Hell's Revenge (3 page)

I winced when the folding doors that hid our laundry center squeaked. I quickly pulled from the dryer a clean pair of undies, jeans and a top. I didn’t find a bra, but I didn’t worry about it. While a little heavy, my breasts still hung perkily. Although … I cupped them and bit my lip as I noted they not only felt larger but also had a tenderness to them I’d attributed to the energetic lovemaking of my men. I then silently cursed when I went to button my jeans and had to suck in my tummy to do so.
Damned dryer shrank
them.
I’d inherited my father’s stubborn gene though, so even in the face of growing evidence, I still remained skeptical about my supposed pregnancy. Heck, given the way Auric cooked for me, weight gain wasn’t entirely impossible. Dressed, I ran into a shoes dilemma and settled for some flip flops I found in my gym bag. I used them for the communal showers at my gym even though my very nature prevented me from catching yucky foot diseases. Walking barefoot was something I did in the comfort of my home, or on a hot sandy beach, not in public places.

Ready, if oddly attired, I noted I’d wasted enough time. If I didn’t get moving, Auric was sure to come looking for me. He knew my penchant for plots with little planning. For once though, what I intended wasn’t actually dangerous. Well, not to me anyways.

Anyone who got in my way … that was a whole other matter.

Drawing on the magical power brimming in me after all the glorious sex, I opened a portal to Hell. The familiar scent of home, brimstone and dry heat, filled the bathroom. I stepped towards the doorway between Earth and Hades just as the bathroom door crashed open.

“Muriel!” Auric growled, not sounding at all happy with me.

I gave a quick wave at my naked and totally pissed looking consort before diving through the portal. As soon as my feet hit the ground on the other side, I cut my link to the portal to shut it, but not before I heard Auric bellow, “I’m going to tan your ass when I get my hands on you!”

Naughty man.
I almost turned right around to take him up on his titillating threat. I did so love his version of punishment, just ask my creaming pussy. But I had a task to accomplish and little time to complete it because Auric could follow me to Hell by calling a doorway of his own. First though, he’d need to figure out where I’d gone. The nine circles of Hell were a sprawling expanse that even ancient demonic cartographers had yet to fully map.

Confident I’d have plenty of time to get my questions answered, I strode down the cluttered streets of the third circle in the pit, the sprawling tenement housing of the damned looming all around. Contrary to popular belief, Hades wasn’t all about punishing people for eternity—not like the old days, as my father liked to reminisce. Actually, most damned who ended up in the pit paid their dues rather quickly. Told a white lie in your living life like fibbing about the existence of Santa to your kids? You served as a waiter for each year you upheld that foolish belief. Cheated on your faithful wife? You found yourself a magically induced eunuch working in a brothel, a day for every time you’d banged your mistress. My father had fine-tuned his punishments over the years to fit the crime. Gone were the days of people being stretched on racks with their entrails ripped out over and over for centuries. Now, we had tome upon tome detailing the various punishments every single act of evil earned, most resulting in menial tasks that kept the machine that was Hell turning. Although, every now and then for old time’s sake, my dad would go medieval on someone’s ass. But in his defense, it was all about PR. He paid careful attention to the polls and if he found the damned in his kingdom complaining he was going soft, he quickly disabused them of that notion.

What about Heaven, you might ask? From what I’d heard, if you managed to actually pass their super strict entrance test, you ended up spending eternity bored out of your mind. Given the choice between them, I knew what I’d choose.
Variety is the spice
of life.

Before you began thinking Hell was a nice place to live, keep in mind that those who’d truly embraced evil while alive got punished in extremely inventive ways. The warlord who executed whole villages, including the children? Let’s just say his screams on the hour, every hour resonated through the nine circles of Hell, our version of a cuckoo clock. And you definitely didn’t want to know what my father liked to do to rapists even as I, and women everywhere, applauded him on his tough stance. Men, on the other hand, tended to blanch, wince and cover their cocks.

