Heavy Issues (26 page)

He shook his head. “No, I want it all.”

Her heart all but stopped. She wanted to hug him and burrow into him, but she forced herself not to.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said, his voice thick with defeat. “I want to, pretty fucking badly.”

She narrowed her eyes on his face, trying to see him. “Turn the light on, Cole. It’s too dark here.”

“Why? Darkness has never bothered you before.”

“Because now it’s you who’s hiding from me. I want to see your face. Your eyes.” The man could hardly say
relationship
out loud. He was asking to date her, and at the same time his voice sounded as if he were being forced to walk the plank or face a firing squad. Could he blame her for doubting? She needed to see his face. She wanted so much from him, but she couldn’t risk misunderstanding his words out of sheer desire that he wanted what she did.

He breathed out loud but turned the lights on. The second she focused on him, she gasped. His face was stormy, his eyes fierce, and he was bleeding from the corner of his lip. Then she realized what the metallic taste in her mouth was. It was his blood. She’d bitten him while coming.

“You’re bleeding, Cole,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

He didn’t move an inch. He stared at her, his face so close their noses were almost touching. “Forget it. I like you marking me. Now let’s have this conversation your way, in bright light. Look into my eyes. I want to have a relationship with you. Not only sex. I want the dating.”

“Missing your little uncomplicated decoy dates?”

He brought his hand to her lips. “Christy, there’s nothing uncomplicated about the way you make me feel. I don’t need decoy dates. I need you.”

“With the strings?”

He nodded. “I want the right to spend time with you, not only fuck you. I want the right to stay for breakfast. And I want you bareback.”

“Ah, so this all boils down to sex.”

“Everything boils down to sex, honey. Always. My drive to fuck you is huge, don’t be mistaken, but this is more.”

“More?”

He nodded but didn’t reply. She doubted he could put in words what that “more” was, so she decided to cut him some slack.

“Are you sure you want to—how did you put it that day in your kitchen?—put up with the aggravation and the tedious job of keeping a female happy?” she asked, throwing his words back at him.

“Smart-ass,” he hissed.

“The fights?” she continued, ignoring him. “The expectations? The crying? The nagging? Walking on eggshells all the time? Remembering dates? Having to express your feelings?”

Cole looked downright pained. He was doing his best not to grimace, but he wasn’t succeeding.

She laughed softly. “You’re asking to date me, and at the same time you’re grimacing at the prospect.”

He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not grimacing at the prospect of dating you, love. I’m grimacing at the prospect of…hell, I don’t know, Christy. I’m just out of my depth in a relationship. I’m liable to fuck it up in five minutes. Faster than that probably.” He watched her through vulnerable eyes now, and he looked lost. “I’ve been miserable without you.”

His lips were set in a grim line, as if his admission was a shameful weakness he should be horrified by. Tenderness swelled painfully inside her chest.

“You had me,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “No, I didn’t. You were available for me to fuck. That was all.”

“That was all you wanted,” she reminded him softly. “You even stopped talking to me.”

His jaw pulsed. “I’ve been a fool. I thought it’d be easier like this, but it wasn’t.” He let out a long breath. “I’ve missed you, Christy. So fucking much.”

She looked at his wary expression. It occurred to her that even if she was pinned to the door, with his dick still shoved deep inside her, her pussy flooding with his cum and her wrists bound with his belt, she was the one with all the power in the situation. He was terrified about fucking this up. Of being hurt too.

Christy tugged at her wrists. “Untie me.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking somehow abashed, as if he’d forgotten he was keeping her restrained.

Holding her body against the door with his hips, he unclasped the belt and released her hands. He massaged her wrists, soothed the redness with his thumbs. And then he brought them to his lips and kissed them with a tenderness that brought tears to her eyes.

What was it about him that got to her? She had no clue. He was bossy and arrogant to a fault. Distant. Expected to be obeyed. He was a control freak who needed to call the shots 24-7, power-tripping all the time. Getting him to express emotions was almost an impossible feat. Yet she felt so attracted to him, as if his insides talked directly to her. As if she knew him. Truly knew him. Which was crazy because Cole went to excruciating pains not to reveal too much of himself. He was very private with his life—very protective and wary of women intruding. Him going mushy on her? Not happening. That kiss to her wrists and this grimace on his face were as close to a declaration of feelings as she would get from Cole.

