, a pocket guide of the Kama Sutra, and some lengths of soft fabric. “Now, this is just the start of your pleasure chest and over the course of the week you’ll be getting acclimated with some of these items, the rest you can figure out on your own.” She smiled.

Once again, we left the class with a homework assignment. This time we were to once again sit on the bed cross-legged and match our breathing, but now we were also expected to touch one another, everywhere but our genitalia. I realized that I had been holding my breath some as she spoke. Mac squeezed my hand and smiled. I knew it was going to be okay.

When we returned to the room, I could hear this strange buzzing. “Is the vibrator on?” I asked Mac.

He peered into the gift basket he was carrying. “Nope. Not on.”

“Where is that noise coming from?” I wondered aloud.

“Purse?” Mac suggested, pointing to the dresser. I could already see the light coming from inside it.

My first thought was
who the hell would be calling me?
Then I realized that I never called Sin. Fuck. “Hey,” I mumbled sheepishly when I answered the phone.

“Hey yourself. You never called me. For all I knew, you were dead in a plane crash,” she growled at me.

“Well, with a friend like you, I would have been. Seriously, it took you two days to check on me. I might not come back. What do I have to come back to?” I retorted.

Sin burst out laughing. “Thanks for that, drama.”

Giggling, I responded, “You’re welcome.”

Glancing at Mac, I realized he had been worried, hovering near me while we spoke. “I’ll just go outside while you talk,” he offered.

Shaking my head, I explained. “Sin and I will talk for two more minutes. Why don’t you get undressed and we can go swimming before dinner?”

“Wow. Get undressed?” Sin questioned. “You don’t play. So, how’s the sex?”

“We haven’t had any. I’ll let you know.”

Mac’s ears perked up. “You’ll let her know? Do chicks really do that?”

Nodding, lips pursed, I replied, “Absolutely.”

True to my word, I was soon off the phone so we could relax. “Now I know we still have to do our homework, but do you want to join in the nightlife?” I asked.

Looking at me lazily, Mac shook his head. “Nope.”

“Could be fun. New theme party every night.” I reminded him.

Walking over to me, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. “Listen, this week is such a gift. We get to really know each other. I’d like it to just be the two of us as much as possible.” Lifting my face with a finger under my chin, he added, “You good with that?”

“I guess,” I agreed slowly.

Frowning, he asked, “What’s the hesitation?”

Staring into his eyes, I asked, “How will I know if you really like me if I don’t get you jealous by dancing with other men?”

His hands dropped to his sides. “Are you serious?”

“Uh huh. That’s what Sin did. That’s how she knew.” I shrugged.

Laughing, Mac suggested, “Well, you could simply ask me.”

Making a face, I retorted, “Who does that?”

His hands were on my hips, pulling me closer. My sarong was all that separated our skin. Soon he had me pressed so close, I could feel him growing, hardening. Something was happening inside me, like a furnace being lit. “I guess I’ll just have to show you,” he murmured as he closed the distance between our faces. His lips brushed mine. His hand cupped my ass. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist, but since I wasn’t wearing panties, it wouldn’t take much of a slip for me to be impaled on his erection. For the first time, I wasn’t scared. It seemed natural. I trusted him.

“Don’t,” he whispered as I started to lift a leg. “I’m not strong enough to refuse you at the moment. Sunday, sweet heaven, that’s our day. After the ceremony. You and me. Major date with the bed…and the wall…the hot tub…the shower…you get the idea?”

Biting my lip, I nodded. Mac was a good man, a real man. He’d never hurt me or disappoint me. He was the kind of man I should have looked for all along.

*  *  *

Bit by bit and day by day, we made it through the week. Wednesday’s assignment was a massage. We pulled out the oil and took turns lavishing attention on each other’s body. He rubbed me first and by the time he was done, I was practically boneless.

“Put a little muscle into it, hotness.” He teased while I perched my naked butt on his.

“Keep it up,” I warned.

Rolling over quickly, he caught my waist in his hands so that I was seated on his erection when he landed on his back. “Clearly keeping it up isn’t a problem,” he murmured with a heated gaze.

I thought I was going to go up in flames. Never before did I understand what that meant. It was time for him to suffer like me. So I slowly lowered my body until it was on top of his. “More muscle?” I asked. My mouth was millimeters from his ear. “They say the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body.” Then I licked his ear and sucked on his lobe a minute. “Is this what you had in mind?”

“Not exactly, but this works,” he uttered with much difficulty.

When I leaned back to look at his face, it was tight, the struggle for control evident. His eyes were closed and when I glanced at his hands, they were fisted at his sides. I felt so powerful. This must be what Sin felt like all the time. Oh, and I really enjoyed it.

Thursday was all about having us awaken our chakras. I never knew I had a chakra, let alone nine of them. Interesting. Marni started us off in class and explained how to find the other seven, the line down our bodies and into our special spots. Apparently it isn’t uncommon to essentially be masturbating during the awakening process.

There we were, lying side by side on the bed, touching ourselves. As we were doing it, I realized that Mac was speaking in a low voice while he rubbed. Listening closely, I heard, “Three more days. Three more days. Only three more days.” I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to know that he found me desirable. Wasn’t that what every woman wanted? Lately, I wanted him back. Reaching over, I squeezed his thigh with my free hand.

“What was that for?” he asked, after he jumped.

Grinning widely, I struggled some to explain myself. “What’s so special about three more days?”

“Oh, you know…we finish with these classes, we have a lovely ceremony marking this accomplishment, and I get to finally make love to you.” His eyes scorched me. Then he rolled onto his side and propped his head on his bent arm. “For the first time in my life, I get to taste heaven.” Leaning over my body, his head dipped lower and his mouth opened. I watched his progress and realized that he was about to connect with my nipple. The wait was positively excruciating. Sure enough, his tongue lapped at the hardened peak before his lips captured it and suckled for the briefest of moments. I closed my eyes and savored the experience.

It was a bit of an epiphany for me. The act was different, not because he was a man, but because I was finally experiencing it with someone I had feelings for. It was wonderful and scary all at once. “Making love?” I questioned. “Not fucking? Not having sex?”

Shaking his head, he announced with certainty, “I meant what I said.” Then moving off the bed, he stood and walked around to my side. “Care to join me for a before dinner swim. The sun should be setting soon. It’ll be perfect.” He held out his hand to help me get up and we hauled our naked asses to the pool where we cooled down in the water.

It was the Friday assignment which had us truly shaking our heads. “So let me get this straight,” Mac groaned as we walked back to our room. “We are supposed to sit on the bed back to back?”

Nodding, I admitted, “That’s what I understand. Then we are to—”

“Masturbate.” He practically spat the words.