Heavy Hearts (28 page)

That last face I saw right before we hit the water was Simon’s beautifully handcrafted British god-like face smiling at me with his crooked grin; his glasses being pushed up as his smile widened and his cheeks fattened. That hurt me the most. The thought of leaving Simon behind was a worse thought than death itself. I loved him. I love him, and I will continue to love him and only him for the rest of my life.

I told Malcolm all about it. Hoping to ease the rejection a little if he knew what Simon truly meant to me. He left me breathless to the point of nearly drowning, and I remembered welcoming the feeling as I saw his face one more time before I passed out under the water.

“Yeah, I had the feeling when you were crying his name in your sleep,” he shrugged his shoulders and stared at me wounded.

“Malcolm, I…”

“There’s no need to explain any further. Trying to win you over is what got you here in the first place. I can’t stop you from wanting what you want.” He took my unharmed hand in his and kissed my knuckles lightly. “It’s okay.”

“I appreciate you being so calm about this and not…” I paused, trying to think of the right word.

“And not what? A psychopath who tries to kill you? No, that’s not my style. Plus, you’d never catch me in a pickup truck. Ever.” He smiled wide revealing his pearly white teeth. Relief rushed through me.

“Yeah, something
like that.” I giggled back.

Since Malcolm left that day, and hasn’t come back since, I haven’t had many visitors. Grandma gets here when she can, but her summers are filled with social event after social event.
She’s not the one I really want to see anyway. Whom I’m longing for is across the pond back in his home probably getting along just fine without me.

I’m finally being released from the hospital though, so there’s a plus right there.

I have to walk on crutches, which is hard with a broken arm, but I get the hang of it soon. The full extent of my injuries are as follows:

1.    
   A broken left arm
   
2.   
   A broken right leg, broken in four different spots I might add
   
3.   
   Three bruised ribs
   
4.   
   An almost entirely black and blue body
   
5.   
   And a fractured collarbone
   

It is painful to say the least.

When Kip helps me into the house I walk into a decorated living room complete with a pink and white banner that reads “Welcome Home Lucy”. My whole family complete with all my aunts and uncles and their kids, even my smiling mother and father, beam with happiness as I walk through the door. I know it’s fake, but I take it all in anyways. I’m passed around the room for hugs and the last hug I get is from a Malcolm. I’m stunned at first, not sure how I feel about seeing him so soon again after our talk, but then I’m happy. I think if I can keep a friendship with anyone it would be Malcolm. After all we were such good friends as kids. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” I tell him and use him to steady myself as I give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Good, I was worried you’d be upset, and I wasn’t sure if Simon would be here.” He is still unaware of the letter I have received. He doesn’t know that I let him go, but I still am not with Simon like I wanted. I tried calling Simon once or twice but there was no answer and I’m not about pestering.

“Yeah, about that.
Simon’s gone. He left before I even had a chance to tell him.” I brace myself for backlash.

“What are you waiting for? You need to go to him!” Malcolm beams. He seems more gung ho about this plan that I could ever be. Go to him?

“What am I supposed to do? Hobble onto a plane and jet set off to London to find a man that may or may not want me?”

“Yes!” I’m shocked by his enthusiasm. “Trust me
Lucy, he’s going to want you. He won’t reject you. You didn’t see his face the night you were lying in that hospital bed unconscious. I did. It was a look of desperate never dying love. I tried to tell myself that you may still have feelings for me and only me, but I knew from that very look on his face that he was going to be the one for you. You’re very own pasty white British prince charming. Now you have to go.” His speech leaves me breathless once again. Breathless for Simon.

“Kathleen?” Malcolm hollers over everyone’s chatter.

“Yes?” 

“Go pack Lucy a bag. Pack for London in summer, Kip go pull that car around again, we’re going to need it.” Malcolm’s new take charge attitude about me and my love life is making me hot, but I quickly shake those images and thoughts of him naked and on top of me out of my head and focus on his crazy task at hand.

“Malcolm? Are you crazy?” I frantically press.

“No Lucy, I’m determined. I’m not the one for you and that’s fine, I’ve accepted it, but I still want to see you happier than anyone I know and this is how. You can’t just shrug him off like he’s nothing.” He sighs.
“You stubborn little girl. Just listen to me please. My jet is all gassed up and ready to jet set you off to London where you can hobble around and find your true love.” He finishes with a toothy grin. His happiness is genuine and it warms me. How could I say no?

Chapter 37

I do just as Malcolm says and board his classy lavish jet to go find Simon. To find my happiness in the one man that I can say I honestly love with all my heart and more. The butterflies that call my stomach their home are doing back flips as I try and relax in the oversized leather chair in the quiet jet. I’m all alone. Aside from the pilots in the cockpit and the one stewardess who checks on me every hour or so. The flight is nearly eight hours long and I will time to move faster but have no luck. It’s been three and a half hours and I feel like the walls of the roomy plane are closing in on me even though I have enough room to perform full on tumbling stunts and some intense yoga if necessary. But all I can think about is the fact that Simon may reject me… my stupid girl brain just will not shut off.

I’ve never even been as nervous as I am right now getting ready to ring Simon’s doorbell and confess my unconditional love for him hoping and praying he won’t slam the door in my face. Naturally he’s not home. Because why would my luck be any better? Maybe I don’t deserve what I think I do. Maybe I’m not supposed to be happy. The butterflies speed up.

I want to call his cell, but I also want me being here to be a surprise, so I sit down on the steps to his building and pull out one of my many read worn out Jane Austen books or I daydream as I think about our reunion and I can’t wait for him to get home, but he never does.