“So?” he asked insistently, his gaze never leaving hers, his voice uncompromising. “Are you agreeing to date me or do I have to go back there to beat the shit out of Zack and any other motherfucker that dares to talk to you?”

She would have loved to tell Cole to take a hike. Take his offer and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Berate him for dragging her away from the party and then proceeding to fuck her against the wall, but she couldn’t. How was she going to get mad at him for taking something she was glad to give? She feared she was walking into dangerous territory by getting more involved with him, but hell, she was very involved already. She had feelings for him. Cole fucking her blind while emotionally keeping himself at a distance had been killing her, so she might as well get the whole package and try shattering that armor of his.

At her silence, he faltered. “Unless you don’t want me anymore—”

She reached for him and kissed him softly. “I’d love to date you. Now let’s go home, soldier. You can explain to me in depth how everything always boils down to sex.”

“And then I’m spending the night and staying for breakfast,” he stated with that obey-me-or-else marine tone of his, his cock still deep inside her.

She nodded. “You’re spending the night and staying for breakfast,” she repeated in a whisper. She’d missed that too, waking up to his scratchy morning voice. Starting her day with him by her side.

He lowered one of her legs to the floor, and, gaze glued to where they were joined, he slowly withdrew from her. She whimpered at the sight. He was all shiny from her juices, and even half-erect, he was impressive. The second he pulled out completely, cum rushed down to her saturated folds and began trickling down her inner thigh.

He stared, mesmerized, brushing his finger over the tracks his cum was making. “That’s how it’s supposed to be, baby. Your pussy dripping wet from my cum.” He lifted his head and looked straight into her eyes. “I don’t want any condoms between us. Ever. I want to feel all of you. Skin to skin. I want you to take my cum deep inside you when I fuck you. ”

She nodded. There was such intensity on his face, such longing, her chest tightened and she could barely draw a breath.

Cole kept her close by all the way home, touching and kissing her at every opportunity. With her hand securely in his, he walked her to his bedroom, where they undressed each other, his mouth almost never leaving hers. He brought her to the bed and worshipped her breasts with his tongue and fingers until her nipples were swollen and achy, and she was so hot and bothered she thought she was going to lose her mind if he didn't take her. Then he trailed down and settled between her legs, gently opening her folds and licking her sex, lapping at her swollen clit with his tongue until she dissolved in wave after wave of pleasure.

“On your hands and knees,” he ordered as the spasms gentled.

She complied while he moved toward the dresser. Before she could see what it was he’d taken from the drawer, he was out of her sight and the bed dipped behind her.

“You are so fucking sexy. Arch your back for me, babe.” She opened her legs wider and did as he asked, lifting her ass to him, giving him a perfect view of her weeping sex. He growled and loomed over her, his breath hot in her ear. “Yeah, sweetheart, like this. I’m going to fuck this sexy body until you can’t walk straight.”

He kissed her neck, her shoulder blades, and then traced her spine with his lips and teeth while his fingers delved into her core and moved up to spread her lube on her rear. Her legs began trembling.

“I’m just going to play a little, sweet thing. Make you feel good,” he whispered as his finger penetrated her rear. Slowly. First one, then two. Massaging the ring of muscles and pressing against the inner walls. Never going too deep.

He removed his fingers from her, and she felt a cool liquid on her rosette. Lubricant. Then Cole was pushing something inside her ass. Something cold and hard that got wider the more he drove it in.

She panicked.

“Easy, babe. Don’t clench this sweet ass. Breathe out.” He sank his thumb into her core, the pad pressing against her pubic bone, right behind her clit, while his index and middle fingers rubbed her bud. Pleasure spread through her body, and she found herself bucking against Cole, eager for more.

