Heavy Hearts (25 page)

"Lucy! Where have you been? Suzette is pissed at you." Kerri Johnson, a cheerleader from Suzette's school, whines at me. She is not the type of person I would catch myself with.
Bleached hair, big boobs, and just a little too much air between her ears. The only reason she's a bridesmaid is because aside from me Suzette doesn't have many female friends in her life. Kerri is the girlfriend of one of Adam's football friends so she knows her well enough and figured why not.

"Pissed?"

"Just c'mon" she says, grabbing me forcefully around the wrist and pulling me down the steps.

"Oh hey Luce.
We ready to rock this thing?" Suzette says as she holds up her left hand displaying devil horns and sticking out her tongue; while her right hand struggles to hold the large white and pink bouquet of tulips and roses.

"Yeah, of course.
Everyone's in place... are you okay? Kerri said you were pissed," I question. Puzzled by her insanely good mood and relaxed tone of voice.

"
Pssssh, yeah. I was, but then I realized I'm getting married! So come on. Let's go!"

I let it go. I don't even need to know why, just as long as she's happy and ready now.

****

The ceremony was beautiful, but long. I am happy to be out of the stuffy church, done with the thousands of pictures and various poses the photographers had us in, and glad to be on our way to the reception; which happens to be on a boat.

"Sorry you had to just stand around while we took all those photos." I whisper to Malcolm in the limo. Everyone else is pre-gaming with the mini bar neatly tucked in between some seats, but I curl up next to Malcolm and close my eyes. It has been a long day already, and it is only five after seven. We still have all night long on the boat.

"No worries. I enjoyed it. Watching you pose." He kisses me on the top of my head and leans down closer to my ear. "Don't tell anyone I told you," he says in a seductive tone. "But you were even more beautiful than the bride."

"Oh hush! I was not." I blush. Warmth beginning in the pit of my stomach and spreading all over my body as the thought runs through my mind.

"It's true," he whispers softer and his warm breath in my ear makes me shudder; but only in the best of ways. I feel the warmth trickle down below my pelvis and I know that there is no way I can resist him. It's a good thing the limo is full, and an especially good thing that Simon is only six feet away. Had we been alone right now I would give myself to him. Especially when his soft fingertips begin to brush the naked parts of my thigh. I smile, but then sit up immediately like a prairie dog alerting its pack of danger. I can't let this happen. Not in front of Simon. I smile to Malcolm so he doesn't think there's anything wrong and I grab a glass of champagne that someone hands to me.

The dinner is delicious and the boat comes to life when the DJ begins to spin. It's a fantastic reception to follow a spectacular ceremony and the looks on Adam's and Suzette's faces tell me they agree.

After a few glasses of champagne, and some celebratory shots of tequila, I'm feeling quite inebriated and I'm not really sure where my inhibitions went off to. Probably off the side of the boat along with the steak dinner that one of the beefy football players was purging of.

Between the music, the dancing, the entire atmosphere, (and the drinks of course) I am feeling quite inclined to satisfy that feeling that Malcolm gave me in the limo. Only he is nowhere to be found.

"Have you seen Malcolm?" I shout in Suzette's ear as we dance to "Hot in Here" by Nelly; her back to my front.

"No sweetie. What am I not a good enough dance partner?" She yells back, shaking her butt vigorously into me; causing me to burst into laughter, and then I forget all about why I needed him and I continue to tear it up.

A slow song comes on and Adam grabs his new wife in a loving embrace. Mouthing the word "sorry" to me as he twirls her into him. I smile warmly.

"May I have this dance?" A sultry British voice whispers into my ear.

"Well, since I haven't been able to find my date in a while... I suppose" and I grab Simon's hand.

He's not the best ballroom dancer, so we sway side to side holding each other close. He twirls me every time he sees Adam twirl Suzette and they exchange winks. I know Adam wants me to settle down with Simon, and I suspect Suzette feels the same - though she would never voice it. Sometimes when I'm with him that's all I want to do as well, but it's not that simple.

"Having fun?" I ask. Although the words may not have come out as smoothly as they did in my head.

He laughs.
"Loads."

"Good."

"Where's the ever so handsome Malcolm?" He asks with a snobbish mockery.

"You know, I'm not sure. He was here one minute dancing with me and then he went to the bathroom and I haven't seen him."

"Maybe he's dropping the children off at the pool." Simon laughs.

"Please... don't be gross." I'm not amused.

"Well in any case. I'll take full advantage of his absence if it means I get to dance with you."

"
Mmmm yes, well I'm sure he'll be back any moment and you might want to watch out. He's being possessive today." I blurt out.

"Is that so?" His eyes light up as if he's just found out some game winning tips. "So he'd probably be a little upset if he saw me doing this?" He brushes a loose strand of hair away from my sweaty face and tucks it behind my ear.

"Nope, he's not gonna like that," I slur.

"So then this is definitely out of the question," and in an instant we're kissing. He kisses me with the same passion and lust he always kisses me with but this time there is something different. There is a savoring to it, like this will be his last kiss ever and he knows it. I want to pull away, I want to tell him this isn't fair, I want to not enjoy it as much as I am, but I can't do any of those things. I surrender to his lips, but just as soon as I give up he is torn away. 

This evening events have me worked into a daze, so it takes me a minute to realize that Malcolm is holding Simon by the collar. I see Simon’s thick glasses have been knocked to the floor and I bend to get them. People are gawking.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Malcolm growls.

“Alright mate, let’s take it easy.” Simon pleads. I know Malcolm would beat Simon into a pulp if I let him go for it. Simon is amazing, but brute strength isn’t something he possesses.

