Heavy Hearts (27 page)

I shift in my seat and turn to Finn. His knuckles are pure white from the stronghold he has on the leather steering wheel and his gray eyes are still buggy and crazed.

“Lucy.” He says with a croak in his throat. Tears well up in his eyes as his face softens and turns to me. I crack a smile at him. I don’t know what his true intentions were before, but now we begin to slow and his look is so apologetic I just want to embrace him and tell him it’s okay. “I love you.” Is the last thing I hear out of his mouth before he once again slams on the brake and we crash through a guard rail on yet another bridge. A bridge that I had forgotten about. A bridge that is supposed to safely pass us over the delta that leads out into Seatuck Cove near Moriches Bay and the West Hampton dunes; a place my macho  male cousins visit often, but I had never been.

Time appears to be standing still as I shift back in my seat and look out the windshield at the dark water that we are about to hit. Flying through the air I have flashes of love, pain, and what could’ve been
pass through my mind. I see my family. I see my happy grandparents when they were renewing their wedding vows on their fiftieth wedding anniversary (I suppose I’ll see my grandfather soon?). My dad happy at his desk with a cigar hanging out of his mouth. Even my mom playing the piano in the loving afternoon sun. The last face I see fills me with so much joy that I feel almost alright with the death that I’m about to meet. And just as his face fades into oblivion the truck hits the water, hard, and everything goes black.

Chapter 34

I wake up in a hospital hooked up to all kinds of machines and my leg strung up high in the air. Flashes of cold water and breathless panic rush through me and I feel sick. I can’t move all that much so I lean to my side and spew what I feel is like sea water all over myself and the side of the hospital bed. My chest feels like
it's drowning all over again and I remember everything. I drowned. I’m dead, and this… this is some weird purgatory or a twisted version of heaven that I am stuck in. Stranded here to go through the pain of my death to pay for my sins?

I cry. It hurts. If this isn’t death then please, I just want to be dead. Because I don’t only remember what it felt like when I was completely submerged in the water and panicking to keep my breath held as I searched for an escape. I also remember attempting to nudge Finn awake and seeing the bones sticking out of his clearly snapped neck. I don’t want to remember this anymore. 

“Nurse!” A rugged low voice calls out. I can’t see who it is through the tears and the fog that this pain has put me in, but I’m grateful for this guardian angel who is summoning help to my side. Maybe I am in a twisted heaven, but at least I have an angel protecting me.

“Oh sweetie.
Those drugs can make you sick.” An angelic voice rings through my ears as soft hands stroke my cheek and a warm wash cloth wipes away the bile. Two angels? I am blessed.

“
Wha.. wher… wh….” I try, but I’m too exhausted to speak. I just want to let go and sleep forever if it’s possible.

“Baby girl,” the angelic voice sings. “Don’t try and talk. You’ve been through a lot. You just rest a while more and when you’re feeling up to it and all these hazy meds are out of your system we can have a good old fashioned girl chat.” She leans in closer and whispers in my ear “we can talk about Mr. Sex on a Stick over here. He’s a keeper huh?”

Malcolm.

I want to call out to him, but by the time she finishes wiping me and the sheets down I’m out again. I dream, I think, about the crash. I see the image of Finn’s cold body slumped over the steering column. I
can remember sitting in the seat next to him as the car filled with water, wondering, hoping, and praying he was still alive. But that’s when I saw the bones and screamed. I was frozen in fear for a moment or two but the water rushing into the car snapped me out of it and I knew I would suffer the same fate if I didn’t find a way out of the car.

This time when I wake up I can see a little clearer. The edges of the images projecting into my brain are fuzzy, but I can make out the dusty television that hangs in the corner of the hospital room. I can see the machines that I’m hooked up to and the IV’s leading straight into my overly sensitive veins. My right leg is in a thick white cast and floating almost two feet off the bed by a sling that hangs down from the ceiling. My left arm is also in a cast, this one pink.

