Heaven in Hedonism (The Sinful Series Book 3) (6 page)

“You really are incredibly difficult to surprise. You ask too many questions.” He shook his head at me while making a ‘tsk’ sound. “Relax, Jolie. I’d never do anything to hurt or humiliate you.” He steered me over to the ladder. “You go up first.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I turned to confront him. “You trying to peek up my skirt?”

My question must have shocked him because he started choking before he could respond. When he finally did, I was a bit humbled. “Actually, I was trying to keep you safe. I was afraid you might catch a foot on all that dress and tumble down. I planned to save you.” He looked rather proud of himself and puffed out his chest for emphasis.

Without considering, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “How chivalrous,” I said with a sigh. “I guess that’s okay.” Without another word, I headed up the ladder. I was nearly halfway up before he had even started the climb. “Care to join me?” I called down.

My words must have shocked him into action because he suddenly grabbed the first wrung and laughed. “Coming, not just Jolie.”

I hated that nickname, but I let it slide at the moment. Soon, I was on the walkway surrounding the enormous barrel. By the time I had walked all the way around, he had made it to the landing. “Now what?” I asked.

“Impatient much?” He chuckled as he considered his response. “So, I had a conversation with Ben. He told me about this place.”

Looking about, I said, “Huh. Sin’s never mentioned it.”

“Well, they have their own special place here. This is ours.”

I stiffened. Why would we need a special place? He was my boss. “So now we stare off at the sky and watch for shooting stars or some crap?”

Smiling, he said, “Close.” He felt around and must have found what he sought because I could hear the metallic sound of a latch. Mac continued around the platform and performed the same act several more times. “Now, hot shot, I need you to help me slide this off.”

“But Ben!” I protested.

“He’s the one who suggested it.” Then he reached above his head again to push on the huge conical lid. It gave some.

I added my efforts and soon it had slid until it was resting against the railing on the far side of the platform. Just as I was about to ask again what we were doing, Mac started taking off his shoes, then his shirt, tie, and pants. All I could do was stare. He looked so much different than I expected. There was a lot of muscle definition there for a stuffy British computer geek. He had a nice medium build, a trim waist, and only a hint of a happy trail that disappeared below his boxer briefs. Yum. Boxer briefs.

“Stop staring.” He teased.

Turning away, I considered my next move. He was incredibly attractive, but I couldn’t help thinking I should rush down to the car. It was just over there, all of five feet from the ladder I was standing next to. My thoughts were interrupted by a splash. Some water spilled over the side and pooled around my feet.

“What the hell?” Looking up, I could see Mac peering over the side at me.

“Come on in. The water is perfect. I won’t even peek. See?” He covered his eyes as proof.

Laughing, I considered. The fear seemed to be subsiding. Maybe I could do this. Maybe it was time for a change, a new turning point. I didn’t have to be defined by the past. From now on, I could have a different life, a better one. The vacation could be the start of a whole new chapter for me. More than anything, I wanted to be at peace in my own skin again. With a sigh and a shrug, I stripped down to my bra and panties. Then, as I passed his pile on the way to the ladder up the side, I realized he had taken off his boxers when I wasn’t looking. Inhaling deeply, I turned and added my underwear to my pile.

Climbing the ladder, I reached the top and looked for Mac. He was on the far side, facing out. True to his word, he didn’t even turn around when I climbed down the ladder on the inside rim and glided into the water. “I’m in,” I announced. “You can look.”

Casually, he turned to face me. “This is amazing. I’m going to have to really thank Ben for this later,” he commented.

Floating on my back, I gazed up at the stars. “Yeah, this is pretty perfect.” It almost pained me to admit it. Then I remembered that I had to be different to have a different life. I had to relax and trust. Mac seemed worthy of it.

“So tell me about Hedonism,” he said as he floated nearby. “I didn’t have time to research and this time tomorrow we’ll be on a plane headed there.”

My laugh had a slightly naughty edge to it, surprising both of us. “What do you want to know?”

“What is there to do? What is the dress code? I still have to pack. And you mentioned our birth certificates?” He paddled closer so we could talk.

Realizing my boobs were just above the water line, I sank below and decided to tread water instead. My feet couldn’t touch bottom and keep me above water. “I just glanced over the list of what we needed. Passport and birth certificate were at the top of the list.” Smiling wickedly at him, I added, “There’s a prude and nude side.” I watched for a reaction. He gave none. How I loved a guy who could go toe to toe with me without flinching. Dammit. Now he was earning my respect.

