Hello Loved Ones (31 page)

Sally glanced at her dad. He rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Fathers, it is your job to set the rules, to enforce those rules, and to make sure your daughter chooses young men who will meet the standards of your family. You are to be her example. Through your own marriage you teach your daughter what she should seek in a mate.”

Sally winced. Couldn’t the pastor be more sensitive to the fact that not everyone here was Ward Cleaver? She leaned back, ready to shoot her dad another loving glance and maybe another roll of the eyes. What she saw made her gasp. Richard had a small silver flask in his hand, and he was hastily splashing a clear liquid into his fruit punch.

“What are you
doing?
” she hissed.

“Relax,” he whispered, slipping the flask expertly back into his breast pocket. He gave her an easy smile and a wink. Oh, why did sparkly people have to be so dangerous? The tactless comments, the bad manners, she could handle all that, but not
this
! Not drinking!

“Fathers, question your daughter’s dates. Be involved. And girls, don’t be angry with your father when he advises you. Proverbs 23:22 says ‘listen to your father, who gave you life.’ Remember he’s doing it because he loves you.”

He loves you. More like he loves you
not
. How could her dad do this? Did anyone notice? Would they have to leave? Her thoughts were racing so fast, it was a moment before she noticed the quiet. The pastor had finished. But why wasn’t anyone clapping or moving? Oh. He was only pausing. But the pause grew longer. His eyes were downcast. He held the podium as if dizzy. Maybe he was sick. Maybe the whole lot of them would get food poisoning. She could only hope! That at least would overshadow everything else.

At last the pastor looked up. Straight at her.

“A daughter is a gift from God,” he said quietly. “Treat her as such and your reward will be great.” He continued to look at her. Sally stared back at him, growing uncomfortable. He coughed and looked away.

“I believe the ladies will begin serving cake now,” he said.

Sally turned on her dad.

“I thought you weren’t drinking!” she whispered.

He put up his hands. “Sally,
honey.
This doesn’t change anything. Believe me.”

She wanted to believe him. She knew that some people drank when they were having fun. Maybe he just felt like celebrating.

“So, you notice how that fucker was staring at me?” he said.

“I thought he was looking at me.”

“Why would he be looking at you? No, he was making it obvious that he doesn’t want me here. And everyone else noticed, too.”

Her cheeks grew warm. “Maybe they noticed what you put in your drink.”

This made him sigh. “Would you get off my case? Just a smack or two keeps me sharp. You want me to be at my best, don’t you?”

“Yes, but…” she faltered. “People just won’t understand, that’s all.”

“So what? They’ll all have something to gloat about. A bunch of fucking saints, aren’t they?”

Sally blinked hard and saw Frannie watching her. Sweet Frannie with her plain face and warm smile, sitting beside her overweight dullard of a father.

“They’re not so bad.”

“Listen, I’m going out to have a cigarette. I’ll be back in a jiff.” He leaned over and gave her shoulder a squeeze. “This is fun.”

Watching him go, Sally realized that she couldn’t let him wander around on his own. She grabbed her purse and started after him. A hand on her arm made her stop.

“Sally, could I speak to you a moment?”

It was Pastor Voss.

“Just leave him alone, okay?”

She pulled away from him and made her way around the crowded tables, her eyes glued to her dad’s back, suddenly fearful that if she looked away, he’d disappear. She saw him step out the back door that opened onto the church parking lot. It shut with an ominous thud. Rushing forward, she put her hand on its cold metal bar, ready to push, then hesitated. There he was. Through the cloudy square window she could see his head bowed, the quick flare of a match, a curlicue of smoke. She sighed and leaned heavily against the wall.

Looking out the small window, Sally could practically hear her dad’s cigarette crackle as he took a drag. He was so close, yet here she was, invisible to him. She wanted to knock hard on the glass, to wave wildly and
make him look
. She told herself that if he would only look, if he would raise his eyes and break into a smile, she would be satisfied.

She waited, standing on tiptoe until her feet and calves ached and she had to stop. This was ridiculous. She opened the door and he cut his eyes at her.

“You checking up on me?” he said.

“Why don’t you come in?”

“Sure. I’ll be right there.” He exhaled. “ Go on.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“For chrissake,” he muttered, tossing the cigarette aside. “I gotta go to the john.”

As he moved around her, she smelled the alcohol.

“What happened?” she asked, sounding plaintive. She must have made him mad, or somehow let him down.

He pulled at his face. “I just don’t know why you gotta be breathing down my neck. I said I’d be right back.”

She felt her knees shake. “I’m afraid you’ll drink.”

He gave her an indulgent smile. “Hon, if I’m gonna drink, you ain’t gonna stop me.”

The buzz of the crowd was coming through the walls. All the girls in fluffy dresses. The dads in neckties and aftershave. This was her moment. She couldn’t let it be ruined.She took a deep breath. “Well. I love you, okay?”

He went on smiling at her, like she hadn’t just handed him a slice of her heart.

“Of course you do, hon.” He cupped her cheek. “Now get yourself back in there, you crazy kid.”

Slowly Sally returned to the main room, her head feeling strangely hot. People had left their seats and were milling about, waiting for the tables to be cleared and moved aside to make room for dancing. She’d look for Frannie, that’s what. Sensible, comforting Frannie. But as she scanned the crowd, Pastor Voss approached, blocking her view.

“I need just a moment of your time,” he said solemnly. “Please. It’s very important.”