“Boys!”
I shout. The blurry tumbling thoughts rolling around in my head are beginning to clear. “Guys, c’mon. This is a wedding! Let’s not fight. Malcolm,” I grab ahold of his arm that he's holding on to with a very tightly clenched fist. “Malcolm please, drop him. Let’s go somewhere for a second.” I plead.

“You’re lucky she’s here to defend you.” He snaps, but releases Simon from his grip.

I hand his glasses back to him and whisper “I told you…” before turning away with Malcolm.

Now, I’m not one to condone violence, and I definitely don’t think highly of what Malcolm just did. Having said that I don’t condone Simon’s egging him on with his behavior.
So complicated.

I take Malcolm to one of the less used bathrooms on the other side of the ship. Let’s keep in mind here that I’m still quite drunk and can only be held slightly responsible for my actions.

I’ve never had men fight over me before, and the newfound liquid courage has me enjoying this. I know I’ll feel ashamed once I am sober, but until then something deeply seeded inside me takes over and I cannot stop it.

I close the bathroom door behind me and lock the door. I don’t even speak or hesitate to take what I want as I unzip my dress and let it fall to my feet. I kick off my heels and slink over to Malcolm who looks stunned. I’m sure he was expecting a fight from me and not… well, my half naked body flushed up against him.

“Lucy?” He whispers, but I don’t let him speak anymore. I kiss him with that fiery passion. I kiss him like I’m kissing my knight in shining armor; as if he’s just saved me from being eaten alive by a fire breathing dragon. Of course this isn’t the case, but something inside of me tells me I need to reward my hero.

“Don’t talk. Just strip.” I seductively say, or at least I hope I sound seductive and not just like the sloppy drunk that I am at this moment. I tug at his bow tie and claw at the buttons on his vest. There is too much work to removing a tuxedo and it’s not going fast enough for my wanting body.

He trails kisses down my neck as he kicks off his slacks. Before I can change my mind I let my body do the controlling and turn my inebriated brain off for the rest of the evening. Being with Malcolm for the first time was almost like being with anyone for the first time; just without the painfulness that came along with breaking your virginity.

“Oh Malcolm,” I whimper. Pulling him into me and clawing at his back. I can’t seem to get enough of him. I’m slightly relieved to know that we can connect on more than just an emotional level. Sex is an important thing in my life,
and Malcolm sure does deliver.

Chapter 32

I wake up the next morning in a strange bed.
An extremely comfortable, yet still strange bed. The sheets smell like sweat and sex, and I’m naked. I sit up in the unknown bed, but I’m alone. My head is pounding; no doubt from the excessive drinking I partook in.

I look around and try to take in my surrounding without wincing in pain. I’m in a hotel room. It’s pretty safe to say that I have to be in Malcolm’s room at The Hilton. I hope.

The memories from the reception come flooding back to me. Simons kiss, the too-close-for-comfort near-fight between him and Malcolm, bathroom sex, car sex, and hotel room sex. Suffice it to say there was a lot of sex in my evening and I smile briefly thinking about it, but then I feel sick. What am I doing? Like seriously, what the fuck am I doing?

I need to figure all this out before I see any of these men again. I don’t have the energy to play around in this crazy love square I’m trapped in. And there’s no doubt that the boys would agree.

I hear Malcolm in the shower, so now is my chance. I quickly sprawl some sloppy words on the hotel notepad next to the phone:

Malcolm, I’m sorry. I have to think. Don’t call me.

-
       
Lucy

I realize that this is the vaguest of messages and I consider waiting for him to get out of the shower to tell him to his face, but I’m just not that brave. Instead I slip on my dress, grab my clutch, and run out the door.

Once I breathe in the fresh air I feel a little better. My head a little clearer. I call a taxi and slump into the backseat. My mind milling over what it is I need to do. Should I make a pros and cons list for each guy? Let’s see, Malcolm:

Pro: He’s amazing in bed

Con: He’s amazing in bed with tons of women

Pro: He claims to have loved me since we were children

Con: Isn’t that a little creepy?

This doesn’t work right. No matter the pro I can find a con. There isn’t any one thing about one of them that makes them better than the others. I just need to feel it, but I feel it for all three.

Grandma Whitten is sitting at the kitchen table when I get home, and I’m nothing short of thrilled. She’s so wise I know she’ll be able to help me with this crazy situation.

“Dear, what’s the matter?” She asks.
Noting the tears in my eyes and my disheveled state. I don’t even bother to go up to my room and change, I just plop myself down in a chair and let my head fall to the table.

“Well, I guess we can start with the fact that I have a tremendous headache
cause a certain groom was feeding tequila shots to the wedding party.” I mumble.

“Yes, here drink this,” she hands me a hot cup of chamomile tea. “Then tell me what has you so eaten up. I know it isn’t just a hangover my dear. An underage hangover might I add.” She winks at me. Sometimes I forget about the drinking laws considering
everyone in my family drinks. I’ve been drinking at social functions since I was seventeen.

“It’s a long story g
randma, and I’m afraid I’m going to have to tell you the whole story."

“Well I’ll make another pot of tea and throw in some cookies.”

By the time I reach the end of my story we’ve been joined by Kathleen and Cassie. I figure the more estrogen we bring in on this the better. I’m even more thrilled when Kip joins in. A male’s perspective would be a nice touch. The four of us nibble on oatmeal raisin cookies and sip our tea as I spill the last few years of my love life all over the place.

"Well, who has the biggest dick?"
Utters my youngest cousin Cassie. We all turn to her, jaws dropped, and scold her for her language.

"Cassie!" the four of us
chime in at once.

"What? It's a legitimate question." She defends.
Lowering her head in her hands on the flat surface of the Maplewood table.

"Not really. First off it's not any of the family's business and second that's not going to be a deciding factor on the rest of my love life." I retort. Thinking about it though, the answer would be Malcolm.
Definitely Malcolm.