Brushing those thoughts aside, I looked at him and continued. “It looks like there are theme parties every night. You really should glance at the website because I can’t remember what they are. I’ll be packing in the morning.” Then because I was tiring fast, I paddled over to the side and grabbed on.

He followed suit. Once he had his hand on the side, he said, “Okay, I can do that.”

“I think there’s a special workshop or something. We may need to partner up for it. You cool with that?” I smiled as I waited for his response.

“What kind of workshop?”

“Looks like tantric sex week. I figured it might be fun. Who couldn’t use some new techniques?” My look this time was pure challenge. It was time to see what he was made of.

“Sure. Even if there is nothing wrong with my technique, who couldn’t stand to learn a few new tricks?” He met my stare with his own. “Let’s make a pledge right now.”

“A pledge?”

“Yup. We’ll treat it like Vegas. A week of decadence. We’ll play along with whatever they have planned, no questions, just pure abandon. Then it will be business as usual when we return.” He studied me for a reaction.

Holding out my hand, I agreed. “Let’s do this.”

We shook on it. After a few more laps, we headed down the ladder and struggled to dress our wet bodies in dry clothes again. Together we pushed the lid back into place. Mac expertly locked it down. Then it was time to head to the car. As he drove me back to the reception, I wondered what was nagging at me.

Too bad the vacation wasn’t a week later. I’d be ovulating then. And if I could break down that fear of sex with men, I might have had a chance to make a baby with Mac. Sin was right. It was better for me to have a child with someone I knew.

When he dropped me off in front of the reception hall at the winery, I couldn’t help but look at him differently. “Coming back in?” I asked.

Shaking his head, he stifled a yawn. “I need to rest up. I’ll pick you up for dinner at five tomorrow and we’ll head to the airport from there. Still have to pack and rest up.” He winked. “I have a feeling you are going to wear me out.”

Acknowledging the truth of that statement, I grinned. “Yeah. I bet I will. See you then.” Turning, I headed back into the reception. Though Sin had sent me away, I knew there would be plenty of work to do and I wanted to help her get out of there. After scanning the room for less than a minute, I found her. Sin always did stand out in a crowd. Walking over to her, I smiled.

“Hey, you’re wet,” she noted. “Where did you go?”

“Long story.” Then I noticed she was wiping away a tear. “Hey, you’re crying. What happened?”

“I’m not crying.” She insisted. “It’s just happiness leaking out. I called the hospital.” She paused for a moment and looked at me. Clearly, I was supposed to question her.

“Spit it out!” Sometimes her flair for the dramatic frustrated the hell out of me.

Laughing, she wiped more tears away before saying, “The twins can come home tomorrow.”

“Awesome. So, are we picking them up at midnight?” I teased.

Shaking her head, she announced, “We’ll pick them up at nine. Please tell me you’ll come.”

Shrugging, I pretended to consider her request. “Duh. Like I’d miss that. I’ll be the one behind the camera.” Looking around the room once more, I realized that most everyone had finally left. “What can I do to help you get to bed faster?” I asked.

“Nothing,” she said. “Ben has people to take care of all the clean up. It’s less detail oriented than the set up. I’m just waiting to get the parting shots of the happy couple, then I’m out of here.”

“Want me to wait for you?”

“Nah. Ben will drive me back. I’ll meet you out by the pool. We have some gossiping to do.” She winked at me.

“Okay.” With that settled, I bounded toward the door. For some reason, I was giddy. Naturally, Sin picked right up on it.

“You seem happy. Good time with Mac?” One eyebrow rose in expectation.

“Eh,” I responded non-committally. “I’m just excited about driving the golf cart back.

“Yeah. I’m sure that’s it.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Giggling, I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, for everything,” I managed. Then I bounced out the door without looking back, just like Sin had taught me. Of course, when she did it, it looked more like a sashay. For me it was more like a kid clomping around in cowboy boots. There was nothing alluring about it.

I hopped in the cart just outside the door and drove back to the house. It didn’t take long, just enough time for me to recall the events of the evening with Mac. For some reason, I had felt compelled to kiss him on the cheek. He was friendly, but he didn’t try anything. Hell, I didn’t think he even checked me out. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me in the least. Maybe I misread him on the dance floor.