Sally sighed. “Fine. Have your little I-told-you-so.” The old Sally would never talk this way, but she was irritated! Maybe her dad had rubbed off on her. She could hear what he would say.
This is such bullshit!

She followed the pastor up the back stairs to a small study behind the sanctuary. He shut the door and turned to her and the look on his face made her stomach drop.

“Did something happen to my mom?” she asked.

He shook his head. “Sally, I have something to tell you and it will be very hard for you to understand. But I want you just to listen.”

“Is it Lenny? Where is he?”

“It’s nothing like that. Everyone is fine. What I have to say, I say because I care about you.” He paused and looked at her meaningfully. “More than I care about any other church member.”

She stepped back, an uneasiness washing over her. Was he some kind of pervert? This was something else the old Sally would never do. She’d never have that kind of thought. But she was changed. Her dad had changed her. Cash had changed her. Even her mother and her sneaky fake letter had changed her. She glanced at the door. If he came any closer she’d run.

“Please, just listen. Years ago your mother and I were…” He paused again. For someone who spoke in front of a crowd every Sunday, he had trouble getting to the point. Still, hearing him mention her mother made Sally breathe a little easier.

“We were romantically involved,” he said and his head started bobbing on high speed.

Jesus
, she thought. Not Jesus as in
Dear Jesus help me out here
. More like the letters stitched into Aunt Flookie’s needlepoint. They were hidden, sort of. But when you stared at the right colors, there it was: Jesus. Once you saw it, you didn’t know how you missed it; the strange formality between them, the way his face twitched when he spoke to her. It made a crazy kind of sense.

“Okay,” she said slowly. Her mom had been alone a long time. And Sally was modern now. “So?”

He began pacing and spoke like he was explaining something to himself. “It was after your dad left your mother.
After
. Then he came back, but you see, at the time it seemed as if he’d gone for good. So you see, we thought…”

She had a flash of her mother married to him. She would have been a pastor’s kid. Thank God that hadn’t happened! Everyone knew how strange PK’s were.

“When—”

“You weren’t born yet. That’s what I’m getting to.”

So this was ancient history. She supposed she should care, but she was more worried about getting back to her dad. Anyway, the pastor seemed bothered enough for both of them.

“What you’re saying is that you had an affair,” she said, trying to help him. “My mom was still married.”

“Yes! Yes, that’s right.” Like they were playing charades or something.

“So my dad came back and you broke up.” What did this matter now? He was stealing valuable time away from her and dad, and for what? A game of true confession?

“We did break up, but as a result of our....time together, your mother became pregnant.”

Sally felt herself go still.

“You got my mother pregnant?” she finally managed. “But…what you said tonight… that crap about love and lust and Christian values—”

“Everything I said in my speech is true. It’s what I believe. It’s just that people stumble from time to time.”

“Stumble? Into someone’s
bed?
” She had a quick flash of him falling, naked, on top of her mother, and cringed. “Don’t tell me I have a half brother or sister out there somewhere.”

He sighed. His look was pleading and watery. “She was pregnant with you, Sally. You are my daughter.”

She stared a moment, stunned, then laughed, the same way she’d laughed earlier when she thought of her mom dating.
Oh sure, tell me another one.

His eyebrows climbed higher on his forehead.
Plead, plead.

“No!” She turned away. “I think I know my own mother.” But hadn’t she already seen that her mother wasn’t what she seemed? That she would double-cross her own daughter?

“She put you up to this, didn’t she? She’s jealous of me and my dad, and so are you.”

He made a face. “Nobody’s jealous of you.” As if that were the stupidest thing in the world, that anyone would be jealous of Sally Van Sloeten.

She didn’t have to take this! She knew who she was now. She was just like Richard. Free-spirited. Unique. For the first time in her life she fit somewhere. She wouldn’t let some crazy-talking weirdo ruin it.

“Listen, I’m sorry your wife died and you don’t have any kids of your own. But you can’t go around stealing other people’s daughters for yourself.”

“Why would I tell you this if it’s not true? A man in my position—”

“Because you hate him, that’s why!”

He pressed his lips together and waited. It was an
I-shall-not-be-moved
look. Her anger turned to panic. She had to get out of there.

“When my dad hears what you’re saying, you’ll be sorry. He’ll beat the living shit out of you.”

He grabbed her arm.

“No one has to know about this, Sally. Especially not now, not tonight. Let’s give it time to sink in, and you can decide how you feel about it, and what kind of relationship you want to have.”

“Let go of me! I don’t want any relationship with you! I want my dad.”

“Stay for just a minute. I’ll have someone send your mother in.”

This startled her. “She’s here? Why would she be here?”

“To help you understand this.”

“There’s nothing to understand!” Sally had a Polaroid in her purse! More than that, there were the images burned on her heart. That first hug. The corsage. The way Richard pulled out her chair. All the promise she saw in his eyes.

“I am so sorry, Sally. I should have told you a long time ago.”

“That’s right!” she cried, as in
Ah ha! I’ve got you now!
“Why wait for tonight?”

“I don’t have a good answer for that.”

Richard must be truly dangerous for him to lie to her like this. He must have done something so terrible that the pastor and her mother would lie to make Sally think she wasn’t related to him. Maybe he was a murderer. Or on the lam. What else could explain this?

Unless it was true.

But that would mean that there was no one pining away for her from afar, wondering what she looked like, hoping she got good grades.
Missing
her. It would mean that the person who was supposed to love her more than anyone in the world was there all along doing….nothing. Choosing every day to ignore her.