I came here in such a whirlwind and with no thoughts of any of this possibly happening so I didn’t make any arrangements for a hotel. I think about all the places that he could be right now, but I’m too insecure about whether or not he’ll be happy I’m here or not and if he happens to be with friends at the bar or God forbid on a date I wouldn’t be able to ever show my face to anyone again; even if they didn’t know the whole embarrassing story. So I pull up hotels on my smart phone and hope that I can find one at such short notice. Preferably one not located in a back alley. After calling three hotels I finally have luck and summon a cab to take me there. Telling myself I will try again with Simon tomorrow. Or maybe I’ll just give in and call him.

I hobble on my crutches up to my hotel room feeling defeated. I stare at my phone debating on whether or not to officially decide to call him or not, but I just can’t make my fingers dial. So it rings for me.

“Hello?!” I say eagerly. Thinking it might be Simon. Thinking he might be hearing the brain waves I’m sending through the city willing him to come to me.

“Hey! How’d it go?” Malcolm booms through the receiver. I’m disappointed it isn’t Simon, not that he would know to call me, but I’m also happy it’s Malcolm.

“He’s not home. I don’t know where he is. I got a hotel room and I’m going to sleep off this jet lag and go back in the morning. Thank you for everything Malcolm.”

“Did you call him?”

“Uhm. No.” But even I can’t think of a good enough reason not to have called him because really there isn’t one. I’m just being a chicken.

“That might be something you want to try…”

“Maybe.
I’m pretty tired right now.” I lie.

“Okay. You got a good hotel right? I can call and get you a penthouse suite somewhere. Just say the word.” He offers.

“Not necessary, but thank you. I got a very nice and accommodating room at The Landmark. It’s beautiful.” I assure him warmly. “I’m going to rest now. I’ll text you tomorrow.” He wishes me luck again and we hang up.

I can’t be as unlucky as I was today tomorrow. I just can’t be. This place is big, but how many places could he actually be? And plus… he has to return home eventually. But what if I can’t find him?

I nod off and dream of Simon. They are the sweetest of dreams that leave me crying in my sleep.

Chapter 38

Hours of steamy dreaming later I wake to a gentle touch on my face. Thinking for a moment that I’m still dreaming I embrace the touch and let out a low throaty moan. Then I realize I’m awake and why is there someone in my room?!

My eyelids snap open and I sit up in an instant ready to kick and punch whatever body parts I need to.

“
Woah there.” Simon says holding up his hands in surrender.

“Simon?!”
I yelp and without hesitation throw my arms around him and I just can’t help but burst into tears. I bring my hot pink arm cast down a little too hard onto his back and he grunts. To have him here is overwhelming. Maybe he did hear my pleas for him to come find me. Maybe he can read my mind. Maybe he does love me like I love him.

“Oh! I’m sorry.” I pull away. He stares at me quizzically, and I return the look. But… how did he know I was here? As much as I’d like to believe that magically brain waves floated through the London night and brought him to me I know that’s not possible.

“Lucy, what are you doing here?” His brow furrows.

“I could ask you the same question, Mr.” I try and remain firm, but also light.

“I live here.”

“I mean my hotel room smart ass!” I giggle.
Always making jokes, but I love it.

“I received a phone call from that
tosser Malcolm. Who I guess is a pretty good guy.”

“Malcolm? What?” I scratch my head in confusion. Wishing I could scratch my leg under this stifling cast with the same intensity. Simons examines my broken parts and looks tormented, but he goes on.

“Yeah, he called me and said you were here looking for me. He told me how you let him down gently but didn’t tell him that I had left. He had no clue. Which surprised me.”

“I didn’t want to make him feel any worse. I already had to explain to him that I didn’t want to be with him because I was too much in love with you. How could I possibly tell him that I wasn’t going to be with you?” I try to explain though not even I understand why.

“Right. So he bribed the desk clerk to give me your room number and a key. Hence the reason I’m in your room and there is no place I’d rather be and I’m terribly sorry for leaving you yet again.” He begins to stroke my cheek again and this time I lean into it.

“So, you don’t want me to leave?” My insecurities rising higher than ever before now that he’s in front of me and all my cards are laid out on the table for him. I wonder if I’ve made a mistake.

“You don’t want to slap me around a bit for leaving you?” He asks.

“
Mmmm, a little, at first” I smirk. “I mean, your letter hurt me more than the accident did, but I understood on some level. You didn’t know that before I thought I was going to die all I could think of was you.” And for once it isn’t me who is the one crying. Simon’s eyes fill quickly and there is no stopping it. He hangs his head low and shakes with each sob. I pull his chin up to look at me and shake my head back and forth. “No, Simon, please this is good. Please don’t cry, it’s okay! I promise. I’m here, you’re here, we’re here alive and together…” and before I can go any further his lips are on mine.

Those lips that I have been dreaming about and wanting for weeks now; the same lips that showed me what real love was a little over a year ago, but ripped my heart out and stomped all over it until there was nothing left at all.

I feel alive and electric. Nothing can stop me or hurt me now because I have what I need - the thing that everyone searches for are their lives and sometimes never find. I have my one true-unquestionably-stunning-and-ever-so-matchless love. I will forever be on cloud nine and I have only one man to thank for it. Simon Basford is the one heart that I can honestly and truly love for the rest of our lives and forever after.

It’s just one single kiss but it lasts for what feels like a lifetime. No – a thousand lifetimes and in each one
we are together and we are happy.

“Does this mean you won’t kick me out of London this time?” I have to ask.

“This is a much happier place with you in it Lucy, and unfortunately you can never leave. Unless you bring a little bit of London with you… and of course I do mean myself.”

“Well of course!”

“I love you.” I kiss him again as I wipe away his remaining tears.