After I put the keys to the golf cart on the rack by the garage door, I trudged up the steps to the guest bedroom. Sure, Sin had said she wanted to talk, but clearly there was nothing to talk about. We were going away for a week, but it wasn’t like we were going away for a week
together
. Immediately, my hopes for overcoming my fears were diminished, and my dream of a baby shriveled up and died. Closing the door behind me, I started undressing. Naked once more, I walked into the guest bathroom and studied my body as objectively as possible.

Sin was curvy and perfect. I was built like a fourteen-year-old boy. No wonder Mac hadn’t made a move. He was probably used to hot chicks. Short of implants, there was little I could do about that now. And it wasn’t like I had time to get implants before the trip. Damn, when had I turned all girly and started caring about my appearance, worrying over men finding me attractive? Only it wasn’t about men, it was Mac. He was totally different.

A few short hours later, Sin was knocking lightly on my door. When I failed to answer, she turned the handle and opened the door a crack. The light from the hall made its way to the bed, spreading over my torso. Then she whispered my name. I heard her, but pretended to be asleep. At the moment, I wasn’t in the mood for talking. My soft pink underbelly was showing and though I could count on her to build me up, I didn’t want it. Right now, I was determined to wallow. A night of misery was just what I needed to toughen me up before the big trip.

*  *  *

The next morning, I made my way down the stairs, duffle bag in hand, packed and ready to go. Setting it by the door, I headed out to the patio to look for Sin. She was already dressed and looking fabulous. At the moment, she and Ben seemed to be enjoying their last hours of couple-hood. It almost pained me to join them, but before I could get away, she saw me standing at the door.

“Get out here,” she demanded. “Grab a drink and a plate.” She gestured to the morning buffet Lucy had set out. “Then we need to talk about last night before we go get the babies.”

“God, you’re bossy,” I complained as I sat down at the table empty handed.

“Well, it’s not like you listen to me,” she said while glaring at me. Turning to Ben, she added, “If our kids grow up and treat me like this…”

“They won’t. They will love and respect you for the amazing woman, loving wife and devoted mother that you are.” Ben kissed her adoringly on the forehead. Sin leaned into him and snuggled under his chin while I looked on.

Fuck. I still wanted that. A few words and a kiss and he had balanced her out once more. There was something to be said for finding one’s true love. I was twenty-nine years old and no closer to finding mine than I was when I exited the womb.

“I’m going to drive separately and leave from the hospital,” I warned them. “I have a lot to do before I head out of town for a week.”

“Now be sure to call me just as soon as you check in.” Sin picked up a piece of toast after giving me yet another order.

“You’ve got this mothering thing down. Thank goodness for the twins. Once you’re busy with them, you can start to lay off me,” I commented.

Shaking her head, she said, “I’m afraid not. There’s no letting off you until you are married. Someone has to take care of you.” She winked.

Looking at the time on my cell phone, I announced, “Well, it’s eight thirty am. We should be going, right?”

She started to open her mouth again, but Ben silenced her with a look and said, “Sure, just as soon as you have a bite to eat. Lucy knew you were leaving us and she made all your favorites. You’ll hurt her feelings if you don’t at least choke down a little food before we leave.”

My heart sank. Man, Ben really knew how to get to me. “You suck,” I grumbled. Then I stood and walked to the chafing dishes. Picking up a plate, I began to load it, powerless against the crab cake benedict she had prepared, with extra hollandaise. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see them smiling and congratulating themselves. “Yeah, as parents you will definitely pack the one two punch. Geesh. That wasn’t even fair,” I complained.

Then I sat down to eat, confident it would be my last meal before the one I enjoyed with Mac prior to boarding. At the moment, food had lost its flavor. My nerves had kicked in. I could barely concentrate. Honestly, I just wanted to get away from them and all their happiness. It was too much, made me too acutely aware of what I was missing.

An hour later at the hospital I felt no better. Sure my stomach was full, but that just meant there was food to lose while it was churning. Luckily, I had a task to focus on. While Sin and Ben dressed the twins and gathered their belongings, I took pictures. Somehow, I had managed to capture all those adoring looks and so much love. My heart absolutely ached. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled for Sin. She and Ben were a perfect match. The more time I spent with them, the more convinced I became that I would never find that. It had to be rare.