Yes, Hades could be an interesting place for those who’d done their time, or for someone like me who happened to share a familial relation with the big man, a familiar haven to visit and enjoy adulation. I’d spent most of my formative years in the pit and even though I now lived on the mortal plane, I enjoyed coming home even if my clothes ended up a total write off. Brimstone just wasn’t a smell that came out easily.

My mind rambled in odd directions as I tried not to think too hard of Auric’s reaction when he got to Hell and didn’t find me. He probably expected me to go to my father’s palace in search of answers, a logical assumption; however, the person—er, creature—I needed to speak to had taken some time off to recharge her batteries. A shriveled prune of a female, the mage I currently planned to visit enjoyed the same type of nympho magic as I did. Sick as she made me when she talked about the things she did with her lovers, I couldn’t deny she was a fount of knowledge and, even more astonishing, honest. An oxymoronic state when you considered where she resided but she’d helped me before, first in dispelling the spell of fear placed on my mind and a few times since when I’d contacted her with questions about my magic.

As I strutted up the dusty road that led to her home, her pleasure den she’d cackled when giving me the directions, the milling damned cleared a path for me in recognition. I waved and smiled in thanks. Just because I didn’t visit often anymore didn’t mean I’d lost my ability to awe those who lived in my father’s domain. After a while, I realized while the damned kept moving out of my way, they didn’t seem to be looking at me when they did it. Suspicious, I stopped and turned around.

And suddenly wished I hadn’t ditched my boyfriends.

In Hell, only the toughest survive and I freely admitted, I was one tough ass bitch.

However, even I had limits to what I could accomplish, and seeing the bully gang coming towards me with evil intent in their eyes, I sighed.

Dammit, I just had my nails done.

I counted more than a dozen demons, lower caste squat beasts, but still dangerous.

Their evident stalking surprised me. One, they had to know who I was, the most awesome princess Hell ever had and, even if they didn’t recognize my estimable person, everyone knew that my dad didn’t look kindly on his flock of souls being abused. However, knowing my dad would rip their heads off their bodies and shove them up their ass provided little consolation as they moved to circle around me. I looked around for someone I could send to fetch the guards—yes, even Hell was policed—but the souls who’d thronged the street had vanished, gone to hide until the dust settled.

I decided to try intimidation first because reasoning, in my mind, was for cowards.

“Back off, dirt bags! You really don’t want to mess with me.” The tallest demon in the bunch took a step forward, his ugly countenance rendered even more puke-worthy by the fact his nose appeared sheared from his face. “Scared, little princess? Where’s your consort and father now?” Okay, so they did recognize me. That didn’t bode well. “I never said I was scared. I was trying to show concern over your future well-being. In case you hadn’t heard, I can take care of myself just fine.”

The noose of bodies around me drew closer and I wished I’d thought to bring along some of my silver daggers for what should have been a quick in and out information gathering mission. Complacency was ever my enemy. Even bare handed though, I’d acquit myself well and fight like the most rabid of hellhounds. Thinking of the dogs I grew up with made me wish I’d adopted a pup out of the last litter; however, as Auric reminded me, hellhounds would draw attention on the mortal plane. Their red glowing eyes tended to freak out the humans. My poor misunderstood babies.

As usual, in times of stress, my mind wandered but it snapped back quickly when the leader said, “Azazel sends his regards.”

I snarled. It figured my scorned demonic suitor would have a claw behind this. Even though I’d beaten Azazel’s ass and my dad had hauled him off for punishment, apparently he’d still managed to create havoc in my life.
See, this is what happens when
you let the bad guys live.
I’d rectify that problem myself when I finished here. Screw punishment and fuck listening to their screams as you tortured them.
Kill them.
I had little patience for those who crossed me, unlike my father who liked to hear their pleas for forgiveness.

The air behind me stirred as the first cowardly thug thought to take me unawares.

Fool.
I never took my eyes from the leader in front of me as I kicked backwards, only belatedly remembering I had worn my flip flops instead of my favored stilettos. I’d put enough force in the strike, though, that I earned a grunt. But like the matador swinging the red cape, my counterattack spurred the others on.