I feel around next to my bed for the controls so I can prop the bed up. I’m almost completely flat so I can’t see much of the rest of the room. The bed slowly climbs up and Malcolm comes into view. Sweet, loving, and too-much-man-for-any-girl-to-handle Malcolm. My heart warms as he sleeps in what I’m sure is an extremely uncomfortable hospital chair. His arms crossed and his head slunk down low. Finn’s broken neck flashes in my mind once more and I begin to cry a heavy uncontrollable bawl. Finn is dead, and it’s my fault… yet I’m still alive?

“Oh Lucy,” my sobs wake Malcolm and he’s quick to be at my side. The tears push forward harder and it hurts. It hurts so much more when he touches me because I know I’m going to have to tell him what happened, and I can’t leave any important details out. No matter how difficult it is.

“Shhhh.” He coos in my ear as he presses the button to summon my angelic nurse back to the room. He tries to hold me without harming my badly bruised beat-up body, but it’s difficult for him so he just settles with stroking my greased hair and kissing my forehead repeatedly.

“Aw honey, I know. I know.
Shhh.” The petite red headed nurse with the bright green eyes and the golden voice walks into the room and is quick to comfort me at my side. She is able to get me calmed as she injects something into one of the tubes running into my right hand. “This will not make you nauseous again, or sleepy, but it will get you feeling relaxed a bit. I know you’re very upset right now hon, but if you could just tell me what your pain level is at on a scale from 1 to 10.” She’s too sweet I feel I have to oblige, no matter how much I want to tell her to shove it.

“Five,” I sniffle out between the blubbering. The pain in my body isn’t anywhere near the pain in my heart, but I know that’s not what she’s asking.

“That’s great to hear. Now,” her voice gets a little less angelic and more serious. “Are you up to speaking to some people about last night? Or should I give you a little while longer.”

“Some people?”
I wonder out loud.

“I know, it’s not ideal.
They just want to get in here while things are still fresh for you, but if you need more time I’ll tell them coppers to take a hike and come back tomorrow.” She offers.

Cops?
I’m too interested now to have her send them away. I want to know what they have to say a little more than I want to cry and sleep some more. Maybe they can tell me how I got out of the truck. I distinctly remember not being able to open the locked door, and being too weak to break any windows. I remember floating in the cab of the truck completely immersed in salty water that stung as it filled my lungs. I felt myself die.

“Please send them in.” I instruct. Wiping tears from my eyes with my good hand.

“What?!” Malcolm growls. “There’s no way she’s ready for this.” He barks at the poor nurse.

“Malcolm. Please leave her alone. I’m okay. I want to get this over with.” I curl my weak fingers around his
tight forearm with a clenched fist at the end. He looks at me and eases up. His face softening at the site of me and I feel so much love for this man at this moment.

“I’ll send them in then.” My angel looks at me. Her eyes searching mine for approval. I nod.

Two police offers sit with me, and an hour passes by as they tell me how a young teenage boy was skateboarding home when he saw the tail end of the truck bed sink underneath the water. He assumed someone had to be inside so he used the training he had gotten from his weekend job as a lifeguard and jumped in. He was able to get the little window in the back of the truck bed open and grab a hold of my hand. He pulled me up onto the shore and gave me mouth to mouth until I choked up the sea water and started breathing again. I don’t recall any of this, but I want – no need – to find this boy and thank him with every fiber of my being, and even my wallet, for saving my life.

After they explain how I am where I am I have to explain to them how I got there in the first place. I tell them about Finn being an ex who was a little off then and came back into my life clearly even more off than before. There are witnesses that say they can attest to seeing the large blue Tacoma speeding down the road toward the bridge with no hopes of slowing down. So they don’t have any intentions of making a case out of this. Especially since Finn had no family to speak of so he had no one to fight for him. My thoughts turn to Mary and Mr. Collins. They’ll be heartbroken.

“I know what I saw, but what was his cause of death? Did he feel it?” I ask. The two of them look at me like I’m insane for asking but I can’t help it. I’m alive, and yes he tried to kill me, but that one part of me still loves him and always will. He was sick. I know I shouldn’t make excuses for him, but I just… I just can’t help it.