We headed down the elevator to the lobby area. Ben went to pull up the vehicle while we waited. “I can’t believe this is my life sometimes,” Sin confided in me. “I look at these amazing babies and can’t understand how anything so perfect came out of me. I spend time alone with Ben and I wonder what I ever did to win the love of such a devoted and affectionate man. Oh, Jolie, hug me!” Then, before I could agree, she wrapped her arms around me. We hugged a moment and I was pretty sure we were both crying when Ben returned.

“What? I can’t leave you two alone for a moment. Did you not get the memo? This is a joyous occasion.” He hugged his wife to his chest. “I love you, Sin. Thank you for making me a daddy and a husband. I couldn’t have this life with anyone but you.”

Hearing his heartfelt words only made me cry harder. Apparently it had the same effect on Sin. She was struggling to keep the happiness leakage under control. Ben reached over and lifted one car seat at a time, snapping them into place in the SUV.

Finally, after they loaded the babies in the car, and I had taken shots of them waving as they drove away, I headed to my vehicle. This was going to be a long day. I had almost seven hours to kill before Mac arrived and only an hour of laundry to do. With all these years of experience, I could pack in my sleep. What the hell was I going to do with myself?

The answer seemed obvious. I played the game I had started most recently.
What would Sin do?
She didn’t freak out. She knew how to relax. Most importantly, Sin always looked fabulous. Since I was going away with a man for the first time
ever
, I wanted to look the part. As soon as I reached my apartment, I dragged my bag into the bedroom, emptied it, and started that load of laundry. Once that was done, I sat back in the lounge chair and started researching spas.

There had to be at least one local place that could take me last minute and keep me occupied for the remainder of the day. Maybe I could find some beauty products. Certainly, there was nothing wrong with me that an afternoon of pampering and relaxing couldn’t fix, right? Seriously, even I had doubts. Worse, I had no idea where to look, where to begin. Sin had always done this for us. Mostly, she knew I wasn’t really into it. Spas were her thing. I didn’t know how to relax. My habit had always been to work until I crashed. I’d sleep as long as my body needed, then I’d wake up. It was my standard cycle.

Lately I had been working myself until I dropped. The flex hours at work allowed for that nicely. Only now, it seemed like it wasn’t enough. I needed that change. So I looked up Living Social in San Francisco. Of course, I had to create a damn account because I’d never had one before, but it was the only way I knew to find some spas. The first place on there was Zazen. It showed a woman floating in water. That was the entire therapy, just floating in ten inches of water. I didn’t have a private pool at the moment. It might be nice to float around for sixty minutes and just relax.

Punching the numbers into my phone, I decided to check for the availability. There was one spot left late in the afternoon. “What other spa services do you offer?” I asked. “Can I get a facial or a mani and pedi?”

“No,” a woman calmly explained. Clearly, she had this whole Zen thing down. “We offer yoga, acupuncture, and meditation.”

I tried to picture myself a human pincushion and simply couldn’t. “Maybe some other time. Thank you.” Then I hung up.

The next place I called was Organic Bliss. While I didn’t care if my products were all natural or chemical, I did like the use of the word ‘bliss.’ At the moment, I wanted more bliss in my life. This time, I visited the website in advance. They offered everything I wanted.

“I don’t suppose you have time for a Royale treatment today?” I asked. After the last letdown, I was starting to feel desperate.

“Actually, we do. If you can be here by eleven am, we can have you done by four in the afternoon. Will that work?” She seemed perkier and less serene. This was the place.

“Sign me up!” I chirped. Her mood was apparently contagious.

After throwing my clothes in the dryer, I packed my toiletries and pulled out my traveling outfit. We’d be flying overnight. It was all about comfort. Grabbing a maxi skirt in lavender and a black tank from the closet, I laid them on the bed and turned my attention to the suitcase and carry on. Before long, all my electronics and power cords were in the smaller bag and a whole lot of fun clothes were in the suitcase. After all, there were theme nights. I was determined that Mac would have eyes for no other woman. For some reason, that was more important to me than anything. Just once, I wanted to feel like enough.

With the packing mostly accomplished, aside from a few items I’d add from the dryer when I returned, I was ready for my spa day. Just knowing that I was going to the spa made me feel absolutely decadent. It just seemed strange going without Sin. When she called while I was en route, I felt particularly guilty.

“Whatcha doing?” she asked. From the sound of her voice, I could picture her curled up on her bed.

“I’m taking a little time for myself before I leave tonight. I just really needed a distraction. Lately, I don’t even know what to do. I’m ready to climb out of my skin half the time.” I blathered on, careful to never truly answer her question.