In the movies, fights scenes were a chaotic mess of events with lots of noise, awesome music and cool
Matrix
like moves. In real life, fist fighting was sweaty, painful on the knuckles, bloody and tiring. I ducked, punched, kicked, tripped and gave myself a workout to rival the evil Pilates one I had on tape at home. Killing demons bare handed was hard, given I couldn’t rip their hearts out; my acrylic nails just weren’t made for that type of abuse. I had to settle for breaking their necks. And the bastards weren’t cooperating. Not to mention, they were overwhelming me with sheer numbers.

My magic, fickle at times, reacted to the threat to my life and filled me with a rush.

The guttural words to banish the demons came to my tongue, words in a language I neither spoke nor understood. Not that I cared. I was familiar with the result and spoke them without hesitation.

With an almost audible whoosh, magic rushed from me in a tidal wave that engulfed my assailants. I staggered under the pressure of using so much power all at once but my reward was to see the demons explode in a cloud of sifting ash which coated my skin in a grimy layer. If I hadn’t needed a shower before, I sure as hell did now.

A smaller demon watching on the outskirts that my magic missed, brave when amidst the ranks of the bigger demons, turned tail and ran when he saw his compatriots reduced to dust. I would have shaken my fist after him and called him some rude names but instead I groaned as a portal opened several yards down the street. Out poured a fresh dozen demons, their murderous intent all too clear.

With my magic sucked dry and fatigue pulling at me, I did the only thing I could. I turned tail and ran. I really hated it when I resorted to stupidity; after all, I’d also seen the movies where the heroine tried to outrun the bad guys. One of two things usually happened. The hero jumped out of nowhere to save her—
Um, hello, Auric, where are
you?—
or the bad guys got the girl. I pumped my legs faster.

My bad luck got even worse as one dropped down from the sky like some dark, and yet stupidly sexy, vulture. The human looking newcomer stood square in my path and given his stature, think titan, and his width, like a freaking wall, I skidded to a stop.

Caught between two hard places and neither of them naked or part of my ménage, I prayed—to my dad, of course—for help.

The dark stranger, standing there dressed in black from head to toe, somehow managed to convey more menace than the rampaging demons coming up behind me. He smiled at me—
hot damn, he’s hot
—flashing a pointed set of fangs.

A vampire!
Rarer than modern media portrayed, they were what happened to a mortal when he sold his soul to the devil. Shocking, I know. I’d read all the Anne Rice books only to discover the whole drink-my-blood-and-live-forever shtick was false.

Although, the fact they liked to drink blood, totally true, if gross, I knew from experience.

I’d tried it once when I bit some wizard who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Needless to say, he didn’t like my permanent hickey and backed off.

But back to tall, dark and probably going to eat me. I’d always wanted to meet a real vampire, but unfortunately, most tended to die rather quick after turning. Apparently, when they said no daylight, they were really freaking serious. Even the slightest UV ray filtered through a dark, cloudy day was enough to melt them right of existence.

My knowledge of vampires though, and the lack of a wooden stake—Brazilian rosewood being the most effective, didn’t help me at all when faced with one who stared at me with dark enigmatic eyes and a dimple in one cheek.

I cursed at the fact that even given my danger, my damned nympho magic perked up at his masculine grin. Somehow, the fact I found him attractive even as I knew he was going to attempt to kill me seemed wrong.
I bet he’s got a hard stake,
my snide magic murmured in my mind with a lusty chuckle. Some people had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other as the voices of their conscience. Me, I had a whole legion of little devils and, while entertaining, they really made me question my sanity at times.

“Stand behind me.” His voice low and resonant wrapped around me and brought forth an involuntary shiver, the kind felt in the cleft and tightened nipples.

“What?” Confused not only by his words, but my body’s reaction, I could only gape at him dazedly. A moment of inattention that almost cost me my life. I barely managed to duck the swinging demonic claws aimed at my head.

Strong hands grabbed me and, in a move Auric would have probably applauded, I found myself kneeling in the dirt behind the back of the vampire. It seemed I’d gotten my wish for help even if the packaging wasn’t what I’d expected. I struggled to my feet, not that I needed to worry about any demons getting past the battle machine in front of me.