“
Uhhhm er.. broken neck upon impact,” the chubby officer finally spills. “He died instantly, so to answer your question, no he didn’t feel it.” I smile.

“Well, thank you for your time Ms. Whitten. Hope you’re feeling better soon then.” The tall slender officer says as he stands. They exit the room and my sweet nurse tots back in with Malcolm.

“How are you babe?” Malcolm asks. His eyes are sunken in and his face looks worn, but he still glows a beautiful glow that only Malcolm Abrams has; making him irresistible to any woman.

“I’m, uh, I’m okay.
Considering everything.” I offer with a weak smile. I’m lying, and I really hope he can’t see that. I have a hard question to ask him. One that I’d rather ask when we are alone again, but Sarah (my nurse, I finally read her nametag) sticks around for a while.

Three hours pass, and in and out family goes from my room, all the while Malcolm staying firmly planted by my side. Grandma Sally comes with Cassie, Kathleen and Kip. They feel awful for not doing more that afternoon, but what could they have done? My parents even made the trip in to see me; although they don’t stay long.

“You’re in great care dear, this hospital is practically a spa.” She says as she blows kisses at me and pushes my father out the door. I don’t know what my ordeal has interrupted them from, but clearly it’s more important. Malcolm grunts and groans about how my parents need a lesson in what it means to have a daughter.

“Alright handsome.
Visiting hours are over.” Sarah comes in the room with a firm hand and pushes Malcolm out the door, but not before he gives me a long wet kiss, bruising my lips in the process. He hasn’t kissed me since the night of the wedding, and I did miss it. I guess my question for him would have to wait since we never had a proper moment alone.

“I’ll be back tomorrow at six am,” he says stroking my reddened cheek with the pad of his titillating thumb.

“Okay.” I whisper as he heads toward the door, and then I’m alone.

Chapter 35

“Sarah?” I ask when she comes back into the room with a fresh IV bag.

“Yeah sweetheart?”

“Has an adorably handsome British man been by?”

“Simon?” Hearing her say his name brings me to life.

“Yes!” I almost shout too loud.

“Hehe, yeah” she giggles at my excitement, but then her face turns bleak. “Uh, yeah. I mean… he was here the first night, when you were still in the recovery room and asleep.”

“Uh-huh…” I urge her to go on.

“Well, he gave me something for you if you asked about him. He was so torn up about your state. He said he couldn’t stand to watch you like this and said it was better this way.” Her words hit me harder than the truck hit that water.

“What?!”
Is all I can manage.

“Here.” She finishes fiddling with the bag of saline for my IV and then pulls a crisp white envelope out of the back pocket of her scrubs. I remember seeing this hang off her butt and wondering what it was, but I never imagined it was something for me. I open it frantically and she leaves me be. She’s a sweet girl, but I have no doubt in my mind that she was nosey and read the letter enclosed in this hospital envelope. It reads:

              Dear Lucy,

I’m terribly sorry for what has happened. I can’t help but feel partially responsible. You mean everything to me and I wouldn’t be able to handle life
anymore if you weren’t in it; even if you’re not with me. Although, you’ll always be mine even if you’re not here in my arms. I will love you forever Lucy Whitten, which is why I have to leave. I can’t put you through any of this bullshit anymore. Malcolm will take care of you, I know he will. He’s a good bloke. It’s better this way… I think.

Love forever and ever,

              Simon

And that’s it.

Chapter 36

It’s been two weeks since the accident. Two weeks since Finn’s death. Two weeks since I broke Malcolm’s heart almost as badly as Simon and Finn broke mine.

“I’m sorry Malcolm.” I said to him as he sat in that same hospital chair he had slept in overnight until I woke up. His head hung low in his hands which rested on his knees. I couldn’t tell if he was crying, but I know I was. I didn’t want to tell Malcolm we couldn’t be together. I laid in bed crying alone for hours after reading Simon’s letter to me wondering what to do next. My intentions since the moment I realized I wasn’t dead was to find Simon and never ever let him go again.