As he slid in the tapered end, the toy lodged in her, and she felt full to the point of bursting. He hauled her upright and wrapped his arms around her waist, possessively cupping her sex. In this position the pressure in her rear intensified, not to mention he’d slid his cock between her folds.

“Cole…?”

“It’s a butt plug, babe,” he whispered to her. “A vibrating one.”

“A what?” she asked, confused. Then she heard a
click
and everything began vibrating inside her. She could feel it in her ass, in her pussy, vibrating against her clit.

“Oh, my God.”

She turned her head to him, his devilish grin all but stopping her heart. “Like it?”

She nodded. Licked her dry lips.

“Now close your legs. Yeah, like that, love,” he said as he glided his throbbing cock back and forth along her wet slit. “Press your legs tighter together. God, yes.”

Cole licked her throat, and she fought to breathe, feeling him pulsing against her core and her inner thighs while that butt plug kept tormenting her ass, sending jolts of pure ecstasy all through her body.

He grabbed her hands and pulled them up and around his neck, burying his face in her hair.

“Cole—”

“You undo me, sweetheart,” he said with a ragged breath. “You are all I want. All I need. Hold on to me, babe,” he whispered as he ran his hands down her arms, then her ribs and her hips before moving up to cover her breasts, his fingers playing with her beaded nipples.

He stroked her all over, his lips and tongue on her neck all the time.

“Cole, I can’t stand this. I need…”

She felt his chuckle on her skin. “What do you need, babe?”

“I don’t know,” she said, pressing against him.

“You need to come?”

Yes, for example. Now, before his hands on her tits, his cock on her pussy, and all this vibration coming from her ass drove her mad.

“You need to learn patience.”

She snorted. “Haven’t you noticed? Instant gratification is more my kind of thing.”

Chuckling softly, he brought her down on the bed and flipped her onto her back.

“You know, I was planning to straddle your chest and fuck that sweet mouth of yours first. Come all over your tits.”

She whimpered at the image his words conjured, jerking badly as Cole caressed her saturated folds and probed her trembling core with one finger. “But the truth is, I can’t wait either. I want to come buried in here. I want to feel your heartbeat on my cock.”

She cried out, trying to rub her legs together, trying to relieve the pressure in there.

“Talk to me, babe,” he said, staring at her, his hand harshly stroking his gleaming cock, now only inches away from where she needed it most. “Do you want me to fuck this pretty pussy? Make the ache go away?”

Christy was so aroused she couldn’t stand it any longer. Her juices were flooding her sex, trailing down her ass, where the vibration from the toy was making her muscles spasm.

She reached for him blindly. “Please, Cole. I need you now.”

“You got me, baby. I’ll take care of you,” he promised as he nudged his shaft between her inner lips.

“Fuck you’re tight. I can barely get in,” he said in a tortured voice as he parted her flesh and slowly filled her depths. Sweat gleamed on his tense face, his muscles bulging from the strain to keep himself in control.

By the time he was all in, she was feverish, her head thrashing on the pillow. He pinned her down and kissed her long and hard. Then he began moving inside her, murmuring in her ear how beautiful she was. How much he wanted her. How much he’d missed her.

All of Cole’s energy and attention was focused on her. He was marking her to the bone with every word, with every stroke. Single-mindedly destroying the last of her defenses, forcing her to surrender everything to him, heart and soul.

“Take your pleasure from me, love,” he said, picking up the rhythm.

The tension mounted very fast, and she wrapped herself around him as her climax washed over her.

If she thought Cole admitting to wanting a relationship with her would somehow soften the sex or the man, she’d been mistaken. He was as intense as always, and just as controlling and demanding. But he was also very aware of her and her needs. And she liked him the way he was. It made her feel…cherished.

As she was about to fall asleep, he spooned her, keeping her tight in his arms. It wasn’t so much cuddling as staking a claim. A claim he wasn’t ready to verbally own.

She wanted to hug him, but this intimacy with Cole was so frail she didn’t dare to turn around. After all, her lover had just come out and told her he wanted more than sex, but he’d looked downright livid while recognizing it. If she told him she’d fallen head over heels in love with him, he might freeze her out permanently.